Author's Note
Transcendence is my first fan fiction. It began as a vignette but after careful thought and consideration, is being expanded to develop a major story arc in a different direction for some of the events from Mass Effect 3.
9/24/13: Very minor changes made to clarify a few existing descriptions in the last chapter.
7/8/13: Chapter 7, "Torsion," is complete and so is this story! Please enjoy. (Some key content purposefully included from the game.)
As a little bonus, if you like reading your scenes with music, the epilogue after Chapter 7 was written while listening to "After the Fall" by Two Steps from Hell. (Hint: the opening should sound fairly familiar if you watched the ME3 trailers on TV!) (^_^)/
5/27/13: Some minor tweaks to the story so far to tightened some of the dialogue and descriptions. No changes to story arc. Chapter 6, "Penumbra," is now available. There was an even longer wait for this chapter I'm sorry to say, but hopefully it was worth your wait. Please note that some key content was purposefully included from the game. Planning for another chapter to follow in late June. Please enjoy!
2/9/13: Chapter 5, "Amalgamate," has been added. Apologize for the long wait!
11/19/12: Chapter 4, "Han," has been added. I was quite excited to create this chapter, as it moves a few events of this story arc along and presents some new ideas as well.
9/28/12: Chapter 3, "Sublimare," has been added. I greatly enjoyed writing this chapter and am looking forward to creating the ones that will soon follow. It was written with a few critical choices in mind from the game, some of which will hopefully become apparent once you read through.
9/9/12: "Periphery" has been updated for minor stylistic changes, no alterations to the storyline.
9/1/12: Chapter 2, "Periphery," has been added.
8/9/12: The setting for Chapter 1, "Transcendence," opens with female Shepard finally having the opportunity to speak with Thane Krios again after the opening of events of Mass Effect 3.
If you are interested in more, please let me know; I also welcome all forms of constructive feedback. Thank you and enjoy.
Transcendence
by writeowl3
There were of all things, trees inside the main entrance to Huerta Memorial Hospital. Mammoth poplars manicured in such a way that they appeared to reach up and around the Boettcher Atrium. As if shielding everyone inside from being seen by the rest of the universe. Lush greens sprawled around the room, camouflaging the stark lines of steel which corralled you throughout the rest of the hospital. The only way you knew you hadn't accidentally walked into Eden was the existence of the main desk in the middle of the oasis of foliage. That and the unwavering murmur that filled the room. It came in waves, like ocean tides, swelling and then receding back down again. But it was always a constant. White noise that became a small comfort to the doctors and nurses who worked inside; they were still needed. Shepard wandered past a group of people clustered in the corner of the room. She watched as a man sat on the floor, his back against the chairs. He was holding a woman in his lap, her white hair tied neatly in a bun. He pleaded, begged a nearby nurse to help her as blood seeped into his pants.
Shepard stopped the nurse as he brushed past her. "Hey," she said, pointing to the couple, "Can't you help them? Leaving her to suffer on the floor like that? She's not a stray animal. She needs help."
The nurse frowned and shook his head. "We've already looked at her. There's nothing we can do."
"Can't you at least make her comfortable? Dress her wounds?"
The nurse pointed behind himself. "Look around! Can't you see all the other bloodstains on the floors back there? Our supplies are limited and what dressings, or beds, or morphine that we do have, we need for the ones that have some kind of chance."
"That's cruel," she snarled at him.
"That's reality," he shot back.
"You can't leave her there like this."
"Where do you get off your high horse, lady, telling me what to do? And what in the world do you suggest I dress her with? Find me a spare dressing and I'd be happy to do it."
Shepard gritted her teeth and looked around. "You know what? You're right."
She pulled a knife out and flipped it open. The nurse shrieked. "Hey! You can't use that in here!"
Shepard rolled her eyes. "Relax," she said as she grabbed the man's arm and ripped his sleeve off with the knife. She presented it to him on her open palm. "What do you know, a dressing," she said.
