WHEN LOVE RETURNS

BPOV

Bella, Bella my love, I love you, I have always loved you, please forgive for hurting you. I love you so much. Bella my beautiful Bella.

I wake up shaking. Just a dream I repeated to myself. At least it wasn't the nightmares I had become accustomed to having since he had left. Not a nightmare until I woke up. It was the third night in a row I had had the same dream. It seemed so real, but then, so did the nightmares when I had them. Edward was with me, his cold arms wrapped tight around me, whispering in my ear that he loved me, that he had always loved me, and he would never leave me again. But as I turned to look at his face I always woke up. Then the pain started, the hole inside me where my heart used to be. I so wanted it to be true, I had tried to stop from turning to look at his face, but I always did. I was shaking, but was it from the pain or the cold? How could I be cold, the heat was on, but I was shivering, just like I used to when I laid in his arms. Maybe my hallucinations were becoming more physical than mental, maybe I was pushing my sanity over the edge.

I glanced over at the clock, 2:05am. I got up and looked out the window. The cruiser was still gone, Charlie was still at LaPush, with the Clearwater's, making arrangement for Harry's funeral. The last three days had been surreal. Just as I was about to cliff drive, just as I was enjoying Edward's angry voice, forbidding me to jump, Jacob has screamed at me to stop. I was so angry at Jake, for just a moment for ruining my moment with Edward, but he was shouting, "It's over Bella, we got her." What was he saying, had the wolf pack really found Victoria, was I really safe. Jacob grabbed me off the edge and swung me around. "We did it, we caught Victoria, the other guys are burning her now, it's over, Bella, your are finally free." I looked at Jake's face and saw such a mixture of joy and sorrow. Was he sorry they had killed Victoria, was he worried that I wouldn't need him anymore if he didn't have a reason to protect me? "How, where,what" my mind couldn't grasp everything he was telling me, I started to feel faint, things were spinning so fast. Jacob sat me down on. "Put your head between your legs Bella, I don't want you to pass out, there is too much you need to hear." I did as he told me and took deep slow breaths, everything slowed down and I looked up at him, "she is dead, she is really dead, it's over?" I asked as tears poured down me face. "Yes" he replies "we caught her right on the edge, she tried to go over the ridge into the water, but Sam sense something and got behind her and ran her back, right into Paul and Jared, Paul grabbed her and that was all it took, each one of us got a piece of her. It is really over Bella.." he said as he grabbed me and held me tight to his chest, and I felt the warmth from him fill me. I looked up into his face, studying it carefully, "why... why do you look so sad, I don't understand, if she is really gone.." the words poured out of mouth so fast I am not sure he even understood me.

Jacob looked off to the east, at the plum of purple smoke far off in the distance. "Something else happened." I stiffened in his arms, had one of the wolves he hurt, "relax, Bella relax, Harry Clearwater had a heart attack, we found out when we came back to the house, everyone is at the hospital, but they say it is not looking good." Oh god Jake, I am so sorry, does my dad know?" I asked "Yes" he replied, "he is at the hospital with my dad. Sam has gone over there to see what the story is, but I wanted to find you and tell you about Victoria, but I really should go to the hospital, do you want to go with me?"

Too much was going through me mind, Victoria, Harry I just couldn't think straight. "Um, no, I think I will just go home, Charlie will need me when he gets there, depending on what happens. It safe now, right, I can go home and be safe" I asked Jacob smile down at me "Yes Bella, it's all over. You are safe. All the vampires are gone from Forks, you can go back to your normal life."

Normal, I can get back to my normal life, I laughed to myself as I thought of that, but I just smiled as Jacob drove me home. What was my normal life? Had I ever had a normal life, certainly not since I had moved to Forks. I thought, for a brief moment, maybe I should leave, move to Florida with Renee and Phil, try to forget my life here and all that that entailed. But I knew I would never do that, there was still a small part of me that hoped... STOP IT BELLA, I shouted in my head, don't hope, it just makes the hole rip more. He was never coming back, and I was just going to have to accept it. But I also knew I couldn't leave. Charlie needed me. I don't know how he survived for seventeen years without me. He should have more money now since he didn't have to eat out every night. I smiled when I thought back to how little food was in the house when I arrived.

I was lost in my memories of my first days in Forks, I jumped when the phone rang, I grabbed in on the third ring, "Hello, oh hey Dad, hows it going at LaPush, how are Sue and the kids?" Charlie had been staying at the reservation almost day and night since Harry had died. "No no Dad, I'm fine really, gotten caught up on a lot of housework and homework, still have a calculus test to study for, please don't worry about me, I'll be fine." "Jacob is worried about you being there by yourself and to be honest so am I" Charlie said, "Jake, said he would come get you if you wanted to come down, but he is trying to get caught up on some things too." "Dad, I know Jake is behind in his school work and so am I, please tell him to stay there, we both need to get caught up. I am fine here and to be honest, I am enjoying the peace and quiet, yes, yes I am going to study and go to sleep early, see you later Dad, stay as long as you need to." I hung up the phone and looked around the kitchen. It was cleaner than it had been in awhile, I had needed to keep busy and wear my self out. I did really want to go to sleep early. As painful as it was when I woke up from the dream, the dream itself was heaven. I could feel his strong cold arm, hear his voice and smell the scent that was only him. As clear as his voice had been when I was doing something reckless. I so needed these moments, I so needed him. I was probably pushing my sanity to the limits and was going to push myself over the edge until Charlie had to have me committed this time, but I didn't care. I knew I couldn't cliff dive anytime soon, and I needed to hear him somehow.

