Title: Caught Up in the Past (1/?)
Author: Hidden Willow
Email: willow4614@hotmail.com
Summary: If Cordelia is too caught up in the past how will she be able to see what's right in front of her? (C/A)
Disclaimers: Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and the characters within are not mine. Grrr Argh.
This fic is Post-Dad so no Birthday stuff. And for some reason Lorne is not staying at the Hyperion. Onward!
Part One
***************
He had been watching her sleep for the last half hour. She would probably kill him if she knew. She'd tell him to stop his creepy vampire obsessive tendencies. But he couldn't help it. He had to look at her to make sure she was really there. She was always so vibrant, so strong. He never got to see her look this peaceful and young. He always forgot how young she was.
He had been watching her more often lately--glancing, peeking, staring, whatever you wanted to call it. She wasn't blind though. She had noticed his new behavior. So he was trying to be more careful. Even Wesley had noticed it and he didn't seem to happy about it. Wesley had frowned at him and had a promise of a talk later on in his eyes. At least Fred seemed to be on his side. Kyerumption and what not.
"Hey," Angel said to Cordelia as she stirred awake beside him.
"Hey," Cordelia quietly responded, still getting her bearings on where she was. "Oh no. I fell asleep." She could feel his eyes on her. She knew he had been watching her sleeping. It had to be a vampire thing. Like watching your food, before you played with it. Creepy.
"Yeah," he said absently. His amusement at her frumpled appearance and her confused state was shadowed by sadness. This was the only way he'd ever wake up next to her.
"I guess you got tired of me taking your bed," Cordelia joked, making sure not to look at him and the fact that they were in bed together. No big deal, she thought. They were fully clothed and over the covers. Nonetheless, she found herself feeling awkward and almost vulnerable lying next to him. She distracted herself by feeling the texture of the covers. She had to ask him where he bought them.
"I don't mind."
In fact, he wished he could spend the rest of the day like this. When exactly things had changed from contemplation to realization he didn't know, but he knew how he felt right now. He just didn't know what it meant for them.
"Just thought you'd join me?" she asked arching an eyebrow.
It was nothing new for her to stay over the night to help him out or to even wake up in his bed. What was new was him sleeping there with her. But that's how things had been like for the past week. Right now was the closest they had come to addressing it. She could feel the thin ice beneath her.
"I need sleep too," Angel weakly defended. "Thanks for helping me out with Connor."
"I knew I'd be eating my words when I told you to share the responsibility," she teased. But really she was glad to be there for him and that he wanted her there. Needed her.
"You don't have to-"
She threw her hand out as if to stop him. "Shut up, Angel. Of course I'm going to help you out."
"Good," he nodded. He knew he had to stop being so insecure about- well, everything. But he couldn't help it. He knew he didn't deserve her, but he wasn't about to argue with her if she didn't mind.
A comfortable silence passed between them as they both stared at the ceiling, lost in their own thoughts.
Cordelia spoke first, still looking above her. "It has nothing to do with you, though."
"Oh?" He turned his head to look at her. He couldn't help but be slightly disappointed.
She looked back at him and pointed where Connor slept peacefully. "I mean look at him. Those eyes and those little fingers. He's irresistible. Too bad for the age difference. I bet when he grows up he's going to be a lady killer." Realizing what she had said she quickly added, "Not literally though."
"Let's hope not. He only inherited good things from his father," Angel said tenderly.
"And thankfully not other things. It would be a little weird feeding him a bottle of blood. It's funny though. About the age difference, I mean," she clarified. "I'm closer to his age than I am to yours. Maybe I should start calling you Old Man Angel."
"I'm not that old," he protested. He knew he didn't look old at all. The one good thing about being a vampire. Still, he wished he could see himself in a mirror all the same.
"You're older than most of the buildings in L.A," she said. Quick to reassure him, she added, "Don't worry. You don't look a day over 125."
"You're not one for giving compliments are you. I always compliment you," he complained.
"I compliment you. Remember that time I said you were handsome, heroic, brave-"
"-erratic, emotionally stunted, and a eunuch?" he finished for her.
"Oh right. Hey, you were the one who was letting it get to his head. I had to give you the other side of the coin." She looked towards Connor's crib, "Besides, I think we all know now you aren't a eunuch."
