A very short story written in honour of Halloween. Enjoy!
Death Is On Your Heels, Baby: A Halloween Story
It is a dark stormy night, and the only sound on the city street is the far off sound of sirens. There is a chill in the air as the girl pulls the shawl closer around herself over the skimpy dress she wears. Her long dark hair catches in the breeze and blows over her pale face. She looks down the empty street lit by puddles of light from street lamps. She doesn't look behind her. The killer in black creeps up behind the unsuspecting girl and grabs her by the back of the neck. He spins her into the wall and she stares at his demonic face, yellow eyes glowing viciously.
"Hello pet," he says with a wicked smile.
The girl screams as he bites into her throat.
Kaylee shrieks and pulls the blanket up to her chin.
"What the?"
Wash appears in the doorway to the darkened common area, brandishing a t-rex. Then he spies the cortex screen flickering and lowers the dinosaur.
"Ah, which one is this?"
Kaylee lowers the blanket from her mouth. "It's called 'Death Is On Your Heels, Baby'." She nods at the screen. "He's a vampire but I quite like him."
"Budge over," Wash says, his attention back on the screen.
Kaylee slides across the sofa as Wash drops down beside her.
The ear-piercing scream makes Simon jump in his infirmary. He goes bursting into the common area, a syringe in his hand.
He skids to a stop to find Kaylee, Wash and his sister staring at him.
"We behind on out vaccinations doc?" Wash asks.
"I…err…" he looks at the needle in his hand then back again. "It was a weapon. What the hell is going on?"
Kaylee giggles nervously and points at the screen. Simon looks and sees the blond haired vampire eating yet another innocent victim.
"Kaylee jumped when he pounced," River informs him solemnly.
"So did I! I thought you were being mauled!"
"I wouldn't mind being mauled by him," River says nodding to the screen where the vampire has just lit a cigarette. "Kaylee?"
"River!" Simon says aghast.
"He is tasty I'll admit," Kaylee giggles. "I'd let him nibble on my neck any night."
"Kaylee!"
Simon's face is a picture. Kaylee pats the sofa beside her despite it already being full. Simon lays the syringe on the table and sits down. Kaylee squishes herself half onto his lap. Simon feels his face getting hot. River is already sat on Wash's lap. Wash eyes her warily but she returns her attention to the screen devotedly.
The blond vampire is pulling on a long black leather coat.
"Think that would look good on you," Kaylee murmurs against Simon's ear.
"What? Please tell me you're joking."
Kaylee merely raises an eyebrow with a smile before returning her attention to the movie.
"Vampires are an abomination against God!" Book tries to draw their attention from the horror movie.
"Sssshhh!" Wash hisses. "You're missing the best part!"
Book sighs and closes his bible under the lamplight in the corner of the room.
River screams and Kaylee buries her head against Simon's chest – Simon has decided he now likes horror movies – just as Inara walks in.
"Good evening all, am I interrupting something…oh my." She has just caught sight of the vampire and his female companion on the screen. She tilts her head to study the movie.
"He's yummy isn't he?" Kaylee mumbles past her mouthful of Simon's jumper.
"He does have a certain…presence…" Inara says carefully, pulling up a chair so she can see.
"I knew it!" Wash cries suddenly. "Vampire's thrall! You're all under his thrall!"
Kaylee wiggles a cushion out from behind Simon's back and swats Wash with it. "Are not!"
"Are so!"
"Children." Book admonishes gently, getting to his feet. He snaps the lamp off plunging the room into darkness lit only by the flickering screen. "Don't let the ghosts and ghouls bite since it is All Hallow's Eve."
"What?" Wash wrinkles his nose.
"Halloween dummy!" River chides. "Sure you got up to all sorts in the name of Halloween."
Wash grins in the bluish glow. "Oh yes. Your toes would curl up at what I've done."
Book shakes his head and leaves the room.
