Title: The Worth of a Person

(Fic Series): A Life Worth Living

Fandom: Free!

Pairings: Sousuke/Rin

Rating: T

Warnings: Insecurities and Slight independence/dependency issues (nothing to huge). Sousuke's parents aren't very understanding. Sousuke's got a lot of emotional problems he had tried to fix, but couldn't by himself.

Summary: Post-Free! Eternal Summer Fic

Sousuke had surgery and finds himself at a loss of what to do next. He wants to stay by Rin's side, but feels he no longer has the right to.

Rin slaps some sense into him and gives Sousuke the hope and encouragement he needs.

A/N: This came out a little different than I had expected, but I still like the over all outcome. This is the start of a series of ideas I have that run along the same timeline, but don't need Really need to be read together. Hopefully I'll get through them all! You can find this on my ao3 account as well.

The Worth of a Person

Chapter 1: Hold My Hand

Sousuke touched the mirror above the bathroom sink. The buzzing florescent bulb above bathed him in unnatural blue light. Bloodshot eyes sat on top of dark grey bags. His skin looked sickly and his hair stuck up on odd ends. He looked like total shit. He felt like shit too, his stomach still not handling the heavy medication they had him on.

"Wonderful," he grunted.

He stood up straight, gently aligning his shoulders. The sling and wrapping made it a bit difficult. The weight of the sling was familiar, but it didn't make it any easier wearing it.

"You look great," he mocked.

A soft knock on the bathroom door pulled him out of his self-loathing. Turning off the water he left running for effect, Sousuke pushed a wet hand through his hair, trying to regain some control over the dark, matted clumps.

"Sousuke, do you need help?"

The boy let out a deep sigh. He wasn't sure if it was the pain, the medication, or the situation but the babying was genuinely starting to piss him off. That was a testament to how much everything was affecting him. He rarely got mad about things.

"I'm fine," he answered as he swung open the door with his good arm. His mother jumped back in surprise, clearly having pressed herself up against it.

"Oh! I was just a little worried because you were in there for quite a while."

He put on his best reassuring smile, trying to put the woman who gave birth to him at ease. He couldn't give her anymore reason to coddle him, she was being a bit over the top as is. Ever since it was announced he'd need surgery she had been badgering him nonstop.

He wasn't at all used to that kind of behavior and it was making him uncomfortable. In fact this was nearly the exact opposite of what he had experienced growing up. His parents were kind, but distant people. Following family tradition, they put work and appearances above family, and left the kids to grow up on their own. As their only child, that meant Sousuke had to be a well behaved, self-reliant, and responsible human being from the time he was old enough to talk.

If his actions led to consequences, then Sousuke had to make sure he accepted them. That was the rule of their house. You take care of your own business by yourself. The only genuine family experiences Sousuke received were from the Matsuokas. It was that same family that Sousuke dreaded seeing that very moment.

Gou had called only a few hours earlier telling his mother that they'd be paying a visit, whether he wanted one or not. His mother liked the Matsuokas, and loved the attention. It worked out well for her, but she wasn't the one with a sling around her arm.

She wasn't the one who had someone waiting for her to achieve her dream with them.

The partial tear that he got over had reopened and could not be ignored a second time. Sousuke knew what the result would be even before he joyed Samezuka and accepted it. However, his sweet, optimistic, beautiful friend did not. He did not know the inevitable. He didn't even know how bad Sousuke's original injury was. Sousuke didn't even tell him he was having surgery, but it was unlikely his disappearance a week prior appeared ordinary.

He had to stop all medication he was using to dull the pain leading up to the surgery, because it was dangerous. He wasn't able to use anything that could thin blood or make it difficult for it to clot. He had to stop everything, and for the first week of his detox it wasn't yet unbearable. But ice packs and heating pads could only do so much, and Sousuke wasn't keen on subjecting Rin to any more of his pain. He went home to finish the second week, and congratulated himself in doing something sensible when sleepless nights followed any wrong movement of his arm.