"Definitely not a eunuch," he half-whispered to her.
Cordelia felt chills run along her body from what he had just said. Suddenly, she felt very uncomfortable in bed with him. She sat up as quickly as she could without showing her uneasiness. "So now you just have to prove you're not emotionally stunted or erratic. Good luck with that," she joked, trying to take away any attention from her reaction.
He sat up with a frown on his face as he watched her get out of bed. "You can still get an hour of sleep before anybody comes in."
Cordelia smoothed her hair out with her hands self-consciously as she stood before him. "I have to go home and change," she explained.
"You have clothing here. Plus you can always borrow something from Fred."
"I guess," she said reluctantly. There really was no reason for her to return to her apartment.
Seeing her weakening, he added, "You need sleep." He could only hope he wasn't as transparent as he felt.
Cordelia sighed, "Just don't hog the bed."
***********
It was a good day, Angel thought. He woke up to Cordelia, had little trouble putting Connor down for a nap, and was having a slow, peaceful day at the Hyperion.
He was currently looking at a baby catalogue Cordy had thrown at him. Did babies really need this much stuff? He didn't even own this much stuff and he was over two centuries old.
"Alright, I'm ready," Cordelia said to Gunn as she stepped out of the bathroom.
"Ready for what?" Angel asked, still leafing through the catalogue.
"Me and Cordy going to train downstairs," Gunn answered.
Angel looked up to find them both in workout clothes. Sure, she fought demons in her expensive clothes, but when it came to training she wore comfortable clothing. He really didn't get her.
Gunn was wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans. If he even thought about taking off his shirt while he was with Cordy... Angel shook off his violent thoughts. "I thought I was training you."
"You've been busy with Connor and getting ready for Holtz. We haven't trained in weeks."
"I'm sorry about that."
"No, I understand. It's just that with Holtz around the corner it's more important than ever to be ready, right? And that includes me being ready so... training."
"Don't have the flashy moves Angel has, but I have some moves of my own," Gunn offered.
"I'm not flashy," Angel denied. "Am I?"
She threw a look at Gunn. "Thanks a lot." Why did Angel have to be so insecure? She turned to Angel. "Of course not. You'd have to actually wear colors to be flashy." Cordelia pointedly looked at his dark blue attire.
Angel watched as they headed downstairs already laughing with each other. Probably about something he didn't even understand. Clueless Angel they probably thought.
Why is Gunn touching her back, he wondered. He quickly got up. "Uh guys? Maybe Fred should watch you two train. She could learn something. Let me just get her."
Cordelia turned around. "You sent her and Wesley to buy diapers remember?"
"Oh yeah." It was a very slow day at the Hyperion.
"Don't see why it takes two people," Gunn grumbled.
"She'll be back in a minute. You could just wait," Angel said happily, hoping they'd agree.
"Nah," she dismissed.
"Angel has a point," Gunn agreed. "Fred needs to learn how to protect herself. Maybe I'll ask her if she wants me to train her."
Angel frowned. That's not what he had meant.
"Take a number," Cordelia mumbled. First Wesley, now Gunn. Fred was a hot commodity.
"What?" Gunn looked at her confused.
"Nevermind. You. Me. Train." And with that she dragged him off much to Angel's dismay.
***********
"Hey, is the radio down here?" Gunn asked.
"Yeah over there." Cordelia, putting her hair into a small ponytail, motioned over to the table with the fake flowers.
Gunn walked over looking curiously at the bright fake flowers. "These still here?"
"Well, they are fake. Not like they're going to die anytime soon. Call it part one in the my plan to color this place up."
"Nothing more colorful than you," he smiled. He didn't know what Angel would do without her. He eyed the radio wondering how far her influence had gone. "I wonder what station it's tuned to."
"Wanna make a little wager?"
"Sure. Loser has to..."
"Have the next mind-numbing vision?" she offered.
"That's your trademark. No changing that."
Cordelia shrugged. "Oh well. How about loser has to clean-up after the next movie night?"
"Okay," Gunn agreed, missing the evil glint in her eye. "I'd say-" Gunn paused to wonder what a vampire with a soul would listen to. "Classical music. What about you?"
She grinned and answered confidently, "Radio Disney."
"What?"
