A/N:
Don't sue me. Wait, yes...SUE ME! *lies in fetal position*
Okay, okay, I'll calm down...I think...I need to take a rest. I'll wait til this fanfic's over to write an author's note. Until then...just, just read okay!
Disclaimer: I can at least write this; I, for the love of carrots, don't own Looney Tunes. Unless I'm one of the original directors of WB who magically came back to life, that is.
Once upon a time, there wived a man named Elmuh Fudd, and he woved gwiwwed cheese. He would eat the gwiwwed cheese sandwiches at home, at work, in pwison and at twials. In fact, he wiked gwiwwed cheese so much that he devewoped a vewy disturbing, vulgar fetish for it, wike...anyway, that's beside the point!
This morning he woke up on his gwiwwed cheese bed, and he gwabbed his (oddly) normal cwothes and his gwiwwed cheese wifle. "Time for me to hunt me some gwiwwed cheese", he mumbwed tiwedly and set out to hunt him some dewicious, gwowious gwiwwed cheese. He felt himself froth at the mouth.
As he went out to a gwiwwed cheese fowest side, he felt the fresh air and the smell of gwiwwed cheese in the air. He dwoowed more.
"Boy, oh boy! I sure wove gwiwwed cheese! I sure wike it better than hunting wascally wabbits!"
"Don't rub it in!" Yelled a hardcore classic modern hater Looney Tunes fan somewhere.
Suddenwy his ears perked at a sound. Turning that way with his wifle woaded, he walked swowly towards a pair of bushes he thought had wustled. It wustled again, and as he was about to pull the twigger, a wascally gwiwwed cheese wabbit emerged from them!
"Nyeh, what's up, doc?" It said, munching on a gwiwwed cheese cawwot.
"Oh, you...!" Elmuh's first instinct was to just pull the twigger and kill the wabbit that stood before him, but he felt torn. He had stopped to chase ugwy wabbits a wong time ago and onwy went to hunt gwiwwed cheese, since it was his actual motivation to hunt in the first pwace.
But it was made out of gwiwwed cheese...wouldn't that be okay then?
No!
Why not?
Because, because...eh, I got nothing.
"Look, mac, if you ain't gonna go bananas or sumthin', then maybe you should do aerobics, dat sh(bweep)t's de jam."
"Oh, that's the wast stwaw in my book!" He said and shot the ugwy hare, but awas, since he was made out of Swiss cheese, the buwwet just pierced through and he weacted wike it was nothing. Elmuh got pissed at this, he was going all wed! A gwiwwed cheese duck came out of nowhere and thwew water at him, then weft without further notice. The force got him waying on the gwound.
"Oh, dammit."
"Well, see ya around, doc!" The wascally wabbit announced, but before he could hop away, Elmuh appeared in front of the Bunny out of nowhere, arms cwossed.
"Not so fast! A noble individual would give me a chance to capture you! And nobleness is a twademark of you, the wabbit, itsn't it?"
The wabbit (wet's just say Bugs Bunny), stopped in his twacks and contempwated.
"Well, I...dat's true, but..."
"Then what we waiting for!" He dwoowed with his owerly warge tongue onwy cartoon characters are able to and gwabbed a fwying pan out of nowhere to finawwy getting even with Bugs Bunny and also have a fat dinner. Elmuh started chasing the abomination of a wiving cweature, yet with dewicious fwesh. Bugs Bunny got actually pwetty scared. "Now that you're not made of meaty fwesh anymore and I'm a vegetawian, I can finawy eat you up and be wid of you fowever!" He waughed in a mawicious manner.
"D-doc..." He turned his head around and then wooked back at his enemy. "Look, maybe I've done some dumb things, and...I'm..." Elmuh wowered his wifle and waised an eyebwow, hoping to hear what he had wanted for so wong.
"...I'm the best at it! You f(bweep)in' suck! Hahahaha!" Bugs waughed at his expense and pointed his ugwy gwoved finger at him. This set off Elmuh wike dynamite, and, whiwe he was waughing, he took his fwying pan and hit him unconscious with it. Elmuh dwagged the gwiwwed cheese wabbit, and pointed hewoically in a diwection, while birds were fwying cartoon style awound the animal's head.
"To the fap mobile!" He jumped into said mobile made of gwiwwed cheese and dwove for home.
