Jean gets harassed by one of his childhood tormenters
As someone who was bullied since they were a child into high school, I know what its like to carry some trauma
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Jean leaned casually against the wall flicking through his phone, trying to keep himself amused till Mikasa appeared. He had arrived a short time ago to pick her up after her shift. Though it wasn't really that far a walk back to her place, he enjoyed keeping her company and being able to spend time with her even for a short while.
She had texted him after his class to tell him what time she finished, of course Jean being the guy he was had come a bit early. Better than to leave her waiting for him after all. It wasn't right to leave a girl waiting after making a promise to her, it was just rude and disappointing to her after getting her hopes up of seeing you.
He had hoped once she came out they could head home together, maybe snuggle and eat some takeout together. Sounded like pure heaven to him, just the two of them and a good meal. When they weren't studying their asses off for the next exam or paper. They were working at their part time jobs or worrying about drama in their personal lives, sometimes involving mutual friends.
The amount of times he had helped calm her down after Eren had gotten into trouble again was endless. Ever since he had lost his mother she had acted like a mother figure to him. But at the same time nobody took care of her, which made him feel annoyed. So instead he acted as the person to take care of her when she needed it.
They had very few moments together because of this, after all being in college and having a relationship was not easy. But they made it work, because both were willing to put in the effort. He was thinking about asking Mikasa to move in with him, I mean it made things complicated living in a dorm by yourself while with someone. Plus, living together would just be so much easier for them both.
However, while he was in a pleasant and calm mood right now, that would immediately change. For a dark memory from his past would come back to haunt him unexpectedly. Reminding him of how he was not always strong, confident and a good leader. That once he had been weak, helpless and a punching bag to others.
"Woah, if it aint little piggy Kirstein! Damn you lost some weight, didn't you?" a mocking voice yelled in a cruel tone. He almost didn't recognize him at first sight, like he was a completely different person. Looks like he finally put down the fork and finally did something about the chubby little belly he used to have back when his mama spoiled him.
Jean froze, tightening the grip on his phone as that name rang through his ears. It was a name he hadn't been called in over 8 years. Long since putting it to the back of his mind. The name having caused him a severe amount of pain, making him hate himself for a very long time. Until he finally managed to make himself feel better about himself.
He turned his head slowly and a shiver ran all the way down his spine, his sweat cold. The rest of the world non-existent and white noise filling in the surrounding sounds of people and vehicles. There nearby wearing a massive smirk and look of disbelief at seeing him leaning against the wall, was his childhood bully.
The same kid who used to abuse him when he was just a kid. Remembering how he used to beat him so bad he would end up puking from how hard he kicked his stomach. Or how he would be winded from being shoved against a wall or punched so often. Being unable to move for days, to the point where even crying caused him pain.
He was frozen on the spot, forgetting he even had a voice to speak back with. His head going blank as he remembered the darker parts of his childhood once more. The ones he had hidden from his friends, even Marco. How could he tell them? How could he tell them about the years he had hated himself so much he couldn't stand it.
He still dealt with the trauma as a teenager, but he did well to hide it from those around him. Because of this piece of shit, he dealt with body dysmorphia for a great portion of his adolescence. Until his mother snapped him out of him and hugged him tightly, crying her eyes out saying how he was perfect and nothing would ever change that.
The guy smirked seeing Jean cower and moved closer to him, his hands in his pockets. "Wow, you really slimmed up. Guess you finally realized pigs don't get dates" he mocked. Back then he had never seemed to put down the fork, eating food like a pig with a trough filled with scraps. Finally he took his words to mind and lost the weight.
Jean's eyes stung but he fought back the tears, he wouldn't give this guy the satisfaction. He used to have secret crushes on boys and girls equally growing up, but now he was openly bi. However, the bully caught onto him and used to scare off his crushes by telling them Jean was a faggot. Mocking Jean till they got scared off and no longer spoke to him.
The guy had not only been homophobic towards him, but an asshole in general. Shooting him down at every turn to the point that Jean was miserable. Reminding him of his father. Slowly he bowed his head, hiding his eyes under his hair. He had never wanted to go home more than he did right now. Where he would be safe from this guy and the memories of his past.
Where he could just shut his bedroom door, wrap himself in his blankets and hide. Once more blocking out the pains of his past from his memories until he felt better. That's how he had survived this long after all. Thickening his shell into an armour to the point he stopped being soft and became an asshole, but Mikasa had helped him find his heart again.