"Check for yourself."
Gunn hesitantly turned the radio on to find a song fading out. A jubilant voice shortly filled the air. "Aaron Carter, 3LW, Britney Spears, and the Backstreet Boys all coming up on Radio Disney," the announcer said.
"Angel really is getting the father thing down, isn't he? It's almost scary," she said looking up towards the staircase.
"But Radio Disney?" He sounded appalled.
"My idea. You know, for when Connor is older. I told Angel he should start immersing himself in pop culture or he'll have no clue what Connor is talking about when he mentions the Teletubbies or whatever is in at the time."
"No fair," Gunn protested.
Not willing to give up a night off from cleaning up, she argued, "Hey. Is so. I didn't know he actually followed my advice."
"He always listens to you."
**********
Forty-five minutes later Cordelia found her skin glimmering with a sheen of sweat. This was different than training with Angel. Angel always seemed to push her to her limit and a bit beyond. It was nice that he believed in her, but she was thankful that Gunn didn't seem to press her as hard. Not that she wasn't feeling the strain of the training on her body right now.
"Ugh. Tell me that's it for the day." It didn't seem to matter to Cordelia what Gunn's answer was as she sat herself down on the stairs.
He walked over to her, gesturing to her to get up. "C'mon. I know you have more energy in you. Whenever you train with Angel you two are in here for hours."
"That's because he's a slave driver," she said slightly out of breath.
"Yeah that's why." Gunn said unconvinced.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Besides, you try being energized when you hardly got any sleep last night."
"Vision?"
She yawned into her hand. "Angel. Dragged me in late at night because he couldn't get Connor to sleep."
"Funny. I thought there was a more interesting story why you stayed the night."
Caught by his remark she looked up to glare at him. "We are adults you know. Not to mention friends. We are well versed in controlling our hormones."
"So there are hormones?" he asked with a smirk on his face.
"That's not what I meant!" She shouted as she tried to hit him without getting up.
"Uh huh. You've been spending a lot of nights over."
"Angel needs me," she stated simply as though that explained everything.
*********
"How was training?" Wesley asked as they entered into the lobby.
"Good. Where's Fred and Angel?" Cordelia asked as she went to fetch a glass of water.
"Last I saw Fred was showing Connor some flashcards," Wesley said with a smile on his face.
"A little early for that, don't you think?" She asked in between sips.
"Speaking of Fred, I was thinking about training her," Gunn announced.
"Oh really?" Wesley's ears perked up. "I was thinking of asking her myself."
"No offense but what can an ex-Watcher teach a girl about fighting. I mean maybe if you were called a Doer, not a Watcher. I mean if she wants to be trained on how to watch you're her guy, but-"
"Where's Angel?" Cordelia wisely interrupted.
"He's taking a nap," Wesley answered without looking at her, his eyes still aimed at Gunn. It had been some time since his abilities had been questioned and he didn't appreciate it.
"No, he's not," Angel said walking down the stairs. "Done training?"
"Yep. Sweaty and smelly to prove it. Hey, you mind if we shower here?"
Angel looked at the two standing together by the kitchen both tired and sweaty from the workout. "Separately, right?"
"Well, duh," she said slightly exasperated. What is with him today, she wondered.
"Have to take a shower at my place. Don't have a change of clothing," Gunn said grabbing his bag.
"Don't forget we might be raiding the nest by Marathon today," Wesley said sharply.
"No problem. Bye." He ran half way up the stairs and shouted, "Bye Fred!"
"Bye Charles!" Fred shouted back.
*********
Fred had been trying to teach Connor for the past half hour the alphabet. Sure he was just a few months old, but she figured it was never too early. She was just happy that Angel trusted her to be alone with Connor.
As Angel passed by the door for the fifth time in the last 15 minutes, Fred put down the flashcards. "Angel? Is there something you want?"
"No. Just walking around. I can do that, can't I?" Angel said leaning on the doorway, his eyes floating in the direction of the bathroom door.
"She's still showering. Anxious for a vision?"
"She hasn't had one in awhile."
The bathroom door flew open. "You'd think you'd let me have a couple of days off. But nooooo," Cordy said as she towel dried her hair.
"Hi, good shower?" Angel asked, struggling for something to say.
