River
Hermione smiled weakly at Ron as her mind just absorbed what he had said. He expected her to agree to marry him? Well everyone expected that, she thought inwardly. How had her life come to this? She loved Ron, sure; but she loved him like she loved Harry. She loved him in that sibling way. The only reason she agreed to go out with Ron was because she needed to be with someone. She needed someone to help her get over him.
She thought she was making the right choice in letting him go. His focus belonged with Voldemort, and with the Order. She was just a distraction; a distraction that could get him killed. If truth be told, her heart still belonged to Severus, and she knew it always would.
"Ron, could we talk about this later?" she asked politely, as Molly and Ginny entered the room.
Ron nodded in answer. It was midwinter, and at The Burrow, everyone was getting prepared for the holidays; putting up decorations, singing carols, going Christmas shopping, and baking Christmas cookies and pies. All Hermione wanted to do was bolt.
She was working for the ministry now, and her salary was quite meager, but she hoped she could make enough money to leave once the potion she was working on was ready to be marketed.
It had been four years, but she could not get the image of the hardest man she had ever met in her life standing before her, a single tear sliding down his pale cheek. He had looked so utterly crushed at the thought of another man touching his witch.
Hermione had not actually cheated on Severus, but rather hired an actor to create the ruse that she had. She knew he would not allow her to walk away because of Voldemort, or because of the Order. She had to give him a reason to hate her, and hate her she was certain he did.
As the room filled with singing Weasleys, Hermione's thoughts drifted to the Holidays she used to spend with her parents before they were murdered by Lucius Malfoy. They used to go to Paris, and Hermione immensely enjoyed the snow, and the ambiance the city offered. She remembered her mother holding her hands and helping her to learn to skate upon the ice. Right now she wished she could just skate far away from this place.
//Its coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
But it don't snow here
It stays pretty green
I'm going to make a lot of money
Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I made my baby cry//
Hermione browsed the shelves at Flourish and Blott's with Ginny. Christmas was a little over a week away now, and there was still a lot of shopping to do to prepare for it.
"Mione, you have been staring at that same book for about ten minutes now. What's wrong?"
Hermione looked up at her friend. She hesitated. Ron was Ginny's brother, after all. How could she possibly understand what was going through Hermione's head right now?
"Ron asked me to marry him," she replied softly.
"Oh good gods, what is my brother thinking? You told him no, right?" Ginny said.
Hermione looked at the redhead incredulously.
"Oh, come on Mione! Do you honestly think I am as blind as my brother?" she asked exasperatedly.
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, a lump growing in her throat.
"Look, we all love Ron, and we want good things for him, but you two could not be more wrong for each other, Hermione. Mum agrees too," she said nonchalantly.
"W-what? Your-your mum?"
"Don't look so surprised. It seems that everyone but Ron can see that you are still in love with Severus," Ginny said casually. "Look, all I am saying is why don't you at least try and contact him? He might miss you too, you know. Marrying my brother could be the biggest mistake of your life. Think about it," she continued, turning to pay for the books she had selected.
Hermione stood there looking after her, bewilderment written all over her face. Could she really just write him? What would she even say? So far as he knew she had just betrayed him.
He had been her first, he had shown her many things. Hermione felt a flush below her belly button as she remembered how tender and loving he was. She had been so scared the first time he took her, but he had whispered softly into her ear, making her feel safe. He had touched her skin so lightly and caressed her so tenderly, her body had begged for more.
She had learned so much from him about life, about sex, and most importantly of all, about love. Hermione smiled inwardly at the memories of their many sexual adventures. He made her feel naughty, he made her feel sexy, and most of all he made her feel special, like she mattered. She had mattered. To him, she was the love of his life.
He hadn't had much to be happy for in his life, but she had made him happy. And she had taken that very happiness from him. How could she have been so selfish? He was a master occlumens, and an equally skilled legilimens. He could have kept their love secret from Voldemort. She did not even give him that choice. Now that Hermione thought about it, she hadn't truly been happy since the last time he held her tightly and told her he loved her.
Maybe she could write him a letter.
//He tried hard to help me
You know, he put me at ease
And he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I made my baby say goodbye//
Hermione tied the parchment to her owl's leg, and watched as the snow swirled on the windowsill. She could hear the cheery sound of the Weasleys downstairs singing Christmas carols. The Burrow twinkled with lights, and in that instant, Hermione felt more alone than she had ever felt in her life. Her stomach churned at the thought of how Severus might react to her letter. Would he even receive it? And if he did, would he read it? What if he were already involved with someone else? It had been four years, after all. Hermione hugged herself tightly and turned from the window to join the festivities that were going on below her.
//Its coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on//