Disclaimer:
A/N: Okay so this is just a small oneshot, and I know that it's been done to death but I thought, one more won't hurt. For those who may be reading Your Past Is My Past, I have not forgotten you; I have just had a little bout of writers block thus I'm writing this to bring me out of my funk. So I hope you enjoy…
-MrsSVUlover
Olivia's POV:
As I sit at my desk and type up the paperwork for our latest case, I think about the time I spent undercover at the woman's prison. It's been two months and I still haven't gotten over it. I flinch at the images that flicker through my mind and try to banish them from my thoughts. No such luck. The memory of that day still runs through my head as if it happened yesterday…
Flashback
"The hole is over in C- block, what are we…doing down here…" I ask as I see where we are headed.
"Shut up." He says without missing a beat.
"Captain, I'm sorry I freaked cause of the outbreak, I apologize." I say in a vain attempt to stop whatever he was gonna do. Why did I let him take me down here I should have said something when we went the wrong way. Stupid stupid stupid.
"Oh we're way past apologies now. Now shut up and do what you're told." He says as I turn and see a dirty mattress. My breathing picks up.
"Don't. What do you want?" I ask trying not to show the quiver in my voice.
"What every guy wants," He grabs my face roughly and turns it towards him. "And you're gonna give it to me." My stomach drops as I realize what he means and I instantly try to protest when he throws me onto the mattress and gets on top of me.
"Get off me. HELP, HELP, HELP." I scream for anyone to hear me. I roll over and stand up to run, but he grabs me.
"Stop screaming, no one can hear you." He grabs my face again telling me I'm not the boss and forces his mouth on mine as I try and break free.
"I'm sorry." He kisses me again. "Please no, please don't, please." I'm starting to sound desperate and I know he can hear it, because I hear him laugh at me.
"Don't please don't. HELP!" He throws me onto the mattress again and he unclips his gun holster. Picking me up from the bed I kick my legs in the air to try and get out of his vice like grip.
"HELP. Somebody, HELP!" He pushes my face against the wall and starts violating me. Disgustingly pushing his hips against me. I know screaming is useless but can't seem to stop myself as I yell for someone, anyone to hear me.
"HELP, HELP somebody." He keeps grunting in my ear making me feel vile inside. I feel his hands travel down my back.
"Let's get you a little more comfortable." He says as he uncuffs me. As soon as my hands are free I elbow him in the face and turn around punching him then dash to the nearest door. I feel a little of my hope die as I discover the door is locked.
"You little bitch. There's no way out." I hear the echo of his voice making it hard to decipher where it came from. I move fast trying to find an exit, coming up with none I hide behind sheets of metal and through my fear try and stay quiet.
Eyes wide from being in the dark I jump, startled by the loud sound of Harris' baton as it slides against metal fence. It sounds too close. His voice cut's through the silence.
"You want to play games? Huh? Good. Cause I know em' all." He pauses as he shines his flashlight in a dark area. "You got two choices. You come out now, and make it up to me." Kicking over a stack of chairs, I jump. "Or, I can tell them that you tried to escape, and I have to use necessary force," He laughs. "And you wound up dead." He says finally, and then smashes his baton into wooden crates sounding very very close to my position. I tuck myself even more into the darkness knowing that he will find me.
"You like hide and seek, huh?" I can hear he is getting madder as the time passes. I fear more. "Okay, when I find you, your it." I hear another smash right next to me and then a bright light is in my face.
"Hello, guess who's ass is mine now." He says menacingly.
"Okay, okay, you win." Standing up with my hands in the air.
"That's more like it. Come here." I slowly make my way towards him with my hands still raised. I tell him to take it easy. "Don't worry." He says as soon as he slams his baton against my stomach, then the backs of my legs, I yell out and clutch my stomach in pain falling forward onto the ground. He moves over next to me about to grab me.
"And that's to let you know who's in charge." I lean up and swing my elbow back hitting him straight in the groin. He doubles over as I make a run for it. Finding a locked door I desperately start banging on it screaming for help.
"Help me." I turn and feel a hand slap me hard on the face, I fall on the ground.
"No, no, no." He grabs my wrists and forces the cuff around a bar on the door stopping me from escaping again. He pulls himself out of his pants and I turn away feeling defeated and just wanting to die. I always knew this day would come, when my work got to close to me and I ended up just like the victims I see everyday. It had been inevitable.
"Bite me and your dead." He pushes my face closer and closer and as I let the first tear fall-
"Olivia?" I jump halfway out of my seat as I'm yanked out of my head by the sound of Elliot's voice. I look up from my work and look across my desk at him.
"Huh? Oh, uh yeah?" I ask as I rub my eyes, trying to forget the memory.
"You were just staring straight ahead and you had a terrified look on your face. Is something wrong, are you okay?" He looks at me with so much concern and care. I know he only wants to help but if I tell him he will only think less of me so I tell him the same thing I've been telling him for the past two months.