Shepard grabbed the man's hand, and then slammed the fabric into it. "Can't you spare her some final shred of decency for a few hours? At least let her have that."
The man thought for a moment. "At least there's that, huh?" He looked back at the old man whose tears fell in his wife's blood.
Shepard gripped the nurse's now sleeveless arm. "We can't let the war strip us of our compassion," she said, her voice low.
The nurse nodded. He balled the sleeve in his fist and walked toward the couple.
Thane was standing by the panel of glass windows that overlooked the Presidium. Shepard approached, but he didn't move. She reached out, but he turned and grabbed her wrist before she could touch his jacket. He dropped her wrist immediately, as if it was suddenly painful to touch her.
"Siha...you're...alive," he sighed, " Thank the gods."
"Thane. It feels like it's been forever. I missed you."
He nodded. "I had sent many messages while you were...detained. I assumed when I heard nothing back that they didn't get through. And yet here you are."
Shepard shook her head. "I didn't know to come looking for you here until I was commanding the Normandy again. I never received any of your messages while I was awaiting trial back on Earth. I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond."
He shrugged. "Of course. Perhaps I should have pulled a few more strings than I had- - expended a few more favors. It is no matter now, I suppose."
"Is something wrong?"
"Not at all." He turned away, his hands clasped behind his back. He paused to breathe. He felt as though a thousand little arrows were piercing his lungs, each intake of air slightly more biting than the previous breath. "How did you get out? Off Earth, I mean. I had heard about the attacks. I was concerned for your safety."
Shepard watched him breathe as he walked. "We were in council with the Alliance Defense Committee when the Reapers arrived. It's a long story, but I wouldn't be here without EDI and Joker's help. We barely made it out of there," she said.
"I see."
Shepard frowned. She grasped both his arms, turning him to face her. He shifted his gaze into the distance. "Thane, what is it? The whole Citadel can tell that something is bothering you," she said.
"Maybe we should sit for a while," he said. He brushed past her to a nearby table. Shepard waited for him to speak but instead he was quiet, his lips pursed. She sat back with her arms crossed. They watched in silence as a stream of medical staff fluttered through the atrium into the patient wings. One woman pushed a gurney past with a child on it, clinging to a stuffed animal.
"Is it your disease?" she asked.
"No. It is what it is," he said.
"Something with the hanar? Your home?"
"No."
"Your family?"
"No."
"What then? If there's something wrong, something with me, I'd like to know. I can't fix whatever it is unless you tell me."
He shrugged and stared off into the distance over Shepard's shoulder. "I saw you coming from the patient rooms," he said finally, "Were you visiting someone else while you were here?"
She nodded, confused. "Kaidan. He's a friend from the first Normandy. He was nearly killed on Mars by one of the Illusive Man's assassins. I at least owed him a hospital visit."
Thane clasped his hands together from across the table. He leaned forward and looked at her. "Yes, we've met. He's spoken of you often. Shepard, after all I have shared with you about my life, why is it that you left out this...why didn't you tell me about your relationship with him?"
Shepard brushed her hand over her hair. "Yes, we were together once. Before the first Normandy was destroyed. Does it matter now?"
His eyelids fluttered rapidly. "You tell me. It seemed to matter to him still. I just thought I deserved the truth from you before I died."
"That's an awful thing to say to me."
"So what is it then?"
"Kaidan is my friend. We've been through a lot together. But that's over now...things can sometimes fall apart. He asked for another chance, but I was honest with him from the start. I will always care for him, but it's different now. We're different now. And it doesn't change how I feel about you. You of all people, Thane, I thought could understand this," she said.
He frowned and looked out the window. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"Just ask next time. And trusting me a little more wouldn't hurt either."
"I apologize. Truly, I do. When I heard him talk about you, I just didn't know what to think. After finally letting someone in, I was certain I had been deceived."
She placed her hand on top of his, waiting until he looked at her again. "Thane," she said, "we don't have time to lie to each other."
"I supposed none of us do anymore, do we?" he mused.
