Heart of Darkness

After X1- AU (meaning no x2 and x3)

Rogue let's the darkness within loose and when she tries to pick up the pieces, it's not only her life that gets complicated.

~Professor's telepathy~
Rogue's thoughts and psyches

Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Simon and Garfunkel- The Sound of Silence

The first thing Rogue thought of as she watched Logan walk away was that she needed to control her power. So she got to work. With the help of the professor and Jean. Everyday they would meditate so that she could learn to control her power. It was going well. And she hoped deep in her heart that afterwards Logan would just sweep her off her feet and fall madly in love with her.

Then one day, about three weeks later, she slipped up and absorbed Jean. That's when she found out. She never saw the memories until she was asleep. She lay in her bed tossing and turning as the words floated in her brain.

'I think she's a little taken with you.'

Rogue woke up and realised why Logan saw as her a kid. Even though after the Liberty Island incident she had turned eighteen. She woke up in a sweat and just snapped. She suddenly felt immense hatred for Jean. Jean who lived such a perfect life. While she was so untouchable. Well, not after her last session. Rogue marched into her afternoon session with determination. She hopped on the bed as Jean hooked her up to the machines. Rogue held back a hiss.

The professor entered smiling at her. She smiled back, somewhat strained.

'Rogue, are you ready?'

'Yes. Professor?'

'Yes Rogue?'

'After this, I can touch right? I don't have to wear gloves.'

'No, I should think not.'

'But you shouldn't keep your blocks up to long.' said Jean.

You would like that. Thought Rogue

The professor frowned and Rogue blushed. Sometimes she forgot about telepaths.

The session went fine and Rogue was able to touch and keep her powers back without to much strain on her body. She thanked them, her thanks to Jean somewhat reluctant, and bounded off to her room. She went in and began rummaging through her drawers. She smiled as she found what she was looking for.

-xXx-

Another week passed by and with it came Logan. Predictably Rogue raced to the front door and leapt into his arms. He smiled, patted her on her head then turned as someone descended the stairs. Rogue tensed and then strolled from the room. She collided with someone and looked up.

'Scott.'

He didn't answer but was looking behind her. She rolled her eyes. Trust Jean to capture every guys attention.

'Bitch.' muttered Rogue.

She knew they all heard her but she didn't care. An untold anger fuelled her. It seemed to come from the dark sides of Magneto, Wolverine and Jean. She could feel Jean's dark side but didn't know what it was about it that made it so mad. All she knew is that it was locked deep inside Jean. She grunted and headed into the kitchen. She pulled out the bottle of whiskey and slipped the pill in. She then swirled the contents. She's got the pills when she was on the run. She stole it from one the guys she'd driven with. Better her having it then him spiking her drink. Once she saw it was dissolved she headed into the rec room. Checking that no-one was there she slipped it under the couch. It was summer holidays so most children went home while the runaways spent time outside.

'Rogue?'

She whipped around. Her eyes narrowed as she stared at Logan.

'What?'

'Just checking in on you kid.'

'Yeah, yeah. Encase you didn't notice, which you didn't, I already said hi. But no you were so busy.'

'You've changed.'

'Have I?'

'Yeah, you smell…like rage.'

'I'm angry. So what?'

'You're letting it eat you up.'

Rogue rolled her eyes and stormed from the room.

'Bye Logan.'

-xXx-

She took a deep breath. Her conscience was screaming at her not to do this. She'd downed a bottle a vodka to keep her conscience quiet and reminded herself about how Jean was ruining her life. Wearing only a t-shirt she went downstairs. Jean went on a conference with the professor so no telepaths were at home tonight. Which worked perfectly. She knew Logan would sulk cause his play mate was gone and then drink the whiskey, which she'd spiked. Then she'd test him. If he still pushed her away then she'd leave it. But she just needed one night. It was twisted what she was doing but something deep inside was telling her not to back down. So she approached the rec room carefully. The lights were out and she stumbled slightly. Then she froze. She couldn't do this.

Yes you can.

Suddenly her mind was thrown into the back. She was aware of what her body was doing but couldn't see or stop it. She shut herself in the corner of her mind. She felt herself take a hand and place it on her naked thigh. The owner of the hand was still then the hand went up and pulled her closer. Lips closer on hers, warm sweet lips. But the touch wasn't strong enough. She could still hardly feel it so she pushed for control of her own body. Then the sensation came. He was in her already, moving hard and fast. The vodka in her body started to confuse her thoughts and she closed her eyes just enjoying the feel of him inside her. But something was right. Soon she came screaming and he came after her. That's when she gasped. He slumped back limp and unconscious. She put her hands to his face and it was confirmed as she felt his glasses.

'Scott?'

He was still, probably from the drink. She pulled herself up, him sliding out of her and scrambled to her room. She ran and ran. She flung herself into her room. Throwing on some jeans and underwear she grabbed her shoes and went to the garage. Taking one of Scott's bikes she fled into the night trying to ignore the laughter in her head.

-xXx-

They found her, well Bobby and Kitty did, three days later in an alley. She was slumped on the ground, jeans gone and shoes dangling from one hand. She looked up and smiled. Kitty noticed a bloody bump on her head.

'Rogue?'

'Mm.'

'Did someone…you know?'

No

'Yeah.'

'Oh Rogue…'

'Kit, take me home.'

Kitty nodded and Bobby came over and picked her up. They took her to the car and drove her home. She never said a word. Bobby carried her in and they took her to the med-lab. Logan, Jean and the professor were already there. She lay on the bed and the professor moved over her.

~Rogue?~

I'm sorry professor.

~The phoenix is not your burden. I'm going to take her out.~

Okay. Don't tell them.

~Very well~

Rogue closed her eyes as the professor got to work. Soon he was done. He then left and Jean followed him out. Logan came and hugged her.

'What were you thinking Marie?'

'You weren't here.'

'I was with the professor…'

'And Jean. It's just, I needed…'

'I heard you can touch.'

'Yeah.'

'Look kid, I was only planning to stay for awhile but…'

'It's okay, go.'

'I'll be back, I promise.'

'Come back to Jean. Not to me. I don't want anyone near me anymore.'

'Marie…'

'Please, just go.'

He nodded and kissed her forehead. She watched him leave as tears welled up. She ruined not only her life but everyone else's life. All because she let darkness take control. The sad fact is that she still wanted Logan so badly.

-xXx-