DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING!!!
NOTE: I have never watched Punked but know the concept of it. I like it. I shall use it for my own uses in this story where CM Punk gets revenge for wrestlers for other wrestlers.
DATE: February 15th 2008
YOU GOT CM PUNKED: PILOT EPISODE: CM STALKER
The lights it the set of a television show not unlike that of the late night interview shows. There is a desk with the WWE logo on the front of it, two seats next to it with a small table in front of it mostly for the use of holing a single cup of coffee at a time, sometimes two though. Finally there is a fake picture of Madison Square Garden in the background of the set.
The studio audience all waited in there seats for the show to start when lights went out. After a few seconds of total darkness they came back on with a small light show and the theme music of the shows host, CM Punk, playing.
Punk made his way out onto the stage dressed in a high class suit, one that would put to shame the fancy high class suits that even Batista would be seen in. Punk shook the hands of a few audience members and signed a few autographs before sitting down behind the desk. He then took his own coffee mug that had the straight edge hardcore logo on it and placed it on his desk.
"Hello everyone and welcome to the very first show of "You Got CM Punked." You might be asking how it works, well its simple, I hear the complaints of a particular wrestler then just for them, and of course you at home, punk them out like only I can. Thats right folks, Vince McMahon has decided to rip off "Punked" long after it stopped being popular and decided that because Punk was in my name it would be a natural fit. I didn't want to do it at first then I found out I got to make a ass of a lot of people I didn't like and I was all over it." Punk explained the premise of his new show to the cheers of the audience in attendance.
"So you might ask, "Just who is the first guy to get this treatment?" Well I'll let my first guest tell you. Ladies and Gentlemen give it up for V1 Matt Hardy!" Punk said. The audience started to cheer as Matt Hardy's tornado slapping music started and he came out to the stage waving to the audience. He walked over to Punk shook his hand and took a seat next to him.
"Welcome to the show Matt." Punk said. Matt nodded to him.
"Nice to be here Punk but I gotta tell you somethin' man, I haven't went by V1 for years." Matt stated.
"True, but I thought hey why not? I mean it IS my show after all." Punk said, Matt nodded again.
"Guess I cant argue with that logic." Matt said with a shrug. He went to take a drink of the coffee in his mug but stopped.
"Man what is this? Cause its not any coffee I've ever seen before." Matt asked.
"What do you think it is? I'm CM Punk theres nothing going into any of those coffee mugs but the CM Punk approved beverage of choice, Pepsi." Punk stated. It should have been obvious.
"Of course what was I thinking?" Matt asked taking a sip. "Hmmm more of a coke-a-cola man myself." Punk stared at Matt with anger in his eyes, how dare he speak of the lesser cola in his presence.
"Don't make me kick you off of my show Matt." Punk stated bluntly.
"Right, right, sorry." Matt said putting his hands in the air.
"So enough wasting time here Matt, why don't you tell us who you wanted to get CM Punked." Punk said.
"Well it was a tough decision for me Punk, I mean there were a number of guys who deserve it. The obvious choice is MVP, hes the guy who put me out with my current injury, but then theres Randy Orton I would be back by now if not for the concussion that he gave me a while back, but I decided to go with someone who was a little less obvious." Matt said.
"Well I'm betting most people out there is thinking Edge right now, you guys haven't been at it for a while but the guy did steal your girlfriend and caused you to get fired a few years ago, but thats not who you picked either right?" Punk asked.
"No Punk its not. I mean sure Edge is really high on my hit list as well, but I figure the best punking that I could give him is to either steal his girlfriend or his title Hell maybe even both." Matt explained. Punk nodded.
"Right, so why Don't you tell everyone out there who you did want CM Punked." Punk requested.
"Sure thing. I wanted my own little brother Jeff Hardy punked." Matt said bluntly. The crowd came to a hushed silence, could this be the beginning of a Hardy's feud?
"An odd choice no doubt. Why don't you explain why you wanted to get Jeff CM Punked." Punk said, another small request.
"Not a problem. The reason I wanted Jeff CM Punked is because, well because quite frankly I'm a little jealous of his recent success." Matt said simply.
"So nothing more than jealously fuels this one?" Punk asked. Matt shrugged.
"Well that and the fact that every time he comes to my house he leaves the toilet seat up." Matt said.
"Very good then. Well lets see the footage of your target, your little brother Jeff Hardy getting CM Punked. Do you wanna set this one up?" Punk asked.
"Sure thing. You see anyone who knows Jeff knows that Jeff LOVES his fans. So I thought that it would be great if one of those fans who loves him back, loved him just a little bit to much. So that Jeff thinks he has a stalker. Of course we all know that this fan is just CM Punk as the most convincing man to ever go in drag." Matt said with a smile. Punk takes a sip of his Pepsi and nods.
"We have the greatest make up team in the world but, before you see this clip I want every ladies out there to know that I have a new respect for you. I mean those girdles, high heels are hell and lets just forget about the itchy as hell bra." Punk explained.
"I saw you in drag you were having a great time." Matt laughed.
