It was over. The looming threat of death and devastation, the fear of fire and brimstone, and the guilt of causing the end of the world was gone. Trigon The Terrible had come and had conquered.
The outcome however was nothing like Raven had imagined. The stark difference between reality and the assumed future was that she was in fact alive. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought she would make it out of this with a beating heart and yet here she was, sitting on her bed looking out her window in the Titan's tower like the last 24 hours hadn't even happened.
When Raven managed to overcome her father in her purest, ultimate form she had been happy. She was so insanely happy and hyped up she had smiled and even hugged Robin. When the team had returned home she calmed down considerably but still couldn't shake the buzz in her muscles from the fight. To feel more like herself she cut her hair and meditated, despite not needing to. She hung out with her friends who celebrated her victory in the typical Titans fashion; Pizza. She felt great the whole night and was looking forward to a good night's sleep.
Yet here she was hours later staring out into the night sky nursing an unsettling feeling just like she had on her birthday. Her stomach was in knots and her clammy hands picked at a stray thread in her sheets. On the verge of a nervous breakdown, Raven tried to figure out what was wrong. She had won! Her life, for the first time, was completely in her own hands. She had a future. Earth was safe and Raven should be at peace. Despite the undisputable fact that she was alive she couldn't shake the dread. Couldn't shake the thought that she had been so close to dying. In a way she had pretty much died and now, hours after the fact, reality was settling in and she was feeling scared. She stood. She paced. Her breathing became erratic and her palms grew cold.
I have to calm down, she thought. Raven levitated into the lotus position and began her mantra. The normally soothing words felt empty and meaningless compared to the raising panic in her chest. She dropped back down to her bed and did the only thing she could manage, she cried.
Down the hall another Titan sat awake in his own bed starring at the ceiling. Beast Boy couldn't stop thinking about how the day had ended. He was obviously happy that they had won, well namely Raven had won and dammit all if she didn't look like a badass doing it. He smiled at the memory of her blasting that demon dude into oblivion.
He was happy after celebrating with her and the rest of their friends. He was through the roof happy when Raven stole three slices of his veggie pizza instead of Cy's meat lover's. Yet he was worried about her. She seemed fine sure, he even got her signature sarcasm and glare before he bear-hugged her. It felt familiar she was acting totally normal all through dinner. When she asked her about the veggie slices she shrugged it off, saying she'd seen and smelled enough cooked flesh in the pit of Hell her father had thrown her in.
What exactly had she gone through? That question is what kept him awake. Had any of them asked her if she was ok? They had made sure she was physically alright but she didn't talk about what she saw before Robin showed up. The girl had literally been to Hell and back. He couldn't imagine what that must have been like.
Beast Boy hopped out of bed and walked down the hall to get himself a glass of soy milk. Lost in thought he almost missed the scuffling sounds coming from further down the hallway. His ears twitched towards the noise, she was awake! She can't sleep either! He darted into the kitchen and lit the stove under the kettle. He would bring her tea, make sure she was ok, then maybe he'd be able to get some sleep. He watched the stove tapping his foot hoping Raven would appreciate her favorite cure for insomnia. Ginger green tea was Raven's go to for late nights. Beast Boy had run into her enough times past midnight looking for his own soy milk in the refrigerator. A soft whistle told him the water had boiled. Steel clicked against the rim of the ceramic, hot water poured over the little brown bag at the bottom of the mug and Beast Boy was off.
He reached the door and listened for a sign that she was still awake. He really didn't want to bother her if she had managed to fall asleep. With his ear to the door Beast Boy heard a choked sob. She was crying? Tough, stoic, badass Raven was crying. The hair stood up on the back of his neck of his neck and felt his blood run hot. He had never seen or heard Raven cry and he immediately decided that he hated it. He knocked politely even though he was going in even if she tried turning him away.
