Author's Note: I know, I know... it's not anywhere close to August 16th (National Tell a Joke Day). I just couldn't resist writing this very short, just-for-fun story, composed in honor of Jim Reed (the king of corny jokes and riddles). You know, even hard-working true blue police officers have to take a day off now and then... Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, the Adam-12 characters are still not mine, nor will there be any monetary gain from this writing. :)
One more thing: I would also like to say thank you to wackyjacqs, a writer who has used lots of rare "holidays" as the theme for her Stargate FanFiction. Her awesome stories made me want to go look up these unusual days, and there I happened upon August 16th. :)
The peaceful light of dawn had begun to spread across the sky. All across Los Angeles, birds were singing in the morning light and nature was slowly waking up. Inside the Reed home, the sound of an alarm clock filled the air. Jean propped herself up on one elbow and looked at the mountain of covers under which her husband was buried.
"Honey? Are you awake?"
She thought she heard mumbling beneath the pillow and lifted it in amusement. "Your alarm? It's been ringing."
"Okay Jeannie..."
Jean smiled at the sound of the nickname her husband had given her when they were high school sweethearts. "Jim?" She poked him in the side. "You're going to be late. Pete's probably on his way here right now. You two are going jogging this morning, remember?"
"Oh yeah, you're right." Jim sat up and ran a hand through his tousled hair. "Jean! Do you know what today is?"
Jean tilted her head to one side and looked thoughtful. "Um... it's Monday?"
"Yes! Monday, August 16th!"
"That's nice honey."
Jim swung his long legs over the side of the bed and stood up energetically. "August 16th."
"I'm glad." Jean replied, still not understanding the significance. "Have a nice run."
"Okay Jeannie. I'll explain later." He bent down over the bed and gave his wife a kiss on the cheek. "Pete and I will be back in about an hour." Jim had made it partway down the hall when he came back and peeked through the door. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Jim was doing some preparatory stretches on the front lawn when Pete drove up in his Matador X.
"C'mon partner... let's warm up! We're going on a nice long run this morning." Jim's voice conveyed his excitement at the prospect of vigorous exercise.
"Wonderful." Pete replied sarcastically. "You know, I can think of a few more enjoyable things we could be doing this fine morning..."
"It's going to be good for you Pete. You don't want to get soft, now do you?" This question was met with a "humph" from his partner. "It's always best to stretch first. That's the key to..."
"I know. I learned my lesson the last time you talked me into this." Pete shook his head at the memory of a very painful leg cramp. Overall, exercise was not one of his favorite things. He watched as Jim completed a toe-touch and then bent a little further, placing his hands flat on the ground. "Show-off. You could pull a muscle that way..."
Jim straightened up and went immediately into jumping jacks. "Very funny," he replied, adding between jumps:
"You'd..."
"Better..."
"Start..."
"Warming..."
"Up..."
"Partner!"
Reluctantly, Pete began doing jumping jacks alongside his friend.
"I..."
"Should..."
"Have..."
"Gone..."
"Fishing!"
"Almost done" Pete said to himself "...195...196...197...198...199...200!" He had planned to quit there until he looked over at Jim - his friend was still going and seemed in fine shape. Resolutely, he continued to count and another 100 jumping jacks were completed before they stopped.
"You wanna' do a few more?" Jim questioned.
Pete tried to cover up the fact that he was breathing hard by doing energetic knee bends. "I certainly do not."
After Pete had stretched sufficiently, the pair jogged off down the sidewalk. The Reeds' had chosen this neighborhood because of it's family friendly reputation. Today, the homes were particularly quiet and it seemed that no one else was awake. They had only passed two houses when Jim asked, "Do you know what today is?" His eyes held a mischievous twinkle that caused his partner to raise an eyebrow in curiosity.
"Sure - it's Monday." Pete replied dryly, adding for clarification, "August 16th, 1971. Our day off."
"What else?"
"I have no idea."
"It's National Tell a Joke Day!"
"Oh no." Pete groaned. "I knew I should have gone fishing with Woods..."
"And miss jogging with your favorite partner?"
"Yes! So help me, Jim, if you tell me any of your corny jokes..."
"Aw, c'mon Pete!"
"No!" Malloy held up a warning finger.
Jim started to protest but changed his mind. "You're taking all of the fun out of the day."
"Good," was Pete's unsympathetic reply as he quickened his pace.
Jim easily caught up. "I have an idea."
"I don't want to hear it."
"You've turned into a real grouch, you know that?"
"Just jog."
Jim's fun-loving side found his partner's lack of humor to be a personal challenge- somehow he had to get Pete to laugh at a joke. It was "Tell a Joke Day" after all...
