Goodbye My Hero
Scully was sitting in silence in the basement office when Mulder walked in. She had expected him to make some jest about her sitting at his chair behind his desk. But decided it was best to bite his tongue. The events of the past week have taken a personal toll on her and if she wanted to sit there, he was going to let her.
"Are you alright Scully?" Mulder asked but fully knowing that she's not as well as knowing exactly what the response would be.
"I'm fine." It was an automatic response, "Agent Pendrell's funeral is being held tomorrow."
Mulder sat down in Scully's chair, not sure on whether to reply or even how to reply, "Are you going?" She shook her head as an answer, "Why not?" Mulder asked. He believed that she needed to go.
"I just don't think." Scully said again Mulder bit his lip to stop himself from saying something inappropriate, "It's a family thing. I'd be an intruder."
Mulder watched her deeply, she was hurting. It wasn't as if they were close personally but they had developed some form of cat and mouse relationship, "I don't think they'll see you that way Scully." Mulder said, "At least turn up."
"I don't know." Scully said after a long pause.
"I can go with you if you wish." Mulder continued to watch her closely.
Scully avoided his deep gaze, "I can't ask you to do that." She said, "Thanks though."
"You didn't ask me Scully." Mulder reminded her as he leaned back, "You need to have some sort of closure, a final goodbye."
Scully knew he had a point there, "You're right Mulder." Scully said hesitantly, "But I think I need to do it alone."
Mulder nodded in an understanding way, "You can call me up if you change your mind." He told her, "You never have to go through anything alone you know."
They sat in silence for some time.
If there was ever a time that Scully felt uninvited and so out of place it was now. She didn't know anybody and nobody knew her of course. Maybe it would have been wise to take Mulder up on his offer to accompany her. The funeral wasn't due to start for another hour and there were a couple of people greeting the guests. Must have been the parents she surmised. With a certain amount of caution, Scully approached.
"Mrs. Pendrell?" Scully asked as she extended her hand.
"Do I know you?" Mrs. Pendrell asked. It was suppose to be a funeral with relatives and close friends but she had never seen this woman before you.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Scully answered, "I'm Agent Scully."
"Dana Scully?" Mrs. Pendrell said, "Lance always talked about you."
"Lance?" Scully asked, feeling stupid for vocalizing the fact that she had never known Pendrell's first name.
"It was short for Lancelot." Mrs. Pendrell replied, "But he hated it and preferred Lance."
God, she had to stop herself from smiling with that something else that he had in common with Mulder, "I didn't know that." Scully said, "I didn't even know his first name."
"It's funny. Well kind of." Mrs. Pendrell managed a smile, "He use to talk about that. Often said that you called your partner… I think he said by his last name. He never minded I think."
"Thank you."
"I was wondering if you would make it since Lance spoke so highly of you." Mrs. Pendrell said, "I'm glad you have come."
Sometimes, the only time you realize how much you care about someone it's at their funeral. Scully couldn't hold back the tears as she listened to many stories relayed by family and close friends. Pendrell… Lance was a popular guy amongst his peers. After some had spoken, she felt like getting up herself, but there just wasn't anything to say that hadn't been said. There was only a close professional relationship between the two, his feelings were unrequited by her.
"Let me buy you a drink."
"No thanks, I'm with someone."
"Hell I'll buy him a drink to. Hey Hey! Two Birthday drinks."
I saw the man enter the bar and looked in my direction. There was something about him that got my attention… Had I seen him somewhere before? I stand up and prepare to fire.
"Get down!"
Pendrell got into the line of fire and he went down so I could return fire at the assailant. If the bullet hadn't hit him, I would've copped it square in the chest. But instead he stopped the bullet. I did everything I could, I know I did. Or did I?
"Let me buy you a drink."
"No thanks. I'm with someone."
"Hell, I'll buy him a drink to. Hey Hey! Two Birthday drinks."
As soon as I saw the man I should have fired my weapon. He looked directly at Frish so that should have aroused my suspicion. If I had fired when I first saw the assailant, Pendrell would still be alive.
Everyone always second guessed themselves and of course things would have turned out differently if different actions had been taken. Scully buried her head in her hands, partly in hope of closing her eyes the mental images disappeared. But that was unsuccessful, her whole body was shaking. She quickly stood up and left the church, hoping that nobody would notice. The doors closed behind her. Tears were streaming down her face, maybe not just for Pendrell, but maybe all the hundred and thirty six souls taken by flight Five Four Nine. Through moist eyes she could see the fuzzy but unmistakable outline of Mulder. Scully sprinted into the waiting arms of Mulder.
He held her tight and wrapped held her head to his shoulder as she cried her heart out, "I can't believe he's dead. I couldn't help him." Scully struggled to breathe, talk and cry at the same time, "All I did was make some stupid joke."
"You did all you could Scully." Mulder tried to calm her down.
"And they're all dead. So many lost. And why?"
Mulder led her to the seat outside and listened to her pour her heart out to him. It had been tough on both of them, but he didn't have the extra baggage of seeing a good Agent go down before his eyes.
"What are you doing here anyway?" Scully asked, "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're here."
"I didn't want you to go through it alone Scully." Mulder said, "You shouldn't have to." They listened to the sound coming from inside the church, "Sounds like they're individually saying goodbye to Pendrell."
"Lance." Scully wiped her tears away.
"Who?" Mulder asked as he stood up and they locked arms.
"His first name's Lance." Scully said, "His mother told me."
There was a large queue as everyone lined up to have their last goodbye. They moved slowly up and Mulder could feel Scully tense up the closer they got. He squeezed her shoulder just to let her know he's there.
Pendrell lay on the floor struggling to breathe. His body writhing with pain and shock. All I could do was take the nearest tablecloth and attempted to put a stop to the bleeding. I told him he'd be ok… That he was going to the hospital. I have to resign to the fact that I had done all I could do and it just wasn't enough.
Lancelot Pendrell was motionless, peacefully resting in his final home. Ready to be buried in the ground never to be seen again. Scully looked for inspiration to say the final goodbye.
"Pendrell…" She said leaning closer as if whispering into his ear, "I'm sorry I didn't get to know you better. Thanks for saving me. Goodbye my hero."
It took along time for Scully to relay the events surrounding the death of her son to Mrs. Pendrell who's emotion was a mix of pride and grief. But she listened attentively and with patience as Scully told her everything that had happened.
"Thank you Miss Scully." Mrs. Pendrell said.
"Call me Dana." Scully said.
Mulder drove Scully to her place. She sat in the car at the front of her apartment in silence.
"Are you going to be ok?" Mulder asked.
Scully shrugged her shoulders, "I guess I will be. I just don't want to be alone." She said, "Can you stay for awhile?"
Mulder nodded and followed her inside. For awhile they just sat and talked on the couch as Scully leant against his chest and eventually fell asleep. Mulder carried her to her bedroom as quietly as possible but she didn't even stir due to the physical and emotional exhaustion. After he put her down, Mulder debated whether or not to stay. Staying won out and he ended up falling asleep on her couch, waiting to see if he was needed.
"Mulder." Scully shook his shoulders until he was awake, "Mulder."
"What's the matter?" Mulder asked sleepily, "Are you ok?"
"You should go home Mulder." Scully answered, "I'm fine. Thanks for staying."
Mulder sat up and stretched, "Anytime Scully." Mulder said, "I'll always be there for you. You're my partner and you can always lean on me."
"Thank you Mulder." Scully said, it was barely above a whisper.
"You're welcome Scully."