"What? Piggy got nothing to say? C'mon oink for me Jean boy" the guy mocked once more. He had heard what his mum always used to call him, but then she had been a bit of a plump one too. A whole family of pigs. Stuffing their faces with food until they were chubby, should have put down the forks and gone for a walk instead.
Jean gripped his hands tightly into fists, to the point his nails dug into his skin. He refused to cry in front of this guy, he wouldn't give him the satisfaction of the tears welling up inside him. But he could feel himself growing weaker, his eyes slowly being blinded by the tears that were making his eyes reflect like the surface of glass.
"JEAN!" a loud voice called out in a concerned tone. She had seen the guy harassing Jean when she came out, clearly seeing Jean looked like he was about to burst into tears. She had no idea of what was going on or who this guy was, but she had seen a situation like this before. Back when she had been a kid and she helped Armin with his bullies.
Jean looked up quickly and panicked, a whole new wave of fear washing over him. But for different reasons entirely. He had never wanted anyone to know about this, especially Mikasa. She had no idea about the bullying he had endured growing up. How bad it had been for him. Just what kind of hell he had been forced to deal with almost day in and day out.
The guy looked over to see Mikasa and was visibly stunned by her presence. Unable to believe such a pretty girl knew the likes of little piggy Kirstein of all people. Compared to how he had used to be growing up, this girl was a solid ten. She was obviously half Asian by the looks of her, and she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen in his life.
He smirked, tilting his head to leer at Jean "Seriously? How did a loser like you get a babe like this?" he taunted. How had he gotten any woman to boot, he thought the guy would remain a virgin for life. Seems he finally got someone to sleep with him, but a girl who looked like an angel incarnate. How the fuck did he manage that?
He then leaned towards Jean, his eyes gleaming and the smirk only growing on his face "Mind if I take her off your hands?" he taunted. She was way too good for the likes of this loser. He would show her a good time and make her forget about the likes of pathetic little piggy Kirstein, she needed a real man not this loser.
Jean stiffened and looked up at the guy in a hateful manner. Barely restraining the desire to scream at him. But he still couldn't find the courage to muster up his voice and speak. Mikasa was the best thing that ever happened to him. The first girl he had ever fallen for, who believed in him, respected him and helped him believe in himself and his capabilities.
Mikasa snapped, her tolerance reaching its end. Clicking to just what was going on, her patience gone in an instant. She would never tolerate anyone speaking badly about a person she loved, especially Jean. Making her wish she had come out of work earlier before he had even had a chance to say anything against him.
Slowly she approached, her dark hair flowing behind her and an air of anger around her. The light from her eyes gone and replaced with a sadistic anger that would scare even Satan himself. She then raised her hand and punched the guy in the face, so hard he went reeling backwards. Blood dripping from his cheek, whimpering in pain at the impact.
Not missing a beat, she raised her leg and kicked him into the wall. His back slamming into the wall, causing him to groan weakly in pain and cough up blood from how hard he hit it. Before he could speak she gripped his shirt collar tightly, her eyes cold and sharp as the blade of a knife. Her sadistic side coming out, something she shared with her uncle.
"Don't you dare talk about Jean that way. He's more of a man than you ever hope to be" she growled angrily. Despite her flaws, her trauma, her darkness and the bond she shared with Eren and Armin, he still loved her. He saw the things she was capable of and the person she had become because of what happened to her, but he accepted them.
He never made her feel bad for being stronger than him, for being distant or for being withdrawn. He never tried to make her be anything but herself and even genuinely respected and idolized her, even before they started dating each other. He just accepted all of her, the good and the bad which she loved.
Jean blushed at her words, he couldn't believe Mikasa would defend him like this but to say something so sweet. Clearing away some of the dark clouds that swirled his heart. She was so perfect it hurt, even when she was her scariest like she was right now he could still feel his heart skipping a beat just looking at her.
Mikasa released the guy causing him to slide down the wall in defeat. Unable to move and clearly in shock from what had just happened, having his ass handed to him by a crazy Asian chick. Now unable to speak for himself and trying to process what was going on. Almost whimpering himself now instead of speaking.
She then softened and approached Jean, her scary demeanor now all but gone. A concerned look about her face "Jean, are you ok?" she asked gently. He looked like he was about to cry. Of all the years she had known Jean and been by his side, she had never once seen him cry. He never let anyone see him when he cried, ever.
He was shaking like a leaf, his lip trembling like a child would before a breakdown or tantrum. Gripping his hands so tightly into fists the nails were digging in slightly, his eyes shining like glass with the amount of tears that were brimming. He wasn't even breathing, scared that if he did he would break like glass at the smallest gesture.
