... In which Rolo the Cockblocker strikes again.
Kallen was stung by the fresh cold bite of the early morning air as it danced across her face. She shivered in her dress and cardigan.
Her stepmother was certainly an enabler for Kallen maintaining her front as a girly-girl. She bought Kallen clothes that were fashionable back on the mainland. Of course she only bought her things that she herself would wear... Things appropriate for a young Britannian debutante, about to emerge into society as a perfect potential wife for nobility. The fact that she was half-Number was actually a plus in her case... Apparently it added to the "exotic" flavor. Many Britannian men perceived Eleven women as subservient, and there were a slew of them who wanted a subservient wife. It made them look good; look worth serving. And nobles always felt like they were being charitable by noticing a Number- it made them feel like colonization was good for rest of the world. Plus, maintaining the wa, or social harmony, was apparently what the Japanese loved doing best... Or so Britannian nobles often said.
"Fuck the bastards," murmured Kallen under her breath.
Just as likely was that her stepmother wanted to relive her glory days as a Britannian beauty queen through Kallen. And Kallen couldn't help but laugh when she thought about it, because of how convenient it was for her. Who would suspect such a sweet-looking girl of being a terrorist?
She shook off the cold and kept walking. She was leaving the mangy Shinjuku Eki to find Zero... Or more likely, to find Lelouch. It was easier for her to think of him as two different people. Zero was confident, quick, hyperintelligent, and suave. Lelouch was, well, Lelouch... Calm, easygoing, and mellow. And certainly not suave. If anything, Lelouch was one of the least smooth people she knew.
But both were going through the same thing. Both had just barely failed at the chance of getting Nunnally to safety. And both were probably feeling horrible.
Kallen wondered in her heart sometimes if the reason she thought of them as two separate people was because the dreams she shared with her brother had been reawakened by Zero... But when it came to Lelouch, he couldn't see past his own selfish reasons for changing the world.
Perhaps selfish reasons were the only reasons either Zero or Lelouch was doing any of what he was doing.
Kallen hadn't seen him since she barely saved his gravity-bound ass right before the airship crashed into the ocean. She had tried calling him. The first time it rang and the call was abruptly cut off; the second, an automated message played stating that that number was no longer existent. So either he was dead, in serious trouble, or had destroyed his phone with the intention of not being found. Kallen kept her wits about her and chose to believe the third.
Either way, the Shinjuku Ghetto was a good bet for where she could find him. If he was dead, it was a highly ironic place to bury Zero. If he was in serious trouble, his captors could taunt him by showing him how little headway he had made in the Ghetto. And if he didn't want to be found...
Kallen pulled her cardigan close to her. She had to find him. And soon.
Sometimes Kallen wished it was all different. Sometimes she wished she wasn't so stubborn when it came to falling in love. Even a crush was rare for her: she had more important things on her plate. So when she found herself developing feelings for Zero, she was shocked. She let herself free fall, knowing that she would have trouble climbing out of the pit she was falling in to... Knowing she might never be able to climb her way out of it again.
Discovering that Zero was Lelouch was somehow not enough to break the magic of it for her. She still had intense feelings for Zero. And she still fantasized about them fucking each other senseless. It would usually start out as a power struggle, whether with words or movements or deft touches, but he would always win, and she would become all fluid motion in his arms. And yet somehow, in those fantasies, Zero never had Lelouch's face.
After walking about half a mile she found herself coming into the grounds of the fifth section of the Shinjuku Redevelopment Zone. It was like walking into a giant skeleton, with nothing but its bones to hold it up. Construction had been intermittent and disorganized since a year ago due to "subsidization losses" (in other words, Brittannia was pissed about Zero's resistance and took it out on the slum dwellers). Tarps were hung on loose frames as squatters' rude homes, and there were scattered piles of lumber, metal and glass.
Although it was, to the normal eye, the epitome of a sketchy location, Kallen felt quite comfortable. Britannians never came here except to occasionally harass Elevens. And she had nothing to fear from anyone who would try to pose a physical threat.
Kallen scanned the buildings, almost freezing when she saw a despondent figure sitting on a pile of metal casing, huddled over. She knew immediately who it was.
Shit, what would she say to him? What could she say to him? She knew in his eyes, he felt he had lost Nunnally forever... And there was no way he saw to go against her wishes for the SAZ. His reason for fighting was lost. His reason for being Zero was lost.
She had to tell him to fight again... Not just for Nunnally. For all of the people who had hope in him. For the Black Knights. For her.
