DISCLAIMER

Kim Possible and its characters are property of Buena Vista. I do not claim responsibility of ownership of the characters or any other aspect of the franchise.

FOREWARD

(Or, Who is this Captain Fun fellow and why did he write this dreadful thing?)

It hasn't been until recently that I have discovered the popular Disney television program "Kim Possible" and, like many people who have discovered it, quickly fell in love with it. It's a wonderfully written program filled with many delightful characters and witty dialogue. Naturally, I had to show my appreciation for the show by making this homage to it. "LD:100" is a more adult take on the program (you can sort of look at it as being a more R-rated version of the episode "Emotion Sickness"). Before we begin this story, let me take the time to warn you in advance of the nature of this story. "LD:100" is intended exclusively for mature audiences as it contains (or at least shall contain as it progresses) adult language, violence, crude humor, sexuality, and substance abuse. For those of you who are already familiar with my first work, Code Lyoko's "Odd of the Dead", I'm sure you are already familiar with how far I am capable of going when writing a story. Regardless, "LD:100" will not be nearly as violent as "Odd of the Dead", but that does not make it any less profound in its content. However I digress, I hope you do not get put off by this warning. "LD:100", despite its eccentric story, is a rather light-hearted tale filled with excitement and humor of all sorts of colors (namely off ones), it is only that I warn you in advance in the name of fairness.

With this said, let us being. I hope you enjoy "LD:100" as much as I enjoyed creating it.

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Captain Fun presents

LD:100

A "Kim Possible" Fan-Fiction

6:00 A.M. (Mountain Standard Time)

Somewhere West of Denver, Colorado

Somewhere in the frosty Rockies, away from the prying eyes of locals and nosey tourists, lies a small, quaint edifice looming over the state of Colorado. It looks harmless enough from a distance. In fact, one could almost swear that, at first glance, it was condemned; vacant of any trace of life save a single rat scurrying about for a meal that it will never find. However, the old saying "looks can be deceiving" rings as true here as it does anywhere else and beyond its seemingly harmless walls lays dormant a sinister plan to tear the nation apart in madness. However, the world goes on about its business, unaware of their mortal peril because of the brave intervention of two young people.

"What's the sitch again Wade?" Kim asked, squinting at the Kimmuticator she held in her hand. She shielded her face from the chilly mountain wind with the other.

"Todd Williams." Wade responded, "CEO of WilCorp."

"I thought WilCorp tanked years ago after the FDA got hold of its drug testing history." Kim questioned.

"It did." Wade replied, "But Todd's still around."

Wade flashed a single image on the Kimmunicator screen of Todd William's face. Once a handsome, dashing playboy, living off the inheritance of his family's company, Todd's once striking features had turned foul since his great-grandfather's company hit rock bottom. The lines on his face told stories of restless nights arguing with lawyers and trying desperately to cling onto his sanity as his pharmaceutical empire crumbled around him.

"Sheesh, old age hit him like a ton of bricks." Ron commented, looming over Kim's shoulder.

"He's 29." Wade replied.

"Brutal."

"Todd's got his hands on a nasty lab-created chemical agent his company made back during the Second World War." Wade continued, "It was called Codename Crisis. It's a nasty little piece of work that spreads like wildfire. You don't even want to know what it can do to you."

"Humor me." Kim asked.

"Well, let's see here. Scarlet fever, systemic lupus erythematosus, and more types of cancer than you even knew existed."

"Ah, cancer. The mystery flavor of diseases." Ron joked.

"Real cute Ron." Kim commented dryly before turning back to Wade, "So what's Todd planning to do with this agent?"

"Release it," Wade replied bluntly, "Then hold the nation ransom for the cure, unless of course the government complies with his demands before then."

"Man, this guy's right out of a James Bond movie." Ron commented.

"What do you mean?" Kim asked.

"Well, that's the obvious thing the villain would do with a biological weapon, the release and ransom trick. Where's the originality?"

"Well, there's not much you can do with a biological weapon, Ron." Wade answered, "It's either that or auction it off to another villain."

"Yeah, what he said." Kim added.

"I know, but still, these guys are getting too predictable. It really irks me."

