Notes: In this fic, every last Ranma ½ cast member has been switched with another. ^^ For the sake of identification, characters will still have their normal first names, but will have the surnames of the people they're replacing. So without further ado…
*****
"Mr. Tendo! Your mail!"
Ono Tendo picked up the postcard and looked it over.
"Oh dear…"
_ _ _ _ _ _
Scrambled Half - Part 1
Here's…the Blue Thunder?!
_ _ _ _ _ _
"So…you engaged us to the son of a friend of yours? Really, Daddy." said a tall woman with long black hair.
"Yes," said Ono, sighing.
"Don't worry, sister. Maybe he'll be handsome!" said a red-haired girl with her hair scraped back in a bun. "Is he, Daddy?"
"To be honest, I don't know. This is…a complicated matter."
"HOW complicated?!" exclaimed the youngest girl. She flicked her long brown hair over her shoulder and glared at her father.
"Well…"
Flashback.
(A younger Ono and Shinnosuke are sitting in a bar. They are drunk.)
"Engage our future children? Thatsh a good idea, Tendo!" Shinnosuke Saotome claps Ono Tendo on the back.
"Yesh! Now – hey, letsh order another round o' sake!" Ono pronounces through an alcoholic haze.
"I'll jusht write that down so's I don't forget, 'kay?" Shinnosuke scribbles a note down on the back of the bill for all the sake…
End flashback
"…But you never drink! Wow, Daddy was a boozehound!" said the youngest girl.
"Yes, it was foolish of me…But that's not the point! My old friend is extremely forgetful, you see, so I thought he'd forgotten all that. Recently, though, he found the memo he wrote…"
"…And honour demands that we go through with it. Hah." said the older girl. "Pathetic. What if the boy's a weakling?"
"Oh no! You think he might be? That would be…most unsuitable." said the middle daughter.
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz," said the youngest, snoring happily as she flopped on the table.
The two older girls looked at her.
"Maybe…But would that be too hard on Hinako?" said the eldest.
"Only if he turns out to be unmanly, Cologne-chan." said the redhead.
***
Elsewhere: A girl and a panda are trudging through the rain…
***
Ono watched the door. He wasn't sure about marrying off one of his daughters to a stranger, even the son of his best friend. What if – what if the boy had inherited Shinnosuke's memory? He could see it now, the boy and his chosen bride on their wedding day, as if it were a nightmare…
Boy: Who are you? Why am I dressed up like this?
Chosen bride: …….
No, it was for this reason that Ono Tendo had forsworn the demon drink.
Cologne kept an eye on the door. If this 'fiancée' should turn out to be weak…That would be very bad indeed. Cologne had not trained so long in the martial arts to be married to someone of little skill. That would be such an embarrassment. But if he was strong, then he would be a great help to her when she inherited the dojo…And Cologne had no doubt in her mind that she would be the one inheriting the dojo.
Nodoka sighed and cast her eyes over to the door. Perhaps she would be the one who would be married! And at seventeen, no less! All her friends would be SO jealous. However… A thought kept nagging in the back of her head, an itchy persistent worry…What if he wasn't honourable? What if he wasn't strong? What if he was…effeminate?! Oh, the shame it would be to be married to an unmanly man…
Hinako shifted dozily as she rested her head on the table. A fiancée? What a joke…No, thought Hinako, no one would be getting engaged, and least of all her. Maybe the rest of her family would worry about the loss of honour involved, but why should she? The engagement, such as it was, would never come to pass. And if it did…The boy would be engaged to Cologne or Nodoka – the martial artist, or the man-eater. Nodoka often admonished Hinako for ignoring all the boys who were interested in her, but didn't understand who it was her younger sister really liked…but could never have. Maybe if she trained harder in the martial arts, like Cologne, he would notice her…
"Oh, doctor…" she mumbled as she collapsed in to sleep. Her elder sisters sighed.
"I just don't know what Hinako sees in him." said Nodoka. "He's not her age, or rich…"
Cologne tutted. "Nodoka-chan! One must learn to look past outward appearances to see the true value of a soul."
Nodoka's eyes opened wide. "O-oneechan?! You like him too?"
"I most certainly do not."
"You're always borrowing books off him, I know that…" Nodoka grinned…then grimaced. "Tell me I'm wrong."
"YOU'RE WRONG!"
"Girls?" called Ono from the other side of the room. "I think I hear someone coming down the path…"
Nodoka swiftly adjusted her dress, and smoothed her hair down with her hands. Ah. Looking good.
Footsteps sounded closer.
Cologne folded her arms and stayed where she was. She wasn't about to move…However curious she was.
Hinako yanked herself out of her daze. She thought she might as well be polite to this friend of her father's and his son before sending them packing.
Ono Tendo got to his feet, suddenly ashamed. Here he was indoors, panicking about a supposed engagement, when his best friend was out in the rain. This was no way to behave!
"I'll go out to meet them," he said. "I'll be back in a minute."
He came back a minute later with a girl and a panda.
The strange girl stood almost as tall as Ono, barefoot and wearing baggy hakama over a too-large kimono. She was fine-featured, with bright blue hair, and held a crumpled note in her hands. She was also sopping wet.
The panda just looked like a panda. A soggy panda, but a panda nonetheless.
Silence filled the room for a moment, but Nodoka broke it.
"I hope this isn't some sort of joke, Daddy." She fixed a chilly stare on Ono.
"Ah," said the blue-haired girl, "this is no joke. I do apologize for this situation." Her eyes seemed to drink in every detail of the room.
"Just who are you? Where's Daddy's friend, and…"
Ono interrupted. "This girl was leading her panda up the path. She is…she says her name is…"
"Tatewaki Saotome," said the girl.
End of part one