I own nothing, but I do own the mistakes I have no Beta.
**This not to be taken seriously... just pure silly fun... I realize how unrealistic it is.**
'Honeymoon...'
As ridiculous as the convention truly is (especially since it's just a socially acceptable term for a sex holiday,) Sherlock Holmes was really looking forward to two weeks of uninterrupted time with his new bride.
Molly Hooper-Holmes for her part was equally excited as well. They could have gone to the North Pole for all she cared, she was married to the man of her dreams, the star of her fantasies and occasionally the bane of her existence. Never the less she was happy and nothing, not a text from Greg, or call from Mycroft or a terrorist plot was going to ruin their plans. They were in love and finally after years of repressed feelings and complications they were here. Walking down a beach hand in hand, ready for some much need alone time. Just Molly and Sherlock AND...
"Moriarty!" Sherlock and Molly said at the exact same time.
James Moriarty took off his ridiculously over priced sunglasses turned his head in genuine surprise and said. "Hey, guys! Are you kidding me? What are the chances?"
"Seriously this is low even for you." Sherlock said with a roll of his eyes. One hand clinched in a fist the other protectively clutched to Molly.
"What are you doing Jim, why in God's name are you here?" Molly asked, unable to move even if she wasn't frozen in fear because Sherlock's arm was around her waist and his fingers digging almost painfully into her skin.
Without hesitation (as if James Moriarty has ever hesitated before uttering a word in his adult life) James responds, "Holiday with the Missus." With that he points his thumb indicating to somewhere behind him, Sherlock and Molly both look but see no one in particular. "Been here for a couple a days, just the beginning I suppose. Bunches of 'couples' activities planed." He leans forward, and they do as well, just and inch or so, "not really looking forward to that, not my idea of bonding time. You get what I mean don't you Sherlock?" He finished his remark with a wink to the newlywed.
Sherlock was buying none of this, he was done playing and pulled out his mobile and started sending a text.
"Oi! What you doing Sherly, for once I'm not doing anything wrong, just relaxing on the beach, minding my own business and BOOM... sorry poor choice of words. You know what I mean, really don't go calling you big brother, and ruining my vaca. I'll never hear the end of it from my other half."
"After all our time together, after all the games, after all our fake deaths... do you really think I'm that stupid? Clearly you are here for us." Sherlock replied, not sending the text just yet. Just then a rather large blond man walked up and handed Jim a very feminine looking cocktail with far too many umbrellas adorning it.
"Here you go Love" he said as he kissed Jim on the cheek.
"Oh, you can tell them Seb, tell them we are here for holiday. Right?"
When 'Seb' looked up and saw Sherlock and Molly pure white, hot rage flashed in his eyes, Sherlock instantly knew that this was it. Moriarty was just playing with them until his muscle got back. He shoved Molly behind his back and widened his stance ready for the inevitable fight. Just then Seb turned his back on them and unleashed the fury on James.
"What the fuck Jim? You promised!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. Seb was towering over Moriarty as James was still reclined on a beach chair, he threw his hands up definitively while shaking his head. Sherlock and Molly looked at each other with no idea what to do. What this a tactic? A game? A distraction?
"I asked for one trip, one trip. And this is what I get... your arch nemesis and his girlfriend? It's always like this with you." He then threw his own drink across the beach. "If you think for one minute I'm kidnapping, torturing or killing on my holiday you are even crazier than I thought, which is saying something because I've always been under the impression you are the most unstable person on the planet." Sherlock couldn't help chuckle at the barb, Molly elbowed him, now wasn't the time.
"Babe, Babe, Babe! No, you misunderstand. I was just sitting here. They walked up tome!" Jim said trying to turn the tables and deflect some of his lovers ire to the innocent couple. Seb's head turned quick and the Holmes' took a step back. Still understanding that this whole thing could turn dangerous at any moment. He eyed them for a few seconds, looked at their beach towels, and Molly's bag. Sherlock was wearing board shorts and no shirt, Molly a bikini and wrap. The couple said nothing.