It had been quite easy to get a hold of Refrain. Easier than Lelouch remembered. Although that could have been due to the influence of a certain Geass he possessed. The dealer never knew what hit him, and he never would know.
A few years back, Nunnally had gotten very sick with the flu. Lelouch had hovered over her nonstop for over forty hours, not risking letting his eyes close for anything longer than a blink. After she seemed to stabilize, Sayoko took over, but even then his sleeping was fitful. Sayoko assured him it was simply a flu that would run its course, but to Lelouch's worried heart it was almost a death knoll. He had seen death before and was all too careful to not see it again, no matter what the cost.
The next morning, Nunnally came round and Lelouch's worst fears melted away in waves of bliss. He was mesmerized with happiness at seeing her speedy recovery, and the least little thing he could do for her, he did (even more so than normal).
But he couldn't quite shake off the sight of her little face so sick and pale. It looked all too familiar.
A few nights later, he made his first purchase of Refrain, swearing to try it only once.
His first trip was amazing. It took him back to about ten years ago, when all seemed well. He felt himself in the sunny garden of the Aries Villa again, chasing Nunnally in a game of tag while their mother watched smiling. At the end of it all, they collapsed into her lap, giggling and breathless, and she pulled them close and kissed their cheeks. "I love you two so much," she said.
He saw many other sweet memories-some real, some not-that trip. But he wanted more. Over the course of the next week, he took Refrain three more times. It was exhilarating and beautiful and wonderful.
As Lelouch did not have an addictive personality, quitting for him was a matter of logic. Did Refrain help him process his childhood and his mother's death to the extent that he needed to now? Yes. Was it worth getting addicted to? No. So he stopped, cold turkey. And he hadn't touched it since.
But now was one of those times he needed it.
Nunnally had just announced plans for the reopening of the SAZ. If Zero decided to support it, it was acquiescence to the terrors inflicted on the Japanese at Euphie's hand, and no real progress would come. And if it was really opened, peace could only last so long before an outbreak of violence on one side or the other. There was too much inbred animosity; stability was not a possibility for either party if they lived in such close quarters. Instead of Nunnally's true desire of a unified, gentle world, there would just be a deepening split between the Numbers and the Britannians. And Zero would be a politically correct fallen hero who had broken the hearts of the Japanese with his silence.
If Zero decided to go against the plans for the SAZ, he would be painted as the villain who led the Elevens astray; the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing who could not be appeased when offered a reasonable case for peace. International support for the Black Knights would crumble. More importantly, he would be going against Nunnally's wishes. And judging by his indecisiveness in the airship, he couldn't bring himself to go against her even as Zero.
There was no hope for him. Zero was finished... And he felt that perhaps Lelouch should give up too.
He pressed the Refrain nozzle to his skin, shivering a little at the cold metal on his skin. Soon, he could fade into oblivion.
"I figured you'd come here," Kallen said, walking towards Lelouch. His eyes shot up with surprise.
Oh, so Kallen was going to see him in his saddest state, now was she? He didn't care anymore. Hell, maybe she'd even want to join him.
"This is where Zero was born... Where you started everything," she said softly. He just stared at her numbly. Sometimes she surprised him with her intelligence, or her intuition. Of course there was a reason he made her the Queen.
"Lelouch..." Kallen stepped forward cautiously, analyzing Lelouch's state of mind. "I came here to tell you..." Her quick footstep stopped. He heard her gasp. Clearly she had seen the syringe in his hand. "Is that..."
"Refrain," he finished for her, looking up at her nonchalantly. "You're familiar with it, right, Kallen? ... It brings back the good old days."
Kallen stared at him in disbelief. She couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. "Don't give me that bullshit!" she yelled, wrestling the gun from his hand without much resistance and throwing it forcefully on the ground. It shattered loudly.
She faced him, her cheeks flaming and her heart beating fast. He has to get it, she thought, clenching her fists. How could she engage him? How could she make him get it? His eyes were focused on the ground, his arms folded passively.
"So what if you failed once?! You can just think up another plan and make it right! Give us orders, like you always do! Should I use my Knightmare? Or maybe we'll do a decoy investigation. I'll do whatever you tell me to!"
She watched his face, gauging his response.
There was a brief silence until he spoke ever so softly, "All right then...
"Comfort me."
The fuck, Lelouch?
He stood up slowly and began to advance towards her, causing her to back up. There was a weird kind of desperate energy on him. Was he...? No, he couldn't be trying to...
But he kept coming closer until they were a hand's breath apart. She stared at him, heart racing and fingers twitching nervously. Maybe she was reading this situation totally wrong, but...
"There are things a woman can do for that, aren't there?"