I quickly ate a sandwich and had a glass of milk, cleaned up the glass and headed up the steps to study. I knew there was nothing better than calculus to make me fall asleep. I took a quick shower, letting the hot water warm me completely, washed my hair and took the time to blow it out straight, the was I knew he liked it. The edges of the hole in my chest throbbed as I thought of him running his fingers through my hair. Walked into my room and opened my bedroom window, surprised at how easy it opened. I hadn't opened it since he left, what was the point? I never locked, it just it case, but I hadn't opened it, I looked out into the night sky and sighed, the pain flared, "Edward, where are you, I miss you so much, but you're never coming back are you? How am I suppose to live the rest of my life without you, I know you think I will forget you, but you are so wrong, it will never happen, never." I slammed down the window. Face it Bella, he's gone, he doesn't want you, you were just a game to him, I screamed to myself as the tears poured down my face. I wrapped my arms around my chest to try to get the pain to stop. I curled up in a ball on my bed and just cried until I finally fell asleep.

EPOV

Her window opened and there she was, Oh God she was still so beautiful, my sweet Bella. But she looked so sad, so alone. I shouldn't of come back, I knew this was a mistake, but I was so selfish,I had to see her again, had to know she was okay. The last three nights had been the closest to heaven I had experienced since I had left. Lying next to her, in her bed holding her tight, after I was sure she was sound asleep. Telling her what I couldn't say if she were awake, how much I loved her, how I had always loved her and would never leave her again. She had smiled in her sleep, could she hear me? But I couldn't let her know I was back, I had promised her, I couldn't hurt her again. I needed her so much, but she didn't need me ruining her life. I had barely made it out the window when she woke up last night, I wasn't paying attention to her breathing so absorbed with watching her, when she started to stir, I jumped out the window, just before she sat up. Then I heard her sobs, she was crying, saying it was just a dream.

Now looking at her staring out the window, looking more beautiful than Juliet

could ever be, I couldn't help but smile. "Oh, Bella, my sweet Bella, how beautiful you are" I whispered so low no human ears could hear. Then I heard her voice "Edward, where are you, I miss you so much, but you're never coming back are you? How am I suppose to live the rest of my life without you, I know you think I will forget you, but you are wrong, it will never happen, never." Then she slammed the window shut and I heard her crying uncontrollably. I was stunned, she still wanted me, she still looked for me? Was that why the window was not locked, she was still hoping I would turn up No she was just upset with everything that had happened around her. Harry Clearwater's dead, Victoria, just thinking the name made my lips curl over my teeth. Teeth I wished I had been able to dismantle Victoria with, but the werewolves had beat me to it. I had left Bella for nothing. I thought she would be safe without me putting her in danger, but danger had found her anyway. Victoria had come to claim Bella's life, to avenge James' death according to the thoughts of Jacob Black. And werewolves, only Bella would find the only monsters left in Forks. She truly was a danger magnet.

But, was it possible for my sweet Bella to still want me, after I had left her, hurt her so bad. I was so ashamed, after listening to the "wolves" thoughts, especially Sam's, he had found he that night after I left her, found her curled up in the forest, far from the trail where I had left her. My nonexistent heart broke into, seeing how I had left her. "Oh Bella, I am so sorry, I thought by now you would be over me, would have moved on." Why was I so happy that you haven't? Was I just deluding myself, into believing that you could forgive me.

As I sat in the forest listening waiting to hear Bella's breathing level out so I would know she was sound of sleep, then I climb up the side of her house and slipped through her window. She was still so beautiful it took my breath away. But she was thinner and paler than before. I slid over to her bed and lay down beside her and just watched her sleep, lightly touching her face with my index finger.

She was curled up in a ball, her face tear streaked, but still so beautiful. Oh to be able to see inside her mind, just for a moment. To know if she could ever forgive me for what I had done to her. I tried so hard to stay away, my entire family was angry at me for leaving, but I thought it was best, not for me, the pain I had endured was indescribable, but for my Bella. I had convinced myself that she would never be safe in my world, that she would always be in danger if I stayed near her. Of course she had a solution for any danger I imposed. Change her. This is what she wanted, or thought she wanted. But I could not do that to her. To take away her soul just for my selfishness. There was nothing I had wanted more in my hundred years of existing than to have Bella at my side forever. With every other thought I had considered it, but I couldn't!! To take away everything from Bella's future to satisfy myself, to have her with me, to be able to hold her the way I desired, to be able to make love to her....NO I would not do that to her. She had no idea what this life was really like.