"No, I'm fine El, just tired, you know." I know he doesn't buy it but he usually just stops asking, but not tonight.
"That's crap Liv and you know it. I've watched you ever since you came back from being undercover and you're different. I'm not going to ask you what happened because I already know the answer. 'Nothing.' At least that's what you say, even though you know and I know that it's not true." He holds my stare as he speaks. I want to tell him; I really do I'm just so… ashamed.
"Your right." Is all I say. He looks up at me, confused. "You don't know how much I want to tell you, but I just… can't." I look towards him hoping he will understand.
"Why Olivia? Why can't you tell me, we're partners and best friends. Best friends tell each other these things." His reasoning makes me want to crumble and just tell him but I can't.
"You're different. Our friendship is… different. Yeah if we were just friends I would have no problem telling you. But we aren't just friends, were partners Elliot. Partners who need to know that their other partner can take care of themselves." Elliot flinches at my words. I flinch too remembering the Gitano case, where Elliot had told me he needed to know I could take care of myself. "If I tell you what happened you will think different of me." I expected this conversation to have a lot of
yelling but I just felt… sad. Defeated.
"But I won't, I will always think of you as the most wonderful person Olivia. That will never change." He sounds so sincere I want to believe him.
"How can you be sure, Elliot?" Now I'm starting to get mad. Not really at him but just at the situation. I get up and head to the elevator, get in and hit the roof button. I need to think. Try and convince myself that telling him will not help anything.
Once I get to the roof I walk to the railing and lean against it looking out into the city. Some find it annoying but I have grown to like the loud hustle and bustle of New York. I let the polluted air clear my head as I rest it against my forearms. I stay in that position for a bit until I hear the roof top door open and close. I look back up but don't look to see who came out I just look down at the city street again.
I feel a presence next to me but I continue to look down. I already know who it is. The air is thick between us, I don't like it. We use to be so carefree around each other. We could just sit in silence and it would be fine, there was no awkwardness, but not anymore. Ever since I went undercover and screwed it up, things have been different.
Moments pass as we sit in the quiet spot. The only sounds are the hum of city life and our steady breathing. I'm about to move when I hear him speak.
"I will never think any less of you Olivia." He pauses. "And I'm sure of it because you have been hurting. I've seen it. And yet you are still strong enough to think of me and my feelings. Still brave enough to keep it to yourself so that I won't worry. And that is reason enough to know that whatever it is that is plaguing you, will not change what I think about you." His words cut me.
"I want to believe you Elliot. It's just… I don't know. I've spent the past nine years earning yours and all the other guys respect and for me to just throw it all away over something that I can prevent from being heard." Anger at myself for being so careless while I was undercover started to shine through my words. "If telling you will ruin everything then I will keep it bottled up inside me forever." I meant it. I wasn't about to ruin the best thing in my life over my stupid mistakes.
"I swear to you Olivia, none of my respect for you will be lost. You're my partner. And partners are meant to be there for each other." He looked at me in hope. I knew that all he wanted was for me to be happy again. But I just didn't know if telling him would make me happy. So many if's and or's running through my head I thought about what it would be like to just tell him
Cause here is this guy who just wants to help me and all I can do is shut him out. Run away. That's my specialty, when I get scared I run away, it's been my strategy all my life. When things with my mother got too hard I would leave the house for a while. When work got tough I wouldn't run away per say but I would shut everyone out. Run away from my feelings. And for a while that worked, but bottling it up for so long is taking its toll and I need to tell someone before I explode.
"I always knew in the back of my head that something was gonna go wrong during my time undercover. I didn't want to believe it. I thought I would be okay because I had been trained, but I had been wrong." I stop to compose myself. "After the outbreak I got nervous, and when I supposedly started the riot I was all of a sudden cuffed and being slammed down onto a table. I had thought Parker was our guy but when I saw Harris walk over to me, I knew. He told me was taking me to the hole. When I finally noticed we were going the wrong way it was too late. He had taken me to the basement." My throat got thick. "When I asked why we were down there a smirk happened across his face and he told me to shut up. I tried apologizing but when I saw the…mattress… I understood what we were really doing down there." I paused again and closed my eyes trying to focus. Elliot reached out and grabbed my hand and I flinched but he didn't pull back he just held one of my hands in both of his.
I told him the rest of what happened shedding a few tears, the whole time he held my hand and didn't speak. When I finished I was close to sobbing. He then did something he rarely did. He turned towards me and pulled me into a tight hug. I didn't even hesitate; I just molded my arms around his body and held on. He rubbed my back soothingly, tracing small patterns when he finally spoke.
"Thank you." Was all he said. I didn't respond. I didn't need to.
A/N: So what do you think? I always love reading stories where Olivia finally tells Elliot about what happened at Sealview. So I thought I would give one of my own a shot. But don't forget to review. They make me smile all day when I read them. And I've started Your Past Is My Past chapter 2 already so for those reading that get ready…
-MrsSVUlover