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Chapter 1
She knew seeing him again after ten years would be hard. She had prepared herself; it was something that she just had to do. She drew on every ounce of courage that she had to be there today. Had shunned friend's offers to go with her, she did it all on her own as usual.
Quietly she slipped into the back of the church and instantly saw him standing at the front, alongside his father and a young man she presumed was Sam. His broad shoulders, a mop of controlled curly hair recognisable even after all these years. Georgie was there too, perfectly dressed in black. Molly would have been surprised if she hadn't been there with him, to support him, but was surprised that she wasn't stood next to him. Instead she was a few rows back, amongst faces she really didn't recognise anymore. She imagined it was due to all the first rows being stuffed full of Charles' many aunts and cousins. All wanting to support Edward, and his family on this sad day.
Elizabeth had been a wonderful woman, wonderful friend, mum, wife, sister, auntie and they were all here to say good bye to her. Molly too, it was the least she could do for the woman who had always made her feel so welcome. They had become friends, not just people who had been related through marriage, and even though her and Charles had not spoken since that night over ten years ago she had still stayed in touch with both of his parents. Occasionally visiting them when safe, birthdays and Christmas times they always sent cards to each other. Both parents loved a good gossip over a cuppa, shared their news about each other, but never any news about Charles. Molly was certain too that as little she knew about Charles from them, he equally knew little or nothing about her from them.
It was a surprise then the day she received a letter from him. She knew his hand writing instantly. It was a pattern she scanned for in all the mail drops when on tour. Back in the days when she was desperate to hear from him. Back in the days when she believed in them, when her heart fluttered at the sight of his writing. So to see a letter in his hand writing again suddenly drop through her letter box, she was instantly on alert, and a little bit surprised to find her heart still fluttered.
The news was sad, his mother had not been strong enough to write so had asked him to do so. One of her many last wishes. He couldn't say no. Elizabeth was dying, her time was very short and had wished to see Molly one last time, to say good bye. So as hard as it may have been to see Charles again she knew she had to visit Elizabeth, agree to this last wish she had, and so she made her plans to visit her ex mother in law.
It was only to be expected but it was a difficult and hard visit for all. These two old friends wishing, belatedly, that they had seen more of each other over the years and had shared more laughs now that one of them had only a short amount of time left. Elizabeth had always had a special spot for Molly, she had been so happy when her and Charles had married. To her, Molly was, despite different backgrounds the perfect choice for her son. So when the split came she took the news very badly. She made it very clear from the beginning that she did not agree with Charles, with what he had done. Elizabeth was angry and ashamed of him. It had even broken the mother/ son relationship for a while, as she was always firmly on Molly's side.
Molly thought that if the actual visit had been hard, it was nothing compared to saying goodbye at the end of it. That final look, that final touch before leaving her propped up in bed ripped at Molly's heart. Knowing that never again would she see this amazing lady. Thankful though that no matter how hard it was she at least hadn't bumped into Charles or Georgie.
Surprisingly it was only a few days later that the next letter dropped through her letter box, from Charles, telling her sadly of his mother's death. A letter seemed such a cold way to be told the news, but she guessed it was maybe too difficult for him to call her, so she appreciated the letter in the manner in which it was written in. He had thoughtfully included all the details of the funeral, and so Molly knew she would attend.
It was a cold and dull day at the start of a long winter. The church was full of Elizabeth's friends and family. Many of them seemed to have recognised Molly but were unsure as to the etiquette in acknowledging her in such a situation. So as she slipped in to the back of the church she felt very nervous as well as alone and uncomfortable, repeating to herself that she needed to be there to say good bye to Elizabeth, her friend.
The service was warm and welcoming. Both Sam and Charles did their matriarch proud in their readings and speeches. As he approached the pulpit she knew it was definitely Sam. He'd grown up into a fine young gentleman. A credit to his father, and she guessed Rebecca too. He read with emotion, but held himself straight and in control. Elizabeth would have beamed with happiness at his performance.
