Of Souls
By Snare-chan
Pairings: None
Ratings: K+
Category(ies): General
Warning(s): Spoilers
Status: One-shot, complete
Summary: Vivi goes for a stroll in the rain and ends up running into Amarant, where they have an odd conversation.
Notes: My first posted fanfic of 2009, le gasp! I hadn't intended it, but I find it vastly appropriate that the next one to be posted is for my long standing compatriot, Cassandra Cassidy. Here's to another 6 plus years of being the best of friends!
She'd requested this on a whim from me and ended up receiving this for our October anniversary of knowing one another and geeking out over our favorite things. Yeah…and now I'm just posting it. Hush! She wanted Amarant and Vivi with the prompt, "Brahne had said to assassinate the 'soulless golem,' but Amarant hasn't met one of those." It was too moving of a proposition to resist.
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy IX; wish I did like everybody else. They should put FFIX in stock, then I'd buy it all!
It was raining out.
The storm had been sudden, rolling in with barely a hint of its arrival, until at the very last minute dark clouds blocked out the moons and lightning flashed. When thunder followed, that's when the water started to come down. It was one of those that were long in coming, the droplets big and cold on a land that wasn't used to seeing it.
Vivi didn't mind, though; he discovered himself enjoying it.
In a way, at least. The pitter-patter of it striking against the glass of his bedroom window at first startled him, the night having been filled with a silence that had been…unsettling, up until then. Zidane had told him to get some rest, that they all had earned it, but really, it wasn't that simple for someone like him.
A drone, some crooked thing that he didn't even exactly understand himself despite being one. Was he a machine that ran like a clock, ticking down until his demise? Or perhaps something simpler than that, merely a clone, a copy of something better, that aged too quickly, never meant to exist, so mortality swiftly took its toll. Vivi didn't know, didn't think he would ever know, but all that wondering to try and comprehend kept him awake so often that sleeping had become almost foreign to him.
That, and he was scared that if he closed his eyes, they wouldn't open back up again.
So he laid there in bed, staring at the bunk bed overhead until he heard water falling outside, drawing his attention away from his nightmarish thoughts. It was a distraction and nothing else, but he appreciated it nonetheless. At his closeness, the panes began to fog, one of his fingers unwittingly reaching out and drawing a small smiley-face there. In kind, he returned the gesture, the darkness swallowing his soft grin.
Up above, Zidane snorted softly in his sleep and turned, the mattress creaking at his readjusted weight. For a moment Vivi couldn't help but pause, as if caught doing something he shouldn't, though in reality the blond probably wouldn't have cared one bit what he was doing. Still, he turned, watching as Zidane's tail fell over the edge and into his line of vision to twitch in his sleep. Back and forth, back and forth, like a pendulum.
Shaking his head once, he crawled out from under his covers with the intent of heading out the door. There would be no hope of sleep for him, so there was no use keeping himself cooped up in here wasting his time when he could be outside, properly enjoying the storm.
The inn was quiet as he traversed the place, still a few glowing candles remaining lit on the walls to lead the way. Once to the exit, as soon as he opened the door, he was blasted in the face by a strong gust of wind. One of his hands released the door to catch hold of his beloved hat before it blew away, his tiny body sneaking through the crack he'd made and escaping to the outdoors. From the time he'd spotted it starting from his assigned bedroom to now, the storm had picked up slightly, but he went to walk in it anyway.
The village paths were known to him by this point, Vivi having memorized them from all their previous visits, so he didn't have to pay full attention, knowing every stick and stone along it. The rain eventually soaked his clothes and dripped off his wilting hat, but even then he did not pause, instead diverting his attention to admiring the sensation of it surrounding him.
Eventually, he came upon a tree-covered bridge. It was actually somewhat large and strongly built. On it…was somebody else, the leaves from the trees blocking out the brunt of the storm, shielding the both of them. Even with all the heavy shadows, Vivi knew who it was. His steps halted in the mud at the foot of the bridge as he recognized Amarant.
The redhead was standing in the middle, arms crossed over his muscular front and staring out over the river. Unsurprisingly, he was soaked too, his clothes dark with the rain and his hair dripping though somehow managing to remain obscuring. He could have been a statue, Vivi observed, all tall and solid, like one of those stone gargoyles he'd seen decorating castles sometimes. His presence made him a bit nervous and he contemplated turning back around and heading towards the way he'd come, not wanting to risk disturbing the warrior…
But Vivi didn't.
Maybe his confusion was getting to him, or a higher calling beckoned him, but instead of leaving he waddled on, setting one foot in front of the other until he'd come to stand right alongside the taller man, because this was better than no company at all. At least, that's what he said to convince himself to keep from running away.
