The dreams were back.
Roku returned to the Fire Nation - returned home - as a celebrated hero. He had visited home during his training, but it was much less of an event, just quiet trips to see his parents. This time, people lined the streets for the procession to the Palace. He wasn't sure what they were bothering for, exactly. They couldn't see him with the heavy curtains on the palanquin separating him from everyone else. He peeked out once. A group of girls his age saw and waved. One of them jumped in excitement when he returned it.
He had lived in the Capitol for as long as he could remember, but this level of pageantry was new to him. It would have raised too many questions, since his family was not nobility. They were only brought to the Capitol after his status as the Avatar became known to the Sages, and the Fire Lord.
The opulent fabric and yards of embroidery around him felt strangely jarring. It wasn't long ago that he'd been driving his hands into barrels of sand, going to bed too exhausted and bruised to shake the dust from his clothes. He remembered a more recent moment - just a few weeks prior - standing in a courtyard in Omashu. There was a small rock trapped between his sandal and the arch of his foot. He didn't even feel the impulse to dig it out. Instead, he shifted his heel and the stone crumbled into sand. He was an earthbender. These instances of confusing duality were not new - he had experienced them multiple times in recent years. Still, he was not quite accustomed to them.
When the palanquin tilted as they mounted the steps, his stomach lurched along with it. He took a deep breath, drumming his fingers on his knees as he blew it out. A minute later, the curtains were drawn so he could step out, and he took his time adjusting his robes, waiting for his parents to join him. The royal family was waiting to receive them, and he avoided looking in their direction as long as good manners would permit. The Fire Lord stood with his Lady on his arm. Roku did his best to keep his attention on them as he approached. He stopped before them and bowed.
He wrote after he left, to thank them. It was the first letter he stamped with the Avatar's seal, which felt like an important gesture. Though it was impossible to ever truly express his gratitude for everything they'd done for him, he tried. He thanked them for welcoming his family into the Capitol, and their home. For ensuring he received the best firebending instruction possible. For letting him train alongside their son.
Prince Sozin stood at his father's left. He was broad chested with a naturally regal bearing, but his formal robes made him look even larger and more imposing than usual. There was the suggestion of a smirk on his face, and when their eyes met he cocked an eyebrow as if to say, "All of this over you?". Roku gave a bashful shrug in answer and Sozin stepped forward and pulled him into a hug. It was stretching formal decorum and his shoulders tensed as Sozin's hand fell between them to thump him affectionately on the back. There was a cheer from the younger people in the crowd.
"Welcome back," he said, his voice raised in his ear to be heard over the horns and drums.
They ate in the family dining hall - not the sprawling, formal one - and he was given the seat beside Sozin. This spot at the table would have been reserved for Sozin's siblings, if he had any. It was a place of honor, but it made Roku feel conflicted to sit there. His parents were across from him, beaming with pride.
He thought of his earthbending Master, who was uncompromising and loathed arrogance. It was nearly impossible to resent him for this, because he worked harder than any of his students and did even the most basic drills alongside them. Being invited to join him for a simple breakfast on his porch was one of the most humbling moments of his training. It felt hard-earned. This did not.
"Avatar Roku," the Fire Lord began, and a fond smile curled his lips. "Will you be staying long?"
He set down his chopsticks and glanced at his mother. There was sadness in her eyes she was trying to conceal.
"For as long as I can," he replied.
"Well, it would be our honor if you would stay here, in the guest wing," the Fire Lady said. She gestured to his parents, "I certainly wouldn't want to impose on your mother's time with you. But we should begin treating you with the same courtesies we would expect other Nations to extend."
"I appreciate the offer, very much," Roku said. He cleared his throat and glanced at Sozin out of the corner of his eye. He was looking down at his plate and didn't appear to be paying much attention to the conversation.
"Your sister will understand," his mother said, and he met her eyes across the table. Her smile was warm and it seemed she had finally won her internal battle with sentimentality, if only temporarily. "She'll be at school tomorrow, anyway."
"Surely you haven't forgotten how to get to our house from here?" his father asked, peering at him over his glasses. His sense of humor was so dry, anyone else might have mistaken his expression for one of disapproval. This was the closest he ever came to teasing.
"Well, I - "
"Come on, Roku," Sozin cut in, still focused on his food. "We can spar in the morning before breakfast. Like the old days." He popped a chunk of meat into his mouth and tilted his head in his direction as he chewed. There was a spark of mischief in his eyes and his smile was infectious.
"All right," he agreed, the words leaving his mouth before he even had a chance to think about it.
An attendant showed him to his quarters after dinner, Sozin walking beside him. The door was unlocked and they all stepped inside. After Roku's assurances that he didn't need anything further, and his thanks, the young man left them standing alone in the room. They stared at each other in silence, and the suddenness with which it had fallen down around them made it awkward.
"Sparring," Sozin reminded him, finally seizing the moment and steering it away from the abyss. He pointed at him for emphasis. "In the morning." He grinned, "Let's see how much all of that time with the earthbenders slowed you down."
He chuckled when Roku only rolled his eyes in reply. They embraced again, a little tighter than they had on the steps.
"It's good to have you home," Sozin said.
They bid each other goodnight. Roku hung his clothes in the wardrobe. He found a robe inside and wore it onto the balcony, where he stood silent in the warm night air for a while. He should have meditated but felt too tired, and instead he went to bed.
The dreams were back.
He felt skin against his tongue and hands on his chest and satisfying, invading heat.
He moaned Sozin's name in the darkness, in his sleep, for the first time in more than a year.