This story has bits taken out of it due to the rules about explicit content. If you would like to read the full story, you can find it at 'Archive of our Own', under the same title and author.

Dark As Rain

By Scutter

This fic is an official 'thank you' fic for yaoifantasy (aka Julie), who is an awesome writer, and has done muchly good things to inspire me. So here we are, Julie, a yaoiful fic, just for you.

This follows on after the end of the FF8 game. It's YAOI... for those uninitiated, that means it has two males getting hot and heavy with each other... though not necessarily in this chapter. It also contains some yuri (two girls getting together) and hetero (If you don't know what this is, you need more help than I can give you). Squell, Fustis, Selvine.

There'll be a minimum of Rinoa bashing here. While I think she belongs with Squall like condoms in a nunnery, I don't have anything big against her. And one final warning... if you're a Seifer hater, go elsewhere. I happen to think his totally arrogant ultra-attitude is cool, and I'm going to write him as such.

This was going to be kinda romantic and mushy, but my romance muse suddenly took an unannounced holiday, so I got stuck with a fair whack of angst... again.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 8. I don't own my computer. I don't even own my glass of lemonade. Sad, isn't it?

Rated NC-17, though the raciest thing in this chapter is a few mild shower room fantasies.

Zell's POV, followed by Seifer.

SeeD POST-TRAUMATIC PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION

Please answer the following questions, in your own words. Please be as honest and complete as possible in your answers. There is no time limit.

Question 1. Have you ever purposely injured yourself?

Does using myself as a diversion for a T-Rexaur attack count? Even though I was only doing it to give Squall a chance to cast Aura on himself, but still...

Yes.

I smirk briefly at the paper. One down, 59 to go...

Question 2. On a scale of one to ten, how easy is it for you to fall asleep at night, with one being the easiest, and ten, the most difficult.

Well, that really depends on whether I've taken the time to jerk off, after watching Squall work off his frustrations in the training centre, and I'm feeling nicely relaxed as a result, or if I'm stuck there in bed, breathless and with a raging hard-on, with a 12 year old teddy bear named Elvis as my most interesting bed-companion.

Seven.

Question 3. Do you want children?

Considering I'm fuck-arsed gay, and the likelihood of a natural conception is somewhere around 0.045%...

No.

Question 4. Did you want children prior to working for SeeD?

Say what? Heck, before all this happened, I still was a child. In a lot of ways, I still am...

No.

How am I doin'? Shit... only four questions. This is taking forever.

Question 5. Describe how you feel about the re-establishment of a Galbadian Military force.

Well, now that they're not being ruled by some crazed super-witch fashion victim... I guess they're as entitled to protecting themselves as anyone else. So long as they keep their shit on their own turf and don't go forcing it on Dollet, or Balamb or anything...

Indifferent.

Question 6. Are you a vegetarian?

Do Grat guts count? We're talking projectile splatter here, landing across your face from about 15 feet away, and you can't help swallowing just a little, cos let's face it, we still have to breath here, folks...

No.

Question 7. Do you have difficulty relating to those you work with?

Yeah, I have a problem getting my pants to fit every time I see Squall, especially that time I was heading into the male shower room, and he was... well... let's just say he was spending some quality time with himself, and I had to beat a hasty retreat before he figured out I was there and stopped speaking to me for the rest of his life.

I am very grateful for the companionship and support of my team mates.

Question 8. What time of the day do you most enjoy?

The time when I'm alone in the shower with my head full of dirty little fantasies about a certain leather-clad demi-god and my fist between my legs.

Oh fuck, I can't write that... Why the hell do they make us do these stupid psyche exams anyway? Face it guys, we battled the worst form of evil known to mankind, we kicked her royal oversized ass, and now we all suffer from chronic nightmares, insomnia and delusional fantasies about our Commanders. Well, I suppose that last one could just be me...

Heck, I damn well hope it is...

I crumple the paper into a ball and toss it in the general direction of the trash can. Waste of fucking time anyway. I pull on my gloves, and drag my punching bag into the middle of the room, landing the first blow with a satisfying 'thud'. This is a much better way of evaluating my stress levels, if you ask me.

SEIFER

I don't regret it.

A lot of people would call me a bloody minded bastard for that little confession. A lot of other people would stick a knife in my back for it. For a lot of reasons, I can't blame them for that.

I was wrong. Might surprise some of you that I can admit that. But it's true. I got taken for the biggest, shit-arsed ride of my life, and I went willingly. It took me a long time to understand it. And it hurt like hell when I did.

Ultimecia didn't care about me. She didn't care that I was her knight, didn't care that I would have gone to hell and back for her. Once she had what she wanted, I was nothing again. I landed face-down in the dirt, and I've got no one but myself to blame for it.

But I don't regret it.

You see, I had a dream. Do you know what that's like? To have one, mighty, overriding purpose to your whole life? My dream was to be her knight. I wanted to be someone important, someone worthwhile, and for a brief moment, even if it didn't last, I had that. I was her knight. Half the known world kneeled at my feet. I tortured people, I was feared, hated, revered like a god. It was soul-shaking, it was awe-inspiring and it was terrible. But to see the look in her eyes, just for those few moments when I stood beside her, as her knight, as the most valuable person in her world, it was worth it.

I'm ashamed of how much it cost me, before I figured out that it was over.

I'm not talking about pride, or battle scars, or any of those so called nobilities. I nearly lost a friend, the best friend I've ever had, because of Ultimecia. After that last battle, in the Lunatic Pandora, Fujin got injured. Ultimecia left me high and dry after she vanished into time compression, all the spells and junctions I had going for me were worthless... and the Lunatic being what it was, we met quite a few nasty surprises on the way out. It was going okay, until I got slammed with a Confuse just near the entrance, and Fu and Rajin were left to deal with a pair of Toramas on their own...

You know, there's only so much damage a Curaga can fix.

It was damn hard to find a medical facility that would treat her, after that. Seems word spreads quickly after a dictator gets overthrown. With the whole mess of time compression, it's hard to say exactly when Ultimecia was defeated, but it didn't make any difference. No one would help the bastard who helped enslave half the world.

Or the woman dying in his arms.

I can't thank Fisherman's Horizon enough for what they did. Granted, it took them a little while to believe that I wasn't there to cause trouble, but that didn't stop them treating Fujin. Just as well... we were starting to run low on Regen spells...

If they hadn't helped her, I figure I'd just have laid down and died beside her.

I don't want much, anymore. Just me, my few friends, and to be left alone. The Horizon gives me all of that. Never thought I'd be happy to live such a simple life, and I do find myself wondering about it, sometimes. What it might have been like, if Ultimecia had won. Where we might all be...

Or not be. We might have all been sucked into time, might have vanished for all eternity... now there's a scary thought. I honestly can't say I'm sorry about the way things turned out. And Squall... Hell, they even talk about him here, where they're not supposed to care about all those over-glorified war-time heroes. If he thinks he can deal with all that publicity, then good luck to him.

Me, I'm happy living in relative obscurity here.

I've already achieved my ultimate dream.

How can I regret that?

That's it for chapter 1. Feedback will be enshrined and sprinkled with grated chocolate. Flames will be copied in triplicate, signed, sealed and sent via return of mail each and every day for the rest of your miserable lives.