When Charles' turn came and he entered the pulpit her eyes were instantly draw to look at him. He had aged evidence of flecks of grey in his curls, a few lines crossed his brows, but he still remained stunning to behold. She had hoped seeing him wouldn't have any effect on her but she found that despite the ten years absence from his life he still had a magnetism that compelled her to look. He too walked straight and tall. Touchingly his hand rested briefly on his Mum's coffin as he past her by, he'd hung his head low in silent words of sorrow. It took him several moments to compose himself before he started to talk about the lady they all were there to celebrate and they all loved. As he began though, briefly, ever so briefly, despite the fact she was hidden right at the back of the church, he looked for her and found her. Their eyes locked and despite the occasion a flicker of a smile on his face made its way across. Molly didn't react.
Charles talked about his mother with love and regret, entertaining all with her lust for life. He told happy tales of her life as a wife, mother and grandmother, bringing the congregation to smile and laugh at the stories he told of her fun loving nature. He in particular recounted a hilarious time when both Molly and his Mum had over indulged in a gin tasting day and ended up being too drunk to come home that night. Both having to apologise to their husbands on the phone, both blaming each other for the inebriated state they were in, and both having to spend the weekend in a hotel together. He added his mother and Molly never touched gin for years after that weekend. As everyone laughed at the tale it surprised Molly that he had singled her out in the eulogy, she wondered how Georgie felt about that. As he told the tale his eyes never left hers and he finished with a large auditable sigh. Most thought he was sighing about the loss of his mother, but some others knew differently. She saw both Georgie and his father turn around to scan the crowds to see where Charles was focusing on. Edward didn't see her, but Georgie sort her out and successfully found her. Eyes steely locked on to each other's. The pair of them neither acknowledged nor ignored the other. This Molly counselled herself was not the place; it was not the place to settle the past.
As the service came to a close Molly desperately tried to skip away unnoticed. That had been her intention all along. However the tradition of following the coffin out row by row meant that she was one of the very last to leave the church and greet the family. By the time though she had hung back until the very end and was able to exit, they were all getting in to the cars to leave for the crematorium.
She set off down the path, alone, wiping away the tears for a friend and great woman. She had dreaded this day, fearful of being confronted by the two people who broke her heart. So it was also with relief that she made her way to the car. She had talked to no one, had not had to explain her presence, and more importantly hadn't had to face Charles and Georgie. Something that she had constantly strived and succeeded to do in the past ten years.
She heard footsteps as she opened the car door. Speeding up her actions. Desperate to make a clean get away.
"Molly. Wait. Please wait."
She had to turn round. She knew the voice. Her insides froze over, but this was his mother's funeral, for Elizabeth's sake she had to be decent.
Turning she found him standing close.
"Charles." Her first verbal words to him for such a long time. Their break up, his betrayal, their divorce all done by third parties, letters or text. She hadn't seen him since that day in Warminster when he told her he was turning down the offer to be medically discharged and was going back on tour with Georgie. He'd made it very clear that day that he wanted her company more than Molly's, and so she let him go. Made it easy for him. It broke her heart, but she thought it was what they both needed, wanted, to put their marriage out of its misery. And she guest, that in part for him at least, she was right when she heard months later that him and Georgie had grown close on that tour and were now a couple. On hearing the news however the grief, sadness, sense of loss was indescribable and she was unsure if she would ever recover but that was nothing to how she felt when she heard they'd actually slept together on that tour, even before the divorce had begun. She was then incandescent with rage and determination that she would recover, get stronger, and do better without Charles James in her life.
"Molly. Thank you. You came." Were his first face to face words to her. She had somehow been hoping for more.
"Of course I came. I loved your Mum."
"I know." He stared at her and it upset her to see how effected by grief his face was, and how all she wanted to do was hold him, still after all these years, after all the shitty things he had done to her, she still wanted to help him.
