The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
;
As the bright yellow sun floated up higher into the horizon, golden streaks of warm sunlight poured onto the nicely trimmed grounds of the Gallagher Academy. The large mansion -that was now turned into a spy school for exceptionally bright young women- was still in peaceful slumber. No footsteps lingered on the nicely polished wooden floors, no voices echoed under the sky-high ceiling. It was complete peace and silence. But outside in the distance, you could hear the faintest of chirping coming from baby Blue Jays nestled somewhere up high in the large oak trees. It was a very nice morning, the flowers in the garden exploded with vibrant colors, full in bloom. Light wind danced around the mansion in frolicsome breezes. And everything felt perfect or as perfect as it could get under some circumstances.
Today, Cammie Morgan was going to be okay.
She was going to get out of bed; she was going to eat breakfast with her best friends, she was going to go to class with a smile, and she was going to forget the pain that loitered in the corners of her heart. It was a new day; it was going to be okay because it would have been better than yesterday in comparison.
Cammie got dressed in her uniform, awake before any of her roommates who were also her best friend. Cammie stared at her reflection in the full-length mirror in front of her. Her eyes were no longer glassy and stung from her endless crying. She adjusted the tie around her neck, staring hard at her face. Honestly, she was ashamed of how torn up she's been. Especially over a boy.
But it was not just any boy, in all reality.
It was a special boy.
It was Zachary Goode.
Cammie tried hard not to think about it as she straightened out her blazer and ran a brush through her silky hair. She examined herself one more time, as if a soldier ready to go out to battle. In a way, she was. She was facing an internal battle with herself, and for the past few days, she's been losing. Terribly. But not this time, this time, she was ready. She was going to be okay. As long as she avoided staring into Zach's deep emerald eyes and being hypnotized by his annoying smirk, she was going to be just fine.
It sounded easy to do, but it wasn't. Some things are easier said than done. Cammie knew if she had to see Zach with his new love interest, Tina Walters, she'd break down. Tina Walters, Tina Walters, that boyfriend-stealing-home wrecker. Cammie and Zach were perfectly happy until she came into the picture with her sultry smirk and her devious ways.
It hurt more since Cammie actually considered Tina a very good friend. Not her best friend, but a friend nonetheless. How could Tina do this to her? More importantly, how could Zach do this to her?
He was some kind of jerk to make Cammie believe he really loved her.
"What are you doing awake so early?" A sleepy voice asked from behind Cammie. Cammie turned to see her best friend, Bex Baxter roll onto her side, her blankets wrapping her around. Bex's eye lids were closed, her long lashes hitting her skin. But after a quick yawn, her eyes gracefully fluttered open and watched Cammie in confusion.
Cammie turned away from her and back to her own reflection. "Getting ready for class," She replied then, "You should really get up. It's almost 7:30." Cammie said, pushing her side-swept bangs out of her baby blue orbs.
Bex yawned and looked at the digital clock that stood on her messy night stand, "Oh darn," She threw the fluffy blanket off her body and slowly got out of bed, "Liz, wake up!" Bex stretched her long, defined arms into the air and yawned.
Liz Sutton, who was sleeping neatly with her blanket brought halfway up her body and one hand tucked under her face as she lay always on her left side. "Good morning," She mumbled turning to lie on her back. Not a single strand of hair was misplaced.
Bex stumbled into their bathroom, smacking their other roommate, Macey McHenry, to get up. "Wake up, sunshiiiine!" Bex belted loudly and Macey only groaned, "It's too early for this!" Macey brought a pillow to her face still groaning in dramatic despair.
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it to the beat
As the girls entered the Grand Hall for breakfast, Cammie inhaled the air around her. It was almost like she was taking her first breath as if she was a new born child. It felt like she was walking on her own feet for the first time. In a way, she was, she was walking with her head held up high as a different person.
"Are you okay?" Macey whispered, reaching out to squeeze Cammie's arm gently. Bex and Liz were already in step in front of them, their nicely ironed skirts swaying with them. Cammie and Macey followed behind a little more slowly.
Cammie tried to smile, suddenly feeling like all the eyes in that room were on her. It felt almost as nerve wracking as being under a 100 watt spotlight in front of the whole world. "Of course, why wouldn't I be?"
Macey bit her lip, attempting to smile without meaning too much. Cammie just stared at her, studying each line on her pretty face. Macey stared back then shrugged, feeling the intensity from Cammie's stare. "No reason." Macey shrugged, walking ahead a little and picking up her tray. Cammie followed behind her friends, wondering where Zach was. Was he sitting at the assigned Blackthorne table in the Grand Hall? Was he sitting somewhere else with Tina in public? Or was he out sneaking through the corridors with her, ready to get a good snogging session.
