Hey Lucy, I remember your name
I left a dozen roses on your grave today
I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away
I just came to talk for a while, got some things I need to say
I parked my car at the grave sight with a heavy heart, tears already threatening to spill over as I get out of my car and grab the bouquet of roses, making my way to her grave.
I carefully kneel down, laying the roses on the ground next to the polished headstone, and quickly clear away all the leaves so I can see her name.
Tori Vega: Beloved daughter, friend, and girlfriend. Make it shine in heaven, sweet girl.
That's all it says. She died only three months ago, and I can't count how many times I've been in this same position over those three months.
I clear my throat and start talking. "Hey beautiful, I miss you like crazy." I whisper, gently running my fingers across the letters on the shiny marble surface.
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today
A single tear escapes as I think back to that night, the night I ruined everything. We had been on the way home from the movies and I was driving. I wasn't paying attention, and I ran a red light. An eighteen wheeler slammed into her side of the car, killing her instantly.
I take a deep shaky breath before I speak again. "I'm so sorry, baby girl. I should have been paying attention that night, you would still be here if I hadn't been so stupid." I choke out, a quiet sob making it's way out.
Hey Lucy, I remembered your birthday
They said it'd bring some closure to say your name
I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance
But all I got are these roses to give
And they can't help me make amends
"Today's your birthday, Tori. You would have been nineteen, isn't that amazing? I wish I could give you more than this, but it's all I've got." I say quietly, sitting back and looking up at the bright blue sky. "It's sunny as hell, I guarantee we would be at the beach right now." I chuckle a little and sigh heavily, more tears leaving my eyes. "But I took that away from you." I whisper, closing my eyes as the sun shines on my face. "You're still making it shine, babe."
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today
"I live everyday with this guilt eating at me. I hate myself, and I really don't understand how your family doesn't hate me." I shake my head slightly and look down at the short grass, not yet all the way grown back. "They're selfless, just like you. Even Trina. She's been surprisingly nice to me." I say quietly, reaching down and adjusting the roses in the small vase.
Here we are, now you're in my arms
I never wanted anything so bad
Here we are for a brand new start
Living the life that we could've had
Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
Just another moment in your eyes
I'll see you in another life in Heaven
Where we never say goodbye
I stay silent for a few minutes, looking around at everything, taking in my surroundings before looking over at the picture of her, her smile bright like always. That was the day I gave her a promise ring, and someone had managed to capture that moment on camera, a moment I will never forget.
"We'll be together again someday. Maybe some time soon, or maybe when I'm old and gray. I don't know what life has in store for me." I shrug and stand up, stretching a little to get the stiffness out of my legs.
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today
Here we are, now you're in my arms
Here we are for a brand new start
I got to live with the choices I've made
And I can't live with myself today
Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
I've got to live with the choices I've made
And I can't live with myself today
Hey Lucy, I remember your name
"Stay beautiful and keep making it shine up there in Heaven, Tori. I know you're probably the highlight of everyone's day." I whisper, pressing my lips to my hand and reaching down to press my hand against her name. "I love you." I straighten up and turn to walk away, shivering a little as I could have sworn I heard her voice whispering that she loved me too.
With that thought, I start walking to my car, already planning to come next Sunday to spend another day with my love.