Author's Note: Final Installment of Worthless? Storyline. Don't own the characters; Salter Street and the Beansdo.Expect it to be longer than either "Worthless?" or "Sleep Tight", since there's so much crap going on. This picks up exactly where "Sleep Tight" left off. Vlad has just made the revelation to Kai that their master will return soon, and remember that pesky damaged cell that just so happened to bring Kai back? Well, he's about to take repercussion for it.
Instead of continuing into the passageway, Kai stood frozen in place, as his hand suddenly grabbed the wall for support. Vlad cocked her head to the side. "That is all you have to say?" she said shrilly. "His time will not be much time? How can you make such an assumption when He has killed you before?"
The dizzy spell had only lasted a second or two, but it left Kai utterly confused. Pain was one thing he knew that he had to get used to, but illness was another thing entirely. Perhaps it was just another side effect from the box's contents, and his body was fighting it off. The problem was that he had never been ill even before he died the first time; the Brunnen-G had found a way to keep all viruses out. He didn't have the first clue as to what the common cold felt like, let alone the feeling as if he'd been stabbed several times; and once had been bad enough at the time. "You falter, assassin," said Vlad. "Why?"
"It is not your concern, Vlad," said Kai.
Without looking back at her, he walked down the passageway, trying to shake off the odd feeling.
Xev sat on the bridge, filling her nails uncomfortably, sighing every now and then, and then stopping, putting her nail file away, pace the bridge, and then resume after a few minutes. Stan watched this from his post, and knew why she was so upset. "Xev," said Stan. "I know you're thinking it, so I might as well just bring it up. Kai's not Kai anymore,"
Xev snapped out of her little world, glaring at Stan. "What? Of course Kai's still Kai! He's just...vulnerable right now,"
"Uh-huh," said Stan, hopping off the console, and putting his hands on his hips. "Yeah, he wakes up in the middle of the night, screaming from these nightmares, that I'm pretty sure would make Prince, Mantrid, and His Shadow assume the fetal position; and if he's not torturing space junk for practice, he's spending his time trying to translate the rest of an inscription on a box that almost killed us. I dunno what he's trying to accomplish, since it's empty, but I guess it's better than having him walk around the ship for nothing in particular, except to be there when you come around the corner, just in time to give you heart failure. Add all that up with the plain craziness that's been going on since he got blown up, and I'm starting to have doubts that I want Kai around anymore,"
"Just what are you suggesting, huh?" Xev asked, getting in Stan's face, her cluster lizard side becoming more and more present. "That we just leave him somewhere to rot?"
"Yeah, if the shoe fits!" said Stan. "You forget Xev, I saw what was in his head. It's not a nice place,"
Xev crossed her arms, and glared daggers in Stan's direction. "How can you say that?!" she said venomously. "Kai's killed so many people against his will in his afterlife the shock could never hit him until now! He's damaged goods to begin with, and we don't know what they did to him in that place they brought him back in!"
"Yeah, so what?" said Stan. "I hate to tell ya this, but he doesn't talk very much anymore, and that's not saying a lot, but let's get one thing straight: He's not about to tell us what's wrong with him. He's not gonna just tell us what those lab people did to him. The dead do not say more than they need to, remember?"
He came around closer to her and put his hands on her shoulders, even though she looked as if she was ready to eat several of his organs. "Xev, listen. He might get dangerous. I don't want him to-"
"Hurt us?" said Xev. "Kai would never do something like that to us,"
"I'm not saying we should do anything yet," said Stan. "I'm just saying we might, and if we do, I can't have ya trying to protect him!"
"It's better to have him insane than to not have him at all," Xev said shakily, making a quick pace for the passageway, leaving Stan feeling guilty on the bridge.
He sat down on the command pedestal, burying his head in his hands. "Well," he mumbled. "That went 't have been better,"
"STAN," the Little Lexx bellowed.
Even though it wasn't even close to being fully grown, the new Lexx's voice was identical to the old one's, and it had matured voice-wise in about three weeks. "Yeah, Lexx, what do you need?" Stan asked.
"THERE IS A PLANET FULL OF BREATHING THINGS, STAN. IT LOOKS TASTY. CAN I EAT IT?" said Lexx, his viewscreen reflecting a little bluish-white planet.
"No, Lexx! Not yet! Maybe, later, okay?" said Stan, heading for the passageway.
