disclaimer: i don't own kickin it at all!

P.S: please don't judge ( i hope you enjoy )

lastly; if you want to review please do XOXO constructive criticism welcome ;)

and a BIG thank you to everyone thats reveiwed :)

Laying down on my back on the couch in the living room, I silently stared at the white ceiling. The tears had long stopped falling, but the pain hadn't diminished in the slightest. He had left me, for that miserable whore.

I thought Ricky was better than that; better than her. I thought he was more mature than to jump at anything with a whole to stick it in and a pulse. I had even thought he meant it when he said he loved me. But I suppose I was wrong about a lot of things.

"Do you want to go to bed, Kim? You look beat." Jack said from the other end of the black leather couch. My legs were stretched over him, his hands resting casually on my ankles.

I smiled slightly at him, though there was no happiness in that smile of mine. "Thanks Jack, but there's no point. Even if I go to bed, there's no way I'm going to sleep."

I said, looking away from him and back towards the ceiling. "It's 2am, and you can't go to school tomorrow without any sleep whatsoever. It's not healthy." He said, trying to get me to bed.

I responded again in a quiet voice, not wavering my gaze from that spot on the ceiling. "You can go home if you want, but I'm not going to bed. I still have some things to think about." I said flatly.

All my emotions had been cried out over the past couple of hours, and though the pain was still searing, I felt oddly numb. "Kim, there's no way I'm going to go home and leave you like this. Forget about it." He said firmly. I shifted my gaze to him once again to find him staring at me. "You're amazing." I said, not knowing what I did to deserve a friend like him.

He smiled and nodded. "I know." He said playfully. "Now, I know that I need a couple hours sleep so I can function, so I'm going to go crash in the guest bedroom. Just wake me if you need me, okay?" he asked, carefully moving my legs and standing up, then replacing them where they had been. "Okay." I agreed, watching as he grabbed his hoodie off the floor.

He walked in the direction of the stairs, stopping where my head lay and lightly ruffled my hair. "Don't think too much. That's not healthy, either." He said, continuing to walk out of the room. To that, I didn't bother to respond.

When I heard him moving around upstairs I turned my head towards the TV, which given the hour, was playing some old movie in black and white. But soon enough, I was lost in my own thoughts.

I had told myself that this time I was going to change. I had told myself that this relationship was going to be different than all my past boyfriends – and believe me, there were many. And they had all ended like this.

Me crying, them jumping to someone else right away. Of course, the circumstances were always different, but the result was always the same. Heartbreak for me, indifference for them.

The only person who was constant in my life was Jack – Jack, as I called him. I mean I had my mom, but she was barely ever around. My dad has passed away a couple of years ago, so now we only had one salary to support the whole family.

Which consisted of me, my mother, my dog Frost, and my two younger brothers. Noah who was 13, and Lucas who was 6. I had insisted countless times to get a job and help pay for things around here.

But my mother had refused, insisting that she was doing just fine on her own. And if we ever needed financial support, she would look to Nana. So, in that respect I had no choice but to oblige.

For people looking at me from afar, my life seemed pretty normal. But for the very, very few people who knew me really well, it was obvious how fucked up my life was. And from how my life had spiraled, I would say there was a very slim chance that it would ever change. The whole I had dug myself was too deep.

At school, I was the slut. The whore. The one who wanted to get with everyone. But they only knew what they witnessed, and didn't bother to find out the rest. They didn't know my father died. They didn't know how insecure I was.

They thought I slept with boys on the first date, when the truth was that I was still a virgin. I wouldn't dream of sleeping with my boyfriends right away. Which, in hindsight, is probably what drove them away.

I'll admit it, I'm a flirt. I'm not a whore, by any means. I don't cheat when I'm in a relationship, and I don't get physical or touchy with people I'm not officially dating. I did, admittedly, date a lot of guys.

But when I really looked inside myself that just went back to my underlying insecurities. When I was in a relationship I felt better about myself as a whole, plain and simple. I felt like there was someone who cared for me, and liked me for who I was.

Unfortujackly though, with the reputation I had unwillingly pegged on myself, I attracted – and fell for – the wrong kinds of guys.

