First Name Basis
Summary:
What if Daphne Moon tried to prevent Niles from marrying Mel? Story contains psychic visions, a bottle of wine, and the Winnebago!
Author's notes:
I do not own the TV show Frasier. This story is written purely for entertainment purposes only. I get no compensation from it.
I've been a fan of Frasier for many years, and I enjoyed the episode "Something Borrowed, Someone Blue." But what if a forewarned Daphne tried to prevent Niles and Mel from getting married?
What follows is an alternative to the story of that episode where Niles and Daphne's roles reverse. Things change greatly as the story progresses. For instance, Morey's wine didn't spoil. Niles and Mel went to a resort hotel outside Seattle instead of a cabin. And Daphne drives the Winnebago!
Daphne Moon tells us the story.
*****What A Difference A Day Makes *****
I suppose it's a minor thing among all the big changes that my life has gone through in the last twenty-four hours, but it dawned on me that I was now on a first name basis with the whole Crane clan. It's funny to think back to how that and everything else happened...
*****Achy-Breaky Heart *****
We, that is Dr. Crane, Dr. Crane, Mr. Crane, Mel, and myself, had just gotten back from the funeral of Morey, the doorman in our building. I had been upset for awhile and Morey's passing didn't help matters any. I was already tense, but a gesture of friendship from Mr. Crane sent me over the edge. Bits and pieces of the conversation remain in my memory, but mostly I recall a feeling of despair.
"Oh, Mr. Crane, you're so sweet..."
Morey's widow had presented Mr. Crane with a vintage bottle of wine from Morey's collection. Being more a beer and pork rinds fellow than a wine and brie connoisseur, Mr. Crane in turn gave it to me. I'd grown fond of Mr. Crane over the years, to the extent of thinking of him as a surrogate father. When he presented me the bottle, it reminded me of all the changes looming in my life. Marriage, leaving the Crane home, and my feelings about a certain person all had converged to turn my world topsy-turvy. The flood of thoughts proved too much and I started crying.
"Daph, it's no big deal, it's just a bottle of wine..."
Everyone assumed that Morey the doorman's passing or Mr. Crane's gift of the vintage wine to me had caused my tears. They assumed wrong of course. One matter above all else had haunted both my waking thoughts and my troubled dreams - my feelings for Niles Crane. Something good did come out of the scene I made; I had finally told someone about my feelings for Dr. Crane. Oddly, it was his brother.
"Dr. Crane, I found out how your brother feels about me..."
Dr. (Frasier) Crane was so good to listen to me. First I told Dr. Crane that I'd discovered his brother's long-standing feelings for me. Or course Dr. Crane got sidetracked when I revealed that it was he himself when he was under medication who had let me in on the secret. That was the first time I'd ever told my boss to shut up.
"Oh, will you forget about those pills..."
When I got back to the point of the conversation, Dr. Crane looked incredulous. Was it so bizarre that I might be attracted to Niles Crane? After I finished pouring out my troubles to him, Dr. Crane advised me to talk to his brother.
"Do you know when your brother will return to his apartment..."
Of course it turned out that his brother and Mel had left for an out-of-town getaway to a resort hotel some distance from Seattle. On top of that Dr. Crane (Frasier) had told Dr. Crane (Niles) to take some risks, to go outside his comfort zone. That made me start to cry all over again. Mr. Crane and Simon had reentered the room, and Mr. Crane still thought the bottle of wine had caused my outburst. The two of them scooted through the living room as fast as they could, they didn't want to stay anywhere close to a sobbing woman.
Thankfully Dr. Crane stayed with me until I stopped crying. For once he was the voice of reason.
"Now, Daph, Niles will be back in a few days. Then you'll be able to talk to him."
"I guess so."
"Just remember, when he does get back, think about what you want to tell him. Speak from the heart."
I nodded my head.
"I feel so much better now, I've been going through hell these last few days. How can I ever thank you?"
"Well, if you're not interested in Morey's bottle of wine..."
Even though he had been joking (I think), I had gotten control of myself enough to swat my boss on the shoulder.
"Oh, go ahead. Donny and I aren't..."
It dawned on me mid-sentence how ludicrous it was to refer to Donny and me as a couple when I'd just admitted to Dr. Crane that I was in love with his brother. Or that I might be. I still hadn't out-and-out admitted it.
"Daph?" Dr. Crane could certainly tell now how I felt.
"Keep it. I won't be needing it."
"Daph, thank you for the bottle. I'll make sure to save it for a special occasion. Let me know how else I can be of help."
Dr. Crane could be so considerate when he wanted to be. I hugged him and went off to my room to lie down.