Amber eyes stared blankly out the glass windows of the Quayside Cradle. Sunrise wasn't for another couple of hours, but he was tired of lying in bed trying to get some decent sleep. The nightmares that had plagued him since Altissia had slowly gotten worse over time, but recently it seemed as if peaceful sleep had become impossible. Ignis had picked up on his restlessness, but had always dropped the subject when Gladio insisted it was nothing. He was sure his partner was aware that it wasn't nothing, but he was glad the advisor didn't push. Still, it had become harder and harder to ignore as the bittersweet anniversary approached to keep it all locked away. However, now that the sun was starting to rise, officially marking a year since the king gave his life and Prompto took his, every nerve in his body seemed to be on edge.
"Gladio…?" A sleepy voice called out to him, snapping him back into focus. He turned his head to look towards the bed as Ignis pulled himself to a sitting position. "Is something the matter?"
"Just couldn't sleep. I'm fine, Iggy."
"I see." The phrase made Gladio flinch. That was the phase Ignis always gave when the shield tried to bullshit his way around what was bothering him. The still half asleep tactician forced himself to his feet and walked to the windows, staring out sightlessly. "The sun should be up soon. I'm afraid it's going to be a… rather long day." A sigh escaped his throat mid-sentence.
"We could just stay in." The lack of response surprised the shield, as if Ignis had actually considered the thought. Concerned, he rose from the chair and stood beside the smaller man. The advisor seemed to be completely absent, just staring out sadly. "Ignis…?"
"My apologies, I… I seemed to have gotten lost in thought." Ignis sighed, brushing away the one tear that had escaped. The shield turned and pulled the strategist into a tight hug. He hated this. He had always been taught that the best way to move on was always to keep going. Now though, with nowhere to go, these feelings threatened to consume him and man did it hurt. It hurt to see this sunrise and know that it came at the cost of two of their dearest friends. It hurt to watch Ignis stare out the window with his unseeing eyes with such pain and sadness lurking behind them. What hurt the worst though was realizing that with the exception of Noct, he could have prevented a good number of these tragedies that now plagued him.
"It's alright. It's a tough day. I don't expect you to be all put together as usual." Gladio said softly, running his hands comfortingly along the advisor's spine. A small, amused scoff emitted from Ignis as he looked up at the shield.
"And you?"
"I…" Gladio froze. He had walked right into a trap. If he said he was fine, Ignis would simply claim that he too would be fine. If he said what was really on his mind… well that just wasn't an option. A sigh cut through the brief silence as Ignis stepped away, causing sharp pain to fill the shield's chest as his partner turned to stare back out the window. Was his outward strength really worth pushing Ignis away like this? No, it wasn't, but it seemed that speaking up was harder than it seemed. It took a long painful silence before he was able to speak, and even then, it was simple and vague. "I miss them. I wish there was something I could have done."
"As do I, Gladio." Ignis agreed, facing the shield once more. The advisor's face was grim, sadness clouding his eyes more than the blindness had. That hurt just as much as anything else that had happened. To see the man he loved in such pain and not being able to fix it… the shield was sure it couldn't get worse than that. He opened his mouth to offer comforting words about Noctis's bravery in the end and Prompto's happiness now, but Ignis spoke first. "If I could have taken his place…" The words no more than left those lips before something inside of Gladio broke, shattered into thousands of pieces. The mere thought of losing Ignis was too much. It forced every bit of guilt and regret he had held onto for so long to the surface in a forceful eruption before either of them had time to react.
"DON'T SAY THAT!" Gladio roared, grabbing Ignis by the shoulders forcefully. The blind man flinch in pain, surprise and traces of fear evident in his cloudy blue eye. Gladio had never so much as raise his voice him, much less put his hands on him with such anger. A few moments passed, neither of them moving or making a sound save for the former shield's attempt to regulate his breathing. Slowly, the other man fell to his knees in front of him, throwing is arms around Ignis's waist and burying his face into his stomach. "I-I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" The words came out broken and full of regret as he fought back the painful, quiet sobs.
"Gladio…" Ignis was unsure what he was going to say, but he hoped maybe the sound of his voice was enough. A dull aching pain throbbed in the strategist's chest as he sunk down, allowing Gladio to place his head on his shoulders. He had never seen Gladio like this, literally or figuratively. There had been times where the former shield had shed a tear or spoke sadly of an event, but never in the many years he had known the man had he clung to Ignis so tightly or cried with such pain. They sat there for what seemed to be an eternity, silent save for the sounds of grief and fear that Gladio's cries brought. As the sobs slowly began to ease, Gladio lifted his head, pulling away to look at Ignis.
"Noct… Noct had to die… but Prompto… I-I shouldn't have left him alone…" That was all Gladio could manage, but it was more than enough. Ignis swallowed hard. He felt so selfish for his moping now, to know that the shield had felt responsible for Prompto's untimely death. How much was he keeping locked up under the guise of being fine?
