This is my first fanfiction that I have published. I write stories for my friends sometimes when I'm bored. I do not own hetalia, because you would know if a fangirl owned Hetalia.
Summary: Matthew has to tell his brother, Alfred, a secret he's been keeping for a very long time, a secret that ultimately leads to more and more secrets, each one worse than the last.
Chapter One: Life doesn't care
"What do you mean you don't want to go to school? Is it because of that Gilbert guy? I'll pound his face if you want!"
Matthew sighed as he peered out from under his blanket at his big brother, Alfred. Alfred stood with his arms crossed over his bomber jacket, a look of badly hidden concern on his face. "Gilbert isn't the problem. He's not trying to be obnoxious. That's just how he is. Besides, he wouldn't give me the time of the day."
"Then what is the problem? Please, Mattie, it's been so long since I saw you smile... You're so sad everyday, and I don't know what to do."
"Just leave me alone. You can't help me." Matthew dug deeper into his bed, trying to hold back the sobs threatening to overcome his body. Alfred grabbed the blanket and yanked, making Matthew yelp as his legs and arms were subjected to the cold February air. He was wearing only boxers and an oversized t-shirt, much to his embarrassment.
"Mattie! Stop hiding from the world! What the hell is so bad that it would cause you to act like a damn pathetic nobody?!"
Matthew tackled Alfred to the ground, his tears splattering against Alfred's face and shirt. "The thing that is so bad is that, being the disgusting little pathetic nobody I am, I managed to fall in love with my older brother, knowing that he will never love me back, and he will always be disgusted with me! Knowing that I will NEVER love another man as much as I love him, and just because we came out of the same woman, I can NEVER have him, even if he did take pity on me enough to ignore my hideous face and fat body! THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!"
Matthew sobbed once more before pushing himself up and away from his brother. Alfred quickly grabbed him by the arms and held him there. Matthew flinched away, thinking Alfred was going to hit him. "Mattie... How long?"
The violet-eyed teen shook his head. "Forever and a half.." he whimpered. "You've cared for me...when nobody knew my name. You never denied me anything. You go out of your way to help me, or beat up someone for me... I'm silly, that's what brothers DO for each other... I just... nobody else cares about me..."
Alfred let go of one arm to wipe the tears from his brother's eyes. "Mattie, don't ever say something like that. I don't think you're disgusting for having a crush on your brother. It's not uncommon, actually. And tons of people care about you." He pulled Matthew off of him, and put him to the side, trying to ignore how easily he could lift him. "Get dressed for school, you're fine."
As soon as the door closed behind his brother, Matthew curled up on himself and sobbed silently.
Alfred shut the door behind him, frowning. Who knew Mattie felt that way about his brother? Oh, well, he'll forget about it soon, it's just a silly little crush.
A few minutes later, he heard quiet footsteps coming down the stairs. Matthew was staring at the ground, both hands clutching his backpack. Alfred gave a small sigh. "Do you want my other pop tart, Matthew?"
The younger shook his head, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Alfred shrugged. "Well, we already missed half the day, but the car is warming up if you want to wait while I grab my stuff." and dissapeared up the stairs. Matthew sniffled once before wiping his eyes to get rid of the tears gathering there. He went and sat in the car, holding his backpack on his lap. A few moments later, Alfred climbed in and they drove to school in silence.
As soon as Alfred parked the car, Matthew jumped out and rushed to the bathroom. He flew into a stall and sat in there. An odd feeling started in his stomach and worked it's way up to his throat. Matthew hunched over the toilet and started puking. When he was done, he sat on the ground and cried again. The bell signaling fifth period was over rang, yet Matthew stayed in the bathroom. He didn't think he could deal with going to his last class. What if he had to puke again?
Two boys voices filled the bathroom. Matthew recognized one as his brother, and he struggled to stay silent.
"Artie! Why do you keep denying me? I know you want me!"
Matthew's eyes stung at that point and he couldn't breathe.
"Leave me alone, Alfred, I'm not in the mood."
"But Artie, you're so cute when you get all flustered like this. If I had to pick 1 person in the entire world to love, it'd be you."