"Well, maybe you enjoy walking into an unpredictable situation," Kim replied, "But I like it when the operation is straightforward. We bust in, nab the bad guy, and get back to Middleton before class. Standard procedure."

"I'm afraid it's not going to be that easy Kim." Wade responded.

"I love how you undermine me Wade." Kim teased.

"I aim to please baby. Anyway, Todd's not in there alone. Clifford Wilcox is in there with him."

"Who?" Ron asked.

"Clifford Wilcox." Wade repeated. He then flashed another image on the Kimmunicator, this time of a large, burly, and genuinely unpleasant looking man. A massive vein ran up the side of his head starting at his temple, and ending at the base of his buzz cut. Behind his vicious glare was that of a man with a passion for violence and an lust for brutality.

"Yikes!" Ron exclaimed, "What's with the plus-size homeboy?"

"Clifford 'Cliff' Wilcox." Wade continued, "He's Todd Williams' bodyguard. Former British SAS. They say he ate a man's face right off his skull and kept him alive long enough to make him watch him do it."

"Called it." Ron joked.

"Cliff is no joking matter Ron." Wade replied somberly, "This guy is more likely to tear you in half with his bare hands than to give you even a second of mercy. I wouldn't recommend engaging him unless you have to."

"Gotcha." Kim answered enthusiastically, "Anything else we should know?"

"Nope," Wade replied, "Beyond that it's just nab the bad guy."

"Good. Let's go."

"So who are these WilCorp people again?" Ron asked, shuffling behind Kim as they crawled through the vents of the hidden mountain lair.

"WilCorp was a pharmaceutical company that started during the early 20th century. It was pretty successful up until Todd took the position of CEO from his father. The FDA got a hold of some records of unethical drug testing being conducted by the company under Todd's authority. The press got a hold of it, his company's stock sank, and the company eventually went bankrupt. Also, Todd conveniently missing before his trial hearing on the matter of the testing, most likely he went underground to avoid being convicted. Since then he's been living off selling his company's old projects and experiments on the black market. From what I understand this Codename Crisis is the last thing he has left of his old company that's still worth anything."

"So he's making a last stand?"

"Yeah, a desperate last stand."

Kim crawled carefully down the vents a little further, but suddenly stopped just above one of the vent grates.

"Wait, did you hear that Ron?" Kim asked.

"Hear what?"

"Quiet. There it is again"

Both Kim and Ron froze in place quietly as they listened closely around them. Quickly, both of them noticed a pair of voices talking to each other just below the grate.

"Ron," Kim whispered, "We're right on top of them."

"Should we go in?"

"Not yet. I want to hear what they're saying."

Kim looked down the grate to see two figures below her; one, a thinner figure that paced back and forth hesitantly, the other a much larger figure that leaned up again what looked to be a large container of sorts. Kim listened on thoughtfully.

"Cliff," a raspy voice commanded, "Has Washington called back yet?"

"No boss." a deep, British voice answered pithily.

"Dammit!" The raspy voice replied, "Do they think I won't do it? Are they calling my bluff? I'll do it! You goddamn better believe I'll do it! I'll kill them all! I don't give a shit!"

"Calm down boss." the British man responded, "They still have ten minutes."

"Yeah, ten minutes before I pull the lid off of Crisis and turn their organs into liquid shit!"

"It's Williams alright." Kim whispered to Ron.

"Guy's gotta mouth on him, doesn't he?" Ron commented.

"Sure does. Let's see if a fat lip doesn't shut him up."

Kim pounded down on the vent grate, smashing it off the ventilation shaft. Quickly, Kim jumped down from the opening in the shaft, Ron following her closely behind. Both Todd Williams and his bodyguard Cliff stood at attention.

"Who…who the hell are you!" Todd Williams shouted as he stumbled backwards.

"I'm Kim Possible. There's no need for you to introduce yourself Mr. Williams, I know exactly who you are and I know exactly what you're doing here. Now, since I have an English test in first period, I'm going to make this simple. Turn yourself in now and maybe you can plead insanity and get a reduced prison sentence of only a couple life sentences."

"Yeah," Ron added, "Besides, men usually don't get anally raped in white collar prison. Usually."

