One day the Akatsuki were minding there own business and such in there lavish 30x30 apartment building in the middle of nowhere. They were happily enjoying lunch when Hidan started souting obscenities... again.
Zetsu:: Hidan not in public!
Hidan:: Shut up Zetsu
Zetsu:: O.O
Hidan:: ...or i'll have a salad... with your name on it...
Zetsu:: OO NO NO! Do not make us into a salad or we'll eat your flesh!
Hidan:: try it black-and-whitey!!!
Zetsu:: FLESSSSHHHHHYYYYY! (lunges)
Hidan:: GREEEEEEEEEEENYYYY!!!!!! (lunges back)
Zetsu:: ATTAAAAAACK! (back swipe into a new scene because no one really knows what Zetsu does yet) NOMNOMNOM!
Hidan:: (does all that crazy stuff that he does) WACHA-CHA-CHA!
Pein:: QUIT IT!! I'm trying to watch my soaps!!!
Konan:: Shaddup I'm trying to be all mysterious and girly!
Pein:: Your only good for BABIES!!!
Konan:: PIN CUSHION!
Pein:: GRR I LOVE YOU!!! (lunges body)
Tobi:: OMG
Konan:: EEP!
Deidara:: LOOK AWAY!
Sasori:: hey, your dead!!!
Deidara:: so are you, un!
Orochimaru:: I'm not dead
Zetsu:: no one cares!
Hidan:: (eating Zetsu's leg) chomp chomp YEA chomp chomp
Kakuzu:: Hidan isn't that against your religion?
Hidan:: let me check... (thinks) ...not anymore!!! chomp chomp
Deidara:: oh no, un!
Konan:: Get him off (flail)
Pein:: Dont reasist!!!
Konan:: EEP!
Orochimaru:: eww... a girl!!!
Itachi:: LOOK OROCHIMARU A WOMAN!
Orochimaru:: NOOOO!!!
(head explodes)
Itachi:: oops..
Zetsu:: not again!
Hidan:: I wanted to do that!!!
Kakuzu:: BAD HIDAN!
Konan:: I'll start filling out the paperwork for the funeral services... (tackled) AAGH!
Tobi:: Leader... shouldn't you be working on what we should be doing about the Kyubi?
Pein:: (gets up quickly clears throat) Right! anyway... um...
Konan:: (groan) can't feel legs..
Deidara:: you shouldn't sit on Blue like that leader, un.
Pein:: Shut up and be dead! (Deidara dies... again)
Deidara:: but..I don't want to be dead...un..
Kakuzu:: does that mean we have to be dead too?
Pein:: Now that you mention it!! (kills everyone 'cept Tobi, Konan, and Zetsu)
Itachi:: I'm alive too!
Konan:: where's kisame?
Kisame:: (pops out of bathroom) I'm here!!!
Pein:: AHH put a towal on!!!
Konan:: OH MY covers eyes
Itachi:: Kisame what are you doing!!!
Zetsu:: Kisame put on a freaking towel! It disturbs us!
Kisame:: Umm? (looks down) Oh... I didn't notice!
Konan:: HOW CAN YOU NOT NOTICE?!!?!
Orochimaru:: Oh my... giggle giggle giggle
Pein:: Orochimaru get out!!!
Kakuzu:: LIFE!
Konan:: er...
Kisame:: And dont come back!!!
Itachi:: he tried to..do things..to me..
Pein:: okay... who had an Idea?
(only Tobi raises his hand)
Tobi:: OH OH PICK ME PICK ME!!!1
Pein:: (ignores Tobi) Anyone have an plan?
Tobi:: PICK TOBI, TOBI!!!!!
Konan:: well Tobi what is it?
Tobi:: TOBI HAS A PLAN!!!
Pein:: TO BAD!!!
Konan:: Well Tobi, tell us.
Tobi:: Well um-
Pein:: NO! That wont work!!! Itachi, Plan, NOW!!!!
Itachi:: Uh...distract the kyubi with Ramen and take him while he's eating?
Pein:: I like it! Lets add cheap monologging and a couple of action scenes and we have a Kyubi in a bag!
Konan:: ALRIGHT!
Pein:: Then off we go!!! and by we I mean Zetsu and... (looks at Tobi) ... (looks a Konan) ... (looks at Tobi again) Tobi!!!
Zetsu:: Joy...
Tobi:: WEEEE!!!!
Konan:: o.O;
Kakuzu:: does this mean we're alive again?
Konan:: ...sure..whatever- (tackled) DAMMIT PEIN!
Tobi:: Leader!
Pein:: Leave us alone and do... whatever you were supposed to do... (takes Konan into a private room as freakin quickly as possible)
Zetsu:: er...
Hidan:: EWWWW
(Meanwhile couple hours later)
Zetsu:: I think we're lost..
Tobi:: Tobi knew this map was garbage!
Zetsu:: you idiot! It's upside down!
Tobi:: O.O" eh hehe...
Zetsu:: ¬¬ I still say we eat him... no no we cannot do that!
Tobi:: What was that?
Zetsu:: NOTHING!
Zetsu:: now move!
Tobi:: Tobi... is going... to ignore.. this... umm (looks at map THE RIGHT WAY!)
Zetsu:: (tapping his foot, irritated) WELL?
Tobi:: OMG!!
Zetsu:: what now...
Tobi:: THE KYUBI!!!!
Zetsu:: are you serious?! it's fallen into our hands already! THROW THE NET!!! OR I'LL EAT YOU!!!!