"Yep. You know I've been looking for this top," she said referring to the red form-fitting shirt she was wearing.
"You left it here. It was after the Nugov demon slimed you. You thought it was a lost cause."
"You washed it for me?" She was touched. Some girls liked flowers, but nothing said 'I appreciate you' like wiping off slime from her wardrobe.
"Oh! I forgot!" Fred exclaimed, interrupting the moment. "I have something for you. Well, for Connor really, but he's too young for it now so..." she trailed off. "Hold on," she said before she left the room. She returned shortly with a red shopping bag in hand, which she placed in Angel's hands.
"What's this?"
Her smile lighted the room. "A present. I went shopping with Cordy a couple of days ago."
"I don't remember you buying anything for Angel."
"You were busy talking to Romance guy," she explained.
"Romance guy?" Angel repeated.
"Yeah, they were talking in the romance section of the video store."
"Tell him everything, why don't you."
"Did you give him your phone number? You can't just be giving out your phone number to strangers, you know. This is a dangerous world we live in," he said, half-concerned, half-jealous.
"Angel. Her gift," she reminded him.
"Sorry," he said bashfully. He looked into the bag and took the gift out. "Uh. Beauty and the Beast?"
"Yeah. I know, I know. I gave up fairytales, but this is such a good movie and as long as you know fairytales aren't real..."
"It's a cartoon," he stated dumbly.
"Brilliant deduction. What gave it away? The animated cover?" Cordelia wisecracked.
Reading the back of the cover quickly, he recogized the old fairytale he had heard of as a child. "They made a cartoon about this?"
"Remember that talk we had about pop culture?"
"Anyway, I thought it was a perfect movie for you." Fred, noting their blank looks, continued, "Oh. I mean Beauty and the Beast? That's you two! Obviously Cordelia's the beauty because she's beautiful. And you're the Beast, not that I think- but you know with your demon and all- and I just thought of you two. I even know the song! 'Tale as old as-'"
"That's okay Fred. We wouldn't want to ruin the surprise for him," Cordelia interrupted.
Still unsure with how to respond Angel managed to spit out, "Thank you, Fred. I'm still not used to getting gifts, especially for no reason."
"Oh, there was a reason," she said cryptically. "Hey. We can watch it on movie night, right? The guys won't mind, do you think? They usually like action movies."
"I have a feeling they won't object," Cordelia said knowingly.
Fred ran off in glee murmuring something in a sing-song voice Cordelia couldn't hear. Angel, however, with his vampire hearing, caught a few words. Something along the lines of 'both a little scared neither one prepared.' She really was an odd one.
**********
Why was it they always had to hang out at her place, Cordelia wondered as she took four drinks and a container of blood out of the fridge.
"A little help?" she asked exasperated as she tried to hold everything.
A few drinks were taken out of her hands and floated over to the table.
"Thanks, Dennis. Glad you're useful unlike some people," Cordelia said irritably.
"What was that, Cordy?" Wesley asked innocently from the living room.
Cordelia put the blood in the microwave and set the timer, then headed over to the living room. She hit Gunn's legs to get them off her table.
"I said, 'why do we always hang out at my place'?"
"Well, we spend all day working over at the hotel, and you do have the nicest crib out of the rest of us," Gunn reasoned, as he grabbed a handful of popcorn.
"Does this popcorn have extra butter?" Wesley asked, eyeing the bowl.
Luckily, Cordelia found herself being pulled away into the kitchen and back to sanity by Dennis. "Breathe, Cordelia," she told herself as she heard the beep of the microwave.
Fred appeared next to her, licking her sticky fingers clean. "Mmmmm, do you have more of these?" She lifted up the empty box of cherry cordials. Cordelia just stared at her blankly for a moment before handing her another box.
"Does Connor need his bottle?" she asked Angel.
"He's not due for it for another half an hour," Angel replied. "You guys better hurry up. Previews are on," he warned.
Cordelia and Fred walked over, Cordy handing Angel a mug of warm blood, and Fred throwing another cherry cordial in her mouth before sitting down.
"The previews are ten years old. I think it's safe to say the movies are no longer in theatres." Gunn responded.
"Thank you guys. I know you'd prefer to watch action movies and such," said Fred.