"So how are you?" He asked. He tried to hold her eyes on his but she ducked her head avoiding his searching gaze, finding playing with her keys more interesting than talking to or looking at him. He felt awkward, she didn't answer him. "Well look. It's private at the crem, but you're very welcome to come. I should have offered earlier. Sorry. There's room in the cars."
"Nah. Thanks but no. I should be going any way."
She pulled open the car door and went to get in, to get away. How could he think that sitting in a car with him and Georgie would be anything she ever could do, no matter how much she thought of his Mum?
"Oh. Ok. Yes I guess... ok." He seemed disappointed.
He watched her sit down in the driver's seat but held onto her door before she closed it. Before she shut him out, again. "Will you at least come to the house? Just a few friends and family are coming back. Dad would love to see you."
She knew he was playing dirty. She couldn't refuse to see his dad on today of all days, but she didn't reply. She merely grabbed the door from his hands.
"Bye Charles. I'm sorry about your Mum. She was a good lady." And with that she drove off, leaving him alone and in her past. Just like he had done all those years ago to her.
She didn't know what had changed her mind, why she went, but here she was an hour or so later standing outside his parent's house in Bath. Before she had time to think, to change her confused mind the door opened. An elderly aunt of Charles' opened the door and invited her in. Obviously confused and a faint recollection spread across the elderly woman's face, but not quite placing her. Molly chose not to explain who she was and started to look for Charles' dad.
"Molly? Molly? Is that you?" A voice called from the hallway as she popped her head into the sitting room, searching. "Oh God Molly it is!" Suddenly she was embraced, held tightly, and the familiarity of his touch flooded back into her mind.
"Sam. Bleeding hell. Look at you. God you're tall." She laughed pulling away from him. Taking in the handsomeness of his features.
"Yeah you always said I would be. It's so nice to see you Molly." He smiled back at her. He was a carbon copy of his father she thought.
There were some lucky ladies out in the world that would be subjected to that memorable James' charm.
"Good to see you too mate. So what are you now? Finally year of Uni?" She asked as they sat down on the stairs, just like they always used to do.
"Yeah. Not long to go now. Then look out world here I come." He joked, bumping his knee against hers as he nervously bounced them up and down.
"So what's next... after Uni and that?" She asked, pleased they were away from prying eyes, sharing a brief bit of the intimacy they used to have.
"Don't know Dad wants me to go Army just like him. I fancy a gap year. Mum just wants me out of her hair!" He laughed but she could see how conflicted he was.
"Sorry to hear about your Gran." She placed a hand on his arm.
"Yes. Great lady. I'll miss her. After you, well after Dad and you, well she was she was always like my second mum." He replied. "She liked you a lot you know? Never really got on with my Mum."
Moly laughed. "Is she here? Your Mum? Didn't see her in the church."
"No. Too busy with my step brothers and sisters. I've got a lot of step brothers and sisters now. A lot." He answered embarrassingly. "They are all brats and keep everyone busy. Pleased to be out of it." He scoffed. "Grandpa is over there though Molly, and Dad. They'd love to see you." He smiled hopefully at her, although a young man he still held on to some childish dreams.
"Come on then mate." She replied. "Let's go and see Grandpa."
Edward greeted her with so much love it was hard for her to feel any regret in coming to the house, even though she kept catching glimpses of Charles and Georgie. Both were circulating the room, being the perfect hosts. Charles refilling glasses and Georgie handing out food and snippets of gossip to keep the guests entertained. Molly admitted they seemed a good team, worked together well but it still hurt to watch.
Edward talked and talked to her. Introducing her to so many members of his family again and friends, always telling stories of her bravery and during one drunken slip up stated that out of all his daughter in laws she was his favourite. He said it loudly, and purposefully, and most of the room heard including Charles and Georgie. The statement brought a slight small smile to one of their faces and an ashamed skulk to the others.
Eventually though she knew her duty was done and made her way to leave after several promises to Sam and Edward to keep in touch. Her new job had brought her closer to them both than ever before, so she really meant it when she said she'd stay in touch.