"I don't care who you are!" Todd shouted, "You're not leaving here alive! Cliff, tear 'em apart."

"My pleasure." Cliff responded as he removed the Desert Eagle he had tucked in his belt. He took aim at Kim, but before he could pull the trigger, Todd jumped forward frightened and lowered Cliff's arms.

"No dammit!" Todd cried frantically.

"Hell's your problem?"

"This room is full of tanks with Crisis! If one stray bullet hits those tanks, we're all screwed!"

"Whateva'" Cliff replied, tucking his gun back into his belt, "Have it your way."

Cliff put his fists up and punched the air a few times. He then cracked his knuckles and sneered maliciously at Kim.

"Wanna' wrasle princess?" Cliff said in a slimy voice.

"Ron, you stop Todd." Kim commanded, "I'll take care of Cliff here."

"No complaints with that one." Ron responded enthusiastically.

"Excuse me?" Cliff growled, "You'll take care of me? Just who do you think you are? I'm going to pull yer guts out and make a little chew toy out of them for my dogs to play with!"

"Real tasteful." Kim replied.

Like a bull Cliff stomped forward quickly, swinging his massive arms at Kim wildly. He was fast, especially given his size, but he wasn't fast enough. Not nearly fast enough. Before Cliff could land a blow Kim would swiftly dart to the side, effortlessly dodging his every attack. It was like catching a housefly with chopsticks. As Kim kept Cliff distracted, Ron confronted Todd Williams.

"Okay Mr. Williams, hand over the controls to the agent and surrender. You're not going to be escaping from us anyway so you might as well save yourself the heartache and just come with us peacefully."

"Controls?" Todd asked quizzically, "What controls?"

"Um, the agent controls? You know, like a little remote control you use to unleash the agent or something. Every villain has controls for their chemical weapons, right KP?"

"Right...Agent controls…Gotcha!" Kim replied as she ducked another one of Cliff's attacks.

"See." Ron replied, "Agent controls. Hand 'em over."

"I don't have any agent controls." Todd replied plainly.

"No controls?" Ron asked flabbergasted, "If you don't have any controls, then how do you plan on releasing this stuff?"

"I dunno. I was thinking that I would just shoot the containers and let it get out that way."

"Shoot the containers? Shoot the containers?! What kind of retarded idea is that!" Ron shouted.

"What? It works just as well as, um, agent controls!"

"Yeah, but it's so ghetto! You don't just put a bullet into the containers! You should have a remote control for them so there can be this big, stylish whoosh as they come open! Plus, it makes for a great struggle sequence as we both fight each other for control of the…uh…controller. Right KP?"

"Right Ron…Fight sequence!"

"See, KP agrees."

"That's stupid! Why spend the money on something that worthless when I can just easily put a bullet into those tanks and get the same result!"

"It's not about the weapon man! It's about the presentation! Think about the presentation for God's sakes!"

"You watch too many action movies kid."

"Whatever. Look, since you're too lame to even have agent controls, all I can ask now is for you to surrender."

"To you? You must be out of your damn mind!"

"Don't test me! I know monkey kung-fu!"

"Monkey…kung-fu?" Todd replied, clearly unimpressed.

"Yeah, check it out."

Ron struck a bizarre martial arts pose and begun flailing his arms around wildly while screaming a bunch of gibberish, trying his best to seem as if he was a master fighter. When his demonstration was over, Todd started at him glaring, his eyebrow cocked.

"Oh, was that it?" Todd said condescendingly, "Was that your demonstration? I thought you were having some sort of autistic fit or something."

"Okay, so I'm not a martial artist like KP," Ron admitted sheepishly, "But I watch a lot of pro wrestling! I'll, like, put you in a headlock or something!"

"Please," Todd laughed smugly, "You're no superhero! You're hardly even a sidekick! You're pathetic! You're just some punk looming in your girlfriend's shadow."

Clearly hurt, Ron balled his fist up and prepared to charge forward. Before he could, a large clanging noise rang throughout the corridors of the building. Everyone turned to the source of the noise to see Cliff's fist buried into a metal container of Crisis. Everyone held their breath in horror as Cliff slowly removed his fist, leaving a large crater imbedded in the side of the tank.