"Yeah I laughed after it was over and I could get out of it. Enjoy the clip." Punk said, he then picked up a remote control and pushed a button making a television drop from the ceiling and then started playing.
The first clip showed CM Punk who did some how make a rather convincing average looking woman at a Jeff Hardy autograph signing. Punk finally got to the front of the line where Jeff was.
"Hi there, how are you doing today?" Jeff said, with a smile signing a picture for Punk.
"I'm doing great now that I'm talking to you Jeff!" Punk said in a awful womans voice. It sounded like an 80 year old woman with throat cancer. Jeff was taken aback by the average looking womans horrible voice.
"Oh, well thank you very much." Jeff said not missing a beat. It was obvious that the guy had seen his fair share of freak fans in the past. The worst he could think of was the four hundred pound goth girl with a missing leg and mustache. So an average looking woman with a horrible voice was nothing for him.
"Oh Jeff I love you oh so much!"Punk said hugging Jeff tightly. Jeff hugged back with no resistance even though at the moment he wanted to punch this girl in the face, there were a lot of fans who did this to Jeff all of them girls, all of them Jeff thought were in need of a good face punching.
"I love you too sweetie, thats enough now." Jeff said, trying to get Punk to let him go which he did.
"Jeff can I get a picture of the to of us together?" Punk asked, he was doing his best innocent girl impression but that voice... maybe next time instead of dressing in drag he would just find some random accomplice.
"Sure thing sweetie." Jeff said getting out of his seat. He put one arm around Punk while the other was posed in the usual position with two fingers pointing up. Just before the photographer could take the picture Punk proved he would do most anything for his show by kissing the unsuspecting Jeff on the cheek as the photographer took the picture. After the picture Punk jumped up and down like a stupid fan in excitement. Punk himself had gone through this plenty of times he knew how to play it.
"Thank you so much Jeff! Jenny is going to be SOOOOOOOOOOOO Jealous!!!!" Punk said. Damn he played the part of a over the top obsessed fan well!
"No problem sweetie." Jeff said. He had been through this several times himself it was nothing new it happened at least twice at every autograph signing.
"Ummmm Jeff... I'm staying at the same hotel as all the wrestlers tonight and if you want... well heres my room key!" Punk said throwing the card on the table in front of Jeff. Jeff smiled and tried to pass it back.
"No, I thank you very much sweetie but I cant." Jeff said. He was also used to this. It didn't happen as much but he still got it at least once a month. Punk refused to take it back and just backed away.
"Right, I understand... I'll see you later tonight the room number is on the key." Punk said with a smile and a wink. Then turned his pack to Jeff took the camera from the person he had taking the picture for him and disappeared out of the room. Jeff grinned and shook his head, before throwing the key in the garbage.
"Guess I cant blame the kid. I'd want to do me too." Jeff said smile still in place as he called for the next fan to come up to the table.
It was at this point that the picture turned to black on the TV screen. The audience cheered what they had just seen.
"Oh no Don't cheer yet, thats just the set up!" Punk said with a smile. Matt looked at Punk and shook his head.
"Dude you kissed him!" Matt said before laughing. "You never told me you kissed him!"
"Just makes it more believable man trust me, I have had my fair share of fans like that as well it just makes it more believable when part two happens." Punk started.
"Yeah man, I guess so." Matt said still laughing a little.
"And what about your brother anyways, "I'd want to do me too." What is up with that?" Punk said now laughing in himself.
"The man loves himself as much as he loves his fans." Matt said.
"Well I suppose that cant be a bad thing then." Punk said shrugging.
"Nope not at all. Now how about showing us the rest of it." Matt said. Punk nodded.
"Of course. Well as you saw in the first clip everything had been set up for the big pay off. We all know Jeff wont be coming to see his new "girlfriend" but as we all should know Matt and Jeff are sharing a room so it was easy for this girl to find out just were Jeff was staying and confront him about not showing up." Punk said. He then pressed the button on the remote control for part two of the clip.
The second clip starts out with Punk still dressed in drag at Jeff and Matt's room and knocking on the door. After a few seconds Matt opens the door.
"Oh hi..." Matt said after seeing Punk in drag for the first time he had a hard time not blowing his cover by laughing.
"Hi is Jeff here please?" Punk said in the horrible womans voice. Once again Matt almost blew his cover look at Punk with a look that obviously says "Is that the best voice you can do?" Sadly for Punk, it was.
"Uhh yeah. He is... c'mon in." Matt said, opening the door to let Punk in.
"Someones here for you Jeff." Matt said. Jeff was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. Obviously he thought it was another wrestler coming to just hang out. He came out toothbrush still in his mouth and saw Punk standing there unlike before though Punk wasn't smiling this time. Once Jeff saw Punk standing there his eyes widened. He disappeared into the bathroom again for a few seconds and spit out the tooth paste then whipped it away from his mouth and ran back out into the room.
"Hi." Jeff said looking at Punk. He then looked at Matt with the look that said only one word, "why?" Matt shrugged.
"She caught me off guard man." Matt whispered to him.
"Well you have to get rid of her." Jeff whispered. Matt nodded.
