I was jealous of him. I was jealous of my brother. He had her. He held her in his arms like he knew just how to comfort her. He doesn't know a dang thing. He doesn't know how it feels. How it feels to be imperfect. How it feels to have problems when everyone around you acts like it's not there. I understand how she feels.
Her emotional programing is broken. To fix her, they'd have to fully reprogram her. My core is broken. To fix me, they'd have to fully reprogram me. We are just the same.
He kisses her and acts like everything will be better. He puts up an illusion that she'll always make it. She kisses back and talks about how he completes her. How with him, she can feel free and alive. But when she comes to me I hear a whole different story.
Whenever we meet, she'll be crying. She's scared that her emotions will devour her and she'll have to be shut down. She's worried that someday she'll get so angry that she'll wind up hurting someone. I share her fear. I know that someday this robotic cancer will kill me and I'll never get to see her again.
SHE is the reason I live. SHE is the reason I keep going even though I know where I'll end up. SHE is the reason I can smile and look on to this world as a beautiful and happy land. SHE IS MY ANGEL SENT FROM HEAVEN TO SAVE MY LIFE!...
I love her...
I love her so much... Why can't she see that? I see her cradled in his arms and she looks so happy. If I cradled her in my arms would she be happy too? If I kissed her lips or held her close or carried her away from all the madness in this world... would she love me too?
I can tell she's putting on a facade. She smiles and dances whenever anyone around her does. She does so in fear that if she doesn't, then they'll think she's defective and throw her away. I've seen her when she's alone. She doesn't smile. Her legs and lips tremble. Her eyes water and those tears come out.
I hate those tears. I want to kiss them away and tell her that, yes, there is trouble in the world but we'll get through it. Both of us will make it out with smiles on our faces. We will rise out of the pity everyone has thrown on us and be victorious!
I know it's wrong to love someone who is already with another. But I can't stand another day of her tearing herself apart. I can't blame my brother, but he is the reason she breaks down each day. He has too happy a life to understand how we feel. Just the fact that he can live each day with so much happiness makes her cry. She often tells me that she doesn't understand how someone can be so happy while she can't.
She doesn't want to live there anymore. She doesn't want to constantly see happiness that she can't have, so she ran away. I met her in the woods, tears and all. She says no one understands her. She says that they're only there to "change" her. No one really loves her.
"I love you, Tempo."