"Is it broken?" Ron asked quietly.

Kim examined it closely as Cliff waited by anxiously.

"No, it seems okay."

Everyone sighed in unison, relieved that the container was not broken. As they finished, Ron overheard Todd muttering something. He turned his head to see him talking into a two-way communicator.

"Extraction!" he hissed, "I need extraction now!"

"What did you just do?" Ron asked.

"I'm not telling." Todd replied childishly as he put the communicator back into his jacket.

Ron ran up to Todd and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him back and forth angrily.

"What did you just do?" he repeated.

"I'm not telling!"

Before Ron could ask again, an explosion rocked the ceiling of the hideout. Mounds of rubble fell from the roof as Ron released Williams and ran for cover, trying not to get crushed from the falling debris. A transport helicopter lowered into the building and dropped a ladder to the floor.

"You stupid asshole!" Williams barked at the chopper, "I'm down here! Watch what you're doing next time!"

The pilot just shrugged as Williams rushed for ladder. Cliff shoved Kim forcefully out of the way and dashed for the ladder, just behind Williams. Ron could do nothing as he coughed heavily from all the dust hanging in the air. As the ladder pulled them up from the building, Cliff removed his gun and aimed for the containers.

"G'night love." He shouted.

"Not today." Kim replied. She grabbed a large piece of glass and threw it at Cliff, hitting him in the bicep. He yelled in pain as the weapon fell out of his hand and hit the floor, safely sending a stray shot into the wall.

"You stupid ass." Williams hissed as he pulled a gun of his own from his jacket, "I guess I'll have to take care of this."

Williams aimed his weapon at Kim and pulled the trigger. A dart discharged from the weapon and struck Kim in the shoulder.

"KP!" Ron shouted.

Ron rushed to Kim's aid as Cliff and Williams flew off into the morning sky.

"KP!" Ron pleaded, "Can you hear me? Answer me!"

"I'm fine Ron." Kim responded, sounding frustrated.

Kim turned to look at the dart in her shoulder.

"What the…a dart?" she commented quizzically.

Kim pulled the dart from her arm and threw it to the ground, rubbing her sore arm.

"That's strange." Ron added, "What kind of cheesy villain shoots people with darts? That's some Johnny Quest crap right there."

"Don't get too comfortable yet Ron," Kim replied, "It still might be something dangerous."

Kim removed her Kimmunicator from her pocket and summoned Wade onto the screen.

"Wade, Williams and Cliff just escaped, but we have Crisis with us and it's still in its container."

"Excellent!" Wade replied.

"Yes, but there's a problem. Before he escaped Williams shot me with a dart. I don't know what's in it."

"I see," Wade answered sincerely, "Put a blood sample on the Kimmunicator's tray."

A small tray emerged from one of the Kimmunicator's ports. Kim placed a drop of blood from the dart wound onto the tray. The tray closed back and Wade examined the sample.

"Hmm, there's something here." Wade responded, "But I'm not exactly sure what it is."

"You don't think it's Crisis?!" Ron panicked.

"Doubt it." Wade laughed, "Crisis is exclusively airborne, you can't just inject it into someone. Still, I'm not sure what this is, I'm going to need some more time to check it out. Until the meantime I suggest you go home and get some rest."

"No can do," Kim replied as she got to her feet, "I've been studying all week for this English test. If I go home now I'll just forget it over the weekend."

"Whatever," Wade shrugged, "It's your call."

"Come on Ron, let's get back to Middleton."

24 HOURS REMAIN

8:30 A.M. (Central Standard Time)

Middleton, USA

"Late again I see." Steve Barkin, Kim and Ron's English teacher, said disappointingly as the two of them strolled into class.

By this time, first period had already started and the test had begun most people didn't even bother taking a glance at the two of them as they entered the class. Bonnie, on the other hand, could resist making a condescending snort as Barkin ridiculed them on their tardiness.

"Sorry Mr. Barkin." Kim answered sincerely, "We were in the Rockies this morning when…"

"Spare me the story," Barkin sighed, "It's always something with you two."

