Just a fun little idea I've been nursing ever since I saw 'The Avengers' for the second time while being on an HP kick and trying to get back into NCIS. Enjoy the randomness.

000

"Unbelievable," Hermione muttered darkly, "Un-freaking-believable!"

"I'm sorry, are we not entertaining enough for you, Miss Granger?" Tony Stark asked casually as he poured himself a drink from the small bar in the room. "Are you used to a more...interesting man?" He smirked as he raised a glass of Dos Equis in her direction.

"Well, I have heard many rumors about who she's been stepping out with," Tony DiNozzo said conversationally as he poured a drink as well. "Everyone from Captain America to that skinny redhead boy she went to school with, or any of his brothers. Hell, even McGee."

"And yet she shuns us," Stark shook his head sadly. "I really don't see why."

"It's a tragedy," DiNozzo sighed, "Any woman locked in a room with the two of us would be thrilled...but not her."

"A shame, really."

"Horrible."

"Tragic."

"I already said that," DiNozzo was quick to point out.

"Ah, no, you said 'tragedy'. I used a completely different version of the word." Stark rolled his eyes.

"We're going by different versions of words? Okay. It's shameful."

"Horrific."

"Terrible."

"Sorrowful."

"Regrettable."

"Melancholy-inducing."

DiNozzo gave Stark a hard look. "Okay, that one you just made up."

"Did not. Melancholy is another word for sadness."

"It sounds like a disease. Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Oh, STUFF IT!" Hermione shouted. The two men looked over at her, somewhat surprised as though they had forgotten she was there.

"I think we're annoying her," DiNozzo stage whispered.

Stark gave the Fed a look. "I don't do that, I don't do that loud whisper thing."

"What good are you then?" DiNozzo threw his hands into the air, exasperated.

"Oh, um, let's get a four word summary on me then, please?" Stark held up four fingers, ticking off his 'assets' as he counted them off. "Genius. Billionaire. Playboy. Philanthropist."

"Philanthropist, really?" DiNozzo rolled his eyes. "On to me, then." He held up four fingers as Stark had done. "Very. Special. Agent. DiNozzo."

"You both forgot the most important bit," Hermione snorted. They turned to look at her curiously and she held up a single finger. "Narcissists. And don't you dare deny it, Stark," she added warningly, seeing the genius's mouth open to protest. "You said so yourself to Fury a long time ago that you'll admit to that one."

Stark tilted his head side to side in a 'yeah, guess you're right' kind of way.

"At least I don't have to wear a suit of armor to fight bad guys," Tony smirked.

"Can you fly?" Stark asked bluntly.

"Well, no, but -"

"Case closed. I win."

"I don't think so -" They both made to reach for their weapons, but DiNozzo's holster was mysteriously empty and the briefcase that held the Mark V Iron Man suit had vanished. Apparently, whoever had made them appear suddenly in the windowless, door-less room was uninterested in seeing the Tonys' fight to the death. Well, DiNozzo's death at least. Hermione was sure that if they did start fighting with their different weapons, DiNozzo would be taken care of quickly, then she could use her magic to short-circuit the Iron Man suit. If the two had their weapons and she could access her magic, of course.

"Of all the people to be stuck with..." Hermione rubbed her temples, feeling the appearance of the usual headache that appeared when around either Tony.

"If it makes you feel any better, Miss Granger, we weren't exactly begging to come here." Stark said after a few quiet moments.

"Gibbs'll have my head, we're in the middle of a hot case," DiNozzo grimaced.

"And I'm currently supposed to be either at a SHEILD meeting or in Paris."

"You don't know whether you're supposed to be on a flying aircraft carrier -"

"We call it the Helicarrier, actually."

"- or in France? Even Abby's not that scatterbrained outside the lab." DiNozzo continued, ignoring Stark's interruption.

"Pepper tells me where to be, and I usually make almost no attempt to be there on time. Unless I'm saving the world. Then it's kind of important."

"But just 'kind of'," DiNozzo rolled his eyes. "It's only the world, after all."

"Exactly!"

Hermione felt the beginnings of a twitch in her left eye.

000

Ha ha, poor Hermione. So, review please? If there's enough interest, I might even post another few chapters on how Hermione met the two Tonys, and how they met each other. And maybe by then, Gibbs and the Avengers will have figured out a way to get the three out of the room and save Stark and DiNozzo from death by Hermione's annoyance!