He whipped back around, "You, you did this. I just knew you were going to make this a working vacation. My mum was right." Seb started pacing.
"Okay, listen. I know this looks bad from all angles. You, Sebby, think I'm trying to ruin our lovely trip and the poor newlyweds think I'm trying to kidnap, torture and kill them."
Seb whipped his head back to Sherlock and Molly and with a small smile said "Honeymoon? Congratulations." The couple nodded their appreciation. Still wondering if they were maybe in some parallel dimension.
"So, as I was saying, if we could all just cool off maybe have one of these delicious concoctions, it really is quite tasty." he said as he took a drink of the ridiculous beverage. "I don't see how this is such a bad thing, really we've had no one and I mean no one to talk to since we got here. It's so hard to find people to do 'couples' stuff with when you are in our business." he looked at Sherlock and nodded his head with a look like 'you know what I mean?'
"Couples stuff? Jim, I'm a trained killer, I swear, you will be my next target if we don't board the plane in the next 30 minutes. I can't take it anymore." He paced around for a moment longer and came back closer to the Holmes this time. "No, that's not good enough. Choose, now. Choose right now, it's them or me. Either give up on the Great Game that is Sherlock Holmes or I'm done forever."
"What?" James said "What do you mean give up? Just stop? Just like that. But we're both alive, there's no winner."
"It's me or them."
Molly and Sherlock were completely stock still, no idea how to handle this. For all intent and purposes this seemed real. Seb was pissed, beyond mad. Years of 'getting his hands dirty' at Jim's request seemed to have finally brought him to his breaking point.
Moriarty slinked up to Seb "Baby," he tried to put his hand on his lover face, the blond was having none of this.
"Jim, this is no game. We aren't children anymore. If you can't give me this, than I mean nothing to you, anyway and you can find a decent marksman anywhere for the right coin. Make your choice. I'll be in the villa." He turned to go. But stopped at the gaping couple once again, "Again congratulations, hope he makes the right choice, and have a nice trip." Then he stormed off.
Jim stood gaping as his lover walked away from him. "Look at what you did." He said to Sherlock.
"Me? I didn't piss off your boyfriend, that's on you." He turned to Molly, "Love, can you go find us a nice place to relax?"
"Really?" Looking at the pair suspiciously "It's like I live in damn mystery novel. Fine. Jim, don't fuck with my husband, you think dealing with a Holmes was troublesome, wait until you deal with a Hooper-Holmes." she then wandered away mumbling under her breath about deboneing Jim Moriarty.
"Alright, I don't really for a second believe this little performance you and have put together. However on the off chance this isn't fake, can I give you some advice?"
"The Great Sherlock Holmes offering me advice on sentiment and love? This I got to hear!"
"Well it did seem to work out for me, as you see..." gesturing to a very disgruntled Molly sitting just out of earshot on the beach throwing them death looks. "Love means making sacrifices, there's no way around it. 'Sebby' is asking you to give up something to prove you love him, if you don't it seems you will lose, you don't like losing do you?"
"No, no I don't. But he's being unreasonable. He knows how much I want to kill you."
"I know, but think of how much it will mean to him if you give him this, proving your love with such a big important gesture. Not to mention... you'll be able to hold it over his head for years." Sherlock said with a wink.
Moriarty's eyes lit up. "Oh, that's good. He will owe me! Oh, that's very good. Okay. Smashing. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go make up with my Sebby. I don't imagine you will be seeing us, this may take some time..." He winked and quickly walked away.
Sherlock joined Molly giving her a huge kiss and a big smile. "When are we leaving?" She asked.
"Just as soon as I can make the arrangements. Sorry about all this."
"Comes with the territory." She said looking down at her phone.
"Where do you want to go?"
"I don't care, doesn't matter as long as we're together... North Pole?"
"Na... too many elves... Madagascar?" Sherlock replied gathering up their belongings.
A/N: Sorry had to add the Madagascar thing because of Benny's new movie... blatant Ben love there. Hope you enjoyed this, it's just silly.