"No one ever did."
He nodded.
"How are you feeling?" she asked.
He coughed. "Some days are better than others. But my better days seem to be fewer and farther apart."
"Does it hurt?"
He paused to think. "There are days when my breath is so sharp and raw that it makes me wish it would just end. Days when the pain starts to feel pointless, when I feel as if my soul has been ripped inside out and it screams to be freed from such agony. And there are days when I know I will miss so many things when I die. Waking in the morning. Seeing the stars. Feeling the wind. The ones I love. And then I want to stay for as long as my body will allow."
"What can I do?" she asked quietly.
He smiled at her. "Being here is enough."
"I wish there was more," she said.
He shook his head. "You have already done more than most. How is Earth holding up?"
Shepard looked off into the distance, recalling the fire that fell like rain. The screams. The faces. "Devastated. I saw some things on Akuze. But nothing like this. Nothing. Like the Seventh Circle of Hell was dropped on our front door step."
Thane nodded again. He coughed. He gently squeezed her hand. "I can only imagine the sadism. I'm so sorry."
She tried to block out the visions of the systematic destruction she had left behind. It was difficult to feel it again. "Even after all we've tried to do. We stopped Saren. We destroyed the Collectors. All the warning signs were there along the way. And we still weren't ready. Part of me wonders if we've already failed before even getting started."
"What will you do?" he asked.
She shrugged. "I don't know. A few alliances have been made in an attempt to hold back the Reapers, but it's not making a big enough impact. It's just slowing them down, not stopping them. We've got another plan we're putting together. It's a long shot, but it's our best hope." She let out a short, hard laugh. "We just need...more time."
"How are you holding up through all of this?" he asked. "You look tired. Have the nightmares stopped? The ones you had been having since the Bahak System went dark?"
She sighed. "Truthfully? No. If anything, they've gotten worse. Much...worse."
He held both of her hands from across the table. "Tell me."
Even with her eyes closed, the heat from the flames felt real. Shepard shook her head. "I...I can't. It's not that I don't want to, I just- -"
He nodded. "I understand. If you need to talk about it...Well, just don't wait too long."
They watched the world go by out the window. Couples walked along the Presidium, hand in hand. A few turian guards patrolled the area, their sidearms safely tucked away. A pink hanar glossed past a group of elcor meandering under the massive silver pillars and arches that continued on and out, stretching into the distance toward the other arms of the Citadel station.
"How long have you been here?" she said.
"Weeks," he said, "I found it easier to handle the treatments at the hospital. And Kolyat and I have been spending more time together."
Shepard smiled. "I'm glad that you've been able to see each other. That you've been speaking."
Thane nodded. "He is one of the most important people in my life. It's been a blessing to have him returned to me whole again." Thane rubbed his temple and looked around the room. "Do you have some time while you're here?"
She nodded. "We're on shore leave today. Everyone needed a break while we could still get one."
"Can we go somewhere then? I'd like to show you something, if that's alright with you," he said.
She nodded. "Of course."
Thane led Shepard by the arm. Her eyes were shut tightly as he guided her. "You can open your eyes now," he said.
She peeked through her eyelashes, squinting, before opening her eyes wide. They stood near a fountain surrounded by roses that were so purple, they almost appeared black in the twilight of the Presidium's cycling light. "Thane, they're beautiful."
He smiled, "Like the ones you told me about on Earth that you enjoy so much. I found them after one of my daily treatments. And I knew I had to show them to you."
Shepard smiled back at him. "Thank you. And yes, I do remember. How could I ever forget?" She pressed her hand firmly in his as they walked.
His eyelids fluttered as he spoke. "I have very much wanted to see you. To spend time with you again. Siha. I'm so sorry that I couldn't get to you sooner."
"There was a lot going on at the time. I didn't expect you to rescue me from a court martial. Or from the Alliance."
Thane's laughter quickly turned into a series of small coughs. "If there's anything I have learned in the time I have known you, it's that you would be the last person who would ever need saving. If anything, you are always the one coming to the aid of everyone else."