After my dad had passed, Jack became the only person I could rely on. He had always been my closest friend in the whole world, but when the most important man in my life had been taken from me, Jack was more than my best friend.

He became my rock, and he was very willing to play that role in my life. He was always, always there for me. Without fail. He was the most caring, understanding, and compassiojack person you would ever meet.

And that part of him only enhanced when I was going through tough times, or I was emotionally fragile. Around me, he was the sweetest guy you would ever be blessed to meet. Around other people though, it was a different story.

While I had the school slut title, he had the school badboy title. Well, maybe not exactly badboy. He didn't break the rules, or do bad things. But everyone knew not to mess with him. He rarely yelled, but when the occasion arose for him to have to, it was terrifying what volume and power that could come out of what appeared to be just a tall and lanky 18 year old.

He didn't look strong, but throughout his highschool years he had thrown some pretty vicious punches. Overall, people just knew not to mess with him. And if they didn't know, they learned the hard way.

I finally snapped into reality, blinking rapidly. My mom was asleep, though she had to be up in a couple of hours for her morning shift as a waitress at the local coffee shop. She didn't have to worry about driving Noah and Lucas to and from school, I did that for her.

I dropped them off on my way to school, and picked them up on the way back. I would never say my mother wasn't a responsible parent; she was the best mother any child could ever ask for. But with her being busy all the time, a lot of the general responsibilities of the house fell onto me as the oldest child of the house, and a responsible 18 year old.

As I stared at the ceiling once more, I thought about what had happened just hours earlier. It was now approximately 2:30am, though it didn't feel like it with every downstairs light on. Light, it seemed, was usually the thing that made fear disappear. But unfortujackly, the same thing didn't work for pain.

Ricky had called me around 11:00pm tonight. I had rushed downstairs from my room, wanting to get the phone before my mom woke up. She barely got enough sleep as it is, and I didn't want her sole moments of peace to be disturbed.

I wasn't sleeping; I was up on my laptop. But everyone else was. "Hello?" I asked no the second ring, answering the cordless phone that was on the table next to the couch in the living room. "Hey Kim. It's me." Ricky said, calling me by my very so often used nickname. "Oh, hey babe. Why you calling so late?" I asked, flipping the switch to turn on the light in the living room. "I need to tell you something."

He said, sounding slightly guilty. I furrowed my eyebrows, even though I knew he couldn't see it through the phone. "What's wrong?" I asked worriedly. I heard him sigh. "Kim, I think we have to break up." He said in a rushed voice, as if he just wanted to be over and done with this conversation. "W-What? Why?" I asked, my voice shaking and childlike. He sighed again before answering.

"I'm just not feeling it anymore. I'm sorry, Kim." He said, before I heard a click on his end of the line, followed by the dial tone.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I couldn't blink. I couldn't do anything. I could actually hear my heart breaking, the pain and shock of what had just happened spreading throughout me like wildfire, paralyzing me to the core.

That's when the tears came. I felt the hot, familiar sting of tears burn my eyes, rolling down my cheeks one by one. I had to call Jack.

I clicked 'End' on the phone, silencing the dial tone. Every second that went by the tears came more furiously, and I began to shake. This was just too much for me to comprehend and fully understand. I was just caught so off guard. I was shaking so badly, it had taken me two or three tries to successfully dial Jack's number.

When I finally got it I let out a choking sob, waiting for him to answer his house phone. "Well hey Kim, what's got you calling so late? You could have just messaged me you know."

He said, sounding generally chirpy and in a good mood. But as soon as he heard me crying, I could practically hear his smile fade. "Kim, what's wrong? He asked frantically, freaked out by the call.

I couldn't even form proper words at that time; all that was coming out of my mouth were ugly sobs. "Fuck, I'm coming over." He said firmly before hanging up the phone. I just let the phone fall from my hands, landing with a soft thump on the white carpet. I pulled my legs up to my chest and buried my face in my knees, muffling my sobs.

I couldn't believe what had just happened. I had been dating Ricky for four months now, when all of a sudden he decided he 'wasn't feeling it anymore'. What did that even mean? What had I done to merit such pain?