Then he broke, his stamina shattering and his restrains being released. He couldn't hold them back anymore, the dam that held his feelings broke like glass. The weight of everything hitting him like a tonne of bricks, everything flooding out at once. Being reminded of how much he had suffered over the years flashing through his mind.
Jean burst into tears, big fat tears pouring down his face like an endless waterfall. His emotions taking over and his rationality all but gone. So many emotions running through him. Shame, happiness, anger, guilt and relief. He had never let anyone see him this weak before, to know how much pain he carried in his heart. But he released the lock to his heart with her key.
Mikasa then approached Jean and held him tightly, not missing a beat. Her arms wrapped tightly around him as she held him close to her, pressing his head against her shoulder. A sense of fear arising inside of her, she had never seen Jean like this before. To see him look like he was about to crumble at the slightest touch.
Never in her life had she seen Jean look so afraid before, like looking at a small child. Never had she seen Jean not fight back, to stand there defenseless and let someone harass him. She was worried, what could have caused Jean to act like that. Sure, the guy had been a dick, but usually Jean would have kicked their ass. So why had he held back like that?
Mikasa ran her fingers through Jean's hair affectionately, comforting herself now too. Her eyes lidded slightly as they lay together on his bed, now back at his dorm room. Him facing her as they spooned within the sheets. Not bothering to change simply taking off the jackets, dropping the bags and kicking off their shoes.
He was clinging to her like a small child, his face almost buried into her chest. He felt so fragile seeing that guy again, a sickness washing over him as he was forced to relive his childhood. A part of his life he had tried to forget, closing the door on that chapter of his life. Never telling a soul of what he had been forced to endure. Even his own mother keeping it a secret.
"What happened Jean?" Mikasa cooed calmly. She had calmed down significantly compared to how she had let loose on that guy earlier. She knew Jean would never act that way for no reason. She knew something had happened and that he was hiding something from her. He had known that guy from somewhere, but why wasn't he telling her anything?
Her mind racing to any and every scenario she could think of that would make him act that way. A panic rising in her gut and her inner psyche begging her to get the answers she so desperately wanted. But pushing that side of herself down as to remain calm, he was shaken up enough as it was after his earlier experience.
Jean sighed heavily, there was no point in hiding it from her anymore. He had to tell her at some point, she was bound to find out about it one way or the other. He was only glad he was sober and not drunk as that would have been embarrassing and something he would never be able to undo no matter how hard he tried.
He licked his lips, preparing to tell her a story of the more difficult years of his adolescence. Almost welling up again thinking about it "When I was a kid, my parents divorced so my mum was forced to raise me on her own. She spoiled me rotten, probably to make up for how hard the divorce had been on me at the time" he explained.
Feeding him all of his favourite foods, always smiling cheerfully and putting him first then herself second. Always being affectionate with him and always playing the motherly role. Never showing her own problems to him. But she had suffered too, just in secret or behind closed doors as to not worry her young son.
Back then he had never understood why his parents had divorced. Now that he was older, he knew his dad was an asshole. A homophobic piece of shit that didn't approve of his sons bisexuality. To boot he shamed and belittled his wife for spoiling her child and raising him to be a pansy, when in fact she had been a damn good mum.
Mikasa softened, her eyes widening upon hearing this. She wondered how many other people knew about this. Never once had she dreamed Jean would have gone through something like this. He always seemed to be the happiest out of them, coming from the most normal background. But it seemed even he had his demons, just like the rest of them.
"I got really chubby due to my eating and my body size at the time. Not all kids are skinny despite the stereotype" he joked but she could hear the pain in his voice as he said it. She had never seen pictures of Jean before, wanting to hide them from her. Now she knew why, he had been ashamed of what she would think of him at first.
"Other kids would pick on me, never letting me play with them no matter how much I asked. They used to push me around, call me piggy or even go so far as to make pig sounds". His voice was almost cracking now, like he was about to cry again. Remembering how alone he had felt, having nobody to rely on or look up to but his mother.
He used to curl up into a ball and hide somewhere they wouldn't find him. Crying alone until his eyes were red and his throat was sore, then staggering home exhausted afterwards. Always being careful to find somewhere the other kids wouldn't be able to find him. His own personal hiding place.
Mikasa felt her rage starting to rise again like glowing embers in a fire. A strong guilt building up inside of her. Now understanding why Jean had acted like a jerk when she and the others first met him. She had friends growing up, helping to support her through the tough times. Jean had nobody growing up, he was all alone with only himself to rely on. It only got worse the more he spoke.
