Chapter 1: The Journal

I do not own 7th Heaven

September 6

Dear Journal,

It's me again. Today was okay, Melanie was crying because she didn't want to go to daycare...tomorrow I start my junior year at college. I still don't understand how I got to this point of my life: alone with nowhere to go and with a two year old daughter. I never saw myself being in this kind of trouble.

The night that I caught T-bone and Jane kissing my world came crashing down. That night when Jane and I had a fight I couldn't believe how bad she really cared for T-bone. That night he picked her over me just like Martin picked Sandy and Simon picked his girlfriends. It's been like for as long as I remember.

The night Martin and I had sex it felt so right but it was so wrong because he was drunk. It was a week after T-bone broke my heart. He and Jonathan had a fight so he decided to go out and get drunk. I guess he knew I was the only one who could help him through it. I probably shouldn't have, but why the hell would I care about Sandy.

That night in Martin's room he started talking about how I looked sexy in my pajamas. He started to rub my leg and then he kissed me softly on the lips. I should have stopped there, but instead of saying "Martin your drunk" I just let him keep going because I was finally getting what I always wanted from him.

The cry from Melanie interrupted Ruthie's writing. Ruthie sat her journal down and made her way to Melanie's room.

"Mommy's here," Ruthie said while rocking Melanie back and forth in her arms. "You can stop crying now."

Melanie finally stopped crying and Ruthie went into the living room and sat back on the couch with Melanie's head lying on her chest. She turned the TV to cartoons because that always calmed Melanie down.

...

The sun from Ruthie's window woke her up. She stretched her not so long arms and looked at the clock

"Shit!" Ruthie said, "I can't believe I over slept!"

Ruthie rushed and got dressed before getting Melanie's baby bag ready first. Then she ran, grabbed Melanie, and put her in the car. Rushing to the daycare she dropped Melanie off.

...

Ruthie was walking to her next class when her phone rang.

"Hi mom," Ruthie said with a fake smile painted on her face "How's everything going at home?"

"Everything's great." Annie said from the other side of the phone, "I was calling to see how you've been?"

"Well mom it's been the same since yesterday." Ruthie said taking as she took her seat in the classroom," I have to go because class is about to start"

"Okay honey I'll call you later."

Ruthie couldn't believe she'd kept Melanie a secret for such an amount of time. Ruthie had never told Martin. He already had a son and she didn't want to feel like a burden in his already full life. And Ruthie parents? They would have killed her. She was only 17. She'd had to do this all by herself.

September 7

Dear Journal,

It's me again. I'm not so insane anymore. Once everybody finds out my little secret they're going freak. They probably would have found out last summer but I made up this lame excuse that I had this program to go to when really I was pregnant with Melanie. I never did found out why Martin and Jonathan were arguing. I never had the chance to ask after Martin and I had sex. I left him in his bed. It's not he even had a chance of finding out because he left for good with Sandy and his son the next day. I guess I learned a lesson from this. Sometimes you've just got to move on with your life.

Sincerely,

Ruthie Camden the PC

Ruthie sat down the journal and began to play with Melanie's hair. As Melanie laid silently on Ruthie's bed she couldn't help, but remember how innocent she, Ruthie, used to look. A tear ran down her cheek as she watched. She'd had to grow up so much.