Our Future
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SUMMARY: After their separation, Cagalli doesn't want to return to Athrun again, but Athrun is still hoping for a miracle. ASUCAGA
DISCLAIMER: Gundam Seed doesn't belong to me.
REMINDER: Please read, have fun and review
How long has it been?
I wasn't sure. I never wanted to know. The past few years had only been a waste… and were only full of regrets. If not because of the stupidest decision in my life, I am not lonely now.
I should've listened to her. I should've stayed with her. I should've been her protector. Lover. Husband. I should've been happy with her.
Unfortunately, I chose a different path.
I prioritized ending the war. After I usurped the position as the Chairman of PLANTS, I forced the people to stop fighting. Many lives had already been lost. It was already time to end.
Endless talks, speeches and campaigns brought a gradual change to the views of the very haughty Coordinators.
Back on Earth, the ORB Princess also exerted much effort to bring peace. Once she became serious on her role as the leader, she improved her leadership skills. She began to push serious changes among her people. The oppressed Naturals agreed with her views.
Being the leaders of our own nations, we would often see each other. However, we never faced each other as lovers, but rather as strangers who were fighting for peace.
We acknowledged ourselves as comrades for peace… but we never saw each other as more intimate than that.
We never talked about ourselves. I didn't know her condition. Was she happy? Was she pressured? Had she been crying? I worry about her more than I worry about the war.
I felt so weak not being there for her.
I often tried talking to her, not as a Princess, but as the girl I have known. As Cagalli Yula Athha, the tomboy I fell in love with. But, every attempt would be a failure. I couldn't look at her directly. I was afraid to hurt her again.
I didn't have the courage to tell her how much I wanted to be with her again.
Every time I would approach her, she would just look at me with cold eyes. She would talk to me as she would talk to any other person. I thought she didn't see me as a lover anymore. I wasn't her Red Knight.
I was just the Chairman Athrun Zala.
Oh, how I missed the times we were together.
I tried wooing her for more than a year. There were other competitors, and I couldn't really blame them. Cagalli was very beautiful, charming and smart. Who would never fall in love for her?
Moreover, she even became more physically beautiful. She made her hair longer, and decided to wear glamorous dresses. I usually thought she was just trying to make me jealous. If that was her main agenda, she didn't fail. I almost started a new war just because of this very pathetic emotion!
Well, being the considerate person I was, I realized that wasn't her (entire) reason. She just merely used her physical asset to capture the attention of people. Only the lady among nation's leaders, she captivated the hearts of many.
For once, she used her femininity to her advantage.
Unfortunately, that meant more competitors for me to challenge. Being her (ex)lover, I thought I had the edge… but I soon found she almost ruled me out.
Kira, her brother and my best friend, informed me that she didn't want us to get back together.
"She was afraid to get hurt again," he told me. "She loved you too much, Athrun. You never knew how much she had cried."
I didn't know? If you just knew how much I tried suppressing my depression, Kira! You never knew…
That didn't discourage me, though. As long as she didn't tell me she didn't love me, I would never stop. I was very determined to have her again.
I am her man, for God's sake! No one should ever have her.
Unfortunately, she had already closed her heart to me.
After more than a year, just one goddamn year, she accepted one lover. Not me. Probably one of the shitty rich guys from ORB.
Hn, he didn't deserve her. He will never be. I am her man!
And yet, she seemed to be very happy with him.
I watched them through several television programs, and she would often flash a very gorgeous smile I have never seen for a long time. I even observed (stalked) them in one of their dates. Between whispers and giggles, they looked too perfect for each other.
Just like the two of us when we were together.
The black haired man, I learned, was a childhood best friend of Cagalli. Ah, she once told me about a particular Nino before, but I never realized that he could be more special to her.
And, damn, he wasn't even supposed to be more special!
I tried overcoming this jealousy I was feeling. Really unacceptable. I don't want to start yet another war just because of my jealousy…
In my desperation and anger, I began to break. I tried suppressing all the emotions that were building up through heavy work, and a little alcohol… and also, a woman. Meyrin Hawke, to be exact.
Don't get me wrong, I tell you. It was only a one night stand. It was something I never planned. She happened to be there when I was looking for comfort. Coincidence or not, I still had to face the consequence after that.
Yes, I impregnated her.
It wasn't really shocking news in PLANTS, since people often speculated we would end up together. I was a legible bachelor, so the media paired me and Meyrin, who was the closest single person to me at that time.