For several minutes, the only sounds were those of their tennis shoes hitting the pavement. As they passed a large brick home, Jim asked innocently, "Do you know how many bricks it took to complete that house?"
"I have no idea."
"Only one - the last one." Jim searched his friend's face for a hint of a smile, but Pete just rolled his eyes at him and kept jogging.
There had to be something in his vast repertoire that even Malloy would find irresistibly funny... Jim searched his memory. For the moment, it might be better to change the subject. "How is Mrs. O'Brien doing these days?"
"Fine. Just fine." Pete replied succinctly, wondering to himself how anyone could try to hold a conversation and jog at the same time.
"We have some really good neighbors here Pete."
"That's nice."
"There's one man who can go eight days in a row without sleep."
"Really?"
"Don't you want to know how?"
"I imagine you're going to tell me even if I don't..."
"He sleeps at night."
Pete didn't look at Jim this time and his facial expression never changed.
Jim sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought.
Jim was quiet for several minutes before asking, "How about a race?"
"I don't want to race. You always win anyway." This statement was accompanied by a good-natured grin.
"Hey, there's always a first time," was Jim's teasing rejoinder.
"Okay hotshot..." Pete slowed to a halt and bent down with his hands on his knees to catch his breath. "Where are we racing to?"
"Do you see that tree?"
"That tree?" Pete followed his partner's gaze to a large palm that graced the entrance of the neighborhood. "That's a long way."
"Let's race all the way there and back to this mailbox." Jim paused for a second and then added playfully, "You'll have a better chance with a longer distance. I'm much faster than you in a sprint."
"Sure of yourself, aren't you?" Pete mentally calculated the distance, the number of strides, the effort, how tired he would be the next day... There was no getting around it - exercise was not fun. He should have taken Woods up on his offer of a quiet, relaxing, peaceful...
Jim interrupted his partner's wandering train of thought with a questioning, "Uh, Pete?"
"The next time you ask me to come over and do "a little jogging", I will remember this day and stay in bed."
"What's wrong Pete? We can race further if you want. How about..."
"No, no! There and back is fine." Pete held up his hands in protest. "Lets just go before you decide to run all the way to the station!"
A line on the sidewalk served as the starting line. In an effort to be fair, Jim and Pete decided to count down to the start together. At the word, "Go!", both men leapt forward, their eyes on the distant tree.
Jim wasted no time in putting some distance between him and his partner, his long legs and natural athleticism being a distinct advantage. Pete tried to catch up, but remained several yards behind all the way to the entrance. As Jim rounded the turn, he gained even more ground.
Suddenly, Malloy spotted an unexpected intruder on the "course". A small calico cat in pursuit of a butterfly jumped out of the bushes and darted in front of Reed.
"Jim! Watch out!"
Pete's warning came too late.
Jim had, in fact, seen the cat but due to his increasing speed was unable to react quickly enough. In an effort not to step on the calico, he jumped, tripped, and unceremoniously tumbled into the yard - landing halfway on his feet.
"Jim! Are you alright?" Pete reached out to help his partner up.
"Yeah..." Jim stood up and brushed himself off sheepishly. "That is Minerva. She belongs to little Peggy Sumner - an eight year old who would never forgive me if I stepped on her cat."
"I think you need to take it easy... we can walk, slowly, back to your house."
The emphasis on "slowly" made Jim laugh. "Whatever you say."
As they walked, Jim could feel Pete looking at him and met his gaze. "What is it?"
"Are you sure you didn't hurt yourself?"
"For the fifth time Pete - I didn't break, twist, or bruise anything. I'm perfectly fine."
"Just checking."
"You're a mother hen."
"I am not..." Pete said defensively.
"Speaking of hens... Do you know which part of the turkey has the most feathers?"
"No..."
"The outside." Jim forced his expression to be serious as he spoke the punch line.
"Uh huh..."
"C'mon Pete! That's funny!" Jim held his arms out in exasperation.
"I'm sorry Jim, I just didn't think it was funny."
"You have no sense of humor."
"I guess you're right."
The Reed house was now in view of the returning off-duty officers and Jim realized he was running out of time. He had one last joke to tell his partner. If this one didn't work, he would have to admit defeat. He took a deep breath and blurted out, "Pete? Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?"
"No..."
"They each got six months."
The words hung in the air for several seconds as Jim waited for a reaction.
Pete found himself caught completely off guard by the humor of the joke and Jim's facial expression. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and began to spread across his face. Suddenly he burst into laughter.
After several minutes, he was able to say, "Now that's funny!"
Jim grinned in complete satisfaction.
August 16th, 1971 - The day Pete Malloy laughed at a "Jim Reed" joke.
The End