This was it. Xev had been so restless lately, this was perfect. Sure, there were probably insects by the billion and people who wanted to cut them up into little tiny bits for whatever reason, but any planet was better than no planet, right? Stan figured it would be good for Kai as well; considering that if getting rid of him was out of the question, it was better to let him go out once in a while and kill something; that way he wouldn't start losing it in the near future, if he hadn't already.
"The planet does not seem to have life on it," Kai said distantly, staring blankly out the moth.
"Well, the Lexx said things were breathing on it," Xev sighed, steering the moth through the atmosphere.
This was getting ludicrous. Okay, so she'd gone along with the fact that he wasn't ready to engage in long conversations with people, let alone try and carry on a relationship with her, but the not talking at all was getting to her! Xev had learned enough to know that conversation between them would be a bit awkward for several reasons, but to go so long without saying anything to each other unless Stan was around was even making Kai uncomfortable, hence his inept attempts at trying to make her less uncomfortable, which inevitably led to more discomfort between the two of them!
"Stanley seemed more animated than usual when mentioning the planet. It was inconsistent behavior," said Kai.
"He stayed on the Lexx, so that means one thing: He wanted to get rid of us," said Xev.
"Perhaps, yet he is not alone," said Kai.
"Don't worry about it," Xev said gently. "Vlad won't kill Stan; she just wants to have it out with you, so she'll probably ignore him like every other human woman. He'll probably just watch the viewscreen, get hungry, eat until he passes out, and we'll find him asleep in the galley,"
"An astute observation," Kai said stiffly, cringing slightly.
Another dizzy spell decided to hit Kai again, but it was worse this time, as it lasted longer than it had before, and his head lolled onto the eye hatch of the moth. He bit down on his tongue, as the feeling that tiny sharp objects were being driven into his nerves returned. "Kai?" Xev asked, touching his shoulder. "What's wrong?"
The influence wore off, and he righted himself in the seat. "Nothing," he said quietly. "I believe that I may have injured myself while practicing in the cryochamber, but it is not serious,"
The moth touched down in the middle of an icy nowhere. Xev hopped out as Kai focused his eyes properly. Part of him was starting to think that he was about to get disoriented again, because outside the moth, things certainly weren't right. One thing was that it was dark, and since there was no moon, it was what Stan would probably refer to as "advanced darkness". There were trees and grass, but it wasn't what either of them was used to seeing, since it was encased under sheets of snow and ice. There was a city not far off from where they'd landed, but like everything else, it was dark. He climbed out of the moth, and saw that Xev was hugging herself while pulling her thin jacket closed (an article of clothing that she'd worn since her run-in with violation according to Stan), shivering slightly, even though there was no snow on the ground. Her breath came out of her mouth as a fine mist, and she looked slightly annoyed. "It's so cold," she griped.
"I believe that is because there is no moon, and if there is a sun, it is far off, though it is probably nighttime," said Kai, staving off shivers. "The only reason that the atmosphere is breathable is because a sun must be near enough to make this ice condense and evaporate. It may not last very long, however. The state of this planet seems to be deteriorating,"
"Why didn't Stan warn-" Xev began, but as she started walking, she nearly slipped on the grass, and it crunched as she caught herself. "Us,"
"This terrain is dangerous at best," said Kai. "Are you sure you wish to continue this exploration?"
"Well," said Xev. "What do you think?"
"Though I am alive, I still do not have an opinion. I will do as you wish," said Kai.
"Does this climate bother you, though?" she asked.
"I am still mostly an assassin. Temperatures mean little to me," said Kai.
She rubbed her arms fervently to try and warm up, and then saw that though he was trying to overcome it, he was cold, too.. "Liar," she thought.
Technically, she was about to break one of the unspoken rules between them, but in this instance her love-slave desire was concurrent with her cluster-lizard side's hatred for low temperatures She forced her way under his arm and took a firm hold on his waist by wrapping her arms around it, so he had to put his arm around her shoulders. "Come on, then," she said. "We'll be warmer this way if we walk together, and I know I won't slip if we walk together,"
"Why?" said Kai, going along with her, her ploy very obvious to him.
"Do you ever fall down of your own accord?" Xev asked flatly.
"No," said Kai, really hoping that one of those weird spells wouldn't hit him now.
"My point exactly," she replied simply.
"Xev, Kai!" Stan shouted over the squawker channel. "What's it like down there, huh?!"