"Raven?" he said. "It's me, I brought you some tea and-"
The door slid open to his surprise, Raven was backing up and wringing her hands keeping her face hidden. She was wearing a large sweater and black sleeping shorts. Beast Boy thought she looked smaller than usual. He tensed up, the air felt wrong in her room. He was no empath like her but her aura was practically screaming at him. Fear, he smelled it surrounding her. Raven was acting like a caged animal. Her breath was uneven he could smell her sweating.
"Thanks for the tea," she still wasn't looking at him. "I-I was thinking about going to get some."
"Rae?" he stepped through the threshold of her room. When she didn't protest he made his way into her room. He walked right up to her offering the mug, trying to look into her eyes. She reached out for the tea and Beast boy pulled it back. She sighed.
"I'm not in the mood for games Gar,"
"I'm not playing," he said seriously. "Look at me Rae."
She hesitated a moment before complying. Her cheeks stained and puffy, red and rough and her eyes were so bloodshot her violet pupils looked impossibly purple. Her hair was tangled, strands of it sticking to her moist face. She looked like she had been crying for hours, desperately trying to get grip on herself. Beast Boy's heart broke at the sight. He placed the tea down on the dresser before looking around her room. Blankets were thrown from the bed, some books laid abandoned on the floor but nothing seemed to have broken by her powers. She made this mess all by herself.
"Look I really appreciate the tea and all-" she started
"You are having a panic attack," he said simply. She just looked at him, lost. For the first time she had no words for her friend. A sob escaped and her hand flew to cover her mouth to stop more from following it. Her eyes prickled and burned. She desperately wanted not to cry again, in front of Beast Boy no less.
"Today took more out of you than you let on huh?" he spoke softly and stepped a little closer to her. "Are you scared he'll come back?
She shook her head "No he's gone for good," she had made sure of that.
"Yeah, you seriously showed him. You kicked his big red ass into next week!" he smiled giving her a hard look. "You really are amazing Rae."
She looked at the floor struggling with the compliment, "I-um, thanks. You guys did most of the work."
"Nuh-uh, this one was all you. I will take a 'thank you for finding me a lucky penny, Beast Boy' since it was probably all because of the penny that you won." He winked at her.
"Yeah Beast Boy, it was all the penny," she smirked and niffed away the prickling behind her face.
"There you are," He grinned and tapped her on the nose.
Raven took a deep breath and her heart slowed the smallest bit. She couldn't believe it but Beast Boy's banter was calming her down. It was comfortable. He pulled back and walked to the bed, sitting on the end. Holding out the tea and motioning Raven to come get it.
"Ok so he's not coming back." He handed her the mug when she sat beside him, taking a shaky sip. "But you are scared of something."
"I-I don't know," she said. "I know I am safe, you are all safe, the city is safe."
"The whole world is safe. All thanks to you." Best Boy added.
She nodded, "But I can't shake this terrified feeling in my chest. I was so happy when it was all over. I saw you all alive and well. I was overwhelmed with joy. I kind of felt like I was Starfire for a second." She joked. "And later when we came back to the tower I was fine, but once everyone went to bed and I was alone it all just…"
"Hit you like Cinderblock?" he offered. She just nodded. "I knew something was up when you stole my pizza," Beast Boy could swear he saw her lip twitch. "Rae your adrenaline rush is finally worn off. You nearly DIED then used all your power in one swoop. Its more than natural that you are shook up now. Trust me, I've come off enough adrenaline highs to know."
"Have you ever been like this?" she asked.
"Remember when you talked to me after the 'Beast Incident'?" she nodded. "well I was only down by the water because I had been freaking out in my room for awhile before hand. I needed space my room was starting to feel like a cage."
Raven remembered talking to him on the rocks. She had tried to make him feel better because she honestly was grateful for his beastly transformation. He really had saved her from serious harm. He seemed depressed over the whole ordeal but she never got the sense that he had been having a breakdown like she was. Now that she thought about it she couldn't sense his emotions the whole time. Even when he was really angry with her in the hallway. She SAW his anger but could never feel it.
"I didn't know. How didn't I know?" she questioned out loud. "I only found you by the water because I looked everywhere."
