Kingdom Hearts Random Crack fic by Aremselle
A/N: I think I was drunk and my brain was under too much stress on the MAJOR exam coming up. Anyway, being deprived of my precious PS2 for nearly three quarter of a year is a torture. Best of luck to all Malaysians taking Penilaian Menengah Rendah (PMR) exam and all the other major exam candidates. This is my first try on crackfics.
Elie: A plain black haired girl who had just read a vampire book and finish KH2. She can be bipolar sometimes. She wanted to see the fireworks.
Iqa: Another more attractive black haired girl wearing specs and dating Xemnas, also related to Namine and Shelke and acquaintance of Elie. Currently lives around Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Alice: A character Xunou-chan lend me from her Resident Evil 4 Fanfic.(I have yet to play it. Curse you, homework!)
Suraiya: A friend of mine. Also black haired but not wearing specs and bears some resemblance
Another thing, everyone here can teleport around and is a vampire except for Roxas, Namine and Shelke.
Disclaimer: I don't own any Kingdom Hearts, Yami No Matsuei, Resident Evil or Square Enix characters. Also, I don't own Terminator or Gelato Shops.
Elie: sniff sniff So cooool. I want Riikuuu!! Totally breaks down, sobbing Comes Riku and makes Elie a vampire.
Riku: Yuck! What are you? You taste like cats. Sneezes
Elie: Sorry. Reminds of a friend Allergies?
Riku: Hell no.Sneeze
Elie:Oh.Total denial
Riku: What was that?
Elie: Nothing
Comes Iqa with Xemnas
Riku: What are you two doing here?
Iqa: Same question directed to you.
Xemnas: Had dinner?
Riku: Thanks for noticing
crickets singing
Elie: Where's the fireworks? I'm getting hungry.
Everyone stares
Iqa: That's on the 2nd of Sept. Tomorrow.
Elie: Oh.blinks
cat passes by
Elie and Iqa: Awwww-
chases after cat
plays and hugs cat
Xemnas:3
Riku:stares
Xemnas:2
Riku:stares again
Xemnas :1
Iqa : sneezes
Elie: Your allergies acting up lol
Iqa: Shut sneeze up sneeze Elie
Elie: Ok.
eats the cat furs everywhere
Iqa: Oh, the poor thing. sneeze You're Heartless
Elie: I'm flattered.
Boom
Everyone!
Human voice: Test 1 completed.
Elie: Ohhhh-gawks at fireworks
Xemnas: I see. There are making the preparations now
more booms
Iqa: Nice view, too. We don't even need overcharged food to go with it, too.
Elie: Damn right.
Iqa and Elie: face each other with evil grintelepathic message
Xemnas and Riku: Thinking of the same thing
Iqa: Xemnas, dear. Let's go on a date.
Xemnas: smiles broadlyYes, my love.
Iqa walks up to him and disappears when Iqa grabbed hold of his arm
Elie:walks up to Riku Let's get closer to the fireworks
Riku:grabs hold of Elie's hand and disappears
The next day
The Mines, at an ice cream parlour
Iqa: Nice meeting you guys here.
Sora: Same to you
Iqa: What happened to Elie?
Riku: You don't want to know
Sora: I can tell you
Xemnas and Iqa: You?
Sora: Sent her to Romania
Xemnas: how?
Sora: She likes candy. A few sleeping pills wouldn't make any difference
Iqa: Nice. Why Romania?
Sora: The legendary giant blood sucking mosquito
Riku, Xemnas and Iqa: Lol
Sora: What?
Iqa: You believe that fairytale
Sora: pouts
Riku: Honestly Sora, where did you get that idea?
Xemnas: Whatever but Sora actually doing something bad. Priceless
Iqa: Poor Elie. Probably lost and cold, chased by villagers wielding pitchforks, stakes and crucifixes
Everyone: Lol
At Romania, somewhere near Transylvalania
Elie: woke up tied up What the-
loud buzzing
Elie?! AHHH! BIG MOSQUITO!runs round avoiding big mosquito
buzzes
Tzusuki: What's that?
Hisoka: Giant mosquito?
Tzusuki and Hisoka: The assignment!
magic and rope
Tzusuki: Done
Hisoka: Who's that?
Elie: Catching her breath
Tzusuki: Gasped in horror No one Tries to leave
Elie: TZUSUKI!
