I've been rolling this around in my head for a long time, but I've finally decided to make it. Enjoy.
PS.: This is a parody of Adventures.
The tale you are about to experience depicts a world entirely separate from that of the game.
I was just sitting, minding my own business. You know, doing some paper work, looking desperately on a site for a job, listening to music, when Peppy crashes into me, tackles to the floor and violently rips my head phones off of my head!
"FAAAAWKES" Gah. I hate his old wheezy voice. I hope I don't get like that. "Slippy has that crazy music up way too high,a nd he won't turn it down for me!" I was just amazed that an old eprson could be so loud. I sigh, roll him off of me, and look sympatheticaly to a reproachful looking Slippy, listening to some cool jazz at a more than reasonable volume. I sigh again. "Sorry Slip," and I really am, "But it is a bit... er, deafening... i couldn't even hear it through my phones, but turn it off." Peppy doesn't even notice that I disagreed with his complaint.
"Whatever." Slippy says cooly, getting up and walking to ROB. I look at my watch- 3:30! just like he said! Guy's punctual. I salvage my head phones and sit down again, just about to lower the melodies and beats that were my happy place, when Peppey screamed : "IT'S GENERAL PEPPER!!!" i sigh for a third time. Then I sigh again because I realize I'm so bored that I'm counting how many times I'm sighing.
"General Pepper here-" "PEPPER!!!"Peppy screams again, but Pepper just plows onward. "- we have a job for you, Star Fox." Suddenly his voice was gold. I could almost hear the money... Pepper always payed big. Oh god. I just realized that makes me a whore. OH GOD. THAT MAKES SLIPPY AND PEPPY MY BITCHES, BECAUSE I'M CAPTAIN. Stop , you're not gonna here what he says...
"...Dinosaur planet is broken apart, and could affect all of Lylat, even though it's in a different universe and we could just oblitereate it as an alternative, but you've got to fight Andross so-" "Wait, Andross?" I try to interjected, but he just talks louder while Peppy continues to scream. "Yes. The planet is broken apart, and we want you to fix it." Slippy throws his hands in the air in defeat. " Oh what the fuck?!" He grabs a wrench, tosses it at the juke box and storms out of the room. I think he's finally getting teeenage angst or somthing.
"Can you do it? I will pay you a large, unspecified sum, of course." Ah, the moeny again. Damn that Pepper, flaunting his money around and getting me to crawl back to him again and again... "Yeah. We'll do it. So, do you have any information-" "Pepper out". he always does that. I sigh in relief and finally put my phones on. but then something occurs to me. I take off the blissful instrument and talk to Peppy, filled with trepidation.
"Peppy... do you feel like we missed something?" He looks at me like I'm stupid. "What, like a blue fox riding on a pterodactyl? And then she goes into a ruin built by dinosaurs, throwing explosives all around the place?" He chuckles at the idea, even him knowing that that would be retarded. I brush off the inbred idea and say something that is very rare. "Yeah. Guess you're right."
----
I got rid of Leon a while ago. I don't know why but that guy does not like being alone. It's so great. I just flew out of the so imaginatively named Great Wolf at night and got away. No money, I'm not working! Turns out that Andross guy didn't actually have any money. Great. I got a bounty on my head for nothing. The strange thing is is that I think I got a call from that General Plodd, or whatever his name is. He's offered me a job. Something about a planet.. he was really vague. he at least gave me the coordinates. I know it sounds stupid; goig to some random place in space that has been set up by the General of an army that wants my blood. You ready? Here comes the punch line. I jacked a mother ship of some not so well known merceranaries. Compared to Star Fuck, anyhow. The crew? they went all mutiny on the leader's ass. Then I killed them because they realized who I was. Oh hey, I've got to switch to light speed- later
Wolf then saved the document and turned to the controls of the helm.
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Slippy sat in his room, annoyed at, well, everything. Espescially the document contatining all of the information team Star Fox needed to compelte the mission. Fox would no doubt be sent a contract, and he had to break the news that things were very complicated to Fox. the thing that he thought would irk Fox the most was him not being allowed a weapon- not even a stun blaster! And there was a war going on. Smart move, Pepper. Fox won't like any of this..
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I'll probably have to play through the game just to know what happens, so meh. And I skipped the Krystal part because it sucks and has no meaning. Nothing else to say except watchf or this! It'll get better as it goes along.