"Tried sensing my emotions, didn't you?"
"I really am sorry about that," she looked away from him. "Normally I wouldn't invade your privacy like that but I was well, you know,"
Beast Boy's eye brows raised in mild shock "You were worried about me?"
Her gaze whipped back to him, "Of course I was! I'm not as cold hearted as you think."
"It's not that you were worried, I'm just a little surprised hearing it out loud I guess and for the record as long as you are the empath doing the sensing I wouldn't think of it as an 'invasion of privacy'" he said. They both grew quiet for a moment.
Raven broke the silence. "So why couldn't I sense you?" Her brow furrowed. "In fact, why can't I sense you now?"
"Hey now, I thought this whole thing started with us talking about you!" he said.
"You don't have to answer. I was just curious and it was a distracting thought," she said quietly.
Beast boy sighed. He'd tell her. Especially if it was in the name of distracting her from her panic attack.
"I went through some pretty intense mental barrier training during my time with the Doom Patrol," he hoped she didn't want too many details.
"Mento," it wasn't a question. "That makes a lot of sense. Are you able to drop your defenses?"
"Do you want me too?" he asked.
"I'd like it," she admitted. "If you are as calm and happy as you look, I'd like to feel it empathically. But not if it makes you uncomfortable." Her voice was getting quieter, shy almost.
"Sure Rae, I only keep them up mostly out of habit, and I thought you'd appreciate it if I wasn't broadcasting my emotions constantly. I can be pretty intense sometimes," he grinned and closed his eyes for a long second.
Raven was suddenly washed over by his emotions. Like warm water blanketed her and held tight. Her tired heart finally started to slow down considerably and she took the deepest breath shed had since he first arrived at her bedroom door. He was projecting happiness, pride and most of all a deep comforting affection. It was practically rolling off him. She heard herself gasp. It felt wonderful. "Thank you," was all she could manage to say.
Beast Boy had never seen her face so relaxed. Like he had caught her sleeping and in the middle of a pleasant dream. He had caused that reaction and that pleased him in a way he couldn't describe. "I'm sure you could have broken the barrier easy if you had known about it. So you want to watch a movie or something? I mean unless you are ready for bed, I happen to know you have a soft spot for The Princess Bride."
She blinked at him in awe. This idiot boy. How in the hell had he done that? She wondered. A few minutes ago she couldn't stop shaking and now she was about to accept his offer to watch a movie with Beast Boy! Her empathy now picked up a small bit of nervousness. He probably thought she'd say no and kick him out of his room.
"Sure, but uh," she had no idea how to ask this. "You don't have to if you don't want but," gah! What was wrong with her, she was stammering like a moron! "Could you keep your mind open while we watch it?"
He felt his face warm up at the question. What exactly was she asking? "Because you want to know what I'm feeling?" She buried her face into her hands and mumbled. "What was that Rae?"
"I said, I want to feel what your feeling," She couldn't bring herself to look at him and prayed he didn't ask anything else. "You can put them back up afterwards. Like I said I don't want to invade your privacy." She knew he was smiling now, it was in his voice.
"Totally! Whatever you want. I'll go que it up," he leapt up off her bed and ran to the door but stopped. "You know, I could keep them open more often if you wanted or uh needed to feel better or whatever," smooth Gar.
"I think I'd like that," she said.
He gave her that impossibly bright smile of his before jogging down the hallway. That boy, she thought. He hadn't done anything more than listen to her and made her laugh a little and yet she finally felt like everything was going to be ok. Raven grabbed a throw blanket to bring to the common room.
She really did it, defeated her father, saved the world. She had a future. A future where she was free to do whatever she wanted. Continue being a Titan and maybe even something bigger one day. She could go to college and probably get a master's degree if she put her mind to it and got tired of the whole hero thing. She reached the common room doors. They slid open to her green friend staring at the microwave intensely as if his glare could make the popcorn he was making pop faster.
Hell she thought maybe I could even fall in love. She beat Trigon The Terrible, anything could happen right?