Shepard shook her head. "I'm not so sure these days."
Thane stopped. "What do you mean?"
She cringed and knelt down to touch the roses. She felt along the veins of the petals and traced them to the outside edges that curled up and around her fingertips. "On Earth. There were so many I couldn't help. I left this little boy and I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have- -"
Thane knelt next to her. He touched her cheek and turned her face towards him. "This is what your nightmares have been about lately. Haven't they?"
Shepard nodded. "I hear them," she whispered. "They're there in my dreams. Everyone we've lost. And then some. I can't see them but I hear them, begging me to help them. And I try...but I can't. I want to but I can't. I try to get to them before the flames do. But it's always too late. And then I'm usually the one waking up screaming."
He looked at her with concern. "Don't let your mind destroy itself with regret. You do the best you can," he said.
She bit her lower lip and knelt in silence for a moment. "And what if my best isn't good enough?"
"It will be."
"I couldn't save him," she scoffed, "and there's nothing I can do to help you. No matter how hard I've tried. It's all coming out the same in the end. No matter what I do. I feel so...helpless. Alone."
Thane stood and helped Shepard to her feet. "We would never have gotten this far if it weren't for you. Because of you- - your team, your friends, your family, your home- - all have a fighting chance. It has been no small feat for any one of us, this fight for survival. Trust in yourself; you have taught all of us that we can create our own greatness- - carve our own destinies. It is in what feels like our weakest and most vulnerable moments, that we can find strength we never knew we had. Your faith in yourself, your companions, and your innermost feelings will help you find this strength again. Never lose this hope. No matter how starless the night becomes. Will you promise me this?"
She nodded. "Yes."
They continued walking among the rose bushes that sprawled around the fountain. Shepard reached her hand out to let it caress the lips of the petals. The open-mouthed flowers swayed in tandem, entranced by her movement as she stroked each one.
"Thane," she said finally, " I can't imagine...not having you here."
He stopped walking. "May I share something with you, Siha?"
"Of course," she said.
He looked up at the fading clouds. "Given the opportunity to live this life over, I'd choose this path all over again. Because I know I'd choose to be with you."
"Do you know what a by'taremma is?" he asked.
"No. What is it?" she said.
"In my culture, it means 'spiritual destiny.' We believe that a psyche is split into two equal halves. Each half seeks the other out in the physical life, until they find one another."
"Like a soul mate?" she asked.
"In a word, yes. Once their...well, what you might call 'karma,' is fulfilled and their physical debts are purged, the two will reunite, joined and whole. Their energies are united. Bonded. Forever in the physical realm and beyond. Siha, I want you to have this. My promise to you. And a reminder," he said, "of our time together. Of me."
He pulled a necklace from his pocket and clasped it around her neck. On it hung a swirl of gold that glittered and twisted like sand under the stars. A solitary gem was nestled inside the golden vortex. He touched the pendant.
"To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour," he recited.
Shepard smiled at him. She placed her hand over his. "It's a beautiful poem."
Thane nodded. "I must be honest with you, Siha. I wanted to do more. I wanted...to give you so much more. In return for all you have given me. In seeing life through your eyes, I was able to gain a new perspective...on life...on love...a wholeness that I never believed possible. Peace. And joy. And I hope that you'll remember these words when you wear this, Siha. You are my by'taremma."
"Thane," she whispered, touching his cheek. He pulled her close. "You are mine," she said.
He kissed her, their lips barely touching. She pressed for more, deepening their kiss.
He pulled back and looked at her. "No matter what happens," he said, catching his breath, "I will always be with you. I love you, Siha."
"I love you, Thane," she said, her voice breaking.
He kissed her forehead and then kissed her lips again. Behind them, the water in the fountain flowed around the statue of an asari. Her stone body knelt in prayer, but her face reached toward the sky. A haze of water cascaded over her face, flowing like tears along her cheeks and trailing over her pressed palms before falling into the basin beneath her.