The screen jumped and Xev's voice came over the speaker. "It's too soon to tell yet, but it's cold, very cold!" she said in aggravation. "Why didn't you tell us, Stan?"
"Hey, I didn't know!" said Stan. "Lexx said something was breathing down there, I thought you guys loved this kinda stuff, I didn't know what it'd be like!"
"Hang on," said Xev. "Kai wants to speak with you,"
Stan raised his eyebrows at that. It had to be pretty bad in order for Kai to want anything. "Stanley," said Kai. "Temperatures such as this one can cause illness that I am unsure we are immune to, if they do not kill us. Should Xev and I become ill, it is your responsibility,"
"Wait a minute, did you just threaten me?!" said Stan, sensing the firmness in Kai's voice.
"The dead do not threaten unless provoked, Stanley," Kai said flatly.
"Well, I'll tell ya somethin' pal!" said Stan. "While you were gone, I went to planets a lot worse than that one down there, so if you guys hate it so much, why don't you come back up here?!"
"Goodbye, Stan" Xev's voice chimed in.
The signal went dead. Stan growled in provocation, aggravated by Kai and Xev's unnecessary shortness with him. "Well, I'm sooo sorry I tried to make something interesting for you guys!" he yelled at the blank screen.
They always did that to him; they found a planet Xev insisted on exploring, and Kai went with her to protect her. He'd check in on them for information, and they'd spit in his face! Kai especially annoyed him at the moment; wasn't the then dead guy the one who had first suggested finding a new home? Well?! Who knew how many bad ones were out there! "Your need to lie is evident. You only visit planets if there is promise of pleasing your reproductive organ,"
Vlad had appeared on the bridge. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot, and she was short of breath. Stan could feel her trembling slightly as she yanked him effortlessly off the command pedestal by the front of his jumpsuit and onto the moth deck. If he wasn't mistaken, she seemed almost afraid of something if it wasn't for her usual "I will kill you," expression. "I wish to examine the planet for myself," she said slowly.
By that time, Kai and Xev had already entered the city. The place was desolate, and empty; probably abandoned for years, judging by the amount of snow pilling up over the doors of the buildings. Snow was one thing they didn't need; because if it happened to do so, they would be dead one way or another. Either it could freeze them before they made it to the moth, or a ceiling could cave in on them. "What's that over there?" Xev asked, pointing to an outside stairwell.
"It leads underground," said Kai. "Do you wish to follow it?"
Xev gave him a where-have-you-been-for-the-past-four-thousand-years sort of look, and nodded. "Of course," she said.
The stairs were covered in ice just like everything else, so Xev let go of him and rolled down, letting her cluster-lizard side take over for a moment, and smiled at him expectantly from the landing. Kai simply jumped down after her, and landed unscathed at her side. Since his unexpected return, it had become apparent to him that she was doing her best to show him that she could take care of herself now, and even though it was a mystery to him as to why, he didn't mind in taking part in her little contests of who-could-do-what better. For now, it was just something to keep his mind off what he'd been pulled away from.
She reached into her jacket, and pulled out a small flashlight, and shined it on the ground. "Okay, we can walk easier down here since there's hardly any ice," she said, examining the tunnel they were now in the middle of. "Left or right?"
"I believe we should begin wherever the cluster lizard part of you wants to go," said Kai.
Xev sighed, since Kai had avoided acting human yet again. "Okay, then we'll go right," she said, turning sharply down the corridor.
"Why?" he asked.
"You actually want to know?" she said.
"I am not entirely a Divine Assassin anymore," said Kai.
"My gut instinct said to head left," said Xev. "Since wherever I usually want to go leads to trouble, then I'll go with the opposite answer,"
The end of the tunnel lead to several more interlocking stairwells. Xev leaned over the side and shined the light down, to see that it didn't hit a bottom. "This is familiar," said Kai. "The last time we encountered an environment similar to this one, Stanley was nearly killed by a cyborg...among other things,"
"Well, I'm glad Stan isn't here, then," said Xev.
She shined her light on the nearest flight of stairs, smiled at him, and gave him no choice but to follow her.
"I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this, I CAN'T believe I'm doing this!" Stan whined, as Vlad calmly landed the moth next to Kai and Xev's moth.