"Sure thing man, but I gotta use the bathroom first it cant wait another second. Just give me a few minutes ok." Matt said, then started to the bathroom until Jeff grabbed his arm and pulled him back.
"What are you kidding man, you can't leave me here like this!" Jeff whispered.
"Sorry man I REALLY gotta go." Matt whispered back, he started to the bathroom again, and once again Jeff grabbed his arm, this time however Matt pulled his arm away and made it to the bathroom.
"You never showed up Jeff." Punk said in a voice much more serious then the last time he had seen Jeff it wasn't bubbly this time. That itself threw Jeff off a little.
"No, I didn't. I ah... Well you didn't really expect me to come did you. I have a lot of important business to do." Jeff said.
"MORE IMPORTANT THEN YOUR FANS!" Punk screamed, Jeff was taken aback by this. He didn't expect it at all.
"Hey settle down now. Nothing is more important to me then my fans." Jeff said.
"Thats a load of crap if it were turn then you would of come instead of making something up about having other things to do!" Punk said.
"Listen its like this ok, I have a girlfriend, I couldn't be down there with you it wouldn't be right." Jeff explained.
"But it is right to take the room key and throw it away!?" Punk yelled. It was at the point the obvious question dawned on Jeff.
"How did you know what room I was staying at?" Jeff asked. Punk wasn't ready for hat question but he was good at thinking on his feet.
"I have my ways!" Punk said, the tone of voice is what sold Jeff on it. This girl was nuts.
"Ok listen I'm afraid you have to go now." Jeff said. He had had enough of this crazy girl and he had to get her out of here before it escalated, but alas it was to late, as that was the sentence that Punk was waiting to hear before pulling out his crazy stalker chick trump card.
"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!!!" Punk screamed pulling out a gun. Jeff stumbled back and held out his arms.
"Matt... come out here please..." Jeff squeaked out. It was the best he could do there would be no way that Matt could hear it except for the fact that it was all staged and Matt was waiting for that cue if it happened.
"Give me a chance to wash my hands Jeff." Matt called out.
"Now please..." Jeff said quietly again, his hand were still out stretched.
"Fine I'm coming, whats so important..." It was at this point that Matt re-entered the room. "...anyways... Oh crap..."
"What are we going to do?" Jeff whispered to his brother, it was loud enough for Punk to hear.
"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO!?! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOUR GOING TO DO YOUR GOING TO DIE!!!!!" Punk screamed at the top of his lungs advancing towards Jeff.
"NO PLEASE DON'T!!!" Jeff screamed, Punk had come right next to him put the gun in front of his face smiled an evil smile at Jeff then pulled the trigger.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Jeff screamed, he close his eyes as soon as he heard the click then after a few seconds he realized something. He wasn't dead. How could that be he heard the gun click, finally Jeff opened his eyes to see the gun now had a flag sticking out of it with the Pepsi logo on it. He looked at Matt who could no longer contain himself and burst out laughing. Jeff was confused as all hell what was going on, then he put it together a Pepsi logo on the flag?
"CM FRIGGIN' PUNK!!!!" Jeff screamed pulling the wig off of the straight edge superstar. Punk couldn't contain himself anymore as he started laughing too, he pulled the fake rubber like womans face make-up off his face as he continued to laugh.
"YOU SHOULD OF SEEN YOUR FACE JEFF!!!!" Matt screamed during his fit of laugher.
"YOU JERKS!!! YOU JERKS!!!! WHY THE HELL DID YOU PULL SUCH A RIB ON ME LIKE THAT!?!" Jeff screamed. Punk regained his composure.
"Because Jeffy boy, your brother Matt here asked me to do it." Punk said,
"WHAT!?!" Jeff screamed.
"Yeah its true." Matt said still laughing.
"WHY!?!?!" Jeff screamed, he demanded answers.
"Because he was jealous of your recent success." Punk explained, Jeff looked at Matt in amazement, he thought Matt was better then this.
"Your a jerk Matt you know that." Jeff said, he was starting to calm down.
"Soon you'll look back on this and laugh." Matt said with a smile as he put his arm around his brother, Jeff pushed it off.
"Not likely I was so scared I..." Jeff stopped.
"You what?" Matt asked, Jeff sighed he had to tell him now.
"I was so scared I pissed myself." Jeff said. Matt and Punk both immediately looked down at Jeff's crotch, a place they would never usually look to indeed see that his pants were wet around there.
"YES THATS AWESOME!!!!" Matt screamed as he and Punk high fived.
"Thats deadly man, Jeff you my friend will be happy to know, that your the very person to hear this, you just got CM Punked!" Punk said with a smile and a thumbs up to the camera.
"Yeah I'll get your jerks back." Jeff said as the picture faded to black and back into the studio as the audience cheered.
"That was awesome." Matt said shaking Punks hand again.
"You got that right. Anyways folks thats it, for the very first episode of "You got CM Punked, hope you enjoyed the show." Punk said. He and Matt shook hands again as the studio lights went out and the audience cheered them.
THE END
And there you have it. One-shot or not? Who knows haven't decided yet, anyways leave a comment and let me know what you thought of it.
Later
-Theodore.