Yea this is my first fic - can you tell lol? yea urmm was meant to be more zutara but ended up in Aang angst - but what you gonna do? yea well - enjoy! (i hope - you can review if you want!)

Always Watching

I remember the day my heart broke. How could I forget? It felt like she'd reached in and ripped it out, torn it into a thousand pieces right in front of my eyes, and she didn't even know she'd done it.

It started out the same as any other day – she would cook and wash up, bending a little stream of water through the dishes, their newly wet surfaces glinting in the sunlight, the only sound the breeze whistling through the trees and her brothers monotonous snoring. What was I doing? Watching; always watching. Sure, I'd pretend to do something else, play with Momo, brush Appa, but still I'd always be watching out of the corner of my eye, watch her brush the braids from her face as the breeze swung through them, watch the little frown her face made as she concentrated on her bending, watch the stream of water travel through her fingers, over those beautiful hands. How often had I thought about taking those hands, holding them, placing them against my face just to feel their soft smoothness and warmth? Too many; I was always watching, always wishing.

After we had woken up Sokka, no mean task, and pacified him with the promise of food we devoured our breakfast quickly. We began to get ready to leave. As I lifted our packs onto Appa I thought, as usual, that maybe today was the day, the day I would tell her. I let myself run through the familiar conversations conjured up by my imagination:

'Urmmm Katara, I have something to tell you' I would say, hand behind my neck, nervous yet without a hint of a blush.

'What is it' she would reply, her big blue eyes fixing mine so that I felt I was falling into them.

'I, errrr, I really like you, you know more than a friend and I was thinking that maybe if you felt the same way…' I'd trail off hopefully and watch her reaction. Whatever the conversation her reaction was always the same; she would blush and look down, and then she would look straight back into my face smiling.

'Oh Aang I feel exactly the same way!' she would say rushing into my arms, her head resting against my shoulder (I was always taller in my imagination – give me a break!) and I would hold her close and bury my head in her hair, and, if I was feeling really daring, I would lean down to kiss her, her lips soft against mine, sweet like chocolate.

I blush as I think about it, and as I do so she looks at me strangely. I just shake my head and look away. Not today – it's just not the right time I say to myself as I knew I would, maybe tomorrow.

Then, as if fate wanted to jump on me and say 'HA! You had your chance now back off', I hear a scream from Katara. As I turn around in shock I see that Zuko is stood behind her holding a knife to her throat. I could feel the anger boiling up inside of me.

'Let her go Zuko!' I yelled; Sokka was apparently too shocked and angry to say anything. I tried to look as threatening as a twelve year old could – hell! I was the avatar wasn't I? That had to count for something!

Zuko looked faintly amused at my outburst 'Why the hell would I OW…..' Katara had elbowed Zuko in the stomach – Agni she's amazing!

'Didn't your mother teach you not to say words like that Prince Zuko' Katara said as she moved into her fighting stance her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Zuko had apparently been too surprised to do anything until this point, slightly winded to, but this mention of his mother seemed to have him absolutely livid.

'You stupid little peasant, what would you know of a decent upbringing? I've seen dogs that have more status than you!'

I saw the red flush through Katara's face. She decided to respond with a large water whip that slapped the Prince right across the face which amused me no end!

A large battle ensued, apparently in his anger the prince had forgotten his reason for coming, presumably to capture me and return his honour.

Zuko shot fire ball after fireball, only for them to come into contact with Katara's water shield – the nearby stream proving an excellent source of water.

They were edging closer, moving around in ever decreasing circles. Katara's whip flying out and disappearing in a hiss of steam as it came into contact with Zuko's fire. It was an eerie site, the two of them obscured by the steam, circling. If you were just passing by you would have said they were dancing, dancing with some extremely good effects!

Dancing with Katara – how often I have dreamed of that – dreamed of getting as close to her as Zuko was now. I might say I envied him, but surely that was ridiculous! Yet I notice that something had changed within this battle, no one had struck a blow for a considerable amount of time, there they were, Katara holding a long string of water, Zuko shaping his fire into a long burning rope and still growing closer.

I looked over at Sokka who, like me, had been a spectator for the duration of this battle. He too seemed to have noticed the shift in emotions, there was tension that wasn't there before. The benders appeared oblivious to anyone or anything around them except themselves, each fixating on the other, looking into each others eyes.

Then, as if in slow motion, it happened; like a nightmare it played out before me as all the heat in my body left me.

Katara and Zuko walked towards each other and suddenly dropped their elements in favour of wrapping their arms around each other. Their embrace was intensified by the kiss Zuko hastened to place on Katara: My Katara. The image was so close to what I had dreamed of, what I had wanted to do so often. As I was spectator in my own mind I was spectator now. I watched in horror as their elements began to spiral around the two of them in opposite directions causing a criss-cross of blue and orange. The two elements met at the top of the couple, as they clashed together the image of a bird formed; half water half fire. It was held for a moment before both the image and the lovers were hidden in a curtain of steam.

Afterwards, Sokka told me, I had gone into the Avatar State. That explained the wave of destruction around me I thought. Katara had tried to calm me down but I refused to listen. Both the siblings believed my anger was due to my sense of betrayal by Katara kissing my enemy and I let them think that. I know in my heart that she has never looked at me that way, never could look at me that way.

I assume by her tear stained face that she got quite a bit of grief from her brother on the subject though I've never heard them talk about it in front of me; I believe the word is 'taboo'. As far as I can make out Sokka has grudgingly accepted her theory that the steam had made her woozy, made her lose her head, she didn't know what she was doing or why. I know better.

I know what she realised that day; I can tell by the way she stares at the sunset every night, the way her head turns quickly whenever his name is mentioned, the way she blushes when she realises she's thinking of him.

Despite the void she created within me, the numbness, nothing much has changed in our group relations other than Sokka is keeping a closer eye on Katara and they keep saying I'm distant.

'I'm not distant', I'll reply, 'just admiring the view' then I look at her out of the corner of my eye, tracing her image, knowing I can never call her mine.

I'm still watching her, still wishing.