No, she wasn't reading the situation wrong.
He lifted his hand and gently cupped her chin with his icy fingers... Then he began to lean in. She watched his shadow fall across her face, felt him getting closer; felt a flush of moist warmth dance across her face as he breathed on her. She was trembling as he continued to slowly lean into her; his eyes closed, not even gauging her response. He continued to sink into her, his lips now centimeters from her face.
Now was the moment of action. She had to stop this. She had to make him understand... But her body was tingling with resistance to her brain. No. I will not stop this. Perhaps she could not stop it.
Although she was anticipating it, she was still shocked to feel cold, soft lips pressed ever so gently against hers. For a moment they were still; then they moved against hers and then there was wetness and warmth against her mouth as he gently sucked on her lips. She felt her lips trembling against his steady ones. She stood motionless, afraid to move, afraid to breathe.
He chuckled softly against her lips, and pulled away just a hair's breadth from her. "Were you not expecting this, Kallen?" he asked, his voice deep and sultry.
She could only stare at him in wide-eyed shock. He didn't give her the chance to answer as he met her mouth yet again, this time with more intensity. He was moving quicker, sucking harder. She began to kiss him back, gently at first, then more intently. Then there was a gentle parting of her lips as something soft and smooth slipped between them. Gently his tongue danced along her lipline, then suddenly pinned hers as if in a display of dominance. Kallen moaned gently, a sound she instantly regretted.
Emboldened by her moan, he shoved her back into a nearby beam and kissed her even more deeply, sinking his hands to her lower back. He drew his fingers up and down along the curve of her spine. He threaded his feet around hers, drawing her body even closer to his until they were fully lined up. It was like him to be conscious of every option available to him. Of course he would be the same now.
Suddenly he detached himself, and he was leaning over and above her, panting, with a smug, victorious look on his face.
"Fuck you, you bastard," said Kallen, short for breath as well.
"So you want me to stop," he said meeting her eyes with a lust-sheathed gaze, trailing the backside of his hand across her hipbone. She drew a sharp breath.
"... N-No."
He leaned in, placing his hands on the beam behind her. He was towering over her and smirking.
"...Good."
Then he lowered his head and paused motionlessly at the crook of her neck and shoulder. He breathed on her, his hot breath burning on her cool skin and sending chills down her back. Kallen was clenching her fists to avoid responding to him. Then ever so gently, he placed a kiss halfway down the side of her neck. She whimpered just slightly and she could feel his mouth turn into a smile against her neck. Kallen drew her fingertips through his soft fragrant hair.
Slowly he continued working his way down, planting kisses on her neck. Partway through his tongue darted out and deftly stroked her with it. Both their breathing and their pulses were continuing to get faster.
He found her pulse point and sucked on it intently, causing her to moan. He chuckled against her neck. The chuckle turned into a moan as she grabbed his collar to pull him in for better access.
He began nibbling his way to her collarbone, interchanging between kissing, licking and biting. When he bit down rather hard on her shoulder, she unintentionally arched against him, causing him to groan even louder. She twined her leg around him and pulled him even closer, leaving her skirt open.
He looked down, seeming to register for the first time where this could really go. He stood up to his full height slowly, a lustful smirk on his face. He loved how hot and bothered he was getting her. He put a hand on her waist, gently grazing the underside of her breast in the process, and the other started to sink down to under her skirt.
He was leaning in to kiss her again when someone cleared their throat behind him. Quickly they broke their kiss and Lelouch spun around.
"Umm... I'm supposed to keep an eye on you, Brother."
Fucking Rolo, thought Kallen, quickly dropping her leg from Lelouch's hips.
"I'd forgotten," said Lelouch, his voice louder and deeper than it normally was.
Rolo, seemingly uncomfortable as hell about what he had just seen, turned back and started to walk away.
Kallen's face was the same shade as her hair. Rolo's presence and the lack of Lelouch's intoxicating lips on her skin brought her to her senses swiftly. What the fuck have I been doing? she wondered. While Lelouch's face was turned, Kallen slapped him.
He started in surprise and turned to her to find her face full of energy and fury.
"Stop this, Lelouch," she cried, "I'm not going to do that; I'm not going to comfort you! You don't need me. You're Zero, for fuck's sake. You have a duty to show us our dreams! So please.." She lowered her face as she felt tears forming, then raised it to meet his gaze. "Keep fooling us until you can't anymore! This time, be Zero with all your heart... Play your role like you mean it!"
His eyes were now wide in surprise and pain. But she didn't regret it. She couldn't.
She spun on her heels and ran away.