Okay, all the presidential stuff going on lately (11/08) has sparked discussions about what Death Note characters would be like as president. This story will consist of several short chapters depicting what certain characters would do in said situation...most of them would probably be pretty terrible for the job.

First is Mello. I'll tell you now, if you're from Norway and afraid of Mello and his, erm, explosive habits, I'm not trying to offend you, it just happened to be the first country that popped into mind. I'll apologize in advance for anyone I may offend.

And this story may contain spoilers if you haven't finished the series.

Mello

The leather-clad blond walked into his new office, bit into a chocolate bar and looked around. He wasn't quite sure how he'd gotten this new job, but he was sure that bribes and threats had helped part of the way. After that it was just hard work, determination, and more threats. A woman walked in behind him, wearing a very official looking pencil skirt and her hair in a bun. She carried a clipboard. Mello turned around.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm your advisor, sir," she replied with a nod.

"Oh. And what is it that you do?"

"I'm your advisor, sir," she repeated.

"Riiight...." Mello walked around the room. The woman nodded once again and excused herself from the room. "Wait!" She turned back around.

"Yes, Mr. President?"

"Are there missiles?" He asked eagerly.

"Excuse me?"

"Are there missiles?"

"What for, Mr. President?"

"Oh, you know...just in case." She nodded again and left the room without answering.

"Strange lady..." Mello commented as he sat down at the desk next to the phone. "This is a pretty nice place I guess...Now to rub it in." He picked up the handset and dialed carefully.

"Yes, Mello?" Came a flat and slightly irritated voice from across the line.

"Near," Mello responded, barely able to contain his glee. "I'm sure you've heard of my current situation. President of the United States! So...what have you been up to?" Not that it's any cooler than this. I've finally won, dear pigheaded Near.

"I've caught Kira." Damn it.

"Yeah, but that's still not as cool as being President," Mello lied, biting into his chocolate bar once again. "Think of how much power that gives me."

"No doubt you'll abuse it," Near replied with a monotony that irked Mello. "And as the successor to L, I still have power over-" Mello slammed the phone back down onto the base.

"Stupid pigheaded Near and your stupid pigheaded pig head!" Mello kicked something. "You're so effing stupid and pigheaded, I can't even think of a better insult! GAH!"

Several Weeks Later..

(Because somehow he managed to last that long without blowing up something...)

"Mr. President," the advisor started as she cautiously approached the man that always seemed to be angry at something. "Norway has chosen to ignore an existing treaty and is smuggling rare poodle breeds out of the U.S. and into their country."

"Norway? Where the crap is Norway?" Mello asked, still angry at Near and his 'stupid pigheaded-ness'. "And why should I care what they're doing with our poodles?

"Its part of the Scandinavian peninsula, sir," She informed him. "And it's an integrity issue." Mello shrugged.

"Oh, well, I guess that's what we have missiles for..."

Several Weeks after That...

"Mr. President, we have a major problem," the advisor said, still very much afraid of her new superior.

"It's never just 'hello' with you, is it?" He growled.

"A crowd of Norwegian immigrants have gathered outside the White House with torches and pitchforks."

"Why the hell...?" He looked out the window with an odd calmness.

"I think they're angry at you for blowing up half their country, sir," she suggested.

"It was only like, an square mile of unpopulated land...!"

"What should we do?"

"Well," he said, pulling a small black remote from a drawer. "There's only one thing that we can do..."

"What is that?"

"A detonation switch." Mello grinned.

"Mr. President," the advisor said angrily. "If you blow up this building then everyone inside will die."

"Not necessarily," he corrected. "I've set it so that the blast will occur in the front of the building, and away from personnel. We should manage to scare off the mob while escaping with only minor cuts and bruises. And besides, it's not like it's going to blow half your face off, right?"

I hope you liked! Next will probably be Near or Misa, FYI. Please try to review if you have the time. And not just a "it sucked", or "I liked it", or "lol", or "f-you!" Even though it's just a oneshot, I'd still really appreciate constructive critizism.