Cammie grabbed an already packed cereal bowl and a carton of milk. Even if Cammie knew she should be hungry, she wasn't. Her stomach felt hallow. She slid her tray down the line and followed her friends to the junior table. Cammie sat down next to Liz at the edge of the table. All the girls smiled at her, knowing she wasn't very active at the girls' table in the past few days. Cammie remained quiet as the girls around her began talking about topics Cammie couldn't bother herself with.
That's when he came in with her.
Hand in Hand.
Smile alongside smile.
It was heartbreaking.
Cammie watched them, suddenly feeling her stomach clench inside her. It was an unbearable physical pain that was caused by the emotions that harbored inside her. She knew it would hurt. She knew it would make her feel like this. She even expected it to hurt. But experiencing it was something else. Her chest quickly tightened and her heart began racing almost like she finished running five miles. Her pulse was so loud; she could practically hear it drumming in her brain. Hot, salty tears threatened to pour over from her blue eyes, but she refused to let them drop. Not in front of everyone. Not in front of her. Not in front of him. Not in front of them, together.
Cammie looked down at her cereal, suddenly feeling her head spin and her lip tremble. Maybe she wasn't as strong as she thought she was.
She, she ain't real
She ain't gon' be able to love you like I will
The bell rang for classes to begin; Cammie quickly got up from her seat, dumped her food in the green trash bins, and stomped out of the Grand Hall. The short heels of her made loud clacking noises against the floor, but she couldn't be bothered to pick her legs up as she walked away. She placed her small hands over her mouth, already feeling the sobs escape and the hot tears streaming down her face. There was a lump in her throat that didn't want to go away and her slender legs were ready to give out and make her collapse in the middle of the corridors.
She hated him. She hated him so much.
She hated her, too. Maybe she hated her just as much as she hated him, but that couldn't be possible.
Zachary Goode was definitely the number one spot on her hit list.
Cammie pushed the wooden mahogany door to the girls' lower restroom and hoped no one was in there. No one was and Cammie sighed with relief. She looked the main entrance and walked over to the mirrors above the sink. She tossed her tote bag onto the floor and stared at the tears that stream down her face, making her eyes sting.
Cammie cried out in frustration, gripping the edge of the porcelain sink. Her chest heaved in frustration and angered. She felt completely destroyed. Her emotions were a mix of anger, sadness, and defeat. Mostly sadness because the guy who she thought she loved, destroyed her. And all he had to do was press his lips –that Cammie kissed numerous times—against Tina Walter's Smackers lip glossed mouth.
Cammie looked up at her reflection, her eyes red.
Bless your soul, you got your head in the clouds
She made a fool out of you and, boy, she's bringing you down
She made your heart melt but you're cold to the core
Now rumour has it, she ain't got your love anymore
After drying her tears and throwing cool splashes of water onto her face. Cammie quickly changed for P&E, attending it five minutes late. Her teacher, Mr. Solomon, looked up from the clipboard in his hands. He raised an eyebrow, "You're late, Miss Morgan." All the girls that were situated in front of him, sitting legs crossed on the mats, turned to watch Cammie approach the class.
"Sorry," She mumbled.
"Are you alright?" Mr. Solomon asked, genuinely concerned. "Your mom says you haven't been feeling well lately."
Cammie avoided his eyes, not wanting to have to lie to her favorite teacher. "I'm okay, I just lost track of time," She lied weakly, but Mr. Solomon didn't even bother to push it further. Cammie was thankful as she sat on the floor next to her friends who all shot her concerned looks.
"Alright class," Mr. Solomon said, bringing the class's attention away from Cammie, "today, we will be practicing sparring. We're getting a little sloppy due to the lack of training. Now, does anyone want to volunteer to go first?"
Bex's arm shot up in the air like a firework racing into the sky and ready to explode. "I do!" She announced, proudly. Bex was usually the best at physical training. The girl was tough stuff, she probably ate nails every morning, without milk.
Mr. Solomon smiled, "Alright, come on Miss Baxter." He gestured for her to step forward and then called someone out to oppose her.
Cammie hugged her knees to her chest, watching them intently. She tried hard not to think about anything and just focus on the battle before her eyes. If she was distracted, she wouldn't have to think about all the things wrong with her life.
"Very good, Miss Baxter," Mr. Solomon commented happily as Bex took her original space on the floor along with her opponent. Mr. Solomon scribbled something down, and then said, "Okay next? Miss Walters, would you have a go at it?" He looked over at Tina whose hair was in a very perky, high pony tail. "Okay!" She responded like a cheerleader and bounced up to her feet.
Cammie tried not to roll her eyes at her. How could she be so happy when Cammie was so miserable? How could she smile knowing what she did? How could she steal Zach from her? How could she kiss him? How could she live knowing she'd hurt Cammie more than anyone possible could.