Vlad didn't answer as she hopped out of the moth, her long black and red skirt swirling as the cold winds on the planet blew. Stan stepped out and immediately fell flat on his back from the ice. As he lay there in pain and freezing, Vlad stood over him, staring at him blankly like a cat. She seemed unaffected by the cold, and looked as if she was sniffing the air as she looked toward the dark sky for a moment. "You coordination is less to be desired," she said flatly, as she walked gracefully on the ice, even in her high-heeled boots.
She watched, smirking as he struggled to right himself, unsure of how to place his weight, so every time he tried to stand, he'd fall again. Finally, he just looked at the executioner and rolled his eyes. "I'm glad you find this so amusing," he said flatly. "Now will ya help me up?!"
She battled with herself in her mind, and then her smirk disappeared, transforming into disgust. She bent down, and in one movement, grabbed him by the collar of his jumpsuit, and yanked him to his feet. Her strength was scary, even scarier than Xev's cluster lizard strength. Stan knew no matter how much he hated her, he would have to watch himself. In that situation, Vlad was right. The only person fit to fight her was Kai, since he was the only one insane enough to take a punch from her. Stan had enough experience with Xev, and she hit hard enough. "Thank-you," he sighed, trying to warm himself up.
"You are not welcome," said Vlad. "Come, the worthless assassin and his reptile whore have wandered in this direction,"
Meanwhile, Xev and Kai had made it to the bottom of the stairwell, and in front of them was am icy blue room, not unlike the cryochamber onboard the Lexx, except that there were glass alcoves in the walls. It was colder in the room than it was outside, and for good reason. Inside the alcoves were people encased in blocks of ice! They were young, probably in their late teens to early twenties. "Kai, what is this?" Xev asked.
"It seems to be some sort of storage area. A mortuary perhaps," said Kai, stepping up to the nearest alcove.
A young woman was inside. She may have been very pretty at some time, but now she was ghost-white, and her face was a bit swollen. Her blonde hair floated out around her, as the ice around her had been water at one time. Kai put his hand on the frosty glass, and felt around a while. "Though the glass is very thick, I can still determine her state of being," he said, wiping the excess frost off so Xev could get a better look.
"And?" said Xev.
"She is dead," said Kai. "As is everyone else down here,"
"It's too bad," Xev said quietly, shining the light on an alcove that contained a young man. "They were young,"
"These compartments are most likely controlled by the console behind us," said Kai, turning away from the woman. "If you desire to know what happened, it is best we look there,"
"Good idea," said Xev, handing him the flashlight.
Xev keyed in a random combinations on the number pad, and then sighed. The machine had to have been there for at least a few decades, since the decals on the buttons were peeling, and it was covered in a thin ice. "I can't start it up," she said.
"Allow me," said Kai.
Kai went around to the back of the machine, and found a metal plate hanging off the back. He knelt and ripped the plate off, and disconnected a few wires here and there, and then re-connected different wires. It gave a spark, and it started humming and lighting up. As he stood, Xev looked at him with a mixed expression of satisfaction and disappointment about how she couldn't have figured it out. Xev knew she was a love slave, but she'd tried so hard to learn what was necessary for planet exploration with Kai missing. In that field, Kai undoubtedly had her beat and she knew it; it may have turned her on, but if she couldn't act like a love slave around him, acting like a cluster lizard was her only other option. In fact, it may have been a last-ditch effort to try and win him over, since love slave actions seemed to confuse him instead of arouse him. Xev knew that Kai studied Vlad closely because she was so dangerously unpredictable, but just, Xev was starting to think that the more aggressive Vlad was more his type, and the cluster lizard in her was infuriated by that, which in turn, was pushing her to act this way around him.
Stan followed Vlad down the dark tunnel. He couldn't see her very well, so he had to go by sound; and of course Vlad hardly made a sound when she walked since she was a hunter. He could just barely make out her silhouette against the poor light, her beloved knife in her left hand, as she kept her right hand on the wall. "Are you sure we're goin' the right way?" Stan asked. "I think we should have found something by now!"
"Silence," said Vlad. "It gets warmer as we move closer to the end, yes?"
"Yeah, so?" said Stan.
"So, I gather that your crewmembers would move in a direction where the temperature is less frigid in a vain attempt to stay alive. That is why we move left instead of right," said Vlad.
"Well, yeah okay that makes sense I'll admit, but I can't even see in this darkness, and I doubt you can either! I mean, why is this necessary to you, I thought you didn't care about Xev and Kai!" said Stan.
