Dear Evan Hansen:
Today is going to be a good day and here's why. Because today, is the last day of school! Today you can, like, get your yearbook signed. And today, you get to see who won some of the most-likely-to vote things. Those are cool.
Do you remember last year? You wanted to ask Zoe Murphy to sign your yearbook, but you got scared and you puked in the bathroom. I—I don't know why I brought that up. That was a—that was a bad idea to bring that up.
But last year, nobody would sign your yearbook and Zoe and all of the popular people were milling around in the cafeteria, signing each other's yearbooks, and you were standing alone in the hallway, and the scary kid who wears dark gray, Connor Murphy, was getting something out of his locker and you were so desperate you almost asked him to sign it. Almost. Then this girl, your partner for an English assignment in the beginning of the year, she came out and took out her yearbook and a Sharpie pen and she, and she asked Connor Murphy to sign her yearbook and he wrote Connor in really big letters on her autographs page of her yearbook and she looked a bit upset and you thought well, at least I didn't ask him to sign my yearbook.
And then Connor and the girl, her name was Alana, I think, Alana Beck, left and then you, and then you saw Jared Kleinman, your friend, come out, and you asked him if anyone had signed his yearbook, and he said, he said, "Yeah, wanna see?" and you looked, and Jared said, he kept talking, he said, "I got some popular girls to sign it" and kept talking and saying things like that and then you looked at it and you saw that all of those girls had signed messages like Fuck you Jared and stuff like that and you told him and his eyes puffed up and you said "I'm sorry, Jared" and you signed his yearbook, you just wrote Evan Hansen and he signed yours, and his was the only one on your page and his eyes were still puffy and then he started crying and then you started crying and then you both got paper towels and dabbed your eyes and ate lunch in the hallway.
But summer—summer is going to be so great, you don't even have to worry about it. Because, you, you were so lucky to get into Ellison Park's apprentice ranger program, and you're going to have so much fun, and, and, and do you remember when Mom told you? She looked so excited and she looked you in the eye, in the eye, and she said to you, she said, she said "Evan, I'm so proud of you". And then you started crying—goddammit, you cry too much—and she hugged you and then she saw an old picture of you up and she said, "You've grown up so much, Evan" and she started crying too and she said "If your dad was here, he'd be proud of you, too" and you cried again and it reminded you of the time you did a boy scout project to build a chicken coop and you, and you helped work on it and you were so proud at the end.
And the pool! The pool will probably be open, and you can swim all around and you can learn to swim, and…
Yeah, to be honest, it's really pathetic you don't know how to swim.
Anyway you probably have stuff to work on, Evan…wait, you don't. You don't have homework, it's the last day of school today!
Do you remember two days ago, your last appointment with Dr. Lois? Next week, on your first day as a junior ranger, you also have your first appointment with a new doctor, a guy called Dr. Sherman? Remember? Dr. Lois got all teary and said "Evan. When I say goodbye to my patients, I always read them a little something I write. Anyway, here yours is" and she cleared her throat, and you got all excited to hear how much you've grown, and she said "Evan, you were, by far, my most difficult patient. You were never willing to go that extra mile, or take one for the team. You would never step into the sun, or step into the spotlight, or take a risk. You'd slip away to avoid slipping up. And you'd never share anything. I am thoroughly glad to see you go" and then you realized it was a dream. So you went to the appointment, and you talked, and you didn't tell her about that dream, and at the end she said "Goodbye, Evan" and nothing else and you left and it was better than nothing and definitely better than what she said in your dream.
On the upside, Dr. Sherman might stop making you write these goddam letters to yourself. Just a maybe.
And Jared's going to some cool summer camp, because he has two incomes, his mom, and his dad, and he's going to probably be fine. Jared's a really great friend because he didn't bully you like everyone else. Like, ten years ago. Or five years ago. Or…
Anyway, nobody else seemed to care that much about you. Jared did. He cared that you were, like, ok, and like, like, like, alive. Or whatever. You have a friend. Like. Not to brag, but you have a friend…
But seriously, have a good summer. You deserve it. Have a great summer and do everything you can on your apprenticeship. You'll learn a lot. And you love trees, so it works. You'll have a great time. Do you remember when you went to summer camp last year, and on your first day, you asked your counselor, who was like, twenty-five, and you asked him if you had nametags, and he said "You're a little turd" and you didn't talk to him for the rest of camp, even when you got stung by two wasps and threw up three times. But that was, like, no biggie.
Maybe next year, maybe next year you'll get to introduce yourself to Zoe Murphy. Maybe you'll get to talk to her. And maybe…maybe you'll get the courage ask her out.
But that doesn't matter. Just. Don't forget me. Keep writing me.
Sincerely,
Your second-best and second-most dearest friend,
Me