Anger started to build up inside her, but she refused to give into it. But Mr. Solomon called her name, "Cammie you can be the opponent." He said it as a statement, and not a question. Cammie's jaw dropped and looked at Tina who just stared blankly at her. As if she didn't even know her, almost as if she never stole her boyfriend from her.
Cammie nodded slowly, "Um, okay."
Their sparring exercises were harmless. They threw punches and kicks, but they were not supposed to do it hard or fast enough to hit their opponent. So when Cammie and Tina secured their gauzes around their hands and faced opposite of each other in the middle of the gym, Cammie swung her arm. Lightly at first, that it didn't really touch Tina at all, but just stopped mid way to her face. Second, she kicked, but Tina dodged it easily. Cammie kept advancing and Tina kept dodging like it was a rehearsed scene during a fight scene in a musical. Cammie glared, punching near her, but she blocked it again.
Tina and Cammie were already stepping off the fighting mats, which meant it was time for Tina to be offense and Cammie to be defense. Tina swung furiously, but skillfully not hitting her. She was actually swinging faster than she was supposed to. But Cammie was skilled and well-trained that she easily blocked every one of Tina's attempt.
Cammie watched her face as she dodged her punches, Tina looked determined, but a happy smirk was plastered on her face. Almost like she had a secret that couldn't be shared, especially not with Cammie. Cammie glared back at her, dodging her attacks with no effort. Tina was so aggravating. Her stupid face, her stupid smile, her stupid nose. Cammie knew she shouldn't, but she lunge her arm forward smashing it towards Tina's face. Tina was caught off guard and had no time to block the punch. Suddenly, Tina's stupid nose didn't look so stupid as drops of dark red blood oozed out.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.
Once she was back into her Gallagher uniform, she made her way down to the infirmary. Cammie shameful bowed her head down and stared at the shoes on her feet as she made her way through the door. Inside the small room, the school nurse, Mr. Solomon, Headmaster Morgan (also known as Cammie's mom), Tina, and … Zach were inside and turned to look at her. Cammie looked up to meet all the expressions on their faces. Mr. Solomon looked shocked and concerned. Her mother looked embarrassed and ashamed. Tina looked at her like she wanted to kill her. The nurse didn't look at her at all. But Zach did, and he looked at her like he didn't even know her.
Cammie gulped, this was the first time she encountered Zach since the break up, she's always only ever saw him from a distance. Seeing him up close flooded her with all the happy memories they used to share. Suddenly, Cammie felt like she was drowning under sea where heavy waves crashed on her as the tides brought her back in. There was no escape.
Her mother walked in her tall heels up to her, "We will talk about this later." She said in a stern but low voice. Her eyes were filled with disappointment at her only daughter. Cammie nodded, ashamed. Her mother walked out and Mr. Solomon walked out as well, patting Cammie gently on the back. Cammie bit her lip and inched forward slowly.
The nurse was bandaging Tina's nose as she Tina scowled at Cammie. Cammie met her eyes apologetically, "I'm so sorry," She said, her voice shrinking as she spoke each word. She bit her lip, not knowing what to do. Was it wrong that she honestly didn't feel guilty? Sure, she felt ashamed and felt bad that everyone had to witness it. But if there was no shame during this incident, she wouldn't have apologized. It may be a bitchy thing to do. But Cammie didn't care.
"I… didn't mean to," Cammie said, her eyes falling to the floor. Looking at Tina was so hard, especially with that tape on her face that made her look like a duck. But it was harder to speak with Zach in the room. What did he think of her now? Because there was a time that he thought the world of her.
"Right, whatever," Tina spat angrily as the nurse continued to bandage her nose. "You hit me in the face and you expect me to believe it was on accident?"
Cammie didn't even bother to defend herself. Tina was speaking the truth and who was Cammie to deny it? She wanted to hit Tina; in fact, she wanted to kill Tina just so she'd never get to have Zach and so Zach could be unhappy.
"Do you want me to do something for you?" Cammie asked, her eyes meeting Tina's fiery with angered ones.
"No," Tina replied harshly, "I don't want you to ever talk to me; I don't want to do anything for me, Cammie. Just because you're jealous and hurt doesn't mean you have the right to hit me! In fact, I hope you get expelled. Just because your mother is headmaster doesn't mean you can get away with this. I want you to suffer because I have to live with the scars forever."
"SHUT UP!" Cammie yelled, startling Zach, Tina, and the nurse. Even startling herself. Zach, for the first time since Tina began talking, met her eyes. His green eyes looked different, they looked hard and cold. No longer his playful demeanor.