Not three minutes later I heard footsteps coming up the front porch steps. I didn't care to open the door; I knew that Jack would let himself in. And he did as expected, opening and closing the door lightly before rushing into the living room. I could tell he had been heading for my room, but once her heard and saw me on the couch he stopped for a split second, before rushing towards me.

"Oh my God Kim, who did this to you?" he breathed out, sitting heavily next to me and wrapping his long arms around my petite frame, pulling me closer to him. "Ricky. He left me, Jack." I squeaked out, continuing to sob into his arms.

I felt him tighten up against me, and he made no motion to conceal it. "I'll fucking kill him." He growled through clenched teeth.

I didn't respond to that – I couldn't. All I could do was cry and cry, while Jack just sat there with me, rocking me and occasionally kissing my hair.

Even now, hours later, just the thought of the phone call brought tears to my eyes. But I blinked them back. I had cried enough for the one I had honestly thought that I loved. I hadn't wanted to fall in love with him; that was the only thing I didn't want. Love didn't bring anything but pain, which is why I had wanted this relationship with Ricky not to be serious.

I wanted it to be fun, and loose. Of course I liked him; I liked him a lot. But I told myself that if things didn't work out I wouldn't beat myself up about it. But let's face it – I was a hopeless romantic at heart and always ended up taking relationships way too seriously. I fell hard, and fast.

Reluctantly, I pulled myself into a sitting position. My muscles were sore from being in the same position for so long, but I sat up nonetheless.

I looked at the TV once more before reaching for the remote control that had fallen on the floor at some point and pressing the power button. The room was blessed with silence. Even though the TV hadn't been very loud, now there was not a single sound. The house was quiet, but my mind was anything but peaceful.

I stood up, my socked feet thudding almost soundlessly on the soft carpet. I pulled up my baggy sweatpants which had rode down a bit, and walked around the couch in the direction of the stairs where Jack had disappeared to. I left the phone on the floor where I had dropped it earlier. I didn't care to touch the thing.

As I placed my foot on the first step of the staircase I flipped the light switch, dousing the light that filled the room. I padded up the carpeted steps, feeling depressed. I felt as if I had a million weights hanging on every part of my body, dragging me down. Hours of crying did that do I person.

I finally reached the top of the stairs, the doorway of all five bedrooms coming into view. There was my mother's room at the very end of the long hall. The farthest door on the right led to my bedroom, the door right beside it leading to my bathroom. The door following suit was Noah's. Then on the far right was the guest room, where Jack was now. And finally, next to that was Lucas's room.

I walked down the hall, heading slowly towards my room. Though I thought I was being as quiet as a mouse, I heard Jack softly call for me.

"Kim, that you?" he asked, his voice slightly muffled by the closed door. I paused in front of my door, having just been about to open it. I turned around and took the couple of steps across the hall to Jack's room, turning the knob almost completely silently. "Yeah, it's me. You okay?" I asked, not sure why he wanted me at the moment.

"I think I should be asking you that question. Come in, turn the light on." He said, as I watched the dark outline of his body sit up under the blanket. I did as he asked, closing the door behind me quietly and adjusting the light setting to the dim setting.

It was bright enough for us to see each other perfectly fine, but dim enough that it didn't hurt our eyes.

I walked over to the edge of the bed, perching on the edge. It was a big room, with a lot of space and a double bed.

My grandparents visited a lot from out of town for days at a time, which is the only reason we had a double bed in here instead of a single. "C'mere, sit. Let's talk." Jack said, patting the spot next to him. I smiled, scooting over to sit next to him.

He opened his left arm for me and I gratefully took it, leaning against him and resting my head on his chest as I felt his hand slink around my waist. "Did I wake you?" I asked, looking at our feet which lay side by side. "No, you didn't. I just had trouble sleeping.

I was worried about you." He said, and I felt him rest his chin on the top of my head. "Don't, Jack. It's not your job to worry, you shouldn't feel responsible." I said, feeling guilty that my problems were literally keeping him up at night.

