Haven

Author : Ellie

E-mail: kaniele@eircom.net

Summary: When your haven's gone where's home?

Pairing : Max/Zack

Archive : my site and whoever wants it

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They said I was the ultimate fighting machine. I couldn't be stopped. If anyone came up against me, they would be sorry. They told the truth. I could hit harder, run faster, jump higher than most of the seven billion people walking on this poor excuse for a planet. But when they said that they were talking about my body.

My heart, that's just as fragile as any normal human. No matter how much sarcasm I inject into a conversation it still wouldn't hide the fact my heart is breaking. I hate this, I hate that every night I cry myself not to sleep because I don't sleep but to even more pain. I want it to stop but it doesn't stop it never stops.

Logan tries to help but he's in love with me so whatever he does he does for his own selfish reasons. I don't blame him, it's normal. It won't bring him back, it never will.

Zack...

Come back to me. I need you. Make this stop.

***********************

One year previous.

"It's starting to rain."

"Yeah?"

"You want to crash here."

"Nah, it's okay. I like riding my baby in the rain."

"You and that damn bike, how many times do I have to tell you it's just a machine."

"No it's part of me. You just don't get it."

"Well then explain it to me boo."

"Ok" I say sitting in front of cindy, straddling the chair. "It's like, when I got on that bike, I'm free. The wind whips through my hair, the faster I go the harder it is for anyone to catch me. It's heaven."

"Damn girl, sounds like you're talking about sex."

"Believe me, sex ain't that good"

"Well, maybe you're doin' it wrong."

"I'm sure, catch you later."

"Later Boo."

I planned on heading home straight from Cindy's but something stopped me.

Logan....I wanted to see him, I didn't know why but I did. So I went there and was bowled over as soon as I saw what was waiting for me. Zack...

"Zack." I ran into his arms as soon as I saw him. He tensed. Still wasn't cool with the phoney sentamentality but I didn't care. Zack was back. I didn't care why. The one thing that was familier to me, that made me feel safe walked back into my life.

"Ahem"

I broke away from Zack's embrace. Logan sat in his chair, by the computer as always. He looked uncomfortable but then so did Zack.

"So.." I walked away from Zack and sat near Logan.

"Why are you back?"

"Lydecker."

"What about him?"

"He's out there."

"He's always out there."

"I know, I just finished checking up on the others and you're my last stop."

"Oh..so it's an obligation kind of thing."

"I'm supposed to look out for you remember?"

"So where you staying?" I changed the subject.

"Logan kindly offered to put me up." I turned to Logan.

"Very generous."

"I do my bit."

"Yeah" I said "Thanks. Well, I guess I'll leave you boys to it."

"Max..wait"

"No it's okay, we'll talk about the others in the morning. You can tell me how they are."

"Okay"

I got out of there as fast as I could. I couldn't let him know. I couldn't let Zack know that I loved him. I don't know how it happened. All my life I thought of him as a brother. It was easy I guess, I mean I had no clue what he was like, looks or otherwise.

Then he found me. I hugged him and felt safe. It felt like all was going to be okay, I had somebody who knew what it was like to be me, to be on the run. It felt good.

I found my haven. Then he left. I felt like a child who'd been forced to give up their security blanket. I felt empty. Logan helped. He knew what it was like to lose part of you. He's supposed to. He's my best friend.

Zack came in and out of my life and each time it got harder to say goodbye and harder to stay away from him. Once he came back when I was in heat.

God was that hard. I felt like there was something crawling, I needed him. But he's Zack, He would never take advantage of me. He's all noble and honourable and there's the little thing of him thinking of me as his sister.

So there I was the same way I always am when he comes back. Sitting on top of the space needle, trying to work things out. Trying to decide what I'm going to do. And as usual I just don't know.

I really don't.