The Missing Piece
Part 2 of 3: Sam Braddock
Fandom: Flashpoint
Pairing: Sam/Jules; Jules/Steve
Category: Friendship, Romance
Rating: T
SHORT STORY; 3-PART SERIES
Disclaimer: As much as I'd love to, I don't own Flashpoint, and all characters remain property of the show's wonderful scriptwriters. All original characters and plots are mine. No copyright infringement is intended.
Synopsis: Somewhere along the way, I forgot about the consequences. Spoilers for 3x03 "Follow the Leader", 3x10 "Terror"
Series Note: This series is probably the only work of fiction that I have ever put so much effort into – re-watching episodes (that's not the hard part), transcribing, writing episode notes, pausing at each and every moment. It took me 2 ½ hours just to finish going through "Terror" and writing notes on it. So it was preparation-intensive, very exhausting, but very, very, very satisfying so I'm not complaining.
The inspiration for this series comes from one of my long-time favorite fic authors from another fandom, who wrote beautifully about the same relationship from the POV of three characters. I am shamelessly borrowing her idea and adopting it to our favorite FP couple, and I hope I do her justice.
Author's Note: Part 2 of a 3-part series, told from Sam Braddock's point of view. It's fairly difficult to write from Sam's POV during this entire Steve-Jules debacle because all he gives are long suffering, sad puppy dog looks and doesn't really say much. So, I am just interpreting those looks in my own way and trying to keep things as canonical as possible. Although this story can be read on its own, I've always intended for it to be read together with the other 2 parts, so do read Part 1 – Almost No Regrets (Steve Morgan) if you haven't already. (You can get to it by accessing my profile) As usual, please do drop a comment to let me know you're reading… I always love to hear from my readers.
PROLOGUE
It's Friday night and the café is bustling, nearly bursting at the seams with patrons walking in and out. The mere humdrum from just an hour earlier has exploded into a cacophony of noise; people are chatting loudly, without a care in the world, and somewhere, near the back of the café, a large group suddenly bursts into laughter, the sound echoing throughout.
I barely register the people around me, leaning back into my chair as the words of an earlier conversation plays over and over in my head like an unbroken audio loop.
All I see are smiles around me; friends talking and joking with each other, lovers laughing. Yet here I am, all alone, feeling like my heart has just been shattered.
Who am I kidding? My heart has just been shattered. I feel like someone has taken it out of my chest, stomped all over it, and now all I have left are the broken pieces. And I don't know where, or how, to start picking them up and putting them back together.
I would be lying if I said I hadn't been preparing for this night all day, but sometimes, the best preparation is inadequate for the surprises life throws at you.
My heart had been steeled, and I was prepared for what was going to be said – what I knew she was going to say. But once again, Julianna Callaghan had a way of pulling the floor from under my feet, and I was left, once again, standing in uncertain waters.
Who the hell says "I love you" during a break up?
I run my hands through my hair in frustration, letting out a deep sigh. It wasn't supposed to be this way. It wasn't supposed to end this way.
What was it supposed to be then?
I pondered the little voice in my head, the mocking tone cutting deep. What exactly had I been expecting when I started seeing Jules?
A quick fix? A convenient and temporary lay?
I'd never intended for it to get this far. We were never supposed to be exclusive, or progress to girlfriend, boyfriend. We were just two colleagues who saw too much horror in the world and needed to seek comfort in the only way we knew how – physically.
Finding release together had become a drug we both craved, something we needed. It was the light at the end of our dark tunnels and we were so drawn to it that somewhere along the way, we forgot about the consequences.
Somewhere along the way, I forgot about the consequences.
I gave my heart away.
It was never supposed to be this way. I never had a problem with loving-and-leaving women before. Hell, that was what the army was about. You never formed a long lasting relationship because it was easier that way. Easier never having to say goodbye, easier never having to explain your absences, easier never having to talk about the job and the things you see.
So I wasn't quite sure when my feelings for Jules changed.
It had started just as an attraction. I've always been drawn to the tough chicks, the ones who have a mind of their own and can hold their own in a bar fight. I'm not talking about the tomboys; the girls who can sashay in heels and a mini skirt and kick some ass are the kinds that I'm drawn to. I didn't find many of those in the army; most of the females there were more accustomed to wearing pants.
But in Jules, I found a perfect combination. She was tough-as-nails when she wore the cool pants, but when it was all over, she went home in a skirt and some of the tiniest tank tops man ever made.
She was my sexy sniper chick.
But not anymore. It hurts to even say the words.
We'd gone from harmless flirtation to a deep friendship, and I found that Jules is one of the few people I can actually talk to. Really talk to. Scratch that, I think she's the only person I can actually talk to who doesn't judge, doesn't interrupt, and actually allows me to finish a sentence without saying anything.
After a while, it became more than just the sex. I began to crave her attention, her listening ear, just as much as I craved her body. I needed her understanding, her hugs of comfort, her quiet support even more than I needed the carnal pleasure.
I told her, just once. She'd merely smiled, given me a quick peck, and it was the end of discussion. There hadn't been any "I love yous" in return, and I pushed that aside, assuming she would tell me when the time was right. Looking back, I should've known better.
Jules always said what she felt and she never held back. I should've known, should've seen it coming, and in a perverse way, I think I did.
Somehow, it was always at the back of my mind that this would never last, never would be allowed to last, and never could be allowed to last.
Never dwelling on that thought meant that I could pretend it never existed, pretend it wasn't a reality, and I could focus my energy on the present.
But not now. Not anymore.
Because now we're back to just friends and having that sort of relationship status with the woman you love always cuts the deepest.
Because she's the piece that my heart is missing.