"Come on, Kim. I know it's not my job, but I still care." He said. I tilted my head back slightly to look up at him. He smiled sadly, to which I returned the gesture. "Do you remember how we met?" I asked, smiling a genuine smile at the memory.

He chuckled softly, nodding. "Of course I do. We were in kindergarten, and these two boys were laughing at me because I had spilled applesauce on myself at lunch. And I was too shy to yell at them, so you did it for me." He said, tugging a lock of my hair gently, and lovingly. I laughed, for the first time that I had in such a long time. "Shut up, you make me sound like your mother."

I said, taking my left hand and smacking him in the chest; though it was hardly harder than a pat. Jack laughed too, making eye contact with me again. "I really appreciated it, though.

I mean, I know now that those boys would have made fun of me for being friends with a girl, but I didn't know any better. You protected me, so I liked you." He said, smiling to finish.

I dawned a close-mouthed smile before speaking quietly again. "You know what, Jack?" "What, Kim Banana?" he asked, showing his pearly whites in a goofy smile.

I laughed again at the stupid nickname he had just given me that I had never heard before. But once I regained my composure, the smile remained on my face. "You're pretty cool." I said, poking his arm.

I let my head fall back onto his chest and felt his chest move as he chuckled again. "Well, you're pretty cool, too." He said quietly, before I closed my eyes and the two of us drifted off into a comfortable silence.

After about 5 minutes had passed, and my mind had once again traveled to darker places, I opened my eyes before breaking the peacefulness. "Jack?" I asked, not moving any parts of my body.

The two of us together like this were just too comfortable. "Mmm?" he asked lazily. I sighed. "Why don't any decent guys like me? Why can't I just find one decent boy who doesn't just want to hurt me?" I questioned – partly to him, but mostly to myself. I became sadder and sadder with every word.

Jack didn't respond right away. Before he did he reluctantly pulled his arm out from around me, slumping his shoulders and playing with his fingers anxiously. "Y'know Kim. I would never hurt you."

He said in such a quiet voice, it was hardly louder than a whisper. He looked at me, making eye contact. I searched his eyes for a moment, unsure of the emotion that lay behind those story oceans of eyes he had.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" I whispered, not breaking our stare. "I know you don't feel the same way, because I'm not like any of the guys you've dated before. But I would treat you right." He said.

Without having to look down I could see how badly his hands were shaking. "You're right, Jack. You're not like the guys I've dated." I said thoughtfully. Sadness and embarrassment filled his eyes as he looked down to his lap and fiddled with his fingers, clearing his throat awkwardly.

Well, it may have been awkward for him, but my mind was buzzing with ideas. By now we had both turned to face each other, sitting cross-legged. "Do you like me, Jack?" I asked quietly.

I hadn't taken my eyes off him, though he refused to look up at me again. Still though, he nodded before speaking. "I like you a lot." He muttered, making me crack a small smile. "Then how about we give it a shot?" I asked, waiting for his response.

His head snapped up and his gaze met mine, eyes wide with shock and surprise. "You serious?" he breathed out.

"Jack, you're right. You're not like any of my exes, and look how all of them turned out. Plus, you're my best friend. We already have a bond that we can never lose. You're the opposite of anyone I've ever been with, and maybe that's exactly what I need. I'm willing to try if you are." I finished, smiling again at the end of my sentence.

Jack's expression didn't change in the slightest. But when he spoke, his words really took me off guard. "Kim?" he asked, his voice trembling slightly. "Yeah?" I responded encouragingly. "Can I kiss you?" he asked hesitantly.

I was taken aback. Usually people didn't ask questions like that. They just kissed the other person. It just happened. I had never had to answer that question before. But nevertheless, I was actually flattered by his modestly. "Of course you can, Jack." I whispered, looking him in the eyes.

Without saying another word, Jack slowly lowered his head down to my level. He placed his hands on the back of my neck, and I could hear his voice had become ragged. "You sure about this?" he asked, one last time. I nodded before I answered. "Just kiss me, Jack." I whispered, before I felt his lips fall passionately onto mine.

Now, I knew things were going to be okay. Things were going to be better now. All along, this was what I needed. He was what I needed. And now I had it. Maybe I did still have time to get rid of that reputation of mine.