Hours later, he was using a toothpick, cartoony fat and waying nude in a bath tub of gwiwwed cheese. He thwew the toothpick away, scooped gwiwwed cheese over himself and sighed happiwy. "Ohh, gwiwwed cheese, you're the best wover there is!"
Suddenwy, someone was knockin' the noggin'. Fwom outside. Elmuh got mad at being inewwupted on his awone time, so he gwawed that diwection.
"I didn't say-" To his howwor, the door bwoke down. He squeawed and covewed himself up.
By the door stood Bugs Bunny in a gwiwwed cheese French Maid suit and was holding a whisk. He stepped with his foot as he was vewy defensive, although not angwy.
"Look, doc, I've been scrubbin' the dang pipes for hours now, can I-" Elmuh took his fwying pan fwom beside the bath tub and stared at him thweatingly. "You said somethin', wabbit?"
"N-no, of course not." He shook his head, smiwing powitely as a mask for his fear.
"Good, now get out! And make 'em sparkwing cwean!" He thwew gwiwwed cheese soap his diwection and the Bunny scweamed as he wan out of the woom.
He wewaxed again. Bugs Bunny wouldn't be able to get out since the walls we're covewed in gwiwwed cheese all over and it was impossible to get out unless you had the combination for the gwiwwed cheese code on the gwiwwed cheese alarm. So, to give him a chance to wedeem himself, he would be his swave until all his sins were atoned.
"Which would never happen," he mumbled, scwubbing his arms, "He has sinned too much." He gwabbed a gwiwwed cheese sandwich and wooked at it seductively, "Now, where were we? Hehehehehehe."
Suddenly the bath tub began to shake, "What the...?" The walls began whispewing scawy things and he began to quiver. The bath tub spoke, "You have exceeded your grilled cheese habit to disturbing levels. None of the fans wanted to see this, so now you're going to the grilled cheese hell!"
Elmuh shook his head fwantically, scawed to his bwoody wits. "I-I don't understand! I-what have I done? Whatever it is, I can atone!"
"It's too late!" It said in an otherwordly voice and sucked him down a bottomwess pit in the bath tub, all the whiwe Elmuh scweaming and begging for his wife. "NOOOOOOOOOO!" He fell down into nothingness and the bath tub just waughed and waughed and waughed, in the most vicious way possible.
...and that's when Elmuh Fudd woke up from his journey with a start, weawing his hunter cwothes. He felt his face covewed in gwiwwed cheese all over, and an unfinished gwiwwed cheese sandwich on a pwate in fwont of him.
"Jeeze, Wouise! What a twip! I will never ever eat gwiwwed cheese again!"
Then the door bell winged, and he wooked that way, wiping his face with a handkerchief. "Now, who could that be?" He trekked over to the door and opened it...and...and...
There was that wascally wabbit!
"Special deliveryyy!" He said, using a party bwower, party popper etc. Then he took his face and kissed him, before using a spway bottle to pour gwiwwed cheese all over his face...for a vewy wong time.
Then, Bugs Bunny weft without further notice, waughing mad as he hopped away. Weft stood Elmuh, having no expression on his face.
"...Maybe I should quit being vegetawian for five minutes." He said and fetched his wifle.
* Merry-Go-Round tune playing *
Porky Pig: Th-th-th-that's all, folks!
* Tune ends *
~THE END~!
All of the Looney Tunes characters created stared at the TV in shock. Wile E. Coyote of all people spoke.
"...the hell was that?"
A/N: *sigh* Flame. I know you want to. Come aohh-n! I DARE YOU!
Soo...yeah, I've known about the, *cough* very creepy (but hilarious) "Grilled Cheese" music video from The Looney Tunes Show for quite a while, but my very bizarre brain wanted to play around a bit with the concept. I exaggerated (as you noticed) as I partly make fun of the show, although I'm that rare person who adores both the classics and this show (come on, track me down! *blows raspberry*)
One thing I don't like, however, is that Elmer is so flat. I think he's way better in the 40's-50's, however, that's just my little unimportant opinion :3 Also, I know it's probably supposed to be "Gwilled cheese", but "Gwiwwed" sounded way funnier.
So...yeah. Crackfic pie. If you will, as I said up there, do your super American insult "I'll sue you!" for some reason, I'll get my lawyer.
Well, have a nice week, all of yeh! :33