Title: Ms. Slappy's Neighborhood
Summary: When Mr. Rodgers gets a notice from the city that he has to chop down the tree in his backyard, he reluctantly tries, but doesn't realize Slappy Squirrel's taken residence in the tree.
Rated: K+
Disclaimer: Mr. Roger's neighborhood was created by Fred Rogers with help from the Sears-Roebuck foundation. Rogers is spelled Rodgers in this fanfiction for parody purposes. Slappy Squirrel was created by Sherri Stoner. Animaniacs was created and Produced by Tom Ruegger and Steven Spielberg. I do not profit from this fanfic based upon the aforementioned works.
()()()
The SBS logo appeared on the screen.
"The people who gave money to make Mr. Rodger's neighborhood, are the people of..." There was a pause for about 3 seconds "...this and other public television stations, and the Sars-Rabies foundation."
Then the theme song began to play as Mr. Rodger's Neighbourhood appeared on screen along with the title. After a pan of the model town, the camera waited inside Mr. Rodger's home. Then in came the star of the half-hour, Mr. Rodgers. He began to sing his theme song.
Oh it's a wonderful day in the neighborhood
a wonderful day for a neighbor
would you be mine
could you be mine
it's a wonderful day in this beauty-wood
and wonderful day for a blunder
I just said mine
this song's last line.
Then Mr. Rodgers ended the theme song.
"Hi, neighbor. I was just down at the mailbox, picking up my mail today. And one of the letters i've gotten, is from town hall. Can you imagine what they put in my mailbox?" asked Mr. Rodgers
Mr. Rodgers grabbed a letter opener from his desk and began ripping open the envelope.
"Dear Mr. Frederick Rodgers." Mr. Rodgers began reading the letter. "This letter is being written in concern to the aging tree in your backyard. It is in danger of falling and damaging the power lines in the front of your property. You must remove the tree by the end of this month, or we will take the steps to do this ourselves. Signed, Mayor Spencer Stanwood."
Mr. Rodgers had a strained look on his face.
"Oh mercy. Now I have to cut down that tree that's been outside my house." He said "Well, I guess i'll need my old axe from the shed." Mr. Rodgers then left his house and walked out to his shed.
Meanwhile, inside the tree, Slappy Squirrel was busy reading some tabloids.
"Barbie & Ken have been hidin' Elvis in their dream house? What's this world comin' to?" Slappy grumbled to herself. She then heard a slamming outside.
"Somebody shoot me." She said, walking to the door. she opened it up and noticed Mr. Rogers had began chopping the tree down with his axe.
"Hey! Ya break this tree, yer gonna pay for the damages!" Slappy shouted
"Oh my goodness! A squirrel's living in the tree." Mr. Rodgers fretted
"Hey! I'm not just any squirrel! I'm Slappy Squirrel, ya hear me?" Slappy got up in Mr. Rodger's face.
Mr. Rodgers put down the Axe.
"A talking squirrel, oh mercy!" Mr. Rodgers walked over to a lawn chair in his backyard and sat down.
"Ahh, poor guy." Said Slappy, walking over to Mr. Rodgers.
"Say Mr. Rodgers, Why were you choppin' my tree down?" asked Slappy.
Mr. Rodgers handed the letter he had gotten from the city to Slappy.
"Oh, these darned people from the city! I got a good mind to go and stick a piranha in their waterbeds!" Slappy shook her fist.
"I really don't want to chop down the tree, it's such a beautiful tree. I always liked coming out to pick the apples off the tree during the fall." Said Mr. Rodgers
"Hey, don't worry about it, Rodgers. I'm about to go give this Stanwood guy a piece of my mind. Or a piece of of a 2x4, whatever i can get my hands on." Slappy walked back into the tree and grabbed a 2x4. She came back out and found Mr. Rodgers had put away the Axe.
By the way, My nephew loves yer show." Said Slappy
"Well thank you, I try to make a good show for everyone." Said Mr. Rodgers
"Listen, I'm gonna go and teach these bozos at city hall a lesson. Don't mess with an angry squirrel...By the way, don't chop down my tree!" Slappy walked off to go and deal with City hall.
()()()
Down at city hall, Mayor Stanwood was giving a speech.
"You elected me mayor 6 months ago, and I promised you the water wouldn't be chlorinated! I'm sorry, I tried my best not to let it get chlorinated." Said Mayor Stanwood
The townsfolk booed the mayor.