Barkin picked up two sheets of paper from his desk and handed one each to both Kim and Ron. It was their English test.

"The rest of the class has already started. I suggest you keep quiet."

"Will do." Ron replied quietly.

The both of them took their seats next to one another in the front of the class and immediately got to work on their tests. Everyone else was already far ahead and they were going to have to pour the heat on if they were going to finish their tests in enough time. Ron, though struggling with his work, was already a respectable way through the test when he turned over to Kim to see her still clutching the paper, staring at it aimlessly.

"KP," Ron asked in a hushed voice, "Are you okay? You've hardly started your test."

"My God!" Kim answered between short gasps of air, "What kind of test is this? The letters are moving!"

Ron didn't answer. Rather, he shot Kim a perplexed look and turned to his own work. Alas, the letters on his test were quite stationary.

"KP, what are you going on about? The test isn't moving."

"Dammit! How am I supposed to answer these questions when they wont stay still!?" Kim added, ignoring Ron's comment.

"Ms. Possible." Barkin interrupted, "Is there some sort of problem?"

"I don't know!" Ron replied, "KP just starting freaking out all of a sudden!"

"I didn't ask you Mr. Stoppable! I'm asking Ms. Possible! What is your problem?"

Kim didn't respond. Instead, she dropped the paper to the floor and began looking around the room in horror. By this time, the rest of the class had stopped what they were doing and were now fixated on Kim's strange behavior. She grabbed Ron forcefully by the collar and pulled him towards her. Ron stared at Kim and noticed that the pupils of her eyes and expanded to a great degree.

"We're in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo," she exclaimed frightfully, "And somebody's giving these goddamn things booze! It won't be long now before they tear us to shreds!"

"Ms. Possible!" Barkin shouted.

The class turned and looked at each other in sheer confusion. Some gasped in shock, others laughed, and others were simply too confused to react at all.

"What did she just say?" Bonnie gasped.

"I'm so sorry!" Ron apologized, "I don't know what's gotten into Kim. I…"

Ron stopped himself. The dart. It must have something to do with the dart that Todd Williams shot Kim with. That must have been what was responsible for Kim's strange behavior.

"We'll need some golf shoes Ron," Kim added, "Otherwise we'll never get out of this place alive! It's impossible to walk in this muck!"

"Of course!" Ron continued.

"'Of course' what Mr. Stoppable? Golf shoes?"

"No. I mean, uh, Mr. Barkin, can I take Kim to the infirmary? I think she may be sick."

"Whatever, Mr. Stoppable, just get her out of here, she's disrupting my class."

"Thank you Mr. Barkin." Ron replied as he took Kim by the arm, "C'mon KP, we're going to go see the nurse."

"Please!" Kim pleaded, "Tell me you got the fucking golf shoes!"

"Yes KP, I have them right here." Ron replied calmly as he escorted Kim out of the class

Ron waited in the nurse's office as the nurse tried desperately to figure out Kim's condition. She had taken her temperature, blood pressure, everything that was at her disposal, but the nature of her behavior continued to elude her. Ron decided not to bother telling her about the dart and what happened earlier in the morning, it would only complicate things further. After a few minutes of tests, she left the office to make a phone call. Ron stayed in the office with Kim to make sure she didn't hurt herself. In the few minutes that she was in the office she had already bitten a tongue suppressor in two and almost tried to jam a Q-tip all the way into her ear. It seemed though, right now, she was mostly behaving herself as she rolled around in her chair laughing strangely like a child about every little thing.

"Hey Ron!" Kim asked, giggling madly.

"What KP?" Ron replied, still visibly concerned.

"I never noticed this before but…Rufus…kinda looks like a dong!"

Kim then burst out into hysterics, almost falling out of her chair. Ron only stared at her quizzically. Just then, Kim's laughter stopped suddenly, as she noticed a mirror hanging on the wall. She slowly got to her feet and stared into it for a moment. Suddenly, her face turned into shock.

"Oh my God!" she cried, "My eyes! They're fucking HUGE!"

Ron held his head in his hands and shook it. He just didn't know what to make of Kim's condition and he had gotten to the point where he feared for her life. Just then, the Kimmunicator beeped. Kim jumped in terror.