Hisoka: She knows you. walking to her to help untie her Let's help her
Tzusuki: No, she's my ex. We better run before she could put in her spell and drink us until we dry up
Hisoka: She's a vamp?!
Tzusuki: Yes, help me with the mosquito. We're going back now.
Hisoka: Ok
Both: Disappears along with mosquito
Elie: Damn.
passes into a mysterious village
Elie: Hello?
:Yes, how can we help you?
Elie:yelps in shockYes. Can you untie me?
goes back into house
Creepy old lady: Yaarggh!!Buzz of chainsaw
Elie: HELPPP!!Runs away
stumbles on something
shots fired
:Alice, untie her.
:Roger
a girl with a knife cuts the binds
Elie: gets to her feet Suraiya?( a friend of her)
Alice: No, I'm Alice.
more shooting
Alice: Leon, we must go now.
Leon: Right behind you
Alice: You will follow me if you want to live
Elie: YeahTerminator ripoff
Everyone:heads towards creepy castle
Sneak around to the courtyard
Elie: Holy-
boomcatapult reloading
shouting
Everyone: runs as people with flame throwers chase them around reach platform with helicopter got in and flew off
Leon: Talk and past something to Alice
Alice: Nods Who are you?
Elie: Elie
lands somewhere army officers arrests Elie
In lockup, at U.S. base,
Elie: What in the world have I got myself into?
thinking thinking thinking
Elie: Garrgh! How did Riku and the rest do this? How to call again? Uh-oh yeah. Now I remember
concentrates on Iqa
In hallway to lockup
Alice: Are we going to use this truth drug on her?
Leon: We try the psychology first
Alice: For how long?
Leon: Until an hour later
Alice: Nice. I'll be doing the needling
Leon: Go ahead. Boy, does she likes to do that
open the door
stare
Alice: No ones here
Leon: Do you think they'll notice?
Alice: Nope
Leon: I won't tell if you don't
Alice: Deal
Leon and Alice:Walks away looking innocent
Somewhere at KLCC, at a Gelato Shop storage room. 11.30pm
Iqa: Come on, relax. It would hurt only for a minute then you will become just like us, Roxas.
Roxas: O-ok
Xemnas: approaches
shouting
Iqa: massive crippling back ache
Xemnas: gets a black eye from Elie's kicking
Roxas: OMFG
Elie: Sorry you two. I can't travel properly yet. Who're you?
Roxas: Roxas.
Elie: Nice to meet you
Iqa: evil raging fires of hell alert Elie, can you help me to the infirmary?
Elie: Could you just warp there?Totally oblivious
Iqa: I could but a certain paper weight fell on me and now if I warp anywhere, I'm going to injure my back more.
Elie: Sorry Iqa and Elie disappears
Roxas: What was that all about? gets some ice for Xemnas
Xemnas: She's ticked off and I pity Elie place ice over his eye
Iqa: returns with hands rubbing her back snigger evilly
Roxas: Did you kill her?
Iqa: No. That's too quick for her.
Roxas: Then what did you do to her?
Iqa: Let's just say she get the best view in KL(Kuala Lumpur)
Xemnas and Roxas: stares at her then to the ceiling
Iqa: Nice guess
Everyone: Lol
Roxas: Sweet. But if it's alright with you, I changed my mind about the vampire thing.
Xemnas: Is that so. sighs
Iqa: frowns
Roxas: However, to treat you guys for letting me go easy. You can have any kind of ice-cream you want.
Iqa: Gelato
Roxas: Whatever
At the peak of KLCC.
Elie: scared stiff Altophobia settling in Hugging peak Help me. T-T
14 minutes later
:guy with short white hair appears Why are you here?
Elie:shrugs
Nero: My name's Nero. Are you here for the fireworks, too?
Elie: Elie. Yes I guess. I am a little phobic of heights so can you help me get down later.
Nero: Whatever. Quiet down. The fireworks are starting
Both: Ooooh.
Fireworks over
chats about fireworks
fights on which's better
somebody warps in
Elie: Iqa, the Australians are better right?
Nero: No, she'll agree that the Japanese are the best
bickers on
Iqa: reaching critical limit SHUT UP!!
Elie and Nero: Shuts up
Iqa: Personally, I like the Malaysian's better. I want both of you down.N-
more people warps in
Iqa: Namine! Wait for me at the gelato stand with Xemnas.
Namine: Is it ok if Shelke join too?