Matthew couldn't stand it anymore. He got up quickly and opened the door loudly in his haste. He could feel both the boy's staring as he hurried past, to find another hiding place. He was so upset, he ran straight into Alfred's best friend, Antonio. The happy-go-lucky spaniard stopped him. "Hola Mattie, what's up?"
A quick decision crossed into Matthew's brain. "If you see my brother around, tell him it's not his fault, and I won't be around to bother him anymore. He can just hang out with 'Artie' for all I care." and he pushed past the stunned teen.
Ignoring the fact that nobody was stopping him as he left campus, Matthew walked until he located their house, then found the nearest park to sit down on the swings dejectedly. For the millionth time that day, like many days before it, Matthew shivered with rejection and let a few tears escape his eyes before getting up to walk home.
Alfred followed Arthur into the bathroom, mocking the boy about another love confession from francis.
"Artie! Why do you keep denying me? I know you want me!" he said with seriousness, but waggling his eyebrows at his friend. Arthur sighed. "Leave me alone, Alfred, I'm not in the mood."
"But Artie, you're so cute when you get all flustered like this. If I had to pick 1 person in the entire world to love, it'd be you." Alfred made a kissy face, interrupted by a door opening suddenly behind him. He looked over his shoulder in surprise, eyes widening at the realization that his little brother was in the stall the whole time. Matthew's hurt was obvious as he quickly fled, quiet sobs echoing behind him.
It took Alfred a second, but he ran after him, leaving a very confused Arthur in the bathroom. On his way down the hall, he found Antonio looking perplexed, staring after someone. Alfred slowed. "What's up, Toni?"
The spaniard whirled around. "Oh, your brother... just told me to tell you it's not your fault, and that you won't have to deal with him anymore. He ran in that direction, he looked pretty upset."
Alfred ran off in the direction Antonio pointed, then stopped to get in his truck. Ignoring the people trying to stop him from leaving campus, Alfred drove home, going over the speed limit and running stop signs. He was starting to think about his first serious crush, back when he was 14. It was, quite ironically, 12 year old Matthew.
But he had to get over that quickly, knowing that it wasn't right. So there were absolutely no leftover feelings during the last 3 years. He had dated other people, though never going farther than kissing. Nobody seemed quite as perfect as his little brother. "Stop that, Al!" he grumbled to himself. "You do not love Matthew, and it's not fair to him to keep thinking of him in that way."
Soon, he spotted the neighborhood he had lived in the past few years, and parked in the driveway. When he got walked inside, he did a double take of his brother's backpack sitting by the stairs. "Mattie?" he called softly up the stairs.
Without a reply, Alfred turned to explore the rest of the house in search of his brother, but froze at the half whimper half sob from the upstairs bathroom. Walking slowly up the stairs, he pushed open the bathroom door.
Matthew looked up, quite startled and upset. Alfred evenmore so. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" he yelled, swatting the razor blade out of his brother's hand. The bloody metal clinked in the sink and Matthew turned to his brother with wide frightened eyes, clutching at his wrist to try to hide it. He stuttered out "I-I j-just-"
Alfred grabbed Matthew by the shoulders, shaking him roughly. "DON'T YOU EVER DO THIS AGAIN! IT'S A DISGUSTING WAY TO RUIN YOUR BODY!"
Matthew cried out in pain, tears flying out from behind his eyes. "What do you care? You think I'm a fat disgusting whore, don't you? I can tell, you don't give a damn about me. You just like humiliating me..."
Alfred growled and gripped Matthew's wrist tightly before slapping him harshly across the face. Matthew fell against the door, which he quickly opened and fled out of, sobbing. The older huffed for a moment, then turned and smashed the mirror next to him, the glass going everywhere and in his knuckles.
After he calmed down, he realized he had not heard Matthew. When he went back downstairs, he was shocked how late it had gotten, and the front door was open, Matthew's shoes gone. Alfred cursed under his breath.
Well, that's all for now. I update pretty quickly, like weekly if i'm not busy and if the story is going places. And I'm actually liking this one so far. To recap: Mattie loves Alfred, heard him saying he loves Arthur, went home to cut, Alfred found him and was so enraged he slapped Mattie. Now Mattie is alone outside.
See ya'll next time!