*Author's Note: I know more babies and Bensidy, but I'm hoping you guys will enjoy it. As far as my other story is concerned, it isn't finished, but as I am having serious writer's block, I'm putting in hold for a while. So enjoy this new story for now!*
There had been plenty of children; plenty of children who had been left or abused by their parents and taken away. She had seen many a kid be put into foster care. But this time, this time it was very different for more than one reason.
Detective Olivia Benson left the family court house at an all new level of distraction. Everything that had happened within in the last few days flooded her thoughts, leaving room for nothing but babies, a negative pregnancy, and disappointment.
The case she had just closed had affected her more than usual. While on the hunt for a young boy given away by his own mother, Olivia had come across "baby doe", an almost 3 month old baby boy taken by the same two abductors from her current case. The moment she had laid eyes on the little boy, she could think of nothing else.
Making matters worse and increasing the thoughts of babies she had on her brain, was an event earlier in the week. Although her and Brian had been together for almost a year now, the topic of children hadn't really come up. They were both older and dedicated to demanding jobs, it wasn't like they were in the ideal situation to be bringing a child into the world. But that all changed, when Olivia thought she was pregnant. She had been about a week late and for three days straight she had woken up sick to her stomach. It had turned out, though, much to Benson's dismay, that she wasn't pregnant. And although she would never admit it to Brian, she did admit to her therapist, Dr. Lindstrom, how much it really did upset her that it was another missed opportunity to be a mother. A role Olivia had wished to fill for many years.
So upon seeing "baby doe", it was obvious that it affected her; that two criminals, who abducted children and were involved in child pornography, had gotten so lucky to have this beautiful little boy in their lives. It disgusted and aggravated the seasoned detective.
But now, after sitting in a court room for an hour and explaining herself to a family court judge that nobody had claimed the baby, that she felt the opportunity of motherhood was once again in view for Olivia.
The baby had been placed in foster care, in a home ran by the government, where he would stay until some foster family would be willing to take him. He would be passed around from home to home, no guarantee that he would be treated well, and not guaranteed that anyone would ever truly add him as an addition to their family. That was where Olivia felt she could change the course of the little boy's life. She felt she could be the person to take him on, to love him, and she would finally be momma Benson.
Except, she had to consider the other person in her equation, Brian. She couldn't just come home tonight and tell him they were going to adopt a child. He had been relieved when she told him the pregnancy test had been negative, no way would he agree to adopt a baby Olivia had come across during a case.
Yet, it was the words of advice that had come from her former captain, Donald Cragen, which made her consider bringing up the subject. "Take care of yourself." He had said to her. And he didn't just mean staying healthy, he meant do things for herself, do what she wanted to do, do things outside of the walls of the 16th precinct. The man himself had never had a wife or family and that was something he had never wanted Liv to experience. He wanted her to have a life outside of her job and she wanted that for herself as well.
Her whole drive from the courthouse to her apartment was filled with trying to work up the courage to talk to Brian. If he was home, she was going to explain what she thought to him. He needed to know, he needed to be aware of how badly she wanted this and how badly she wanted him to want it as well.
She pulled into her designated spot in the parking garage, Brian's care sitting in the slot next to her signifying he was indeed home. She felt nauseas about what she was going to do, but it was now or never. She was done waiting for everyone else to be ready, for everyone else to accept what she wanted. This is what she wanted and she was going to fight for it.
Upon entering the apartment, she found Brian in the kitchen, reheating leftovers from the previous night. He looked up from the counter where his plate sat, smiling at his girlfriend. "Hey, babe." He met her halfway giving her a small kiss, before heading back to his meal.
"I'm going to go change." It was all Olivia could spit out before retreating to the bedroom, removing her work clothes and changing into yoga pants and a t-shirt.
She threw her dirty clothes in the hamper and went into the bathroom. She stood in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection, thinking to herself you can do this, it's just a simple conversation. But it was so much more than a conversation, it was something that could change her life, something she hoped would change her life.
Without any more hesitation, she left the bathroom and bedroom and headed back into the kitchen and living room. Brian had moved to the couch where he sat watching ESPN.
Olivia took a seat next to him. She took a deep breath, before saying, "Brian there's something I want to talk to you about."
He looked at her, a confused expression on his face. Whenever she started a conversation this way it was usually something considerably serious. "Okay. Is something wrong?"
"Nothing is really wrong. I just want to know why you were so relieved that I wasn't pregnant?" She would start by getting his feelings on the whole baby thing.
"Liv, to we really need to discuss that?" Brian sighed.
"Yeah, we do. I would really like to know." Olivia was not allowing him to avoid the topic. She wanted to know and she was going to find out.
"Fine. And I wouldn't say I was overly relieved. Yes, I was relieved, but I was kind of disappointed, too, even though you don't think I was." Brian looked at Olivia, who didn't say anything, urging him to continue. "I think a bay would have been great and I know we would have handled it no matter what the outcome of that test was, but it's so hard to think about having a baby right now. Neither of us are particularly spring chickens and I just got my shield back and you just got promoted. Everything has been chaos these last few months. Both of us spend more time at the precincts than we spend at home. I want kids Liv I do, but I don't know that there will ever be a good time for us."
Olivia knew every point he had made was valid, but it still upset her that he didn't feel they were a strong enough people or a strong enough couple to handle a baby. "So, you wouldn't have been upset if I was pregnant?" Liv questioned.
"No, I probably would have been ecstatic. Eventually it would have sunk in and I would have been worried about it. But if you told me you were pregnant, I would have been pretty damn excited."
His last sentence gave Liv some hope. He would have been happy. She understood the worries, they were the same worries she herself had, but he would have been happy. "Well, I'm glad you didn't just feel relieved. But there is something that came up with my case today. And you are going to think I'm absolutely crazy, because this is exactly what you just told me we weren't ready for. But there was a baby, we found him with the other kids. Nobody claimed him and he got put into foster care today."
"Are you really suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Brian knew what was coming.
"Yeah I am. Because I know you think we aren't ready and we have other things going on, but if this is really something we want to do then we need to do it. You said it yourself, we aren't getting any younger. And obviously we won't be having our own children. This baby need someone, he need parents." Olivia argued.
"Are you even thinking through how much work that would, how much we would be taking on?" Brian asked her.
"Seriously, Brian? I know what comes with having a child. I understand that. But what if this is the only opportunity we ever get. I'm not letting this slip away from me. Maybe you don't want to do it, but I will figure out how to do it on my own because this is something I truly want." Olivia stood up and left Brian sitting alone in the living room.
Olivia didn't even bother to turn on the light she just slipped right into bed, not wanting to bother with anything else.
Not even five minutes after she had left him alone, Brian came into the bedroom, sitting on the edge near Olivia's feet.
"I'm not going to have you be mad at me over this. I know what this means to you. Just the way you talk about, makes it obvious you really want this." Brian looked at Liv.
"I do. I want this so bad, Bri." Olivia told him.
"I know you do. And I don't want to stand in your way, in our way. But really? You think this is what we should be doing right now?" Brian just wasn't completely convinced they could handle this.
"No, I don't know for sure that this is what we should be doing. But I would really like to find out. I think we can do this and I want, more than anything, for us to try. I mean we don't even know if he'll be placed with us or if we will get him." Olivia sat up next to Brian.
"Fine, go talk to whoever you need to talk to in the morning. I'm not totally sure about this, but I will try for you."
Olivia was shocked that Brian had somewhat agreed. But it made her incredibly happy to have this opportunity.