Iqa:eye twitches Yessh. through gritted teeth
Namine disappears
Nero and Elie: LTFAO
Iqa: Shut up or I'm not going to pay for your dinner plus gelato treats.
Nero and Elie: Shuts up and stomach grumbles
Iqa: Right. As I said before everyone down, now.
Gelato Stand
everyone scamper to order their gelato
Elie: When's dinner?
Iqa: takes out a queer looking strawberry syrup bottle and squirts into a glass
Everyone: OOhh-
Iqa: Ingenious, eh?
Everyone: agrees
Iqa nearly stabs Shelke with spoons
Elie, Roxas, Riku, Sora and Nero discuss about firework related stuff
Namine starts drawing
Few hours later
Iqa: Well guys, that was one heck of a Merdeka party.
Shelke: Yes, Namine drew a vague picture of it too
Namine:sniff
Iqa: Now, now Namine. Shelke is just being a bitch.
Namine: I'm ok. I'll take her critics and make my pictures better.
Iqa: That carbuncle is just being difficult. Let's go to Kinokuniya for mangas. My treat.
Namine: Yeaa-dances around happily
Iqa: Xemnasss. Are you coming for the 'How to Rule Kingdom Hearts Guidebook'?
Xemnas: Ok, then.
Shelke: I'll be with my sister as well
Iqa: Okay through gritted teeth If you weren't Namine's sister, I would have sent you to Antartica and leave you in a block of ice for all eternity.
trio disappears
Elie: If I was a stranger, I would have thought those three are siblings.
Nero: They're not?!
Sora: Yup. Namine is Iqa's cousin and Shelke the Insulter is Namine's step sister.
Roxas: Whoa. Complicated family tree.
Riku: That's complicated?
Nero, Riku, Sora and Elie: Lol
Roxas: What?
Elie: We all have complicated family and as a vampire it's the norm.
Nero, Riku and Sora: Nods
Elie: I'm going back home for my iPod and my phone. kisses Roxas loldisappear
Roxas: WTF?
Nero: Humph. First timer. Well, I have to check on my brothers. Chow. disappear
Roxas: What's the kiss for? blushes
Sora: Isn't it obvious?
Roxas: What?
Riku: sighs She likes you and is going to give her number once she found her phone.
Roxas: What?
Sora: Stop saying what. If anything, just explain to her if you're gay.
Roxas: WHAT? I'm straight.
Riku: 'If'. We're going to our hotel for dinner. So, have fun.
disappears
:Hey, Roxy
-Axel's a girl in this fic-
Roxas: Axel!
Axel: Yes, A-X
Roxas:-E-L. I got it memorized
Axel: Let's go on our date
Elie came back looking like a gothic Lolita maid person
Elie: Roxas, I- stares at the two for a second I'll manage the stand for you. You two have fun, now.
Roxas:internally panics Uhh-
Axel: Have you given her your contact number?
Roxas: What?
Axel: Contact number for emergencies.
Roxas: Ok
Elie:takes out phone and eagerly takes the number Ok. Now go while the night is still young
Roxas: nods in confusion Just take care of the shop.
Elie: I will. Thanks for the job. Roxas. Now go. Go before every durable alarm clocks sold out. (Roxas is an alarm clock basher)
Axel: Ahh-I was going to surprise him. grabs Roxas Bye
Elie: waves goodbye Hehehe. You may escape me this time. But next time you'll be mine. evil grin
customer comes in
Elie: Go into pleasant shopkeeper mode
: I'll have the chocolate and coffee, please.
Elie: Right away, Miss. Talk about Lady in red. Help. Put some black on her. I'm blinded here. (A certain person in Resident Evil 4 who still wears a low cut red dress even when fighting zombies)
And so that's the Malaysia Merdeka Celebratory Party, arranged by Iqa and the Square Enix's also Kingdom Hearts Vampire Circle. This was planned during the meeting at Putrajaya. Also the tale of how Elie got her job in KLCC.
A/N: Freaky, I know. I just hope that no one was offended or insulted because of this. As I might have told you earlier, I was drunk… or is it because I've been popping in painkillers. Anyway, the main point here is that, this is a crack fic and almost everyone in it are vampires. PLEASE GIVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM!!! I need help for my fanfic making and not insults that make me want to die.
P.S: To the Malaysians reading this Happy 50th Merdeka Day.
Please R&R and thank you.
The button down here, review me to help me.