But, in ORB, it was a surprising one.
I just heard from the others, especially from Kira and Lacus that Cagalli was infuriated when she learned this. How can she be infuriated? I mean, she was over me, right?
Or, maybe, she was still in love with me…
"Athrun, she still loves you," Lacus confirmed my theories. "She won't admit it since she's too afraid to love you again. Rather, she's not yet ready to accept you again."
"Yeah, maybe she still loved you…" Kira told me, "but, I guess she was more of disappointed."
Lacus, sensing Kira's lack of good words, took over. "She was still hoping to get back to you, that's why she was disappointed, and angry."
I just looked at them, blankly. "Then, why did she even consider that other man."
"To forget you, Athrun. It's her battle between her fear of getting hurt again, and finding a safer ground." Kira said.
"Even for the sake of her happiness?"
Kira glared at me, "Did you even think about her happiness before you left her, Athrun?"
I didn't say anything. Actually, I couldn't think of a proper reply.
I just looked enviously at my best friend and Lacus. Both of them looked happy beside each other, especially now that they are expecting twin sons soon.
Lacus gave up being a Coordinator and a superstar in PLANTS just to be with the man she loved. Kira, on the other hand, stood up with what he believed in, without leaving the woman he wanted to be with. Now, they seemed very happy.
Why didn't I think about that?
I just hope I could go back in time…
How long has it been?
I wasn't very sure. Oh, wait, today is my son's birthday. How old was he? Gosh, I don't even know exactly. Nine, maybe?
I tried being a very good father to him. I was quite successful. He was being a very charming boy. He would often look up to me and smile proudly at me.
I wanted to be a respectable husband to Meyrin. I knew it would be difficult, considering the fact that I never saw her more than as a sister.
Fortunately, I didn't even have to try. But, she didn't even feel my presence as a father that much. She died while doing labor.
I only appreciated her as a lover there.
She gave birth to a beautiful boy. He had red hair, but his eyes were of captivating green, like mine. He was very handsome. I named him Calyx.
How long has it been?
I wasn't sure. It still hurt, even now. Does my Princess even realize that? I haven't really moved on from her.
We would still see each other much. As responsible adults and leaders we are. Unlike before, though, we would just meet to see how we were. She would bring her twins, a boy and a girl. They were beautiful like her. Both of them got her golden mane, but only the girl got her eyes. The other one got his father's eyes, a different shade of green.
Cagalli, I noticed you are becoming older gracefully. You never looked old actually. You would often laugh at how much my face matured. Yeah, I looked silly with this moustache I grew, but I will shave them off.
Cybele and Ares were very lively kids. Calyx really had fun playing with them. Seeing them happy made us happy, too. Somehow, I felt that we became connected again. Our stories about them, and our lives as a parent were thrilling.
I enjoyed these casual meetings. I would often ask you why you never allowed this before, when both us were single. I didn't need an explanation since I had an idea already, but I just wanted to hear them from you.
I wondered, Princess, did you feel lonely without me? Were you really happy with that Nino guy? Could you have been happier… with me?
Questions… I've got a lot of questions I want to answer.
"Papa?"
My senses went back to reality. I looked at Calyx, who was standing beside me. How long have I been staring at my Justice? I couldn't remember. I was walking down memory lane, and whenever that happens, I would always lose track of time.
"Uh, Calyx?"
Green orbs stared back at me. I knew he didn't understand what I was thinking. "Miss Cagalli might get angry. She was waiting for us for more than ten minutes now…"
Ten minutes? Was I reminiscing for that long? Unbelievable.
I immediately signaled one my guards to bring the car. A few seconds after, a red Audi appeared in front of us. Calyx immediately went inside, saying, "Miss Cagalli will kill you, Papa."
I smirked. Calyx really knew the Princess' attitude. After instructing the guards, I went inside the car, too, and drove to the Athha Manor. An entourage followed us closely.
Cagalli has prepared a small party for my son. I insisted to have it in PLANTS, but she told me she's more comfortable within the range of her own country. Since it was her wishes, I only complied.
When we finally arrived, she was waiting outside her house. She was like a goddess standing there, waiting for the arrival of her knights.
"Wow," my companion uttered, "she looks more beautiful than Miss Lacus. Or even Mama."
I grinned. Calyx knew my love life well. I had to explain it to him carefully. He might not understand my stories, but he knew that I had always loved Cagalli greatly. The painful details would be added after, when he's old enough, but for now he is definite I was chasing the Princess.