Tina scowled at her, "Why should I shut up? You had the nerve to hit me and I should shut up? Really, well—"
Cammie interrupted, "You have no idea how I feel and I swear Tina, if another word comes out of your selfish bratty mouth, I will punch you again." She glared at her, saying each cold like ice, it should have sent sharp daggers down Tina's back.
Cammie just glared at her one more time and left the room, slamming the door shut behind her.
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Tears were streaming down her face again, but she didn't bother covering them up. She let her painful cries escape her mouth and the tears to cascade down her face. She was tired. So tired. She punched at the walls she was walking along, not caring if her knuckles stung.
"Cammie," a voice said behind her. She froze, she knew that voice anywhere.
Zach.
She turned around, not ashamed of how pathetic and weak she looked. He walked up to her, matching her hard stare, never looking away and never blinking. He was taller than her, so she had to tilt her head a little.
They stayed like that for a moment, taking in each other's presence like it was the first time. Because it was. This was the first time they looked each other in the eyes and it hurt like hell. Cammie couldn't stand it; she wanted to badly to be wrapped into his arms again. She wanted so badly to apologize for kissing Josh but it meant nothing. She wanted so badly for him to forgive her. She wanted so badly for him to say Tina was stupid and wrong. She wanted so badly for him to say he still loved her.
But instead, she bitterly said, "Why her?"
Zach looked down at her, just as bitter said, "Why him?"
She shook her head, "He means nothing to me, I swear."
"Too late."
"We could have been so perfect." She whispered her eyes ready to cry again. Zach just watched her, like he wanted to reach out and touch her, but held back. That feeling, the feeling of empty stomach, tongue-tied mouth, weak knees, heavy tears, and broken heart enveloped Cammie like a ghost pulling her into oblivion of pain. "I loved you so much."
Zach finally pulled his gaze away from her, "I know." He replied and looked up with eyes that said he missed her. Eyes that said he missed her so much.
"Please say something that'll make me feel better," Cammie whispered, feeling whatever strong energy she had this morning, fade away.
Zach met her eyes, "I can't. I'm… I'm with her now."
That hurt.
"Do you love her?" Cammie whispered, not ready to hear the answer. She leaned against the wall for support in case her spinning head and weak knees would take over her body. She was thankful that everyone was in the Grand Hall eating dinner.
Zach just shrugged, "I don't know. But… she's great."
"Greater than me, huh?" Cammie tried to smile jokingly, but it hurt too much and she was tired. Zach didn't bother to chuckle, he just watched her sadly.
"I will always care about you, okay?" Zach said like a heartfelt promise. "No matter what happens, you'll always be so special, so perfect to me."
Tears came down in torrents; Cammie bit her lip then said, "I hate you. I hate you so much for making me feel like this, I feel like shit. I hate you for hurting me. I hate you for giving me the world and then taking it away from me…" She cried a little, not bothering to wipe her face. "I hate you so much, Zach. I hate you for hurting me. I wish I could hurt you too, but we both know that I wouldn't even if I was given the chance."
"Please stop being so sad," Zach said, tears forming in his eyes too. He reached out to touch her, but Cammie shrugged him off. She couldn't bear to have him touch her for the last time. It would hurt too much.
"I want to be happy for you," Cammie continued, sobbing. "I want to fake a smile and say 'it's okay.' But you know what? I can't. I'm not strong enough for the both of us." She looked down and her heavy tears fell onto the ground like rain.
"I did love you, so much that it hurt sometimes," Zach whispered wanting to pull her into a comforting hug. Suddenly, his insides didn't feel so great either. Was this the feeling of a broken heart?
Cammie nodded, tasting salty tears on her dry lips. "Go back to her. Go back to being happy." She met his eyes studying it for the last time, "Goodbye Zach."
Zach remained silent for awhile, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. He nodded understanding, "Goodbye Cammie."
She turned around, not wanting to see him anymore. She hugged her stomach to herself, not feeling the slightest bit hungry. Tears kept coming down and her head ached greatly. She walked quickly down the corridors knowing Zach was watching her. "It'll be okay," she whispered to herself.
But she wasn't convinced.
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Where I felt something die
'Cause I knew that there was the last time, the last time!
a/n: this oneshot has been disclaimed. I do not own the songs in this fic, they are (in proper order) Rolling in the Deep, Rumour Has It, Someone Like You, and Set Fire to the Rain. All by the beautifully amazing Adele. Tell me what you thought, I'd love some input (:
I fail as an author because I didn't edit this because I really need to sleep for school tomorrow, ew. But I will read over and edit it. I would save the publishing for this tomorrow, but I wanted everyone to read this today. So ignore all the grammar mistakes, please(: Also, I'm naming this a songfic medley because it has a number of songs that inspired this fic. Yeah. Have a nice night, lovelies!