"No problem, Fred. Actually it's nice to watch something that doesn't mirror our daily life. No violence, gore, or demons," Wesley said.
"Nah. Just curses, mobs, and love in the strangest places. Nothing we know about," Gunn pointed out. He wasn't sure, but he could have sworn Angel was squirming in his seat. "Hey, can you get me a drink that's not diet?" he turned to Cordelia.
"Get it yourself," she snapped. Did no one have functional legs?
"Someone's testy."
"Someone's about to get- their ass- kicked," Cordelia struggled to say.
She gasped for air as the vision hit her. She could smell the ocean near by, and the taste of the salt water in the air. Lights danced around her eyes and she could her a faint melody. Flashes of a demon blasted in her mind, followed by pain. On another look she could see the demon wasn't alone and there were so many people for them to snack on. A pyramid of bottles, lots of mirrors, and a calendar sliced into her head before the vision ended.
She felt her body convulse in pain. Her head felt like it had been broken into pieces. She didn't have to look up to know Angel was holding her. She hadn't even realized she had slipped onto the floor.
"What did you see?"
"Um. Gray demon, green blotches attacking people. There was, um- a carnival. It was happening at a carnival near a beach. I need a pen."
She could feel the stinging in her eyes and couldn't help but let a few tears slip down her face. Angel looked at her worried as he got her something to write on.
"I believe we're dealing with Grunog beasts. Not the smartest of the bunch, but particularly vicious," Wesley informed them.
"There's a carnival down at the Redondo beach this week. That must be it," Gunn said
"An odd time for a carnival," Fred commented.
Angel went into command mode as he stood up. Old habits died hard. "Alright. Fred stay here with Cordy-"
"No. This doesn't happen for another two nights," Cordelia interrupted.
"You've never had that much warning."
"I know, but I'm certain it's not for another two nights."
"Ahhhh! We're going to the carnival. Sorry. I just haven't been to one in forever," Fred squealed.
Angel ignored Fred's remark. "Well there was most likely a reason for the extra notice. We should probably begin researching."
Fred took the opportunity. "Yes. Right now in fact. Not you though Cordelia you should rest. And Angel you have to take care of Connor. We could do a re-con tomorrow night to get acquainted with the place." Before anyone knew it, she had pulled Wesley and Gunn out of the apartment.
*********
Cordelia looked around her apartment. So much for Gunn cleaning up this time. She had changed into her pajamas and got out the comfort food within minutes. She had feed Connor and Angel had tried to put him to sleep, but he wouldn't cooperate. They finally decided to watch the movie, hoping it would lull Connor into sleep.
Cordelia had smiled at Angel's outburst at the beginning. "They're singing!" Angel had exclaimed. Two hundred forty-eight year old vampire and he still managed to act like a kid sometimes.
"I think Connor likes this movie. I mean look at that face."
"I think he's excited he just found out he had a nose."
"Hold him?"
"Arm tired?" She asked as he placed Connor gently into her arms.
"No. I read that it's important for him to have physical contact with his parents."
"I'm not his parent," she pointed out.
"Well, no, but I am and I have no pulse or body heat. That seems important and I don't want him to miss out."
"Hey, between the six of us Connor isn't going to miss out on anything." She watched him for a moment, her eyes glittering with affection. "He looks like he's getting sleepy." He was so small. She couldn't imagine herself ever being this small. She definitely couldn't imagine Angel ever being this small. She would have smiled if her face hadn't scrunched up in pain from another wave of after vision pain.
"Your head still hurt? I can get you another aspirin. Water?"
"I'll be alright. Oh, this is my favorite part." Cordelia said, leaning into him. He fought the urge to pull her into him completely and put his arms around her. As it was he couldn't ignore the intimacy of the moment. He wondered how it was possible she could miss it, but after all she wasn't the one having feelings. But this couldn't be a normal moment for two friends to share. So what did that mean?
A grand ballroom, beautifully detailed and with enormously high ceilings appeared on screen. Belle and the Beast entered hand in hand and began to dance. A gentle voice filled the air.
//Tale as old as time true as it can be
Barely even friends then somebody bends unexpectantly//
Okay, so now Fred's little intentions are perfectly clear, Cordelia thought. She needed to nip this in the bud as soon as possible. Didn't need her playing little miss matchmaker.
