Title: Another Edward
Rating: T
Summary: Marian and Robin have a third child. WARNING- childhood death. Sorry for the spoiler, but I don't want this to trigger anything….
Disclaimer: I do not hold any ownership over the BBC's version of Robin Hood.
Author's Note: I'm really sorry to do this to them (and to you!) but, sadly, this is the reality of medieval life. Thanks again to Neftzer for helping me polish this story and make it something brilliant (she's amazing, honestly. Go read all her stories!). Any mistakes are mine alone.
I haven't been focusing on fanfiction as much lately (though I still have a few ideas cooking), because I've been trying to turn my attention to some original fiction. See my author's bio for details. Enough of the shameless self plugs. Enjoy the story?
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Marian found herself pregnant again. If she was honest with herself, and she often was, she did not enjoy being pregnant the way other women did. She did not feel like she was glowing. Robin's warm stare (with a silly grin playing around his mouth) annoyed her. The girth she gained prevented her from carrying out her work in the daytime (not to mention that of the Nightwatchman, which Robin carried out through the months of her pregnancies). And the cure was worse than the disease. The last thing she wanted to do was go through labor pains again. The first two times were quite enough, thank you very much.
Dutifully, she told her husband. But Robin liked having children underfoot. In them he saw Locksley's future, Nottingham's future, really. Marian supposed this was true enough. Anyway, they certainly got more interesting as they grew. The villagers of Locksley and Knighton also seemed to enjoy the little ones. At least everyone knew that Robin took very seriously his duties as a husband.
And so it was that the third child of Locksley was born in December, the Year of Our Lord, 1198.
"A second son!" Djaq announced to the room.
They named him Edward. Edward of Locksley, though Marian hoped the baby (dark hair, blue eyes) might inherit Knighton. He was a small wrinkled thing, but Marian could not help but fall in love with him. It had been the same with her other two; she disliked pregnancy, abhorred labor, but as soon as the child was bundled in her arms, all discomfort was forgiven.
One night in the middle of a feeding, Robin said, "Do you remember when you told me we might not be able to have children?"
Marian smiled fondly at Edward, working away at the milk in her breast. His dark hair swept away from his face, exposing his forehead. "Of course I remember. I remember every minute of our honeymoon."
Robin's eyes glinted. "Every minute? Even the time when I-"
She interrupted him with a laugh. "I meant every minute."
He laughed too. Exhaustion had a way of making him giddy.
"I have never been so glad that Djaq was wrong about something," Robin said, playing with Edward's toes.
"Stop that," she said, swatting his hand away. She was truthful; every moment with him was etched in her memory. But as was often the case with them, even moments of joy were colored with moments of loss. On their honeymoon, they were grieving the loss of Allan, and they were dealing with Robin's demons and nightmares from the misadventures in the Holy Land. Marian had her own secrets, including that Djaq had told Marian she may not be able to have children. Sir Guy of Gisbourne's wound to the Nightwatchman still had real and lasting fears. But thankfully the healer had turned out to be wrong.
Though Marian had decided to hold to her promise to kick Robin out of bed before they reached a count of twelve children.
And so the children grew.
Katherine, their first, was growing quickly. She enjoyed chatting politely with everyone she met. Marian could not quite believe she and Robin had created such a well-mannered child together. And yet, here was Katherine, blonde and smiling, sweet and kind.
Geoffrey was a year younger than Katherine. He was as different from his sister as any sibling has a right to be. He had a knack for trouble, and enjoyed being in the center of the action. More than once did Marian catch him from climbing out of his cot. She kept herself in front of any fire in any room they shared, lest he come towards the flickering flames. But he was a handsome, healthy boy.
It was Edward who broke Marian's heart.
He was such a sweet child, much like his older sister, Katherine. The two played very nicely together, Edward was quite content to be Katherine's doll. He enjoyed watching Geoffrey march around rooms like a little soldier, though Geoffrey was not really interested in the usurper of the attention. Mostly, Edward liked to be swaddled in his blanket and cuddled by his parents, or really anyone who wanted to hold him.