During all of this, Amarant hadn't moved, face remaining turned straight ahead. Taking that as a sign that he wasn't (completely) unwelcome, Vivi climbed onto one of the posts supporting the bridge and propped his arms over the edge, just sort of hanging there to gaze at the river, too. The trees blocked some, though not all, of the rain, and outside of their semi-protection drops pelted the water's surface, creating ripples and waves that smacked into each other.
Without meaning to, the dark mage sighed aloud, going limp, and not realizing why, he stated, "Amarant, you're a really, really lucky guy."
After a beat, the other snorted, causing him to turn his head and look at him.
"Please don't laugh; I mean it!" he protested, explaining with, "You were born with a very special gift."
The redhead inclined his head, the scowl that was forever in place on his face making Vivi realize how that could be read, and so he elaborated, "I don't mean how large you are; it's the inside that I'm talking about."
"…You're not going to start whining about that whole 'soul' thing again, are you?" Amarant asked after a stretch, startling Vivi to slipping a bit from his perch and looking over at the other. Hearing him speak was unusual in itself; Amarant wasn't the type to go around holding conversations. The extent of it was mostly addressing Zidane or ordering Eiko to be quiet.
"Well…"
He trailed off and chose silence, not needing to elaborate since it was obvious where he'd intended to go when he'd started talking. He shifted on his perch, jacket weighing him down a little with all the water that had started to seep into it. It was starting to feel as heavy as he felt.
"Sorry, I don't mean to drag you down with me, too. Maybe if I wasn't such a soulless toy, like Kuja said…"
"What kind of bullshit is that?"
"Er…"
"You admire the monkey, don'tcha? And like that princess, and worry about that annoying midget, and think that clown is weird, right? Could something without a soul do that?"
"I don't know," Vivi wailed slightly. "I mean, I mean…maybe I just think I have one to feel things with because if I never had one, how would I know the difference?"
"Until all of this business happened, you thought they were real, didn't you?" Amarant asked dully. Though Vivi couldn't see his eyes through that mass of red hair, he would have bet anything that he was under intense scrutiny.
"The only thing that's changed about you is that you know about your origins. Some people would kill to have that knowledge about themselves, even if it's better pickings not to find out."
"…"
Vivi fiddled with his gloves, a nervous habit he didn't remember ever picking up until recently. This conversation had him jumpy, not just because it was so unusual for Amarant to talk so much, but due to the subject matter as well. At first, he didn't even want to say anything, but once the idea had entered his mind, he couldn't keep it inside.
"Are you like that? Wishing you'd never found out, I mean. Or are you still trying to discover it in the first place?"
The other didn't say anything in response, and for a long time it didn't look as if he ever would. Honestly, Vivi would have understood. Amarant had already divulged a lot of in-depth information to him, more than perhaps he'd done for anybody else before, so the black mage was grateful for what he'd already been offered. Still…it was almost sad, that this moment had to end so soon.
"Those other guys, the ones who escaped and built this village," Amarant started at last, voice still gruff but audible, "they built markers for their friends, to remember them when they're gone. But there are people out there who kill without thinking, pick on the weak, that sort of thing. Now you tell me, who's without the soul here?"
Though the statement was intended to be meaningful, Vivi still couldn't quite grasp such a simple subject so easily. He had already mulled over this matter enough to have considered what the other pointed out.
"But…those people, the ones who do mean things, they were still born with a soul, one to call their very own, so I'm sure they feel something? It might be greed or pride, but it's still theirs."
Amarant huffed, the sound more akin to a growl, before saying, "Sometimes, you need to quit sweating the small stuff and get on with your life, because even if you do end up dying tomorrow, it's not what you are that defined you when you were alive, but the choices you made.
"The way I see it, you have two choices: either you prove that purple prick right and stop feeling, or you continue being yourself because with the way you act, you might as well have a soul. No need to get more complicated than that."
"…"
And with that, now the discussion was over, the warrior turning his back to it all and heading north and away from the direction Vivi had originally come, to go who knew where. The warrior could be leaving forever or just to explore around, like Vivi had originally intended. With Amarant, no one could tell; he did whatever he wanted, when he wanted.
When there was some reasonable distance between them, the dark mage resolved himself and straightened up, voice calling out to the other's back, "Zidane told me once, about a big bully who would fight anybody."
Eventually, his hands cupped over his mouth so as to be heard over the rain. "I bet he has a soul, too! Because he chose to change his ways and act like a caring person."
To this day, he likes to think that he was heard.
-Fin-