//Just a little change small to say the least
Both a little scared neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast//
So that's what she had been singing, Angel realized. Oh. That's what she had been singing.
//Ever just the same, ever a surprise,
Ever as before, ever just as sure as the sun will rise
Tale as old as time, tune as old as song
Bitter sweet and strange
Finding you can change learning you were wrong//
Thankfully, it seemed to her Angel was clueless as usual. Somebody buy him a vowel.
//Certain as the sun rising in the east
Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast//
If only this was a fairytale, Angel thought. But life was no fairytale. He wouldn't have the happily ever after. But not so long ago he never thought he'd have as much as he did now. And really he owed it to Cordelia. He had a mission, friends, and a family. For the first time ever there was real hope for the future.
It was all a set up, she thought. Like a stupid Disney movie was just going to change everything. Did Fred somehow think that she was an exception to the no-bone rule on Angel?
//Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast//
"Nice song."
"Oh yeah," she hastily agreed.
*********
She spent the whole night thinking of how to inflict pain on Fred, but ultimately knew Fred was just being nice. Nice and nosy, but still nice. She'd just share a few words with her and then do some shopping.
Okay, the truth? The truth was she spent the night missing how it felt to have someone in bed next to her. Something which, she noted, was a serious warning sign that she needed to get out more. It wasn't as though in bed she could tell him apart from a huge paperweight. Except, of course, for his awkward tendency of wrapping his arms around her in the middle of the night and how warm he felt in the morning because he had absorbed some of her body heat.
The problem was she couldn't remember the last time she went out with someone for more than three dates. Which was where the shopping came in. She had to find something stunning to wear while she searched for a semi-decent guy. Now she just had to talk to Fred. Knocking on her door, Fred called out for her to come in.
"Fred."
"Hi," she said looking up from her reading.
"Don't 'hi' me. You set us up didn't you?"
"I don't know what you mean," she answered, trying to avoid Cordy's eyes.
"You left us alone watching Beauty and the Beast."
"That wasn't my fault. You're the one that had the vision. Anyway, what's the harm of a little quality time between friends?"
"I know what you're doing."
"Oh?" Fred squeaked.
"'Beauty and the Beast. That's you two!' Ring a bell?"
"I just thought I'd help. I mean you two are perfect for each other. After all you are his seer. You're kinda tied to him if you think about it. How can that be wrong?"
"Fred, he's a no-bone, okay. There was a reason I made sure to drive that point to you from the start. I know I was kinda mean about it, but it was something you had to understand." Cordelia sighed, "Believe me. I was around during the supreme tragic love story. I know the badness that comes when Angel and love are mixed together. And there are two big reasons never to even think about Angel like that. Number one: The curse. Number two: Nobody but Buffy will ever exist in his heart. The first one is a 'don't-you-ever-forget-it-or-the bodies-start-to-pile.' The second one is something Angel and Buffy never let anybody forget."
"Well, I know I wasn't around for that, I haven't even met Buffy, but I don't think he's in love with her. I mean did he jump into another dimension for her?"
"He would have done that for any of us," she protested.
"Did he ever let a psychotic woman-hater out of a fire cell in order to save her life?"
"Angel has guilt issues. I do get the visions because of him," she objected.
"Is she the one he calls when Connor is being fussy?"
"She doesn't actually know about Connor." Cordelia's forehead crinkled. Fred had her there. Connor was the most important thing to Angel and he wasn't sharing that with Buffy.
"And as for the curse, just hand me the wording of the Gypsy curse and the spell that was used to re-soul him and I'm sure eventually I'll find a way around it. Curses are a tricky thing you know. I remember one time I was out searching for food and this hermit living by the river caught me trying to steal one of his jazip roots and next thing I know he sprays some powder at me-"
"Fred," Cordelia tried to interrupt.
"-and starts cursing me while doing something that looked like a sloppy dance of shame with twirls. Maybe it was the dance of malice? I don't think there is a dance of malice..."
"Fred! Just let it go, okay? And please don't bring this up with Angel," she said seriously. "God that's the last thing I need. He'd be acting awkward all week," she mumbled as she left the room.
'Don't bring this up with Angel' ringed in her mind. Fred looked on with worried eyes. "I already have," she whispered.
TBC...