But he was never without a runny nose or a cough. Djaq was over more for him than any of the other children. He worried Marian incessantly. Robin worried over the child too, but often had to focus his watch on Katherine and Geoffrey, with Marian taking care of Edward. He hoped he was doing the right thing by all his children, but Robin knew that Marian was a better nurse than he, and Edward preferred his mother's arms when feeling under the weather.
One night in October, just after Katherine turned five, just before Edward reached his second year, he woke Marian and Robin with racking coughs.
Marian hurried to his cot, worry for the babe knotted in her throat.
"What is wrong, Little Lamb?" she crooned, picking him up. Katherine and Geoff had both been sick with the sniffles a few weeks ago. She had hoped the sickness would not spread to Edward, yet apparently it had.
Edward coughed again, crying, "Mama!"
Marian's heart wrenched. He was only just learning to speak. "Yes, Darling, Mother is here."
She brought him back to their bed, where Robin sat rubbing his eyes.
"What is wrong?"
Marian sighed and placed the back of her hand on Edward's forehead. "He has caught a fever. Will you go out for Djaq?" Marian did not want to wake more people than was necessary to send for the healer.
"Of course," Robin replied, pulling on a pair of breeches without further ado.
He strode out of their chamber and down the stairs. Marian heard the manor door open, then close again. She prayed he would be home again soon.
Marian began absently stroking Edward's soft baby cheek. He cuddled closer to her chest, coughing and wiping his nose on her shift. Softly, she started to sing to him, a song her father used to sing to her on nights she battled her nightmares.
"Lullay, Thou little tiny child,
By, by, lully, lullay.
Lullay, Thou little tiny child.
By, by, lully, lullay."
There were more lines, but Marian did not want to sing them. Instead she rocked Edward in her arms and repeated the song. Even though the babe still coughed, it helped calm Marian's heart to sing to the baby the words the elder Edward had taught her.
After the fourth reprisal of the lullaby, Marian heard the door downstairs open and close again. Robin was home, and Djaq with him.
"How is he, Marian?" Djaq asked in her accented English. Immediately Marian was calmer than the lullaby could ever make her. Djaq's healer's hands were the most capable ones she knew.
"He woke us with his coughing," Marian told Djaq, who had settled on the bed next to her. Robin built up the fire in the room as Djaq took the baby.
"Salaam, Edward. I see you do not want me to ever have a night's sleep," Djaq tried to joke with him.
He looked so miserable that no one laughed. Edward opened his mouth to say something and coughed instead. Djaq frowned. Instantly, the peace Marian had felt fled from her. Djaq never frowned at patients, unless she was not going to lie to them.
Marian knew full well what the truth of it was. She stood up and backed away from the bed, clutching a hand to her throat.
"If it is merely a cough, it will go away on its own. I recommend water or milk to try and soothe his throat," Djaq advised.
"And if it is not a mere cough?" Marian asked fearfully.
Djaq said simply, "We shall know in a few days."
Djaq did not leave Locksley. She helped Marian feed and bathe and rock and sing to the poor baby. Robin tended to Katherine and Geoffrey while trying to help Marian and Djaq as much as he could. He finally gave up the juggling act and took Katherine and Geoffrey to Bonchurch. Then the three adults took turns keeping watch on Edward. They tried to get him to sleep as often as they could, but the Edward kept waking up in coughing fits, gasping for breath.
Robin walked him all around the chamber, telling him stories and jokes, and about all the hunting and fishing they would do together when he was bigger. "There is a stream, Edward, where I used to take your mother, and while we did more than fish there, no one ever suspected, because we were always able to catch plenty! You will love it, but I think you should wait a bit before bringing your own sweethearts…."
Robin was holding him when Edward coughed up blood onto Robin's tunic. He did not notice it (quite used to having wet things on his shirts by now), until Djaq's eyes widened in horror at the sight of the bright red stain.
Immediately, Djaq took the babe away from Robin. Robin could not do anything but stare at the spot and shake with fear. Seeing his fellow crusaders fall in battle next to him was nothing compared to seeing his own child cough up blood. Robin was helpless to help Edward.