Kaylee sighs. "Used to go trick or treating with my brothers. You ever Simon?"
"Oh no mother would never let us." He pulls a face.
"I like her dress. Simon can you buy me that dress?" River asks suddenly pointing to the vampiress.
"We'd need some money River. And it's maybe a little old for you." Simon is mentally screaming 'No way in hell!' as he eyes the dark red low cut corseted number.
"You'd look pretty in that," Kaylee says to River.
"Don't encourage her," Simon says.
"I'll bite you."
Simon blinks and looks at his little sister. She hasn't bitten him since she was six. "I don't think this movie is a good influence on her. River…"
"No wanna see the end!" River turns and buries her face against Wash's neck, and knots her fingers in his Hawaiian shirt.
"Watch she doesn't bite you Wash," Inara says stifling a laugh.
"Very funny," Wash prises her hands out of his shirt. "You'll miss it with your head there anyway." River sits up. "Doc let her see the end," he pleads.
"Yeah, please Simon," Kaylee turns puppy eyes on him.
Inwardly Simon curses. He is so weak willed when she asks him anything. "Alright. If anyone gets bitten its not my fault. I'll just ask Mal to stock up on tetanus shots."
"Why is my ship all in darkness?" Captain Reynolds turns to his first mate. "Zoë, why is my ship all dark?"
She shrugs and heads up the ramp. Jayne follows on her heels, determined to get in and get to his bunk.
There is suddenly an ear splitting scream. Mal nearly jumps out of his skin. Jayne has his gun aimed at the doorway, then the catwalk then all around everywhere.
Mal pulls his gun, as there is more screaming. It's coming from the common area. "Zoë!" he barks.
"On it sir," she says pulling her gun and edging towards the doorway.
"Jayne go round. Move!"
Jayne is running up the metal stairs rifle aimed in front of him eyes darting around nervously. The noise continues.
They burst into the darkened common area simultaneously, complete with a Mal battle cry. Zoë slaps her hand onto the light switch.
Kaylee and River scream. Inara bites down on hers before it escapes her lips. Simon goes an alarming shade of red. And Wash freezes while the bottle he is holding drips on to the floor.
Mal stares at his crew open mouthed, not knowing what to say. Finally he splutters, "What in the 'verse is going on?" He looks round the room. Inara is laying on the floor a large smear of red across her neck, while River stands over her with what looks like blood dripping down chin. One look at Wash solves that mystery. In his hands is a bottle of ketchup. His own neck is smeared with it and he has a large splodge on his shirt but in his hand is a wooden spoon puzzlingly enough. Simon has Kaylee lying pinned to the sofa with his knees on her legs and her arms above her head. His face is scarlet and he is looking down the barrel of Jayne's rifle with wide eyes. "Jayne lower your gun."
Jayne lowers his weapon. "What the ruttin' hell you doin'?"
Simon releases Kaylee and sits up looking shamefaced. "We…errr…that is…"
Inara sits up on the floor, delicately so as not to spread the ketchup. But she stays silent and avoids Mal's eyes.
Zoë meanwhile has crossed to the cortex screen. "Sir?" she points to it.
"What?" he says still staring at the crew as though they have all grown three heads.
"Think this is the explanation sir."
Mal mulls over the screen a moment. "Vampires?" he finally says.
"Yeah," Kaylee says. "We watched that movie and well…"
"So…" Mal is struggling to comprehend how this came about. "I figure that our good doctor here is about to bite my mechanic," Mal raises an eyebrow suggestively causing Simon to blush redder, "and my little witch has slaughtered the Ambassador and you Wash…?"
"Am a vampire slayer," he says brandishing the handle of the spoon.
Zoë rolls her eyes.
River skips over to Mal and kisses him on the cheek leaving a ketchupy smear. "Happy Halloween Captain."
The End
Oh and the story title and movie title is a Spike quote from BtVS. And if you couldn't guess the movie is a Spike and Dru one.