Her breathing was becoming uneven, was she dreaming or waking up? I moved silently to the window, as she rolled over and I heard her say "Edward", she still spoke my name in her sleep. This brought me such joy and such sorrow at the same time. I was so sure she would forget me by now, but I was still in her thoughts. She stirred and I knew she was waking up, so I ran out the window, knowing I could still hear her from the shadows of the forest. I listened for any movement, was she turning over or getting up. I heard her sigh deeply, then the covers moved and I heard her footsteps move across the room and down the stairs. The light came on in the living room. The TV came on and I heard her changing channels with the remote. Bella had never been a big TV watcher so she must be bored.

The TV went off and I heard the remote slam down on the coffee table. She walked to the kitchen and I heard the refrigerator door open and then close. I could not help but smile, Bella was restless, I was so tempted to just go and knock on the door. I could just imagine the shock look on her face, the way she would blush...then I heard the back door open and there she was, her scent hit me so hard as I struggled to swallow down the venom and fight the monster within me. I had to struggle with it every time I was near her, since I had returned, but I knew I would win.

She just stood in the doorway staring out into the darkness. I knew she couldn't see me, not with her human eyes, but it seem like she was staring right into my eyes. How I wanted to just run to her and take her in my arms and never let her go. But I could not do that, not yet. I still haven't decided if she was better off without me in her life. I was so selfish I just want to be with her but I had to remember what was best for her.

Bella started walking toward me. What was she doing? She shouldn't be out in the dark alone, did she see me, was she coming to me?? Of course not, her human eyes could not see me through he darkness. Silently I climbed up in to the trees, as she kept walking toward where I was standing. As she got closer I could she the tears falling down her cheeks. Why was she crying? Then she stopped and looked around, that is when I realized this is the exact spot I had said goodbye so many months ago. I watched as she sank down into the grass and leaned back against the tree and covered her face with her hands and sobbed uncontrollably. How my nonexistent heart broke as I watched her. Then I heard her whispers "Edward, I can't do this anymore. It hurts to much. You broke every promise you ever made to me, so why do I have to keep mine? I just can't deal with this pain anymore. You said it would stop, that it would be as if you never existed but you were wrong. It just gets worse. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I just glide through life and pretend I am okay, but damn it I'm not okay. I have to make the pain stop and there is only one way to do it." I started to panic, what was she saying? Was she going to hurt herself, no I would never allow that. She sounded so angry, good maybe she was finally just saying goodbye to me in the exact spot I had said goodbye to her.

"Why, Edward, why?" I heard her whisper "why did you pretend to want me, to love me? I was so stupid to believe anyone like you could want me, but you said you did" I listened as she broke down in uncontrollable sobs again, all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her I did love her and I was so sorry, I so wanted to take away her pain. Suddenly her crying stopped and she leaned back with such a determined look on her face. "So, Edward, I know you can't hear me and I know you don't care, but I am ending everything in the exact spot where you ended my life. I died that day, my body just kept moving, but now its time for my body to join my soul." then she laughed "you were so against stealing my soul, well guess what, you took my heart and m soul when you left, so now it is time to let my body join them." She stood up and walked to the house, and I knew the time had come to face what I had done to her. I would not let her hurt herself and I knew that was what about to happen. I flew down the trees and across her yard, up the side of her house and into her window, before she had gone three steps. Whatever she was planning to do was not going to happen, no matter what. I heard the door open and softly close and her steps come up the stairs, she stopped in the bathroom and I started across the room when I heard her turn the doorknob. I held my breath as the door opened and she saw me. She stopped and the bottle of pills and water glass she held in her hands dropped to the floor, I caught the glass before it could shatter on the floor in my right hand and Bella in my left arm before she hit the floor.

BPOV

I woke shivering. I felt the comforter being tucked around me. "Charlie" I asked quietly, remembering what I had considered doing after going into the forest, where Edward had left me. My mind was fuzzy, I couldn't remember if I had taken the pills. Had I failed and given Charlie something else to worry about? Oh crap, I shook my head trying to remember. Then I froze as I heard his voice, "Bella, why Bella, you promised" the smooth velvet voice, shook with pain. It couldn't be. I was afraid to open my eyes. I was afraid I really had died, I was afraid I had fallen into complete insanity. I was afraid to move, then I felt his touch, and I felt the tears pouring down my face. "Bella, please open your eyes" he said as his finger tips brushed away my tears. Slowly I open my eyes and I gasped and threw my hands to my face. "No, No this is a dream, this isn't real, what have I done" I felt my hands being removed very gently from my face, and he was still there. All I could do was stare, look at Edward's face so full of pain, so beautiful, so close. I reached up and touched his cheek and it was ice cold and smooth. "Are you real?" I asked "are you really here, is it possible?" Edward took my hand in his and brought them to his lips and kissed them gently "Yes Bella its really me, I am so sorry Bella. I had no id