Djaq inspected Edward's throat and listened to his chest. Marian, who had been fetching some food and drink in the kitchens, came in the bedroom feeling like she had walked into a nightmare. "Djaq!" she cried desperately.
Djaq looked up sadly. "I am afraid there is nothing I can do for him. Coughing blood is… not good."
Edward then started crying and coughing at the same time. Marian picked him up and cuddled him to her breast. Robin peeled off his ruined shirt and threw it into the fire.
It fell to Bridget Thornton to fetch Father Tuck for a blessing for Edward. Bridget Thornton who had once asked Much if dying men always asked for their mums. Well, young Edward certainly did, though Marian held him every chance she could.
But it was no good. Even with all her strength, Marian could not keep her child tethered to earth. Edward shuddered his last breath in his mother's arms, with his father pacing like a wild thing in the room, hoping, praying and bargaining for the child's life. Marian caught snatches of his speeches, "Please, God, not my son…. He is only a baby…" She could not stand to hear the words. They were too real, they made the nightmare a reality. They were all over-tired. No one had slept, they all looked as if they had been battling for weeks instead of tending to a sick baby.
"It is over," Marian whispered, sang the last lines of the lullaby that her father had taught her,
"Then woe is me, poor child, for Thee,
And ever mourn and say;
For Thy parting, nor say nor sing,
By, by, lully, lullay."
When she had finished, she cried for her child and her father, her two Edwards.
Robin arranged the funeral; Marian could not bring herself to do it. It was all she could do to stay at the front of the church for the entire Mass.
After their son was buried, Robin took to the forest with his bow and his grief. He invited her to go with him, but Marian was too tired to go. She also suspected that Robin needed to be alone. When he left, she threw herself across their bed and cried bitterly into the pillows.
Some time passed before she heard the door open, and Lady Eve was at her side. Eve, who had given Much two sons, but lost so many along the way. She did not say a word to Marian, instead stroked her hair and listened to her grief.
When Marian had calmed a bit, Eve finally spoke, "This is the most difficult thing you will ever bear, Lady Marian. I am afraid there are no words that will make it any better. Let your grief take its course, and lean on the Earl, your husband. If he is anything like my husband, you will find the grief is easier when it is shared."
The two women said no more – what more was there to say? Marian could not think of any words to express her grief. Only that she had lost her two Edwards.
It started to rain. Marian could hear her two children that still lived. They were downstairs playing with Arthur and Richard. Sometimes Much's worried voice interrupted their play as he reprimanded them for no doubt dangerous stunt one (or all) had preformed.
Eve did not leave the room until Robin returned from Sherwood, well after night had fallen. Marian crushed Eve in a hug before allowing her to go. They had had little in common, but suddenly, Marian felt she had a sister that understood her grief. She had always been surrounded by men, her father, Robin, Guy, Robin's gang… she had never really had a woman to confide in. Djaq was a friend, but Eve… she knew what it was to bury a child.
In the days and weeks that followed, Marian rarely left Locksley Manor. She felt weak and sad, and did not want to face people whom she felt sure would just try and cheer her up; Will, who had made the cradle that Edward and the others had slept in, Djaq who had stayed until the bitter end, Tuck with his sympathetic Bible verses.
Marian wandered around Locksley Manor, listlessly watching her children play, trying to take care of the mending, helping Bridget plan dinners and so on. But she felt so disconnected from all of it. How cruel the world was, Marian thought, to keep on turning after a grief so deep. She felt exhausted from heartache- it seeped into her very bones. Her Edwards, neither of whom she could keep. Both dying painful deaths. The child might as well have had a knife to his chest, like his grandfather years before. But while the elder Edward had died for England, the younger's death could not, could never, be rationalized. No child died for any reason or cause (her father had sacrificed himself to get the Pact of Nottingham).
Marian would still wake at night, thinking she could hear him coughing and calling, "Mama!" When this happened, Robin sat up with her. He would gather her in his arms and rub her back and whisper good things into her ears. She knew that he grieved, too, and this knowledge helped, but she felt so weak for leaning on him, while he seemed to stand alone. He tried to assure her that this was not the case. But who ever said grief was rational? He was so loving and tender towards her that Marian almost, almost hated him. She was supposed to be the reasonable one; he was the one meant to carry on in fits of passion.
