Error of Their Ways

Written for the Worst Fic Ever! Challenge, so yes, this is meant to be bad. I am not, however, mocking any one particular author (trolls are a totally different story ;) ). This is intended to be a parody, so if you're lacking a sense of humor, I suggest you stop reading now.

Genre: Don't ask. Character Death

Disclaimer: Don't own anything NCIS-ish. The opinions expressed by the Narrator are not those of the author, I promise. This fic is dedicated to Emi-Lynn, her twin and all of the other "victims" of a certain anonymous reviewer.

Hi! OK, I'm going to tell you a really cool, awesome story. This is a story about me, and my work at NCIS. Now officially I work for Gibbs, but I'm really the one who does the important work, because I'm so perfect, and I'm an agent even though I'm only 13, but everyone thinks I'm really 23 because, you know, I'm really mature for my age.

Anyway, my name is Brenda Isabella Tiffany Casey Henrietta Young, but everyone calls me Jasmine, except when I'm undercover (which I do a lot since I'm really, really good at it), and then my name is Greta. It's a cool name, don't you think?

Now where was I? Oh yeah, my, I mean Gibbs' team (wink wink). Now don't get me wrong, Gibbs is a good leader. He's strong, silent, and tough, even though we know he's crying on the inside because of his terrible, tragic past. Now his team, well, most of his team is his surrogate (I had to look that up) family. Abby and Ziva are like his daughters and he cares about them very, very much. Well, maybe not as much about Ziva, because she is really mean to Tony. Gibbs is very protective of Tony, too, because he was terribly mistreated as a child and he has no family, either. Gibbs loves Tony like a son, but not in any other way, you know, because that is SICK and besides Tony is so much younger ('cause Gibbs is like 70 and even though that's too old to be a field agent he's still working) and Gibbs is NOT a pedo. Ew.

I got sidetracked again, didn't I?

So Abby, and Ziva, and Tony are his family. Not McGee. McGee already has a family, and Gibbs is not protective of him at all, because McGee is mean, and smug, and he always brags about his degree from MIT, and I wish he would DIE. Oh wait, this is my story. He did die, but more on that later.

OK, back to the story.

I started working at NCIS two months ago. Right away the team saw how good I am. I'm just as good as Gibbs at interrogation (maybe better), Tony and I are the best partners for catching dirt bags, I can use just as many weapons as Ziva (and I'm way better at knife throwing, but she won't admit it), and way, way better at computer stuff than McGee (but he was still too smug and bragged how good he was).

Abby and Ducky both love me and ask me for advice all the time. I can tell how someone died just by looking at them, and how long they've been dead by smelling them (unless they are all gross, and then I make Palmer do it and describe the smell to me).

I can get fingerprint and ballistic matches (always 100 %) faster than Abby, but since I'm so important in the field I let her do the forensics her way (isn't that nice of me?). She's not jealous of me or anything, because we bonded immediately. We even listen to the same music!

I should tell you about my most recent case. I solved it, of course, but the team worked with me (even McGee, but he'd never admit it because he always has to be right. Ugh! I hate him!). After the case was over, the Director gave me a special award and everyone was so happy for me! It was awesome. Gibbs said he didn't know how he ever got along without me, Tony said I was his real partner, and Ziva asked me for advice on how to investigate. Abby and I went out to a concert and had a great time, and later I consoled poor Tony, since he was feeling a little neglected. You how he was really neglected when he was a kid? That's why he needs special comfort and attention now. He takes a lot of abuse, especially from that nasty McGee. He even made poor Tony cry! His beautiful hazel/green orbs were all red and yucky. It was terrible!

I decided to get rid of the Geek once and for all. I was able to trick him into going to a place no one would ever think to look for him and he had an "accident". I was so smart about it that I didn't leave behind any forensic evidence (Abby says she can do that too but I don't believe her). No one figured out what happened, and no one ever missed him. We all so much happier after that!

Well, OK, Ziva missed him a little, but she got over it. She doesn't have any feelings anyway, you know.

So now life is good. I can sit in my room (it's all pink, you know, with a big pretty fancy canopy bed and fuzzy carpeting and pictures all over the walls, Justin Bieber and Edward from Twilight, because I am totally Team Edward) and write about my exciting adventures with NCIS. I'm sure I'll have a lot more, because they all love me so much (even Vance) and they just don't want me to leave. I suppose I will have to leave the team when I become the next director, which I'm sure will be any day now.

Ugh. Mom just told me it's past my bedtime. I better go. I'll write more next time, I swear! Especially if everyone tells me how much they love my story .

Bye!

The End

(I promise)

I now feel the need to bleach my hands…but I hope you enjoyed (?) it ;)