Rin had sent hundreds of texts, but Sousuke only said he was going home and gave noncommittal replies when he asked what he was doing. In fact, no one would even know what was happening if it wasn't for Gou calling his mother to ask how he was doing. Her vague words led his mother right into her trap. He had told her he didn't want anyone to know, but Gou already knew in her mind, and why wouldn't she? They were so close to the Matsuokas after all.

"Excuse the intrusion," a feminine voice rang. Sousuke leaned back on his hospital bed, propped up on pillows. He was not ready for this.

"Gou-chan! Where are Rin-kun and your mother?" his mother's voice chimed. The pitch settled in his stomach, feeling a lot like the medication he was taking. Even in front of the Matsuokas, who she claimed to love, she couldn't get rid of her cheerful façade. Sousuke didn't doubt that underneath everything his mother did like the Matsuokas, but her secret envy always kept them at a distance.

"Mom is down in the cafeteria. We ran into Uncle on the way in."

Gou's practiced smile brought a smirk to Sousuke's own lips. Gou kept her distance from his mom at all times. That was mostly because she had tried to set her up with Sousuke and other boys too many times to count. No matter how it started, every conversation ended up being about her finding a good man.

"Oh! I forgot! It is lunch time isn't it? Sousuke's nurse hasn't brought anything yet so it slipped my mind."

Sousuke almost gagged. Gou tilted her head towards the door, a subtle gesture.

"Uncle wanted me to ask if you'd come down and join them. Rin and I ate before we got picked up, so we aren't really hungry right now."

"Oh! Actually that's perfect! I'm getting quite hungry myself. Sousuke doesn't have much of an appetite right now, but if his nurse comes in while you're here make sure he does eat something." His mother smiled before walking across to exit the room. She stopped at the entrance.

"Where is Rin-kun anyways? I haven't seen him in forever!" Gou turned on her heals, facing his mother again.

"Rin had to use the bathroom. I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to see him after lunch."

His mother's mouth twitched and her smile went just a tad rigid. They were always like this in the past, and it was nice that Gou hadn't lost any of her confidence. She was still able to stand up to the woman.

"Of course. Well, I'll be back. Remember to eat Sousuke, dear!" And with that the she left.

"I still can't believe someone as sweet and sincere as you, has that as a mother." Gou teased, plopping down in the chair closest to him.

Sousuke just flashed a smile in response. He wouldn't deny that his mom was less than amiable, but the offhanded praise made him uncomfortable. He never dealt with complements on his character well. He didn't find himself to be sweet or sincere. In fact, he thought himself a really selfish, deceitful person. After all, it was his own selfishness that landed him there.

"So where is Rin, anyways?" he questioned, looking back at the door. Gou laughed, a soft sounding thing, yet so warm and sure.

"He really did need to use the bathroom. He was crying the whole ride here."

Sousuke's grin fell and his eyebrows furrowed in concern. This was exactly the reason why he didn't want them coming.

"Are you serious?"

Gou hummed, swinging her legs a little in the chair.

"He was really upset you didn't tell him." She took her index finger and pushed the skin of his cheek in. Her face was serious and her voice lowered. "You should know better than to hide things from him now. Yesterday he was questioning whether you two are really friends or not."

Sousuke took his good hand and slammed it into his face, causing Gou to squeak as she pulled her finger away. His grip tightened as he reprimanded himself.

"I'm an idiot."

"I'll say you are."

The voice of his dreams came, drifting in from the doorway. Sousuke's eyes went wide and he dropped his hand from his face, staring at his best friend. He looked like a drowned kitten with his wet hair and dejected posture. It was obvious he had tried washing away the tears from earlier, but new ones were quickly coming to replace them. The pout on his face could shatter any heart, and Sousuke wasn't sure if he'd survive what was to come.

"You're a god damn, no good, idiot." The boy grumbled, stalking over to the bed. "I'd punch you right here if I could."

"Rin," Sousuke breathed. His name floated of his tongue, breathless and wonderful. He loved saying that name. "I'm sorry, I should have told you."

Rin's eyes watered and he angrily tried blinking away his tears, but ultimately failed to do so. His hands were drawn up in tight fists, shaking.

