He loosens his tie, a hair, feeling entirely uncomfortable. Gibbs shoots him a look. He stands as straight as he can, trying to ignore the cold. The cold January stings his cheeks. This was not how he had envisioned it, not even close. He stares at the group of people surrounding him. They all were black, and have matching solemn faces. Even Abby, was wearing a sad, solemn face. He stares at the headstone.
This was the worst graveside service he had ever attended. It was cold, and rainy, and he couldn't bear the thought of who was lying underneath the stone. He fights back the tears, but his last words to her play like a broken record, in his head.
He smiles at her. He waits with her for the elevator.
"I think I know where the elevator is," she reminds him.
"I had something important to tell you."
"What's that?"
"Don't forget to wear sunglasses."
The elevator doors open, and she disappears.
This wasn't how he thought it would end. In his mind she was a superhero. She wouldn't go out without a fight. She would go out shooting. She would walk through fire, and not get burnt. She would die, trying to save someone she loved, trying to redeem herself. She was always trying to prove something. That day, she was not trying to prove anything. Now she was just gone.
He stares across the squad room at her empty desk. She had been gone nearly an hour, and he was already missing her. She had gone to see the elusive Mr. Miami, known as Ray to some. He hated when she left. He wanted so badly to tell her the truth, but he wasn't ready.
"The director wants to see us, now!" Gibbs interrupts his thought. He follows Gibbs, and McGee up to the director's office. On his way his chest tightens. He has a terrible gut feeling, as he enters the director's office. He closes the door behind himself.
"Have a seat," the director insists.
They all take a seat around the table. "Leon we have work to do, what is this about?"
Leon grabs the remote. He lowers himself into the chair at the end of the table. He pushes play. They watch a clip from the six o'clock news.
"You brought us up here to watch a clip about a traffic fatality?" Gibbs questions.
Tony stares at the crushed piece of metal. All he can see is red. The director's silence grabs his attention. He directs his focus to Leon.
"Ziva?" he questions.
Leon doesn't respond immediately. Finally he is able to compose himself enough to answer, "Agent David was in the accident," he reveals.
"Is she ok?" McGee inquires.
"No, Tim, don't you get it? She's dead. He wouldn't have brought us up here otherwise," Tony replies coldly.
"That true Leon?" Gibbs wonders.
"Yes," Leon nods.
"You're sure?" Tim clarifies.
"They tried to use the jaws of life to get her out, but the car caught fire, before they could get her out. She died at the scene," Leon reveals.
Without a word Tony walks out of the room.
He stands at her graveside, unwilling to believe it. It wasn't right. She was the best defensive driver he knew. How did she end up... she hadn't even made it to the morgue. They had sent her body straight to the funeral home. Now all that was left of her was a head stone, and an urn full of ashes.
His partner, his best friend. The only woman he had ever truly loved, reduced to a pile of ash. What he wouldn't give to have one more day with her. One more chance to tell her the truth, to tell her that without her... he could live, but he didn't want to.
The crowd begins to disperse, signaling that the service had concluded. Abby links arms with him.
"I'm fine," he lies.
"I am just following orders," she tells him flatly.
"Orders?"
"I am supposed to take you home."
"I don't need a babysitter. I am fine."
"Ok, how about a drinking buddy?"
"Ok," he agrees.
She drives him home. She follows him into the apartment. He pulls out a pair of shot glasses, and a bottle of liquor. He takes a shot, she doesn't touch hers.
"I thought you were going to be my drinking buddy."
"I just can't. I can't start. If I take a drink now, you won't be the only one on a slippery slope. It doesn't even seem real. If it were anyone but Ziva. This isn't how I thought she'd die. I figured it would be from old age, or... in a fight to the death. Her against an army of men, with Ak-47's and bombs strapped to their chests."
"It was a red light. The one time she actually stopped for a red light, and she died? It's not right. I refuse to believe it."
"I'll leave you alone with your booze."
"I thought that you were supposed to be babysitting me."
"I think you should start with your grieving, alone."
"Start?"
"With denial."
"I never told her," he admits.
"I know."
"Do you? How did you know?"
"I could just tell."
"It wasn't like with Kate. Kate was my partner, but... Ziva..."
"Tony I know that you loved her. I think that she knew too."
"But I will never know. I will never know if she knew. I will never know if..."
"She did. She loved you too."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I have spent nearly every day with the two of you for the past six years. I know love when I see it. You went to Somalia to save her."
"Ziva did not need a savior."
"She needed a reason to live, and you gave her that. You made her see that no matter what, you would always be there for her. How many people can say that they have someone they know they can truly count on, like that? I know that you would have laid down your life for her. She knew it too."
"So why was she going to see him?"
"Everyone deserves the chance to be happy," Abby answers.
"Why couldn't she be happy with me?"
"Because you never gave her the chance."