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Have you ever thought about running away?
Of course you have. Everyone has.
Have you ever actually run away?
Hold your thought. Listen to what I have to say. I can almost guarantee your answer will change.
When I say running away, I don't mean deciding you don't like your family, packing a bag, maybe hitching a brother or a sister to your side, and bolting.
Maybe you make it down the street.
Maybe you make it to the mailbox.
Maybe you make it to your door.
It doesn't matter. That ain't running away.
When I say running away, I mean something like this: standing up in the middle of dinner and leaving. With nothing and no one by your side.
And you don't come back for awhile.
That's what I did.
Maybe they look for you.
Maybe they wonder where you are.
Maybe they don't even notice you're gone.
Who they is can vary from person to person. They is a very broad term. It can mean anyone.
But what's important right now is what it means to you.
To me it's my brothers - Darry and Soda.
But here is the key - when you run away, you always come back. Eventually.
If you leave forever without looking back… that is called abandonment. There's a difference. A huge one.
A runner just needs a break. From what? That's up to you.
But it doesn't matter how long it is.
Just go back to where you came from.
There is always something that makes you turn back.
I swear.
And that varies, too.
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I am a runner.
And I don't mean track-team-wise.
I run until my lungs burn and my feet hurt like hell. I run like my shoes are on fire. I run like I have something to run from.
Which I do.
Because I am a runner.
I have to stop a few times, my hands on my knees as I catch my breath.
If I listen close enough I can almost hear Darry's reprimands to cut the smokes.
A runner will always be able to answer you two questions -
Why did you leave?
Why did you turn back?
I am a runner. Therefore I can answer these.
And I will.
I left because I couldn't take it. The way I am treated like glass ever since that night and the rumble.
But I know I am only feeding into them. Darry and Soda.
They're going to tie me to a wall.
That doesn't stop me from running. Not at all.
Suddenly everything blurs and I stop.
I realize I'm crying.
The voices in my head start to tease me.
Fraigilefraigilefragilefragile.
Runnerrunnerrunnerrunner.
I don't know where I am anymore. I had run from my problems - literally - and ended up even more lost than I had been before.
Go figure.
What makes me turn back is the boy. I can tell he's around ten but he looks oh so much older.
He sees me too. His face is tear stained and his right eye is swelling black with a fresh bruise. He waves to me.
"Hey."
His voice is flat.
I wave back. I surprise myself with this.
I thought I might've been frozen.
"Hey."
The boy stands in his yard. I can hear yelling and slamming in the house behind him.
I put two and two together.
And then I turn back. I leave the way I came, following my path back home.
Because maybe it's not so bad there after all.
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Excuse grammar errors.
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