I ruffled his hair. "She is the most beautiful girl I met."
I didn't look at my son. My eyes were glued at the goddess. I doubted if Calyx even looked at me. I believed his eyes were also glued to her.
Her hair was of medium length, and was loosely braided to the side. Her bangs were a little longer, and were swept to the side. She didn't wear much makeup. Her clothes complimented her beauty. It was a white and flowy dress. A small pendant hung around her neck. She loudly tapped her shoes.
Ah, I skipped her most captivating feature. Her angry face.
I parked in front of her. Calyx immediately went off and hugged the goddess, the princess. I, on the other hand, slowly went off the car. I was afraid of her wrath. Thankfully, I was distracted by her twins. They were a year younger than Calyx, but they weren't as mature as my man.
"Uncle!"
I hugged them tightly, like they were my own kids.
Cagalli cleared her throat.
"The food could still be reheated, but the time wasted couldn't be returned?" She casually turned around, without looking at me directly. The kids, including my son, followed her.
I, then, followed them.
Instead of the usual grand dining room, the lunch would be served in the garden. Since it will take some time before the food could be served, the children decided to play. They ran around noisily, not minding about the mess they were making to their clothes.
The adults were left behind. We waited in her grandiose garden set, quietly. She still hadn't talked to me, let alone looked at me. I tried starting a conversation, but I couldn't think of an appropriate topic. The weather? The kids? The economy?
I had nothing to say, so I heaved a sigh.
She must've sensed my attempt, so she was the one who started. "What's the use advanced technologies if you won't use it? You could've at least called…"
Her words were very straightforward and sharp.
I chuckled. "I'm sorry. I was trying to recollect some memories."
"You do that everyday. You live in the past too much," she retorted.
Cagalli knew how to make me hurt. I didn't answer immediately. We just listened to the laughter of the children. She was waiting for my reply, that's why she didn't say something for a measurable amount of time.
I wasn't thinking of the correct answer. I was just waiting for a good moment. "You know, Princess," I began. She suddenly twitched. She really disliked being called a Princess.
"I told you…"
I sighed, then continued, "Yes, I live in the past. I go back to the time when I was still happy. The memories kept on haunting me even today. I sometimes hoped things would go back to the way they were..."
"Oh, really?" She said, in rather a sarcastic manner. "That's why… you're still quite lonely, aren't you?"
"I've overcome loneliness when Calyx came… and when you welcomed me again."
"You were always my friend."
"I wanted you more than as a friend."
Silence. My heart was beating very fast. I was nervous. I didn't know how she would react. I realized I was too straightforward at that moment… but I couldn't help it. She must've already known my intentions.
"How long has it been?"
I stared at her when she asked me that question.
I just smiled warmly. Her face suddenly reddened. "For the longest time I could even remember. That's why I always recall… It felt like I'm a dead person over the years."
A long and awkward moment of silence took over again. After awhile, she answered in a very weak voice, "You know I'm not ready yet…"
"I am willing to wait longer."
She sighed. I could see some tears forming in her eyes. "Men just hurt me… I feel so stupid just doing the same mistake again."
I couldn't really blame her. Nino has cheated on her many times. It really made me angry that a man like him would even dare look for other women. He publicly told that he regretted doing that to Cagalli, and he wanted to return to her. But, I knew the Princess would never look at him again.
He was a shame.
Cheating… that's worse than choosing duties.
They filed for divorce. After a few months, Cagalli and I reconciled. I comforted her like a friend would do, and talked to her like a lover would.
Yet, I know she isn't ready to love me again.
"I will always love you."
She looked at me. "I don't want to love again."
"That wouldn't matter as long as I love you. What I'd give you is selfless. I don't care if you would love me back, but I care if you would recognize me as your lover…"
I wiped the single tear that rolled her cheeks.
I didn't wait for her reply. The servants arrived and the food was served. She remained unusually silent. I was about to call the kids, when she tugged my sleeves, and whispered to my ear:
"Thank you."
How long has it been?
Honestly, I don't know. The past cannot be changed… but I'm willing to become better for the future.
Our future.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello, readers! How long has it been since I have written something for my OTP? Quite a long time, but I hope you would still appreciate this. The last time I wrote here was when I was in High School… but now I'm in college! My writing style is quite naïve back then.
I hope to finish my other stories soon… but before that, I have to finish my academic work first.