"And the local hockey team wanted $10,000 to stay! We could use that money for better things!" Said the mayor
"Yeah, like that stupid Electric car charger over there! Who drives those plug-in cars anyways?" asked another citizen.
An old lady stood up.
"What about my home?" asked the old lady
"Your home?" asked Mayor Stanwood
"My home...was trashed by the flood last year. there were volunteers from that hockey team that you screwed over who came and tried to sandbag the house to save it!" Said the old lady
"And where were you when our homes were threatened by that flood?" asked another person
"I was..." Mayor Stanwood got interrupted
"...Sitting down watching to see if your lottery numbers won!" Yelled the old lady
The townsfolk were really, really mad.
"Listen, this meeting was called for the possibility of adding a casino into this city! Not so you could rant!"
Then Slappy showed up to speak her mind.
"Hey, I got somethin' to tell ya, ya jerk! You tried to get that Mr. Rodgers guy to chop down my house!" Slappy shouted
"Hey! You're nothin' squirrel! You're just a rat with a big bushy tail!"
Slappy had an imaginary fist hit her.
"You damage the power lines, ya get run over in the street and then little kids see the corpses!"
Slappy had another imaginary fist hit her in the cheek.
"You mess up people's gardens!"
Another imaginary fist smashed Slappy in the face.
"And finally, You are not welcome in this town!"
Then slappy fell over entirely.
"Your home is gonna get chopped down, and there's nothing you can do about it!" Said Mayor Stanwood, Leaving the stand while the people angrily ranted at the mayor. Slappy eventually picked herself up off the ground.
"You know, a lesser squirrel would move away...I ain't no lesser Squirrel."
()()()()()
Later that day, Mayor Stanwood walked out of Town hall to get into his 2014 Gas Guzzler SUV,when he spotted Slappy pretending to chew on the power cord for electric cars.
"Hey! Get off there ya crazy Squirrel! Ya wanna get electrocuted?" asked the mayor
"That's funny, cause this tastes like licorice." Said Slappy
"Wow, really?" asked the mayor, going to take a nibble of the cord.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! The mayor got shocked!
"Ha! I hope I don't get 'charged' with assault and 'battery.'" Slappy made some bad puns "Hey, it's the internet age! Whaddaya Expect? The old 'Shocking' Pun again?"
Slappy skipped off while the mayor sizzled with electricity. He laid there, all messed up.
"I'm gonna get that squirrel...as soon as these electricity burns heal."
()()()
The mayor stood outside Mr. Rodger's house with a chainsaw in hand.
"That squirrel's gonna get it now!" Said the mayor, jumping mr. Rodger's fence to get to the tree. Slappy watched as the mayor got in.
"The old chainsaw. gee, I wonder what he's going to do with it?" Commented a sarcastic Slappy.
The mayor pulled the ripcord on the chainsaw. The machine didn't turn over. He pulled the cord again. It still didn't turn over.
"Come on, you piece of junk, work!" The mayor said angrily
Slappy looked out from her upstairs window.
"You might wanna put some gas in it, mayor!" Slappy smiled
"There is gas in it!" Then the mayor realized he was spotted by Slappy
"You dumb squirrel! I'm gonna rip your house down now!" He yelled up at slappy
"Good luck with that chainsaw. You should know by now that those things never turn over." Slappy yelled back down at the mayor
The mayor repeatedly pulled the ripcord on the chainsaw, until eventually, he ripped the ripcord out entirely and hit himself in the face.
"Owww!" The mayor held his nose.
despite his efforts, the chainsaw was now useless.
"Ah! Dag-nabbit!" The mayor began to walk away, but then was hit on the head with an anvil.
'BAAAAAANNNGGG!' Went the anvil
"Ah, Gravity." Slappy smiled
()()()
Later on, the mayor showed up in an excavatior with a gripper at the end. It was big enough to uproot Slappy's tree.
"That squirrel doesn't have an ice cubes chance in Hades!" The mayor snickered, as he brought the machine's claw toward's Slappy's tree.
"I don't think so, Pal." Slappy placed a sticky bomb on the excavator's claw as it inched forward. Slappy dove out of the way.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The excavator's claw blew up, and in a mangled heap, landed on the mayor as he sat bewildered in the cab.
"Gotta be careful mayor!" Slappy yelled "Those excavators are all made in China. They break easily!"