"Yeah you should have! Can't you trust me with anything?"

Sousuke sat up and grabbed Rin's wrist in an instant. His grip tightened as the rushing sense of vertigo and nausea followed his movements. He bowed his head breathing through his nose. He didn't want to hurt Rin, but he always managed to do it anyways. He hurt Rin by not being upfront with him about what really mattered. His own stupid convictions always got in the way, and not for the first time he severely wished he had been raised by someone else. That way, maybe, just maybe he would be able to keep Rin happy. That stupid self-reliant, deal with your own problems quietly and by yourself bullshit had only ever created holes in their relationship.

"Are you okay?" Rin yelped, other arm coming up on instinct before stopping short of touching his bad shoulder.

"Yeah, just shouldn't have moved that fast," Sousuke let out a half-hearted chuckle. He picked up his head at a slow pace to make sure that his vision didn't go swimming again.

Rin stared down at him with worry in his brow and concern in his eyes. Sousuke gave a gentle squeeze, watching his best friend. The guilt, anxiety and medications swirled around in his stomach, creating a horrific concoction.

"Rin, I'm sorry."

All the air left Rin's body and he gasped to get it back.

"Why are you sorry? You looked like you were going to die! What the heck do they even have you on?" he babbled, angry and concerned about his friend. Rin all but forgot about what they had just been talking about, it seemed. Sousuke smiled at him. This kind of fuss and care he was used to.

"I'm sorry for being a bad friend," Rin looked like he was going to protest and Sousuke was quick to amend his mistake. "I should have told you earlier. Both this time, and when I originally hurt my shoulder. You're my best friend and I shouldn't have kept something so important from you."

His sensitive friend pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, chin trembling. The tears came out relentlessly, and his shoulders shook as he tried to pull himself together. Gou noticed how Sousuke began to sway in his bed and hopped out of her seat, guiding her sobbing brother into it before shooting a serious look at Sousuke. Getting her point, he laid back against his pillows, hand still wrapped around Rin's wrist.

"Well, I'm going to go check on our parents. You two take your time," she said with a tiny smile. Gou didn't care to see her brother blubber and cry. Even if he did it all the time, it still left her feeling down. Sousuke mouthed a thank you as she left.

"You're an idiot," Rin said between sobs.

"Yeah," he agreed, closing his tired eyes. The anxiety from earlier was taking its toll, and his queasy stomach was starting to settle back down.

"Stop holding my wrist, idiot," Rin mumbled. Crying induced hiccups finally made their appearance. Sousuke frowned but let go of his best friend. He let his arm rest at his side, not having the strength to pull it back onto his stomach.

"Sorry," Sousuke mumbled, sleep seemed on the brink. The constant rhythm of Rin's hiccups tugged on his consciousness. He tried to fight the feeling, tried to force himself to stay awake.

"Stupid, I said stop holding my wrist, not let go." Rin grumbled, grabbing his hand. Sousuke's eyes cracked open, not realizing they had closed, and he turned his head. The medication was getting to him.

"What?"

Rin flushed while wiping away his tears. He squeezed his hand and Sousuke's fingers curled around them instinctively.

"Tired?" Rin whispered. Sousuke's eyelids fluttered closed again at the soft sound.

"Yeah. The drugs don't always knock you out right away though. Sucks," he mumbled. He sucked in air through his nose as he shifted a little, getting comfortable. Dull aches resonated from his shoulder in protest to his movements. His hand tightened around Rin's.

"Wake me up before you have to go."

Rin nodded, before laughing at himself, remembering Sousuke had already closed his eyes.

"Sure," he smiled. He pulled his chair closer so he could rest his arm on the bed.

"Rin?"

"Yeah?"

"It feels nice," Sousuke sighed. Rin's eyes swept over Sousuke's face, taking in the content expression there. He frowned looking at the dark circles under his eyes.

"What does?"

"Holding your hand again," he smiled. Rin froze, his face set ablaze by the genuine words.

"I won't let go this time," he promised. Sousuke couldn't respond. A fuzzy darkness encompassed him, pulling him down into unconsciousness.