Almost out the door, her escape almost made again she heard Charles call her name. To save any sort of scene she turned and lightly smiled.
"Thought we might have had time for a chat. You know before you left." He casually said. Molly merely looked again offering no reply.
He stared at his shoes and folded his hand tightly under his arms. His sure rehearsed stance of trying to look in charge of a situation. Molly knew it was all bluff, he was nervous around her. His eyes gave him away. Eventually he looked up at her. "It's lovely to see you again. Thanks for coming."
"I didn't come for you. I came cause of your Dad and your Mum. I always loved them." She snapped back.
"Yeah. I know. That's what I mean; it meant, means, a lot." He was embarrassed, but pressed on. "How are you Molly? Mum never said."
"Nah. I guessed not. Good thanks. You?" She sarcastically asked back at his pointless question. Instantly she regretted it.
He bit his lip then blew slowly through it, controlling himself. "Well apart from the fact I just buried my Mum today. I'm ok."
"Shit Charles. Sorry." And she then went to reach out to touch his arm, instantly recognising though what she was doing and jerked it back. He noticed and hurt poured into his beautiful face.
"It was good to see you Molly..." He was about to say more but at that moment Georgie came over to him and rested her hand possessively on his arm.
She smiled at them both. "Mols." Was however all she said.
"Georgie." Was Molly's flat reply.
Then she just stood there a spectator in this domestic scene unfolding before her. Unsure what she was hearing, seeing, was really happening before her very eyes.
Georgie spoke to Charles, for a moment or two they were lost in their brief conversation with each other. Molly quite forgotten, and in that moment struggling to understand it all.
The next words from Georgie's mouth broke Molly's heart more than she thought was possible. She'd believed it could no longer be broken by these two anymore, she was wrong. The dreadful scene there in the hallway had been acted out in front of her while she could only mutely watch.
"Charlie I'm heading off soon." Georgie's had said to him as soon as she had stood by him, her hand still resting on his arm.
He'd looked surprised at her words, and her definite touch. "God is it that time already?" He blindly mumbled, embarrassed by the situation.
"Yeah." She squeezed his arm. "Won't be long." She promised him. Then turning to Molly. She politely said. "I have to go. Got to pick the kids ups, we left them with a friend today, didn't think it was the right place for them."
Then automatically he dipped his head and she offered her cheek and he kissed her good bye. There was no thought in their actions, it was a practice happening. A frequent gesture.
Georgie then broke her from the nightmare and turned to her and said with no sincerity. "It was good of you to come Mols. Thank you." Then turned and left them alone.
"Kids?" Molly spluttered out as they stood there alone. Molly couldn't think, her heart, her mind was too full. She felt actual physical pain.
"Yeah." He bashfully answered back, but there was still a small smile of pride there as he spoke. "Two, two girls." And he stared at her as though he needed to say more, his lips started to form words, to speak, but he didn't.
She mumbled a dignified good bye to Charles as best she could and hastily left him, almost tripping down the steps in her hurry to get away from him, from her and their life together.
Blindly she drove away. The tears falling as soon as she knew she was safe from him following her. They poured down her face
All the pain, hurt, loss all those feelings of being utterly defeated came flooding back to her. Knowing it was because of her own sense of duty that had caused her the pain she had just felt again. If she hadn't been there, if she hadn't gone to the house she wouldn't have seen the two of them together, wouldn't have heard what she did. Ignorance really was bliss.
She kicked herself for her stupidness. Almost unbelieving at what she had just witnessed. That moments ago she had stood there in her former in laws home as Georgie came up close to Charles and claimed him. Held onto his arm in a way Molly could not anymore. The wedding ring on Georgie's finger ensured Molly noticed her ownership of him.
So now sitting alone in her car, after running out, she sat there alone, crying there was only one thing she could think of. Now married Georgie and Charles had kids. Georgie had given him something they had only ever dreamed about.
Molly realised with no shadow of doubt she had been totally and utterly forgotten and replaced.