Slappy laughed as she walked back into her tree.
The mayor on the other hand, wasn't ready to quit just yet. He then jumped out of the wrecked excavator, and got into his nearby Ford-F350 extended cab V8 truck. The biggest, fastest, most powerful machine he could get. He then backed the truck up to Slappy's tree.
Slappy was watching from her window.
"Oh gee, it's a Ford. Now that's sad." Slappy commented on the quality of Ford trucks.
After backing the truck up, The mayor grabbed a winch and chain, and walked over to Slappy's tree, and wrapped the chain and winch around it. He then hooked the other end of the chain up to the truck's bumper.
"Ha! Let's see that pathetic squirrel's reaction when her house gets pulled out of the ground!" the mayor spoke as he got into the truck, and turned it on. He began hitting the accelerator as hard as he could. But as the truck pulled and pulled, the Axles and frame shattered, and left the mayor without a set of wheels. Slappy laughed back at the tree.
"Ha. We should all know by now, that Ford stands for 'Found on road dead.' hehehe!" Slappy laughed, before turning to the readers "I prefer the Dodge brand. They're a great brand of vehicles for your family, and your friends...and they last until your mom drives it into one of those cheap Mazda imports." Slappy smiled as a man in a suit handed her a wad of cash.
"Advertisin' does have it's uses." Slappy shuffled the dollar bills in her hand.
()()()
The mayor was really mad now. Like, really, really mad. He didn't just want to rip Slappy's tree out of the ground...he wanted to get Slappy for good!
Later that day, the mayor dug a tunnel which led to underneath Slappy's tree.
"That squirrel's in for a mean suprise!" the mayor laughed as he placed dynamite underneath the tree.
Meanwhile, Slappy walked out of her tree and noticed all the airholes the mayor had made.
"Gee, airholes. I'd better fill them in so nobody falls in there." Slappy then walked over to the house, and grabbed a hose, and hooked it up to the water spigot. She turned the water on, full blast. She then stuck the hose into one of the airholes.
Meanwhile, the mayor lit a match, but then the water began rising up, and it put out his match, and washed all the dynamite away, along with the mayor himself!
"Hey! Help!" the mayor yelled underneath the grass. Slappy could hear him, but obviously didn't want to help at all.
"Hey, did anyone hear anything?" Slappy yelled into thin air. No one replied.
"Eh, must be my imagination. Or a loose rock or somethin'." Slappy waltzed back into her tree.
()()()
The next day, Mr. Rodgers walked into his house with the mail.
"Well, look at this." Mr. Rodgers said to his viewers "I've gotten another letter from the mayor at city hall. Can you imagine what's in this envelope?" Mr. Rodgers opened up the envelope and read the letter.
Dear Frederick Rodgers. We have decided to not ask you to remove the tree, upon further observation, the tree will not cause any safety issues. We are sorry to inconvience you. Signed, Mayor Spencer Stanwood
"Well, that makes me very happy to know that the tree will stay. Could you imagine a world without trees?" asked Mr. Rodgers "There would be no shade for you to sit under. And the squirrels wouldn't have a place to live."
Then Slappy appeared on screen.
"I couldn't agree more, Fred. We really should be savin' our trees. They're an important part of our world. If we chop em all down, there'll be none left. And we'd be stuck building houses out of plastic." Said Slappy
"I like this squirrel. She gives me a good feeling." Said Mr. Rodgers, before singing his theme song.
It's such a good feeling, to know you're alive,
Slappy sang her version.
It's such a good feeling to blow up bad guys,
And then Slappy and Mr. Rodgers sang a duet.
And when you wake up, ready to say,
I think i'll make a Slappy, new day.
Then Slappy sang solo.
Oh it's a great feeling, a real great feeling, sing it Rodgers!
Then mr. Rodgers sang
That i'll be back, when the day is new
and i'll have more ideas for you
And then Slappy and Mr. Rodgers sang the last portion
And you'll have things, you'll want to talk about
and I will too!
Then Mr. Rodgers got up, ready to go out again.
"You know, you make every day special, just by being yourself." Before turning to Mlappy "And thank you, Miss Squirrel, for saving my tree." Mr. Rodgers thanked Slappy.
"Ah, you're making me all warm and fuzzy. At my age that usually means something's wrong." Slappy laughed, before the iris closed on her.
"Now thats...Educational/informative programming!" Then the iris closed entirely.
()()()()