"Oh God!" she shouted, "It's coming from inside me! Get it out!"

"It's okay!" Ron replied as he ran over to Kim, "It's just the Kimmunicator, see?"

Ron reached into Kim's pocket and removed the Kimmunicator. He showed it to Kim, hoping to see a spark of sanity from her, but she only stared at the device as if it was some sort of space alien with multiple heads. Ron gave up and turned Kim's head back to the mirror.

"Never mind, just keep looking in the mirror."

Kim stared on at herself, forgetting entirely about the Kimmunicator. Ron returned the call for Kim.

"Hello? Wade?"

"Hey Ron. Thank God I got in touch with you! Where's Kim?"

"She's with me, but, er, she's not in any real condition to talk."

"Is she okay?"

"Well, she's not hurt or anything, but if you were to ask me, I'd say she's pretty far from being 'okay'."

"What do you mean?"

Ron said nothing. Rather, he turned the Kimmunicator over to Kim, who was now draped in paper sheeting as if she was some sort of mythological idol.

"I am the Lizard King!" she shouted.

Ron turned the Kimmunicator back to him. Wade's perplexed face told the story.

"I see. Jesus, she got it bad."

"Got what bad Wade?" Ron asked.

"Effrenusmentilicine-4." Wade replied casually.

"Wait a minute, Effren-what?"

"I checked the blood sample Kim sent me and separated the natural bodily fluids in it from whatever it was that was in the dart that Todd Williams shot Kim with. It was a type of drug, we could tell that, but my medical sources could seem to distinguish what it was. Then, that's when I realized it was probably something that WilCorp produced that never saw the light of day. I checked all of WilCorp's seized records and sure enough, it was Effrenusmentilicine-4, or, for short, EM4."

"Fascinating really," Ron replied dryly, "But what does it do?"

"Nasty stuff really. Essentially, it causes some of the body's natural hormones to fluctuate randomly, producing sometimes profound amounts of that hormone for sometimes very prolonged periods of time. WilCorp made it as a performance enhancer for US soldiers during Vietnam, but it was used in the field because they could never get any successful results out of it. You see Ron, EM4 has an LD of 100."

"LD?"

"Lethal Dosage. It's the percentage of test subjects who die as a result of using the drug."

"So basically, that means that with an LD of 100, KP is…"

"That's right, she's going to surely die if we don't get it out of her."

"Oh crap!" Ron shouted, shaking the Kimmunicator, "Please tell me there's an antidote!"

"There is Ron. There was a formula for an antidote within the old WilCorp records."

"Oh thank God." Ron sighed.

"But there's a problem."

"Always with the problems." Ron replied rubbing his temples.

"The antidote takes a long time to produce and it has to be administered within 24 hours of injection, otherwise…well, you know."

"And I'm guessing it takes more than 24 hours to make it. Well then, what are we going to do now?"

"We're currently trying to get in touch with Todd Williams to see if we can bargain with him for a currently-existing batch of the antidote."

"Can we trust him?" Ron asked.

"That's what I'm wondering. Remember that Crisis stuff you and Kim put a stop to earlier? Well, I just got word that there was no cure for the stuff. Williams was just bluffing with us to get the money. And if he'll bluff on killing the entire planet…"

"He'll bluff on killing KP." Ron interrupted, "That crook."

"Still, it's our last resort to save Kim. Right now, I'd say she's okay."

"Okay? In this condition?" Ron replied.

"Well, judging from her behavior, I'd say she's been given a hint of some of her body's naturally-produced painkillers, dopamine perhaps. Not enough to kill her though, there's no records of that happening in WilCorp's records. Right now she's riding on the wave of what is, for a lack of a better term, natural high."

"So, KP is stoned?"

"Essentially, yes. It'll wear off eventually, but she's in no condition to be doing any missions in this state. Furthermore, even though some of these hormones wont kill her, some can. Let's say Kim gets a sudden surge of adrenaline and not an appropriate does of norepinephrine it could kill her. She's going to have to stay under surveillance."

"Okay Wade. I think I can do that. Wait a minute, you said 24 hours? Then that means…"

22 HOURS REMAIN