Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

Warnings: Crack, OOC, and hints of yaoi.

Pairings: Maybe L/Raito (Light)

Summary: One day, Raito gets bored and plays a game on the computer. Chaos ensures and some pervy topics come up. OOC L/Raito.

Notes: Well this idea came from my lovely mother. Yes, seriously it was her idea. We were playing trivia and this is really some of the questions asked and of course with both of our pervy minds together, we came up with this. Hope you enjoy and have a good laugh.

In the main building of the task force, Raito hits key quickly while mumbling about stupid questions.

As he glances over, L asks, "What is Raito-kun doing?"

Raito asks, "Hey, L, in the game craps, what is considered a 'Big Dick'?"

L answers without missing a beat, "Ten."

As he clicks the mouse over the number ten, Raito turns and asks, "Really? Ten? Wow, that's huge and very impossible."

Tilting his head, L questions, "In craps, it is very possible. What are you thinking?"

With a shrug of his shoulders, Raito answers, "Some guy having ten inches."

Giving a huge smirk, L proudly admits, "I have ten inches."

Raito argues, "No way. You're lying."

L drops pants to prove that he has 'Big Dick' craps.

Raito says, "Holy hell. You have crabs."

L blinks and growls, "No Big Dick craps not crabs."

Raito mumbles, "Same thing. Just drop the p and add a b."

With an evil smirk, L responds, " 'p' is down and 'b' is up." Where is his mind thinking at the moment? As he looks down, he knows very well where his mind is going.

Raito stares blankly and asks dumbly, "Huh?"

Sliding his chair over, L stares at the computer to see another question.

What is the most favored drink in Jamaica?

A. Tea

B. Coffee

C. Rum

D. Soda

L states, "Answer is Coffee."

Clicking on the Rum answer, Raito notices it was wrong. It would seem L was right and it was Coffee.

Hitting Raito upside the head, L hisses, "Told Raito-kun it was coffee."

Raito mutters, "But I was thinking after that big dick question, a person would need to have some rum to get over that huge cock up their ass."

L questions, "Why are you thinking about having a dick up your ass?"

Raito looks down at L's crotch and blushes. Then some question about constipation comes up.

Both L and Raito blink and say "Huh? Constipation?"

Raito silently thinks while still staring at L's crotch, 'Well having something like that shoved up your ass, you would be constipated.' The next question pops up that asks.

What roman general said, 'I came, I saw, and I conquered.'?

Raito screams, "Julius Caesar!" and mumbles, "Well having a big dick up your ass, then having rum, you would be very hungry and a caesar salad sounds good." Looking at L, he asks, "Do you have rum and a Julius Caesar salad?"

L doesn't say a word and still thinks about the conquer part. 'Hmm, lets see, if I can get him rum and a Julius Caesar salad, I could conquer him.'

Raito thinks about the came part and saw part. 'Big dick. Damn. Fuck. Now, constipation. Need Rum. Now drunk, need a Julius Caesar salad and more big dick so I can come again.'

L enjoying the conquer part more. Enjoying imagining a drunk Raito trying to order a ceasar salad with rum, but keeps saying Julius Caesar. He whispers, "I saw, I conquered, and I came."

Raito turns and says, "No, I came with your big dick up my ass that made me constipated, so I needed rum. Well after the fact 10 inches up my ass really hurt painfully, so needed more rum to get the pain away. Then want Julius Caesar."

L blinks and curses silently while swearing to find Julius Caesar to murder him.

Matsuda was by the door listening in and walks into the room stuttering and blushing. He finally manages to ask, "What we you two talking about?"

Not noticing the blush on Matsuda's face, Raito states, "Oh just Julius Caesar and him conquering me... oh I mean everything after he saw and came." Meanwhile imagining L as Julius Caesar, he drools and looks at L's crotch for the third time and thinking, 'Yup very big dick, 'g'rabs and cra'b's.' Finally catching onto what L meant by the 'p' being down and 'b' being up. He just decided to go with the 'g' is down, so the 'b' can be up. 'The BIG BIG b.'

Finally L gives up and says, "I am no longer playing trivia with Raito-kun again."

Notes: Thanks for reading. Hope it gave you a good laugh. Please tell me what you think. My mother had a good idea of doing more of these crack one-shots with other games. Tell me if I should.