Job Retirement
A Kim Possible Fanfic.
The day started poorly. Kim got out of bed and twisted her ankle on the carpet. Limping down stairs she tripped and landed on the floor, groaning.
"Oh dear," Her mother said, looking at her father. "Kimmie, has this been happening a lot?"
"Yesterday Dr. Dementor's strudel recipe book landed on me and knocked me out." Kim muttered, before sitting down to breakfast, picking up her glass of Orange Juice, while putting a strip of bacon in her mouth.
Then her chair collapsed and the orange juice ran down her new shirt.
"GAH!" Kim shrieked, but the bit of bacon she'd been eating went down the wrong pipe and she started staggering about gagging, until her mother smacked her on the back to get it out. It did- but the hit caused her to slip again from her partially standing position and she banged her nose on the table.
"What'd goding on?" she wailed.
"Er, ah, do you know why most super heroes retire and we never hear about them again?" Ann asked.
"Node."
"Well it seems..." she paused, "That luck is a finite quantity...and well, it looks like you've used yours up."
"WHAT?" Kim shrieked. "What do I do!"
"Quit crime fighting, cheerleading, walking across streets, with or without lights, reading books-"
"Reading-"
"Paper cuts."
Kim blinked.
"On the plus side, luck slowly regenerates so in a month or so you should be able to go to school without any unexpected danger." James said from behind his paper.
"Node!" Kim said, holding a tissue paper to her nose, "I'm Goding NOW, Dis isn't real! I'd Kim Poddible, and I'd Kad Do Anyding!" Kim put a jacket on to disguise her stained shirt, and walked out.
Moments later a chorus of screams and chittering emitted from the outside. Looking out the window, Anne sighed, "I've never seen that many raccoons act that enraged."
"I've never seen-oh right," James said, "that was Slim's Jacket. The one he hunts Raccoons in. Kimmie must have accidentally put it on."
Moments later, a clawed, bit, smacked, and shed upon Kim Possible came back inside.
"I'm going to homeschool." She said, carefully walking upstairs. Moments later there was the sound of a collapsing bed and a shriek of displeasure.
In a far away lair, evil laughter echoed as a certain blue individual read a news paper story under a screaming headline:
KIM POSSIBLE RETIRES!
"Today's announcement of the retirement of Kim Possible, teenage world saver, dissolved into Chaos today as she proved allergic to the fire retardant used when a short in the public address system set her hair on fire. Fortunately, a quick thinking paramedic doused her hair, ending the fire...unfortunately, it resulted in her hair falling out...
"YES!" Dr. Drakken crowed, "She has lost, we'll never see her again-" He paused, "Well, except perhaps in the emergency room."
"Yeah, Dr. D." Shego said, "Don't crow too much, or you know what might happen."
"No," Drakken said, "I'm still ahead. She never asked why we kept getting caught."
"Nope."
"Kids, these days, no idea of recycling." Drakken smiled, "take some luck out, and return it to the environment by getting caught. Recycling. Good for the planet, Good for the supervillain."
End.