Tobi:: EEP!
Naruto:: wait whut..?
Tobi:: (throws a net)
Naruto:: OH NOES DATEBAYOU!
Zetsu:: WOOT!
Tobi:: YAY!!!
Meanwhile at Akatsuki HQ
Konan:: X-X Can't I have 2 minutes alone...
Pein:: C'MON!!! WHY WON'T YOU F$K ME!!!
Konan:: ya frickin' walking pin cushion! We already did it yesterday!
Pein:: But that was yesterday!!!!
Konan:: later tonight GEEBUZ!!
Kakuzu:: ¬¬ can I get a hit?
Pein:: WHAA!!!
Deidara:: I'd like to do it too, yeah :D
Pein:: mmm... Konan I didnt know you liked that kind of stuff...
Konan:: GRK!
Pein:: WAIT!!! I'm getting a telipathinc message!!!
(brring brrring)
Zetsu:: (popped up all hologram-y like) We got him leader!
Pein:: GOOD JOB ZETSU!!! Report back immediately!
(later)
Pein:: Excellent job Zetsu,fine work indeed.
Tobi:: What about Tobi?
Pein:: Tobi quit stealing credit!!! I'm sure Zetsu had to work hard!!!
Konan:: Yes Tobi you did good too. (pet pet)
Zetsu:: Actually Tobi caught the Kyubi all by himself!
Pein:: Zetsu... you are so noble!!! Being so modest!!! GOLD STARS!!
Konan:: oi...
Zetsu:: uh...k...
Tobi:: Does Tobi get gold stars...?
Pein:: (mocking Tobi) ME ME ME!!! Thats what you sound like Tobi... like that... like a whiner... yea
Konan:: (whacks Pein along side the head) BAD!
Pein:: (smirk) I love it when you hit me like that...
Konan:: (blushes, then whacks him..WITH A MACE)
Deidara:: Kinky...
Tobi:: oh my!
Zetsu:: Is he dead? Dibs!!
Konan:: (demonic glare)
Tobi:: um...
Deidara:: Then who will be our new leader!!!
Tobi:: guys...
Itachi:: ME!!!!! called it!!!
Tobi: Guys!
Kisame:: Anyone seen my pants?
Tobi:: GUYS!!!!!
Konan:: PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
Tobi:: The kyubi escaped...
(DEAD...AWKWARD...SILENCE!)
Pein:: (Gets up tramatically) WHAAAAAAAAATTT!!!!
(all dramatic like!)
Pein:: How could this happen!!!
Zetsu:: crunch crunch ...Beats me...
Tobi:: you all got distracted! Tobi tried to warn you but NO... you didn't listen to tobi!
Pein:: (leers at Tobi) Tobi, it is aparent that you played no part in it but I am totally blaming this on you...
Tobi:: B-B-BUT TOBI-
Zetsu:: Yea Tobi... munch munch
Tobi:: but-Tobi.. (faint)
Zetsu:: oooh seconds!
Konan:: No zetsu!
Zetsu:: We never have fun... I kill ya!!!!
Deidara:: That's because you need to be in a mental ward, un!
Pein:: Anyway, whats done is done... so we need a new plan
Itachi:: how'd he even get away
Zetsu:: crunch crunch Its a mystery...
Tobi:: Zetsu-san! What are you eating?
Zetsu:: nothing..
Deidara:: You ate the Kyubi!!!
Zetsu:: It was a little girl alright!
Deidara:: oh..
Tobi:: Zetsu-san that's horrible!
Pein:: At least its not the Kyubi!
Konan:: er, the kyubi's STILL gone
Pein:: BUT he's not eatin'
Konan:: BUT he's still gone
Marluxia:: hey is this the door to the bath- ...
(everyone looks at Marluxia)
Deidara:: OH EM GEE, UN!
Konan:: OMG Marly!!! I havn't seen you since the mixer!!!
Marly:: oigee...
Tobi:: PINK!
Pein:: -\./- wha- he got that- I dont-
Konan:: pinkness!
Marly:: (trying to open the door) Why wont you open
Tobi:: cause you have to push!
Marly:: oh right (pulls off the knob)
Kakuzu:: stop breaking our base!
Marly:: I'm trying to get out of here!!!
(meanwhile at castle oblivion)
Xemnas:: Where did Marluxia go?
Axel:: Who cares where flower power went
Larxene:: Well he better get here soon, he has to hear my problems!
Zexion:: (emos emos emos)
Larxene:: Zexion you want to hear my problems!!!
Zexion:: I got my own problems...
Larxene:: Thats a yes!!!! "blah blah blah girl-things girl-things blah blah blah"
Zexion:: NOOOOOOOO!
(back to Akatsuki base)
Konan:: "whine whine girl stuff girl stuff"
Pein:: wow... well at least she loves me... right?
Kakuzu: ..er...that's what Fanbase says
Pein:: right!!!
Marly:: NOOOOOOOO!
Hidan:: F$k! I want to chop off his head so bad!
Kakuzu:: If we wait Konan will do that for you...
Hidan:: WOOT!
Konan:: what..?
Kakuzu:: nothing
Marly:: O.O;
Konan:: oooky... "whine whine girly junk girly junk PMS"
Marly:: uhh...
Pein:: well then... back to the plans
Konan:: yes! Wee must catch the kyubi!
Marly:: the what now?
Kakuzu:: Its like the "Keyblade Master" but cooler!
Marly:: OOOH
END SCENE