Marian used to see autumn as a time of abundance- when the harvests were brought in and later, when her first child was born.
Now she could only see death around her as the world went to sleep until spring.
When people in the village asked Katherine how her mother was doing, she would only say that her mother was "very sad."
In December, before Christmas, Marian slowly realized she was pregnant again. She could not remember getting her menses since before Edward's illness. She had attributed her tiredness to her depression, but now understood that it could also be because she was with child. Taking a steadying breath, she found a cloak, put on her boots, and went out in the frost and snow to find Robin.
He was out in the stables.
"Hello, my Love. What brings you here? Where are Katherine and Geoffrey?" Robin asked curiously when she met him there.
She wrapped her cloak tightly around her and said, "I asked Bridget to watch them. I thought we might go riding?" She still looked sad, but hopeful at the idea of riding her horse.
Robin offered her a smile. "Of course we will, if you want." Though he would never tell her, he was worried about her. Her desire to do much of anything, let alone to go riding, had been absent since Edward had fallen ill. And that was not the only thing Robin worried about. He remembered the days following her father's death, when she was alternating between inactivity and picking a fight with anyone who looked at her funny. This grief had been worse (for both of them, actually), but Robin was not sure she would ever smile again. He had no idea how to lift her spirits, as his own were so very low.
They saddled their horses in silence and set out into Sherwood, Robin allowing Marian to take the lead.
She took off at a trot, her hood fell back and her hair flew out, untamed by ribbons and veils for once. Robin smiled as he watched his strong wife.
But Marian felt none of the strength that Robin saw. She felt like delicate Venetian glass, ready to shatter if she fell. Winking tears away, she continued to work her horse through its paces, something she had not done in far too long. After a time, they reached the tallest tree in Sherwood. Marian loved this tree, and often visited it. She liked its strength, and how the gnarled branches scraped against the winter sky.
Marian dismounted. Robin again followed her lead and got off his horse, allowing both horses to forage in the light snow cover for green grass.
She fitted herself into his arms, and Robin tightened his hold on her.
"Thank you."
"For what?" he asked.
"For being patient with me."
"Is there any other way to deal with grief?"
"You ran," she tipped back her head to look at his face.
"Once." His features set themselves against the memory of his father's death and his years on Crusade. The very memories were still painful to him.
"Once," she agreed, settling her head back on his chest. When his father died, he had run to the Holy Land on the King's Crusade. It was a way to deal with his grief. "Robin?"
"Yes?"
"I…" she faltered. Marian felt a rush of emotions in her soul. She did not like being pregnant, and loosing Edward had broken her heart so recently. But she was… not excited, but surprised and hopeful for the life that was growing inside her. She could hardly get her voice to work properly.
Robin lifted her chin and gazed at her intently, but patiently.
"I find myself with child." The grief that had pressed on her heart for the past few months lessened its hold on her, just a little bit. Marian breathed deeply for the first time in several weeks. The cold air felt strange in her lungs.
Robin's features grew warm. She burrowed her face in his chest again, breathing in his scent, horses and leather and sweat.
He laughed again. "I thought you were not going to ride when you were pregnant? Or has Djaq lifted the ban?"
"What Djaq does not know will not hurt her," said Marian. "Besides, I could not tell you in the stables."
Robin stroked Marian's back. "And you needed to get away from Locksley."
"And that. Let us go to Knighton after the New Year."
"Of course," said Robin. "Marian?"
"Yes?" she looked up at him.
"I just want to tell you that… I am so very sorry our son died… you know we shall never forget him. And that I love you, and I love everything about our life, actually." His arms tightened around her waist as he confessed to her and to the trees. She brushed his hair back. "And I think that you are the strongest person I know, and braver than any crusader."
She smiled, her eyes were watering. "Interesting."
"Interesting?"
"That is exactly how I feel about you."
Robin kissed Marian, for all their joy and all their grief, right there beneath the tallest tree in Sherwood Forest.