"I do not care for anything but the hunt, as I have told you on one other occasion," said Vlad. "I carry out this mission because it is necessary to my reason for existing,"
'And what's that supposed to mean, huh?" said Stan.
"We have spent time here, and as time is only time, time can also tell," said Vlad. "I see no reason in explaining things further. Now cease your belligerence. You will permit room for error,"
"My belligerence?!" said Stan. "If I'm so belligerent, then why did ya even bring me along, huh?!"
Vlad stopped moving at that. "I am...uncertain of my actions," she said.
A sly grin spread over Stan's face. Okay, so she was probably out of her mind, and bloodthirsty, but still, Xev didn't want him. Vlad was an attractive woman; murderous, belittling and sarcastic, but still attractive. Besides, she'd been stuck in a cryopod for thousands of years, right? She had been dead then, but now, she was alive, and no doubt looking for a little fun. "I see," he said. "Nobody can resist Stan the Man,"
He found himself being pinned to the wall by her knife, which she'd thrown at him yet again. It was sticking out of his jumpsuit, pinning the sleeve to the wall. Either he'd been really lucky, or her aim was perfect; she hadn't even nicked his skin. He couldn't quite see her face as he whimpered and gaped at her, but he was sure her mouth was stretched thin, and her eyes slit to the point where they didn't even look open anymore. "Wow...you uh...really got good with that," Stan squeaked.
"Kai," Xev whined. "Nothing's happening,"
"I am aware of that," said Kai.
Xev was sitting in the swiveling chair in front of the console. "Well, I don't get it," she said. "You got it working,"
"Perhaps there is not enough power to keep it going," said Kai. "I will try again if you ask me to, however I believe that we should not waste more time if you still wish to explore the rest of the planet,"
"You're right," said Xev, standing up. "What's over there?"
Xev walked up to one of the alcoves, and stared distantly into it. "Xev?" Kai asked. "There is nothing there. Only a shell,"
"She moved," Xev said quietly.
Everyone had been calling him crazy lately, but now Kai was beginning to wonder if he was rubbing off on everyone else, because even he could see the oddity in Xev's behavior. Then, the eyes of the girl behind the glass opened, and tendrils suddenly broke out of the box, spraying both of them with the shards. Xev screamed, and then her scream turned into a cluster lizard growl as one of the tendrils grabbed her leg. Kicking it off her, another made a grab for her arm,
Kai shot a few of them with his brace, severing them from their source in the girl's abdomen, but where he could detach five, ten would reappear. He was about to try and shoot the host itself, but suddenly the room gave a tremendous lurch, and his eyes went out of focus. The feeling that pins were being driven into his nerves returned, and for some reason, the whole room seemed to be rolling like a ball on its side, and everything just faded.
"We are at the end," said Vlad. "It is warm, and the light is poor...yet there is nothing here but botanical overgrowth. How dissapointing,"
Stan looked around, and wiped the sweat from his forehead, and avoided stepping in any of the foul looking plant matter. For such a cold place, Stan was wishing that they had eggs, because he was sure that one could be fried on the floor at this temperature. Of course, that would mean having a bit of parsley with it, since everything was covered in this snot-like moss substance. Vlad didn't seem to care that it was all over the hem of her skirt, but Stan was staving off the need to gag. "Yeah, this is really, really hot. Like Fire kinda hot,"
"Cease your-"
"Uh-oh," said Stan, looking up slowly. "Oh no..oh boy, are we in for it. Vlad, we gotta leave now,"
"You interrupt me. Tell me why, and I will ease your passing," Vlad griped, her fist tightening on her weapon.
"Vlad, just be real quiet and move real slow, okay? Let's head back the other way and look for Xev and Kai," said Stan, grabbing her arm. "It's not safe here,'
Vlad wrenched out of his grip, looked up, and saw several bulbous, spiky objects hanging from the ceiling. One of the contracted slightly, and spat out several tendrils. "What is this?" she asked quietly, her recognition of the situation evident.
Though part of him was relieved that she was at least sane enough to know that even she couldn't take on all of what was in those pods."It doesn't matter, we gotta..." he began.
A liquid mass dropped out of the pod that had moved, and slowly took shape. "Hello, Stanley!" said a bright voice. "Who is she? She looks yummy,"
The pile of liquid had turned into a blonde woman with her hair in tiny knobs all over head, and dressed in a fuzzy green mini-dress. "L-Lyekka," he stammered.