Disclaimer: Much as I try to get the paperwork hurried up, all characters belong to J.K. Rowling, the lucky thing and obviously, no profit being made here. Sadly.

Author's Note: First go of this pairing, so be gentle. Will contain mentions of slash and therefore strong language, but that shouldn't be too much of a surprise considering the rating.

One Remus Lupin, for the most part, was a sane young man. Many would have argued otherwise; those who were bigoted and didn't know the real him. But those who did knew that everything he did was calculated and thought through, and when, and only when it had been decided that it was the logical and most practical thing to do, would the action be performed.

However, he himself knew that sitting on the edge of a stone step, soaked to the skin; his clothes stuck to his gnarled flesh, freezing cold, was not one of the most inspired ideas of his relatively short but tumultuous life. But he couldn't go to the dorm, or rather, he couldn't go to the dorm and risk seeing a certain someone.

It should have struck him as odd when only Peter and James had turned up in the Hospital Wing, and certainly when Peter hung back even more silent than usual, and without some form of portable high sugar snack clutched in at least one hand. James didn't even make some joke about how shit he looked, even when he offered one himself, just stood awkwardly fiddling with his cuffs. The fact that there were already several holes that were larger than they had been previously, and that there were actually new ones altogether should have told him that something was wrong.

He had gone to say something, but the word got caught in his dry throat and developed into a coughing fit that had him doubled over. James hurried to pour some water into a glass and hold it out to him once he had stopped, but the cool liquid did nothing to stop the agony that was tearing through him.

James had let out a large 'fuck!' as he sat back, an exclamation which startled him and caused some of the water he was holding to splash onto him. Great, he thought to himself, a wet and cold arm and stomach. But a glimpse down as Madam Pomfrey pushed his two friends out of the way revealed that the wetness on his stomach was caused by something else soaking through his flimsy hospital gown. Something red and metallic smelling.

Once the bleeding had stopped and Madam Pomfrey had stopped fussing around him he asked for a mirror; so annoyed he was with Peter staring at his face as though the infamous jinx that had caused Severus's to erupt in boils courtesy of James had been thrown at him when he was out. When she had eventually complied and handed it to him he noticed that James looked as though he was burning to tell him something, and Peter kept giving him worrying glances. As soon as he saw the state of himself he put it down shakily next to his legs and in a low and unnervingly controlled voice asked them where Sirius was; it was unheard of for him to not be there the-morning-after-the-night-before.

"He couldn't make it mate" James answered in a clipped voice, his jaw tight and his hair looking messier than Remus had ever seen it.

"Yeah, couldn't make it" Peter echoed sadly, a morose expression remaining on his face until James sent him a sharp glare.

"He always makes it" Remus looked around, sure that any second his friend would pop up, laughing hysterically and maniacally in that slightly worrying way he was often known to. "Please, James. Just tell me. Did I do something to upset him?" that would make sense, that would be why the wolf had taken it out on him, why his injuries were so bad.

"No" James shook his head vigorously, causing him to have to push his glasses back up his nose. "You didn't do anything."

The conversation that followed was predominantly one-sided. James went on to explain just what had happened, what Snape had been told and how they had only just gotten there in time to stop him being harmed. But Remus couldn't focus on that; his secret was out. Any second now Dumbledore would sweep through the doors and calmly explain to him that it would be best for everyone if he went home. Maybe if he volunteered then it would be better.

After repeatedly asking James and Peter to leave, they gave in and left him alone with his thoughts. Alone with the wolf to add its input to his thoughts. Or their thoughts, whatever. And that led to where he was now; freshly released from the care of the healer and sitting outside risking pneumonia.

He could pretend that the fluttering he felt next to him was a leaf, stirred up by the quickening biting wind that chilled him. He was perfectly happy to tell himself this and continue to look up at the sky until the leaf decided to clear his throat and say something. But the words didn't come. Obviously the leaf was having trouble thinking of something to say, for once.

"Rough night" it eventually settled on.

"Did James tell you I was here?" Remus asked it quietly, not looking away from the particular shadowy tree he was focusing on. He tried to ignore the startling resemblance the leaf's voice possessed to that of one Sirius Black.

"He wouldn't talk to me. But he didn't seem to know where you were, no, if that's what you were really thinking." That was one thing Remus could honestly say he disliked about Sirius; he was able to see through him when no-one could. He was the one who would notice when his smile wasn't quite as brilliant as normal, when the replies of 'I'm fine' became strained and his fingers twitched imperceptibly beneath his long baggy sleeves.

"Wow, James not talking to you over something you did to Snape. Who would have seen it coming?" he had meant for it to come out jokingly but to his ears it just sounded bitter and spiteful.

"He's not talking to me over what I did to you."