"Prompto's death was not your fault." Ignis said softly, his own tone wavering as he fought to keep his cool. "If it hadn't happened when it did, I fear he would have done it elsewhere… he was very much dependent on King Noctis…" Gladio took a deep breath, placing his hand over the one that still lingered on his face and nodded. Ignis gave a soft smile, moving to pull his hand back to his side, but the tighten grip stopped him. Ever so gently, the larger man pulled the smaller into a lose but desperate hug.
"But as fucked up as it sounds… even to have them both back…" His voice had fallen to barely more than a whisper as he fought the overwhelming emotions back into his body. Despite the tears and pain, he smiled, forcing him self on. "I can't lose you, Ignis…" The words hit the strategist hard, causing his breath to catch in his throat. When he tried to speak, Gladio place a gentle finger on his lips. He didn't need to see to know the look on the other's tear stained face. The hand that had silenced him moved behind his head, pulling him forward into a soothing kiss. The shield broke away slowly, placing his forehead to his lover's gently. He tried to control his breathing as nervousness started to take over, forcing himself to speak before he backed out again. When he opened his mouth however, no words would come out, instead replaced by a ragged sigh. Ignis pulled away, his sightless gaze falling on his partner with concern.
"Gladio… it was not my intention to hurt or upset you, I… I should have thought before I spoke…" The smaller man said softly. "I am sorry…"
"It's fine. You actually made me realize..." The shields voice trailed off into a deep breath, collecting himself before he forced himself to continue. "I don't know if this is… appropriate given everything that's happened, but I need to say it. I've waited and talked myself out of it long enough." The former shield gave a small solemn chuckle. "I've been meaning to say it since… well. I guess since that last night we spent alone together in Lestallum." Ignis remembered the night vividly. It had been the first of many times that Gladio said he loved him first. He had awoken later than usual that next morning to find Gladio gone and Noct playing cards with Prompto. Gladio only returned shortly before they left, claiming to have needed to do some shopping with Iris. What he could possibly have to say was beyond Ignis, but twelve years was an awful long time to hold back anything. Gladio watched the confusion practically bubble up before him and smiled. He too remembered that night. Every smile, every movement, even the very words Ignis had spoken echoed in his head. Gladio had known that Ignis loved him, and he loved Ignis, but it was that night he had learned how much he truly meant to the advisor. The look in his eyes and the emphasis in his voice when he told Gladio of his importance to him… he knew what it was like to be truly cherished as a person. It was a feeling the former shield was unsure if he could match, but for this man, he had to try. The next morning, he had gotten up early and set off to the market. He went to every shop and vendor he could find until he found a ring truly befitting the other man. Once he had returned, it was already early afternoon and everything was packed and ready to start off to Altissia. Gladio swore he would present it to him once they had returned. The memory brought a tear to his eyes. So much happened so fast, he never got around to asking. No time ever felt right again, until now. He hesitated momentarily before taking Ignis's left hand in his, using his other hand to dig out the intricate sliver band from his pocket where it had stayed since its purchase. Amber eyes checked it over one last time before finally placing it upon the advisor's finger. There was so much he wanted to say, but once again he found himself speechless. Instead, he watched in silence as a shocked expression lit the clouded eye before him. Ignis opened his mouth to speak, but found himself choking on his words as he fought back tears. The tactician remained silent for quite some time, trying to control his breath and avoid sobbing. It was hard for the shield to tell if Ignis was happy or not as he couldn't see his face. That alone worried him, but when the slender hand in his grasp pulled away, he started to panic.
"I-I'm sorry it took so long…" Gladio finally stammered, "but I… the Six know I need you Iggy." Ignis slowly regained his composure, at least enough to lift his head. A small smile lit his face between the tears. Nothing could have made him happier, but it wasn't something he expected. In fact, it wasn't only Gladio who had held out for so long. He had planned to ask the shield himself before everything that had happened in Altissa. He had even had a gold band custom made for the occasion. After he had lost his sight, however, he gave up on asking and the ring was banished to an eternity in the pocket of his shirt. He felt it would have been self-serving and unfair. After all, the shield had spent his whole life in service to the crown, how cruel it would be to ask him to spend the rest caring for a blind man. Ignis steeled himself for Gladio to leave at any time, but he never did. In fact, things hardly changed. The same passion and love they shared that night twelve years ago was still very much alive. Now, he would never get to ask, but as he pulled the ring from its resting place and slid it on to Gladio's hand, he hoped it would at least make a suitable answer. The shield let out a small chuckle, one that was both hearty and breathless. It pained Ignis not to be able to see his new fiancé's face, but the feeling of those strong arms pulling him tightly into a hug couldn't have felt better. "I guess that's a yes then?" Gladio asked softly in his ear, the large smile obvious as the shield nuzzled him affectionately.
"Of Course, my love."