"After a while I stopped eating, the more I comfort ate the worst I got. I bet I gave my mum hell" he explained his voice doing that sad laughter again. Like he was reliving the moment. Thinking about the problems he had caused his mother despite not realizing at the time due to being blinded by his own pain.
He hadn't started to eat healthier and exercise till he was 12 years old. Taking him a total of three years and college to buff up to the body he had now. Going blood sweat and tears till he reached a healthy and attractive body weight, the one he now had. Something he had been very proud of, after the journey that got him there.
Mikasa couldn't bear to hear anymore "JEAN!" she snapped abruptly catching him off guard. She sounded like she was about to cry. She couldn't believe Jean went through such an awful thing. He had been just a kid going through a tough enough time with his parents divorcing. But people made him feel worse, causing him to take it out on his own body.
No wonder he had acted the way he did when they first met. The world had hurt him so he lashed out. He was angry and he was hurting inside, having built up strong walls to protect himself. Afraid of being hurt again, having found comfort in being alone after years of people rejecting him and pushing him away out of cruelty.
Jean stopped, surprised by the tone of her voice. He looked up to face her, seeing her head was bowed and her hair was currently covering her face. Hiding her expression from him. "Mikasa… are you crying?" he asked hesitantly. Even after everything she herself had been through as a child, he had never once seen her cry before. Not even in front of Eren or Armin.
Mikasa looked up, her eyes brimming with tears that spilled down her cheeks. Barely restraining the anger that was flowing through her again. It was just too sad. "Is that bad? Jean, why did you never tell me?! It was so awful!" she replied in a frustrated tone. Knowing she couldn't change what happened to him or make any of it go away.
Jean had been made to feel like less of a person at such a young age. Having to find comfort in his mothers arms or on his own when it felt like everyone hated him. Armin at least had her and Eren to stand up for him when he was young, while Jean had only himself. Fighting his own battles all this time until he met Marco then met Connie and Sasha.
She could only imagine him harming himself, the pain he had carried inside his heart. Being isolated from everyone and desperate to fit in, yet being pushed away and mocked at every turn. Feeling lost and alone, confused as to why nobody wanted to be friends with him. Not coming out until he was at least 16 which was only a year ago.
Jean smiled sadly at her, touched by the genuine concern she felt for him. "I guess I never wanted to look weak" he confessed. I mean you either toughened up or let them beat you. Back then he had no choice, the same went for high school. Yet somehow becoming thick skinned had also turned him into a bit of a dick.
Mikasa teared up, Jean was far stronger than he let on. Having to deal with a divorce and relentless bullying at such a young age. Yet never showing how it had affected him growing up. Feeling her heart swelling with love for him. Jean truly was strong, but not in strength but in heart. Having the resilience to keep going despite the trauma he had dealt with.
She then climbed on top of Jean suddenly, taking him by surprise at her gesture. Straddling him and pressing her soft body against his, her dark hair tickling his cheeks with the sensation of feathers. Showering his face with kisses affectionately, wanting to chase away all of his sadness. Hating seeing him look so depleted.
She wanted to spoil him, to make him forget about his past and that dick from earlier who had tormented him so. She wanted to see him smile again, angry that Jean had to go through all that. He was a sweet guy when you looked past his pride and sometimes rare obnoxious moments, always thinking of others well-being.
Jean blushed at the shower of kisses raining down, Mikasa had never been this affectionate before. But he kind of liked it, being babied like this. Since he was almost always used to looking out for her. "Mi..kasa…" he managed to mumble out admits the kisses she landed on him. Trying to kiss her back but he was failing as she kept placing them all over his face but rarely his lips.
Mikasa placed a finger to his lips, her black eyes tender and loving "Just let me spoil you, please" she begged. She really wanted to, to indulge him. Unable to get that image of Jean's pain and crying out of her mind. He had eased into her body and fell against her as if he weighed nothing, soaking her shirt with his tears.
The blush returned to Jean's cheeks once more, he had never seen Mikasa like this. It was protective mixed with anger, hurt maybe? No, this was pity or sympathy. However, he went along with it. Running his hands up her sides to rest on her hips comfortably. "Ok" he whispered shyly. Somehow finding himself feeling innocent.
Mikasa kissed him again only this time softly and on the lips this time. Jean slowly reached up his hand to tangle his fingers into her hair affectionately. Glad to have her here with him. Reminding him how far he had come and how lucky he had been to have met someone like her.