"Oh, I see. I'm being considered now" he turned to face the leaf, which at some point had turned completely into Sirius. He saw the way his eyes widened at the state of his wounds and felt bile rise in his throat as the shock turned into pity. "No. You don't get to do that. You don't get to feel sorry for me. Stop it!" he stood up, shaking visibly, and he wasn't sure whether it was to with the cold or his anger. "No need to look so serious" he threw back the joke that the black haired boy had become notorious for. "You finally found a use for good old Moony; I finally fit in to one of your schemes, the perfect essence of a prank, so trusting and sure that I was valued as a real person after all this time that I would look over the fact that he was being used for some pathetic vendetta against someone who is largely innocent!"

"I never meant for anyone to get hurt!" Sirius stood up, outrage flushing his features and the accent that he had denied for so many years coating his words as they flew out of his mouth angrily.

"What the hell did you think was going to happen? That was your intention all along; there is no fucking way that you wanted him to just get a fright and turn around and go back to the dorms. You knew there was no way that he would do that."

"I wasn't thinking!"

"You never fucking think! Just rush into things and hope that it works out. Well guess what, your luck's run out. This time you didn't get away with a 'no-one got hurt' and a charming smile."

"You think I wanted to hurt you? I would never do anything to hurt you."

"This has hurt me, Marlene hurt me. All that whispering in the dark, fucking lies I suppose?" his hands clamped in his hair and began tugging at the roots. His voice was growing hysterical and Sirius actually took a step back, a worried expression on his face. "Or was it just so that you could get your cock in my mouth?"

Sirius's hair flew as his head snapped from side to side looking out for anyone who could be nearby and would have heard what Remus had just said. "Will you shut up?"

"Am I not good for talking? Just to be used by the heir to the Black fortune, the werewolf novelty who would do anything for affection? Do you laugh at me? Behind my back? At how stupid I am to think that someone like you could ever be interested in a freak?"

"You're not a freak" he said quietly, so quietly that he wasn't even sure that the other boy had heard. That was, until he glared at him and proceeded to assault him with words dripping with so much venom that he would never have believed Remus was capable of thinking, let alone speaking them.

"Stop lying! Stop confusing everything! I get here and you spin me this whole thing about how I do deserve to be here, and I am deserving of the three of you. Then you find out and I think that I'm going to be sent home, but no, you accept that too. Then I find out that there's a chance you feel what I do for you, but all you wanted all along was to get your rocks off from the looks of it. Did I make you feel good Sirius? Or was it just because I was there and I was willing?" he paused, waiting for an answer that didn't come. "So there's this whole false sense of fucking security and you go and tell Snape! Because of some fucking petty thing you've got going on for no reason other than you're an immature bastard who is happy to take and take and take. Well guess what? I've stopped giving!" he stopped abruptly, realising the implications of his words, particularly in regards to their relationship.

"Remus…" Sirius saw the way that his words took all of his remaining energy out of him and how he wobbled dangerously before righting himself.

"Was that you dumping me? Telling me that you were done with whatever sick thing we had going on. Is that what you wanted all along? To get me caught out and expelled, because there was no other alternative" he tried to keep the conviction in his voice, but he was exhausted and wanted nothing other than to curl up on the floor and just sleep. "I thought I meant something to you."

Sirius heard the way his voice cracked and betrayed some of the emotion he had obviously been trying to keep bottled up. "You do mean something to me."

"Obviously not. Those cuts that you keep looking at, that's because the wolf smelt prey. Prey that got taken away, so I got attacked instead. That was because of you. So don't spin me all this shit about how I meant something to you. I was there when the girls had ceased to excite you, when you'd had your run of them, and it wasn't fun anymore. That's all. Something new, something dark and dangerous that your parents sure as fuck wouldn't approve of. That's what I was to you." He had expected some form of protest from the other boy but he stood there silent.

Remus took this as his cue to leave and turned away from him. But his legs didn't seem to be in sync with the rest of his body and as he tried to walk away he stumbled, a strong hand on his arm preventing him from making contact with the ground. He briefly muttered something along the lines of him not needed Sirius's help and pulled his arm out of his grip.

They would talk, that night in fact. Remus would admit that the wolf was close to the surface and he shouldn't have snapped. Sirius would admit that he had been out of his mind and it was a pretty shockingly unforgivable thing for him to have done. James and Peter would just be pleased that everything appeared to be back on track.

But the night-time visits would stop, and each time Remus and Sirius were left alone, a silence would prevail that spoke the words the boys could not find themselves. The trust was gone. The trust both needed. The trust only they could provide each other. The trust which would never be regained. The trust that would tear them apart when they most needed it to keep them together. The trust that would have prevented so much in both their futures.